I’ve always been a huge fan of Neighbourhood in Long Street because of its relaxed atmosphere and homely feel. It puts you at ease. It’s like the girlfriend you always wanted to love you and the parents you always wanted to care for you. It’s that shoulder to cry on. It’s the Dr Phil to your screwed up life.

And now it seems it also had the added ability to make man happy in pants.

I was lighting my pipe (Dr Bond — Cock ‘n Bull) earlier in the day and catching up on my picture Viagra in the latest issue of FHM (Get it, it’s absolutely smoking) when I came across (Not on…Mr Nash!) the most gorgeous girl of YOUR life!

Once I managed to compose myself and stopped sitting on my hand, I read up about this stunner and her name is Jenna Saras. Naturally I Googled her (That accounts for my lazy eye) and I stumbled upon her page on Fusion Models (HERE). Well goodness gracious me Grace! Jenna is quite simply one of the most gorgeous models I’ve ever seen. This is what it says in the FHM calendar:

Where are you from and what were you like as a lightie?

Well, I grew up in Ballito. I was a typical skater girl, hanging with all the okes. I had dreadlocks (Ooooooh sexual desire! — Sean) and there wasn’t a second when I didn’t have my skateboard with me

So how did you get into this modelling vibe, then?

When I was coming to the end of my school career, more and more people started suggesting I try modelling. I resisted it, but then I decided that if I didn’t try, I’d never know. So we combed my dreads out and I went to see an agency. My mom was so stoked!

Where might we have seen you modelling?

I did this Liqui-Fruit TV ad where I had to down the juice really fast. You guys might’ve seen that.

And away from the camera, are you still skating?

Ja, I still skate to my agency in Cape Town for meetings – it’s great cardio. I also do reiki treatments and I’m a barlady at my favourite bar, Neighbourhood in Long Street.

OH MY SHATTERED NERVES SKAT!

Have you ever in your life heard of someone so gorgeous? I surely haven’t! But now onto the photos which The Google found for you (Not for me):

Oh and here is a picture I took of the calendar, but only because you all asked me to. Otherwise, you know, I would never have done it:

So if you want, you could always pop down to Neighbourhood to grab a drink from Jenna Saras.

Mmmmm…I don’t recall her name…but I do recall…her Fez…

Wow…tough crowd.

Where? Neighbourhood, Long Street in Cape Town

Why? The most gorgeous bar ladies and waitresses, good company and AWESOME food! Try the curly fries and the nachos, she’s good!

So on Saturday some time was taken to burn up the open road and get out of town…

That is all for now!

It’s funny how we now have things saying “Say no to size zero” in the fashion industry, to counteract the skinniness that has been brought about by magazines impossible ideals. The crazy thing is, yes these models are skinny, but this does not necessarily make them unhealthily skinny. I know loads of girls who are ’skinny’ by societies standards, not because they don’t eat, but because they don’t eat junk and they exercise. The thing is, most people do eat way too much on a  daily basis in part brought about by our work obsessed lifestyles. Too many people don’t enjoy what they do, and seek solace in food. Food is a way to pass time and to fight boredom. I’ve noticed on weekends away that people tend to eat far less than normal. You’re outdoors playing around, having fun and food only comes into play as purely an energy source. You’ll be on the boat all day fishing and playing sports, and only half way through the day do you realise that you’re hungry and you should eat.

We just live in a world where food is too readily available in massive amounts, and advertisers want us snacking all day, basically only to sell more overpriced protein bars. It’s funny how a few years ago people were perfectly healthy and muscular through normal diet, but now everyone is on protein shakes and protein bars because ‘you have to have protein’ The world survived for ages without them, and the only reason we can’t do without them now is because of the job losses if all the protein manufacturing companies went bust. If you look at some of the greatest athletes in history, they did it all without overpriced supplements.

But now we have all the gym bunnies who are hooked on the stuff.

“Yussus Sean check how skinny you are”

“So what, I couldn’t care less”

“Bru, how much do you weigh?”

