As chilled as people in this city think they are, I think a lot of you are a right bunch  of tools! But don’t take it personally…it just seems to be an inherited thing. And that thing is the flippen’ weather. I actually thought people in Cape Town were an interesting bunch, with loads of life stories to tell, but I’m losing faith slowly, because many of us are so boring that all we talk about is the weather! Now for me, I don’t care to know about something I can’t control. Like erections, you just can’t control the weather.

You’ll get a hard on in church, but what can you do about it? Absolutely nothing. Just like the planet is going to piss with rain on your wedding day. There is nothing you can do about it, so don’t worry about it.

Blogs here even post details on what the weather is doing…who the bloody hell cares? It doesn’t even really matter if it’s hot or cold anyway, because either way…you are going to complain!

“Jeez it’s so bloody hot today I can’t even work”

“Jeez it’s so flippen’ cold today I can’t even work”

I’m too hot, I’m too cold, it’s too windy, it always rains when I wash my car, my wife was wearing a bloody white shirt and it rained and uncle George across the road saw the nipples and had a heart attack and died. You lot basically just blame everything on the weather!

“Ah I crashed my bloody car today…this flippen’ weather you know! It’s like a hurricane out there!”

No it’s bloody not, it’s a light breeze, and you’re just a kak driver, admit it.

If we had to believe some of the coked up drama queens in Cape Town, we would believe that this was Cape Town over the weekend:

“Ah no Ashley I can’t run today because it’s raining, this is why I’m fat you know, always in winter”

Oh sorry, does the rain cause an allergy that renders you paralyzed?

I thought bloody not! And are you only allowed to eat pies when it rains? I thought bloody not Sheila!

Well I really want to go here tomorrow, let me just check the weather. Oh my break dancing infant Jesus, what is wrong with you people? Why can we not just do things whether it’s raining or the sun is shining? Why do we need to consult the weather report, why do we need to know things ahead of time? Some people tell me that they like to know the weather so they know what to wear.

Oh ja, because it’s so difficult to make a clothing choice on the spur of the moment in the morning? Of course it bloody is! Can we not wake up and look out the window and go “Flippen hell the sun is shining…I’ll wear some flippen shorts” or ‘Good grief the bloody sky is pissing off a hangover, I’ll wear some pissing jeans and a pissing jacket”

I may or may not be writing this after nailing a flippen’ case of bloody Corona from 2oceansvibe Radio, but am I being over the top?

Am I being a spoilt child, or are my point valid?

Well I hope you all have a great day, I’m going to go check the damned weather…you never know, I might need some ammunition for a Cape Town conversation later this evening. And nothing gets the Cape Town crowd more wet than talking about the pissing rain.