A while back I had the privilege of watching the movie Shooter at the Cavendish movies(Where NEVILLE works) I usually only get excited like this for movies where Will Ferrell is starring…or Jenna Jameson. I walked out of Shooter and proclaimed that Mark Wahlberg is Hollywoods toughest action hero ever. I was so excited about the film that many nights of sleep were lost and I often cried thinking of how cool it would be if I knew him. Or even better, if he was my father. I have a Dutch passport so I can also say “Faja” instead of the English “Father” Anyway, time went by and I kept checking in at the video store to see if Shooter was in.

Then one day I walked in and saw it. It sat like a little piece of gold amongst the other inferior movies. I gave pumpkin tits at the counter my code and my cash and in return she presented me with a crispy new copy of Shooter. I cruised home, clutching it like you would your newborn child, gently tipped it into the DVD player and sat down by myself. I poured myself a little tipple, and braced myself for the time of my life. It’s not often that you get to sit down by yourself and have the time of your life. It was just me, Shooter and Absolut. Rarely does this happen. The last time I did this, technically on my own, was with the dogs and peanut butter…

Absolut Shooter

So let’s get serious here now for a second. I became completely obsessed with laying my hands on a copy of Shooter. I didn’t want to rent a copy, I wanted to own one, to have at my disposal at ALL times. I actually wanted to get two copies so I could eat one. I searched high…I searched low…I drank by myself…I went running by myself…I went to the beach by myself…and yet still no Shooter.

Until one morning I was sitting at my computer, typing out vast kegs of information when a call came through from one of my closest Entourage members. After a light early morning business chat, he mentioned that he was ordering Shooter on Kalahari.net. Immediately I said “Order two, I will give you the cash” It made sense, seeing as though I see him nearly every day. The order went through and eventually it arrived. However, there was a period of about two weeks where I never saw him.

Last week Monday I got a call saying “I will be in Pinelands at 6pm, I will call you and give you directions” Sweet! The call came through and I was directed through Pinelands, and was ordered to go right down Forest Drive to the end where the Old Mutual building is. At the robots before the very end ones, I had to take a right turn, and go right to the end where he was waiting at a big building.

The vibe I was feeling was quite strange as he was wearing a suit, and a bow tie and all that other rubbish. Not wanting to enquire, I acted all nonchalant. However, deep down inside, I felt like I was here as the fall guy. The guy who takes one for the team, and is killed for some sort of cult ritual. I did not know why he was in Pinelands, on his own, wearing a suit.

Eventually I could not take it anymore and asked “Why you looking so smart?” To which he replied “You know the Masons?”

Sweet Lord, not really. Why? What? When? Where? Who? “The Freemasons?” I eventually blurted out.

“Yeah, I’m one”

Ok, Sean, keep your composure, you will not die today! You will die at 100 years old in the Bahamas, sipping a cocktail while a naked beach waitress massages your very ripped body. I had heard of the Freemasons, but never really too intrigued, I never found out more about them.

The site of the “drop”

I then said, nervously “Ok I need to go now, check you in the week” Looking around I noticed a lot of old people going into the hall, and wondered what the HELL was going on! I got in the VR3 and floored it, wanting to get to the safety of an area that I know better.

As soon as I got home, I Wikepediad FREEMASONS I read through all the information, but I’m still not sure what angle they are going for. Luckily, I think there are no ritualistic killings of friends coming to pick up copies of Shooter, and so I was never in any danger whatsoever.

Once again, I got home, by myself, poured a tipple and slammed Shooter into the DVD player. Once again I felt at ease, like the planets were perfectly aligned and I had once again survived a day in this playground I call Cape Town.

Cape Town life is excessive, but I’m loving it. Thank you Shooter. Thank you Absolut. Thank you Kaap Stad.
It’s go time!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

It seems the addition of the co-anchor yesterday was quite popular and I’m sure I will feature her more often. Not too often though, I still want the number one spot at SLXS. Greed drives me to write all these articles. I want all the praise for myself. I want to be like Tom Cruise, a supreme being. Or Gary Busey.

Jokes! We will feature her more often if that’s what you want…

Anyway, I find myself going on a mission to the Freemason centre in Pinelands for a photo opportunity. I just need to recruit an Entourage member, going to give V a phone call, he is always up for this crazy stuff. I’m also going to take photos at Howard Centre in Pinelands, and in particular of the old people theme going down in Pinelands.