“No idea, I don’t weigh myself”

“No bru, seriously if you’re like 70 kilograms you should be eating at least 140 grams of protein per day my bru. Come to gym with me and I’ll get you dak china”

“Ok that sounds awesome ballbag, I’ll waste 6-8 hours of my time every week in some siff sweaty gym, just so that I can look how Mens Health want me to look. I’ll fall into the rat race society, work 9-5, work out 6-8 just so I can look like every other tosser who can bench 160 but can’t have a normal conversation with anyone because of a severe lack of social skills, and can’t run 2km’s without pulling something”

These guys are quite easy to spot so we’ll take you through a quick video so that you too can spot them out and about in the urban jungle (Thanks Trem…touch of swearing in the video if your boss is breathing down your neck):

I’ve always been someone to do things for fun, not because what society thinks is correct. If you look at the majority of the guys working out in a gym, it’s all to boost their ego’s, to be better than the next guy…and there really is no point in this. I do things for fun, and if running and cycling doesn’t make me big…well then so what. It’s a scientific fact that no one spends the last days of their life thinking “I wish I was bigger, I wish I could bench more in my life”

The things you think of are the good memories, the ones where you were out running in nature and carrying your buddy because you were part of a team, the times where you camped at sunset, eating dehydrated foods on that 5 day mountain bike stage race, the times where your team beat their previous time in the triathlon series. These will be the best memories.

The gym obsessed cultured is brought about my mens magazines and impossible ideals, and I honestly think it’s as much of a problem as what they say the skinny trend is in woman. So many guys have complexes about their bodies because they are not big enough. Me? I honestly couldn’t give a damn, I’m having a jol! And so I thought I’d point out some people that I’ve admired in my life, people who have done things their own way, and who have lived the most awesome lives in the world, having as much fun along the way as possible. This one is for those of you who’ll skip on the vanity work, and just decide to carry on living your lives instead:

Michael Jackson

Skinny as heck if you’re comparing him to a magazine cover guy, Michael Jackson was one of the worlds true great entertainers. He wore gloves, he wore white socks and he touched himself when he danced, but he was doing his own thing. He was impossibly fit to get through his very intense shows, he could moonwalk and he had the whole world fascinated by his immense talent and crazy lifestyle. No one ever told Michael Jackson to get into the gym and lift weight to look bigger. A true icon across the world, Michael Jackson surely didn’t wish he was more muscular at any stage of his life.

Keith Richards

The 65 year old hard living king of excess has been known for his love of drink and drugs,  it’s been said that he cured his hepatitis and he was at the number one spot on the “Who’s Likely To Die” chart for ten years (Source) and in 2003 he was ranked 10th on Rolling Stone magazine’s “Rolling Stone’s 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time”. Keith Richards is unapologetic for his wild ways and all along the way he has done things exactly as he has wanted. Granted most of us would pack up and die if we were to put so many chemicals in our bodies, but Keith has had one crazy ride in his lifetime. And I’m pretty sure he never stopped to consider a 2 hour a day weight training program and protein, just to fit in with some ridiculous ideal presented to us on the shelf at the local store.

Will Ferrell

Possibly one of the funniest men on the planet for many years now, Will Ferrell has been in such absolute classic like Old School, Blades Of Glory and Talladega Nights. He’s also behind the awesome website Funny Or Die, and no, Will doesn’t care how much you can bench.

Richard Branson

One of the great entrepreneurs of our time, he’s lived through the crazy days of drugs, opening his first record store and living on a house boat, to his lifestyle on Necker Island which is his home base. He owns planes, trains, gyms and virtually everything else in between. He’s lived at full throttle with a penchant for crazy hot air balloon adventures, and you can be rest assured that he doesn’t care how many tricep dips you can do. But he likes his exercise, oh yes he does:

You won’t get that in the gym will you? Exactly.

Johnny Depp

By far my favourite actor not only for his acting, but for the way he shuns the press and works on jobs that he wants to. He doesn’t seem too phased about celebrity and you hardly know anything about his private life, he’s never in the tabloids…just the way actors should be. No one should need to get naked to sell a movie and no one should ever need to jump on Oprah’s couch declaring their love for someone. Johnny does it his way, and his way is just right.

And remember, none of these people ever stopped to wonder whether they should use L-Glutamine or rather go for the superior world domination offered by Anabolic Halo. They’d rather just keep on living their lives…

Love to get boozed?

