I was kicking it to an insane level of maximumness with my apprentice Skateboard J the other day and we had decided, that to keep the prying lenses of the paparazzi out of his apartment, we would need to install a bamboo blind in the bathroom.

For when we’re tapping supermodels.

I apologise, that was uncalled for.

So while I opened the beers, Skateboard J decided to start unpacking the blind. I tried to fake being busy so as to avoid doing any work at all, until I heard a wild scream and Skateboard J had fallen into the bath.

Anyway, it turns out he needed my help, but I couldn’t help but piss my pants when he asked me for the screws. It reminded me of those stupid signs on coffee that say “hot” so the yanks don’t sue them. I’m pretty sure what I stumbled upon on Saturday was the doing of some insane American lawsuit, now brought into South Africa by cheap, slave labour, $1 a day, cut your hands off if you don’t  make 1000 blinds a day sort of workmanship.

If that makes sense to you, well done, you must also be high.

And driving.

So I basically see this packet of screws (And if you young lady don’t stop giving me those saucy looks, we will be doing something using that word as well) and start laughing, but in a manic crying fashion. The neighbours must have thought I was doing a Britney Spears as I was spitting me beers right out of my nostrils.

Don’t dwell on this too long, it’s the number one cause of psychoticness in the world, it’s just so much to deal with.

You think global warming is bad, then you find out about Jacob Zuma. You think he is bad then you find this packet of screws:

And this is not a joke.

QUITE amazing right there.
Sean Lloyd

Editor