I will be back in a couple of hours to write two new pieces, one with a strong relation to Pinelands, and the other with a not so strong relation to Pinelands, but rather to The Shooter. I wouldn’t expect me to write a Bible worth of information today for the website, but I’m sure the rest of the week is going to be an absolute blinder.

And to the person who e-mailed about the JC Le Roux, do you really want me to hand deliver you a bottle? I’m not the Salvation Army, but I do come close. E-mail me again and I might just have to hand deliver a bottle with the help of Charlie V. I leave the rest up to you, impress me.

I’m out, bang boom bang.

And remember while I’m gone…keep cool my babies…I’m not gone forever. I’m not here to neglect you like Britney Spears. Oooooh…that’s taking it low.

Hush…

Sean Lloyd

Editor

You might recall me getting a Parker pen delivered to my door the other day, and I had no idea who it was from. It seems GQ( My competitors…ha ha joking! Calm down…) sent it to me for some competition I entered. All I did was send an sms, which probably cost me R2.

That sms made me a good R998, because I have just been informed that the pen is worth R1000. One thousand South African rands. It’s not bad going. Up until now I thought the pen was maybe worth R200 and I have been dropping it, putting it in my mouth and generally not caring for it. Now that I know it’s true worth I hardly want to use it.

It’s a nice addition to my current collection of stuff that is wildly excessive, and the gold on the pen accentuates the gold on the Meharee timepiece that is currently in use.

It’s all so crazy at the moment.

What is the time? I need to be at Newlands at 13:45 because apparently the Springboks are going to be there. The “Springboks” , to those of you who are unaware, are those guys who lifted another piece of gold, in the form of William Webb Ellis’ gold plated drinking goblet, out of which he used to get absolutely debauched. That was until Madiba took it away for his drinking pleasure. Currently John Smit owns this Goblet, and he can use it to drink his favourite Port out of it. Naturally Percy Montgomery will be forced to do a beer funnel out of it for scoring so many points in the World Cup. Of Wereld Beker, mense van Stellen- BOSHHHH af. Have you noticed how Afrikaans people emphasise the “Bosh” in Stellenbosch. They say it with the long, drawn out “Shhhhhhhhh” Hilarious.

While we are mentioning GQ magazine, I will have you know that I always have, and always will buy GQ. It’s got some good stuff in it. But every now and then they blind us with some HIDEOUS stuff. Biker pants in stretch satin a few years ago were one of my highlights, and I actually sent them a letter telling them that those are not the sort of clothes that guys wear. Funny this…the letter actually got published, and the editor even left a little reply after my letter. Good times.

Anyway, their latest blinder was in the March 2007 issue, page 123. Entitled “Hair today…” You get it? Like “Here today…” Usually finished off in classic magazine style with “Hair today…gone tomorrow” for articles on balding.

So it gives us two new looks from Wella’s Trend Visions for 2007. All I can say is: HORRENDOUS!

The looks are in the photos below.

Let me explain the one on the left. According to the article, it says:

“Sensual intrigue aims at perfection then flips from inky black to plum to dusty blue”

Ummmmm…mock chunder…full on vomit coming on…

Plum? Since when did GQ think that we are actually fairies flying around with little wands sprinkling fairy dust on people? I won’t even go into the other style.

All I will say is that if you do currently own that hairstyle, please keep away from me. And how long does it take to get that hair right in the morning?

But as we all know, GQ are a funny bunch of people, and they were clearly having us on here. They know they are influential, and they were probably waiting drunk at some spot in the Waterfront waiting to see if any fools had actually taken their advice. It’s fashion magazines way of having fun.

GQ, I like it guys. But please tell me you were having a laugh there?

I think I know you were.

And thanks for the pen, I’m going to use it to write my memoirs very soon.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

It would seem that a long time ago I said that I would try out the new NANDO’S Mediterranean flavour, which looked rather good. Anyway, in the time that has gone by, I have tried the Nando’s Mediterranean flavour in the form of a Mediterranean quarter chicken, and in the form of the Nando’s Mediterranean flavour spicy chicken and rice.

To be honest, it’s not really to my liking. The flavour is quite vague, but on top of that it tastes too much like tomatoe, which I don’t really think suits chicken that much. I was expecting a more garlic, herb and tomatoe flavour but all I tasted was tomatoe. I’m sure some people enjoy it, but I would rather go with the Nando’s peri-peri, because that is some good stuff!