Hate getting boozed with the plebbs?

Love to actually savour the flavours of your drink instead of smashing down cane and creme soda?

Well then a champagne festival is for you! And what better than the home of great wines and champagnes, Franschhoek, to host you for this evening of fine drinking. Let’s see what this is all about:

In Franschhoek we believe life is about experiences and the best experiences are the ones involving the ‘magic of bubbles’. It’s for this reason that we hold the annual Franschhoek Cap Classique and Champagne Festival. Where the finest South African Cap Classique and French Champagne flows for an entire weekend.

Spend the Champagne festival weekend popping corks, filling flutes, sipping vivacious bubbly and snacking on delicacies prepared by some of the valley’s gourmet masterminds.

2009 will have another event on Friday evening!

Introducing “The Romance of Bubbles”

Friday 4th December 18H00 – 22H00 – Join us for a cocktail event under the stars!

R180.00 entrance fee per day. Visitors will be given complimentary wine tasting coupons and a glass. The Franschhoek Champagne Festival runs from the 4th until the 6th of December 2009.

We will be featuring the band D7 amongst others.

BOOK TICKETS FOR THE FRANSCHHOEK INVESTEC PRIVATE BANK CAP CLASSIQUE & CHAMPAGNE FESTIVAL NOW:

Click here to book your tickets to the Franschhoek Champagne Festival 2009.

With all the music festivals happening in Cape Town and it’s surrounds lately, either people are going to get a bit over it, or they’re just going to go to all of them! It’s good for South African music though, we need to be more like London in the concert sense, we’ve spent too long not having decent music festivals and there is no doubt that Rocking The Daisies and Synergy Live (Well minus the shower situation) are cutting a sick path for music festivals to follow in, in the coming months and years. Another smaller festival is the Knysna Rocks Music Festival which will be worth attending if you’re in the Knysna area over the New Years period. Let’s have a look at the flyer:

And with Gareth Cliff as an MC you can’t go wrong!

And if you like the slightly hippier/alternative/forest people side of life then apparently the forest is full of delights! So I hear via the grapevine.

What can you do in and around Knysna:

• Get drunk

• Smoke with the forest people

• Catamaran on the Knysna Heads

• Hire a ferry or a yacht on the Knysna Lagoon

• Visit Mitchells Brewery in Knysna and get pissed

• Oyster tasting (Followed by copious amounts of love making)

• Mountain biking

Um…what else can you do? I don’t even think it’s worth mentioning because you will probably be too hungover to walk so activities are out of the question.

Well that’s it really, click here to buy tickets for the Knysna Rocks Music Festival.

Via Overtone Music

No Under 3’s, REMEMBER THAT WHEN BOOKING LITTLE TIMMY!

Look, I’d get my tickets now for the Top Gear Live show in South Africa with all the Top Gear kids, Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond. Oh my God!

What insanity! I’ve got my ticket(s), AND I’m listening to Michael Jackson.

So if you’re looking to get tickets to the Top Gear Live Show in South Africa, you better hurry, firstly so you can stalk me, then to see the show, and thirdly because it’s what desire is. Whatever!

Click here to buy your tickets to the MPH featuring Top Gear Live Show in Joburg and Cape Town.

Only a fool would miss out.

Wait…

I will have to reserve my judgment on the Island Tribe products as I’m yet to test them, but the service so far is top notch! Oh, and they don’t contain oxybenzone which seems to be a step in the right direction.

While I have tried contacting Johnson & Johnson or Piz Buin (Piz Buin is manufactured by Johnson & Johnson) I seemed to have gotten to a dead end yesterday, ending up receiving a number that is no longer in service. My initial e-mail to Johnson & Johnson was met by this reply:

Sean Lloyd
SOUTH AFRICA

Dear Sean:

Thank you for contacting Johnson & Johnson. It is always important to hear from our customers and we appreciate the time you have taken to contact us.

Please contact the J&J affiliate in South Africa at (27+43)709-3211. They will be happy to assist you.

Again, thank you for your interest in Johnson & Johnson.

Oh well that doesn’t look like an automated, robotic person response. My skin feels like someone has thrown battery acid on it, there is a rash all over me and it is now peeling, and they end the e-mail off with “Again, thank you for your interest in Johnson & Johnson” My INTEREST? It’s not so much interest as it is the rage!