And finally, we have our first contribution to this website from the co-anchor! Amazing, she managed to help me out on this topic by uttering three words. This is what the sweet child had to utter on the new Nando’s flavour:

“It’s too tomatoe-ey”

Take a moment.

“IT’S TOO TOMATOE-EY”

Are you as shocked as I am? Because I’m positively shattered! Shattered that she actually managed to move away from the comfort of PASTI’S IN CONSTANTIA(Why am I shouting? To make you click the link!) to help me out. Obviously I paid for the Nandos as well, but let’s pretend for a moment that she paid for it.

Luckily for you, the readers, I have a photo of the co-anchor at hand, to show you what she does with her hours and hours of leisure time. Let’s have a look shall we? I think we shall.

Oh look, relaxing again are we?

So that’s it. She likes to look extremely pretty in expensive dresses, with expensive bottles of alcohol while eating sushi on the side and socialising in what “spare time” she has left. You know, “spare time”, meaning the time she is not dining on the finest, most intricately crafted food available, throwing things into one of the twenty handbags and whiling away time on the golf estate.

Like, you know, don’t worry about me. I’m cool. I will just write everything. Ok no it’s fine don’t go to the exhibition on Thursday to help me cover it for the website, I will go alone. Really, I LOVE doing things by myself, nothing makes me happier. I like going to events by myself because I really like socialising by myself. I also love the look on peoples faces when I arrive all by myself. All the invites say I should bring a partner, so I bring my cellphone for company. I love to play with thoughts in my own head at these events. I love to construct little stories in my head while other people enjoy themselves amongst company.

It’s not to say that I don’t speak to other people, because I do. I try my best and I make people laugh, but after all the laughs I give people at events, they inevitably and up going back to their “Crew” and leave me all alone, confused like a deer in the headlights. I try my best to make friends, but people are scared of me because I’m the guy who always arrives alone.

So just give it some thought. You don’t have to call, you can always just send an sms.

Obviously only once your right hand is free from sipping on yet another Cosmopolitan and your left hand has managed to free itself from the chopstick fest at the the sushi bar.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I completely forgot to mention the Kelvin Grove Beerfest to all of you, and I was not even supposed to attend it until a last minute invite was sent my way and I punished the VR3 hard to get there in time before some other engagements I had to attend to. The Kelvin Grove beerfest took place on Saturday, and started at 4pm.

The Beerfest was fun because I knew a lot of people there, but I personally think that Kelvin Grove would have expected a better turn out. I would have as well. To make sure that events like this run at a large profit, you need to offer free entrance and be clear on the invite as to what exactly is going on.

The invite stated that it was R150 for the Beerfest which included a spit braai, salads, freshly baked bread and desserts. It said that if you don’t want to eat, you can just pay R70 instead. Obviously Kelvin does cater to a more upmarket crowd, but to pay R70 to enter the event is still a little excessive, especially if you are already paying membership to the club, and probably spending money at the restaurants anyway during the year, thereby contributing to the club. It never stated that you could get free entrance if you were a member, so this was all a bit confusing. Apparently you had to pay after 19:00, either the R150 or R70.

What I would have done was taken away the entrance fee and rather offered the normal menu items from the pool bar restaurant, thereby not wasting anything. I’m not sure if the Beerfest ran at a profit, but I think it could have made a lot more money if it was free and then you could order food and drink as you like. Kelvin Grove also have a great sushi chef, and so people could have also had this option for food.

It would also then attract a larger female crowd if they did away with an entrance fee, because women are unlikely to want to spend R150 for a spit braai because it is highly unlikely that they will eat even close to R150 worth of food. Not even a guy would eat that much to be honest. I know the R150 goes towards setting up and so forth, but it immediately puts a lot of people off attending an event like this. Younger members at the club, who are on the increase, are also unlikely to want to pay R150 for an evening at Beerfest.

However, if entrance is free,people will arrive to check what the atmosphere is like. Upon arrival, they would see a large crowd and probably be tempted to stay on a bit and have a couple of drinks. With an event like this, the whole trick is to get people to attend it, and worry about keeping them at the event once they are there. In any case, if people have made the effort to arrive, they are unlikely to leave right away. The vibe at an event like this is what is going to keep the people there. Once they are there, they will buy drinks and food, and your R150 per person will be quickly met. Or maybe not everyone will spend R150 on drinks and food, but you will have a much larger crowd and probably pull in a bigger profit.

I think something like this has potential because everyone likes a Beerfest! Younger members love this type of thing and if the entrance fee is dropped for next year, I think it could be a huge success.

Once the crowd is larger, the vibe is better and people want to drink and eat more because they are happy. When people are happy, they spend more money. It’s a simple concept really, and one Kelvin Grove need to implement next year to make this event a huge success. I hope they make the necessary changes, and I’m looking forward to the next event like this.

P.S Luckily the promo girls were VERY naughty.

A promo girl at Kelvin Groves Pool Bar: Posing nicely for SLXS

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I remember when I was a little tyke growing up that Pick ‘n Pay had already developed into such a huge name, that I thought every time you went to the shops you were going to Pick ‘n Pay. Even if I wanted to go to the corner cafe, I would say to my mom “Let’s go to Pick ‘n Pay” I literally thought that picking something, and then paying for it, applied to any shop hence “Pick ‘n Pay”

Raymond Ackerman built it into somewhat of an empire, and I’m still shopping there all these years later. So I received a little advertising from them, and it seems that Pick ‘n Pay are tempting us with their JC Le Roux sparkling wine. So I shot down to Pick ‘n Pay yesterday(Rhymes) and bought a couple of bottles to consume after our heavy day at the beach. It’s so good once it hits your lips! Seriously, I was going to have one glass, but after the first one I just started shouting “Do me up again! It’s so good! Once it hit’s your lips!”

So I recall paying about R37 a while back for it, which is cheap. But now they have made it impossible not to shoot in and buy ten bottles because Pick ‘n Pay are currently selling it for R28,95 That’s like 29 ZAR. YES! It’s impossible not to enjoy summer now. The prices are valid until Saturday 17 November 2007, which means it’s going to be a long summer!

Pair it up with some USN Spike, and I think we are good to go. If you are a little bit depressed now, trying to finish off the year, then look what JC Le Roux and you can do(Rhymes again…genius!) Look how happy it will make you. Look at the complete look of content and hilarity on Charlie V’s face as he reaches for a bottle, while conveniently perched on the VR3. Could you ask for anything more? I didn’t think so either.

Loving life

What?

JC Le Roux Le Domaine, La Chanson and Sauvignon Blanc.

How much?

Twenty eight South African ront

Where?

Pick ‘n Pay discount and family supermarkets in the Western Cape except Camps Bay(They always pay full price on everything), Mitchells Plain, Nyanga, Pinelands, Sun Valley and Vangate. Do you know why Pinelands don’t sell it? Because they are a dry suburb, sorry for you! My article on Pinelands is coming up and might give more insight into the type of person coming out of this picture perfect leafy Cape Town suburb.

And finally…why?

Because you can!

Go get the JC le Roux before I do.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

The elite chilled on their boats while us plebbs chilled on the sand. Don’t worry, we will hit the boats soon. The girl lying down was tanning topless. Nice.

So as you know, we decided to HAMMER the beach yesterday because the weather was too good not to. Which beach? Cape Towns Clifton 4th beach of course!

It was so much fun, no crowds, no wind and some smoking hot people. And some not so smoking hot.

No offense here, but I think we all know when we have the right physique to tan topless on a beach like Clifton 4th beach. And if we don’t, it doesn’t mean we can’t go to the beach, but it just means that we can’t tan topless. There is nothing wrong with that. What you don’t realise is that there are only a handful of people who can pull off the topless look on the beach. Gisele Bundchen could be considered here. Even she doesn’t do it though!

And to actually tan topless on the beach, you need a chest that is going to blow me away. I want to be seeing something out of a textbook. I want perfect weight. Perfect shape. Perfect hang time when running through the waves. Perfect form, feel, look, shadows, angles, curves, tanning oil rubbed in strategically…everything needs to be perfect!

You also in fact need some sort of a “tan” to be able to tan topless at the beach. Everyone knows this. Why do you think you see your smoking hot neighbour tanning topless in her garden?(Obviously I’m talking in generalities here and NEVER looked at neighbours from my cousins house in Claremont when we were thirteen years old. This is a widely circulated myth and those binoculars were for “bird” watching) Your neighbour is doing it so that when she goes to the beach she can show off her exquisite breasts. Why do you think the SLXS co-anchor tans topless at home? So she can look AWESOME on the beach. It’s not that difficult people! We need to look our best on the beach this summer.