Awesome. Clearly Johnson & Johnson aren’t too worried about sales because they are mega huge anyway, but in a world where that personal touch has been lost, it’s good to see a locally manufactured brand like Island Tribe realising the importance of good support. Not that it will ever make a difference to Piz Buin sales, but if someone from anywhere in the world does get a rash from Piz Buin, they will likely Google “Piz Buin rash” or any sort of variable of that. No doubt if you search along those lines, SLXS Cape Town are right up there on Google, which includes an awesome picture of the rash on my…very sexual body!

Not a week after writing that, Island Tribe had some samples delivered straight to my door, on a Friday. They’ve just arrived and I won’t be able to test them this weekend, as my skin still feels like it is on fire because it is now so dry. But I will be testing them. The samples I’ve received are:

• Three Island Tribe SPF 40 clear gel sunscreen sachets
• One large and one small Island Tribe SPF 40 clear gel sunscreen tube
• One Island Tribe SPF 50 ‘For Kids’ sunscreen lotion, because deep down everyone knows I am Peter Pan and my friends are the lost boys! You joke? It’s true! Why do you think we live like…that…?

All the Island Tribe products are water resistant which is great, because non water resistant lotions are virtually useless. Oh and they’re sweat resistant as well, because this is also vital. Who doesn’t sweat on the beach?

So thanks to Island Tribe for sending along the products so swiftly, we’ll test them out as soon as my face stops burning. Aloe gel and E45 moisturiser to the rescue!

(For the previous write up on the Piz Buin rash, click HERE)

So by now I assume that this rash has been caused by a chemical called oxybenzone that Piz Buin have cleverly decided to add to their formulations, because it’s clear they don’t really care about the customer! They’ve added an ingredient to their formulation that is known to cause skin problems. They haven’t yet replied to my e-mail either. The rash is going away now with anti-histamines, but it’s still there and where it is subsiding, the skin is now getting dry and peeling.

I look hot! It’s difficult to grab a photo of the rash, but in a certain light I got this:

Remember this is around 48 hours after applying the cream, and after taking anti-histamines.

So that has been all over my body where I applied the sunscreen on the weekend, it is so ridiculous.

So I won’t quite be recommending Piz Buin this summer, or any summer. If you do have sensitive skin, or actually just normal skin because I’ve never had a rash before, skip the Piz Buin. I’ll be updating you soon on the new sunscreen range that we’ll be using this summer in Cape Town.

Oh how we love Savanna!

They are currently running a competition, where the less you do and the more time you waste on the website, the closer you get to winning prizes, with the ultimate prize being a R15000 Savanna salary every month for 5 years.

That’s chilling babes!

Click here to start doing what we do every day.

As those of you close to me know (Yes you young lady…currently in my pants), I’m a huge fan of  celebrity gossip website The Superficial. Well The Superficial has two sister websites, Geekologie and I Watch Stuff, both brilliant and both on my reading list. I loved this recent post on Geekologie, check it:

So apparently smoking cigarettes or other tobacco products (no word on the ganj) may void your Mac warranty. Plus kill you slow. Hey, that’s booze’s job!

Consumer advocate blog The Consumerist reports two examples of Apple stores refusing to honour the warranty on a Mac because of contamination from cigarette smoke. It seems the faults could be attributed to exposure to smoke and accumulated tar, although there is no specific mention of cigarette smoke in the AppleCare warranty contract.

When pushed for clarification, Apple insisted that nicotine is on the Occupational Safety and Health Administration’s list of hazardous substances and Apple would not require an employee to repair anything deemed hazardous to their health.

Because I have a degree in investigative journalism am a ninja I called Apple this morning to clarify. Yeah, and I had them patch me in to Steve Jobs’ iPhone, where I asked the really hard hitting questions, “But what about pole? Hello? HELLO? STEVE?”

Thanks to b00geyman, who only smokes cheeba, it helps him with his brain, he might be a little dusted but he’s not insane.

Ha ha ‘what about pole?’, the writer of these websites could easily be one of my entourage, that’s how we are all the time! Ah I love those websites!

Check out Geekologie by clicking here.