I want to go to the beach to have fun, and not be offended. And also, if you are 50 years old, tanning your hang tette, then I will be offended! I don’t want to see leather and biltong on the beach, so keep it away from me. Also, if your tits are still dragging in the ocean when you are on the shore, you know that you are not allowed to tan topless!

You also know that it is your first day on the beach when you burn the top of your feet! I always forget those odd places. Seriously though, Cape Town is smoking hot this summer, use some decent sunscreen. It is BAKING! Obviously dermatologists will recommend an SPF 30 at all times, so go with that if you will. Rather safe than sorry! You don’t want to be burnt, it’s not worth it. My feet are on fire.

So that was our day at the beach, my first day back, and it feels good! No burn(Except the top of my feet), and I’m ready for a summer of excess!

Are you with me Cape Town?

It’s go time!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Look, this won’t make you a millionaire, but I guess if you don’t want to take any risks with your money, you can put a minimum of R10000 into Absa banks Index Performer, and you are going to get better returns than you would if your money was just sitting in a saving account for instance.

There is the JSE Performer 100 and the JSE Performer 90. The former offers 100% capital protection and is taken over 18 months(12 November 2007- 12 May 2009)

The latter is taken over the same period and 10% of your capital is at risk (R1000), but obviously the returns are going to be higher.

These offers are only valid from the 1st of October until the 1st of November 2007, so if you are keen you better hurry!

I won’t go into detail here, I’m just here to nudge you in the right direction!

Click HERE for the entire shindig and all the details.

Let’s all make more money so we can be more excessive and be crazy all the time!

Woooooooo hoooooooooooo!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Right everyone, the weather is too good not to hit the beach, so that’s what we are doing. Just going to bronze myself into a gladiator, the usual summer stuff.

There is a good chance that by the end of the day, or the end of tomorrow, my write up entitled “Picking up The Shooter from the Freemasons” will be right here, on these pages. Quite exciting…tell me about it!

Anyway, it’s Thursday, tomorrow is the weekend so let’s all start slacking off and take it easy. Check in later! If I don’t get stuck at the beach.

Sean  Lloyd

Editor 

Neville. A GOD walking amongst mere MORTALS

In a rare Facebook group that had me laughing, I stumbled upon a group called “Neville works at the Cavendish movies” It’s the most hilarious thing I have seen in a while!

The story is that this Neville guy is one of those die hard guys who takes his job SO seriously. Like the world will end if he does not put 100% effort into doing his job. Which is kind of cool I suppose, that the guy digs his job so much. I think a lot of us could learn a thing or two from Neville. Neville stamps his authority in the movies by always having his torch on him, and he will kick you out if you misbehave!

Cavendish is in Claremont in Cape Town, and after seeing this group I actually recognised Neville. It seems the man is a legend there now, with a Facebook group consisting of a staggering 754 members! That is bordering on crazy, that one ticket guy at a movie theatre has such a following.

This is one of these weird things about the internet these days, that people gain a sort of cult following, even though they are just average people. You know…like me. I’m joking, keep cool my babies.

On the groups page there are only two photos of Neville and it is my plea to you, the readers, to get more photos of Neville so we can all get a clearer picture of the man. Then join the Neville group, and post the photos there and let’s see if we can make Neville a true icon. Not that he isn’t already.

From what I have read in the group, people have heard that Neville’s right hand screws off, he has no knee caps and he might have a glass eye. Amazing! The man is a machine. Come to think of it I have never personally seen Neville eat or drink. Must be house rules. Or the fact that liquids might short circuit a robot.

Also, if you read the groups wall, you will see that someone has left a message saying that Neville shops at the Spar near this person, and he rides a motorbike and wears a leather jacket. Hardcore!

His name is spreading so quickly and with such excitement that it’s only a matter of time before Neville takes over Helen Zille as the mayor! Or…imagine this…Neville for Thabo Mbekis(Funny, my spell checker changes “Mbeki” to “Uzbekistan”, no jokes!) post! Good Lord, imagine Neville taking over Jake Whites post? The possibilities are endless!

Join the group, and then when Neville is president you can claim bragging rights. Or imagine he captains the Springboks to another World Cup victory, wouldn’t you feel stupid for not supporting him then?

Sean Lloyd

Editor