So I found myself watching a movie at Cavendish last night…and then going to Stellenbosch with Mr Felly! Average, but the dancer in Springboks seemed alright.

Dean Fuel…not the dancer

Oh hello there!

That’ll do!

So it’s amazingly hot today but I am getting through my Pro-X work. Cropping and choosing which pictures to use is proving a tough task! But it’s like we don’t take life seriously or something. Andy B in the photo below showing someone how to wakeboard…or not.

Um…ja…you just…um…bindings…feet…in bindings…wakeboard…um…boat…err…water…sunscreen…lotion…sun is dangerous…

Anyway, if you were not at Pro-X, you were a fool, a fool I tell you! You’ll see when I’ve done all the photos and all the writing.

P.S Enjoy work, it’s nice weather.

Kids these days can’t tell me anything.

“Invictus was amazing hey, have you seen it?”

“Hey, you listen here you little PUNK. Let me tell YOU a story you snot gobbler! Uncle Sean was alive during those times. I don’t need to see the film, I was there. I was like 10, but I was there and I was drinking beer and eating biltong because at 10 I was a man. I was a man who killed my own supper. I fried that shit up, hot and nasty! I saw Joel drop kick that little bitch”

Actually, an interesting little side note here, I used to live next to Joel Stransky. No jokes! I used to chill with them all the time. He lived in Rondebosch, in ‘Sangrove Close’ Yeah so during his heavy glory days I would just go there and grab a rugby ball and kick it around. We were tight like that. You won’t believe how small the houses there were, but it was awesome. I basically lived in my bathroom it was so small, but that’s what happened.

To those of you near Sangrove during my seedy youth, you will also recall that the forest caught alight one night (The foresty section by Marsh Memorial Home) Yip, that was me! And it was a sparkler that caused the fire.

Yeah so anyway, kids can’t tell me anything.

“Oh have you ever been to St Yves?”

“Listen here you FOOL, I’ll tell you a story about St Yves! St Yves used to be Ignite. I was basically Ignite royalty, myself and Charlie V and The Rog used to kill Ignite. If you came in there wanting to pull chicks, there was no chance because the HMS Lady Slayer that we cruised in on would have already taken everyone. So don’t even ask me if I know about St Yves. Of course I know about it. I’ll tell you something else, I knew Green Man (Oddly enough, Joels old place), the original Tin Roof. In fact, I knew it when it was still next to Boardmans in Claremont.”

OH NO…NOT THE ROG!

But anyway, to say I know St Yves was a bit of an overstatement because I had never been to it since it had been refurbished. But to honour my old tradition of owning the place, I thought it pertinent that we go in with a bang, and leave with a bang. If we went in to St Yves on my first night back there, and didn’t come right, it would not set the tone for a good, solid relationship for the most beautiful club in Cape Town.

The St Yves crowd…chilling!

Inside: Packed, nice!

So myself, G-Bizzle and Matty G pulled in. It’s quite hectic, I mean the age is 25 which thankfully I now represent, and the cover charge is like R80 or R100 which thankfully I don’t pay.

My wingmen making a clear path for me

The cool thing at St Yves is that you only need to concentrate on looks and personality (If you’re a stickler) because it goes without saying that everyone is wealthy. It’s just how it is.

My only problems on the night was some of the DJ’ing. Songs were being mixed into each other with the grace of a gunshot through razor wire. I honestly could not believe what my ears were listening to. Also, the sound distortion was quite hectic at times which I’m sure they can fix quite easily.

On the girls front, yeah it’s good! I actually won the prize for first place, and my prize was a lucky packet from Spar. Because that’s how celebs roll! Well, E-Grade celebs. That’s basically us. But we’re E-Grade ass kicking celebs.

There were some people giving me funny looks on the night, this one blonde girl looked at me, and stared as she walked past. At first I naturally, because of my HUGE ego, thought “Oh she totally wants me”

Then I realized she was probably thinking “Ag there’s that tool who runs that stupid website, ah vomit on my  Louboutin’s”

Well thank you, but vomiting is a great way to lose pounds for a show.

The place is clean and as some of the old guard will know, I’m old school Tiger crowd. Tiger is pretty dirty so going on to St Yves was like upgrading your girlfriend from a Mathlete to a supermodel. It’s friggin’ amazing! And it gives you a happy feeling in your pants.

Our conversation on the night was the usual superficial stuff, because as many of you know, we’re ego driven E-Grade celebs who thrive on judging people. Are they rich, good looking and thin? Yes? Well then they’re cool with us and we won’t judge them.

Oh don’t look at me like that!

Like you don’t judge people!

No but seriously we’re not that superficial. Maybe.

On weekends. When there is a full moon. Then we’re not superficial.

As per usual there were the dance floor players, the okes who are so dead set on hooking up with a particular girl that as soon as you are in the vicinity of said girl, they get in the way. And in their head they’re thinking

“Hey bru, are you checking out my broad?”

But because all they do is go to gym, their personality resembles a bergie vomiting, their intelligence allows them to count to potatoe, and their conversation is peppered with words like china, bru, oke, HGH, protein, pumps, glutamine, gym and the like.

On the other hand, my conversation is all just a lot of awesome. I don’t even try impress people. I just let the general aura surrounding me do the work. And it’s true, if you put out a good, awesome, happy vibe then that’s what you’ll get back.

To go into a club with a gym mentality is only going to attract a whole lot of other okes wanting a fight. If you put out a chilled vibe, you’ll just attract awesome people. Oh and also wear a unisex fragrance.

Chicks dig it!

It’s so mad, wearing D&G La Roue De La Fortune is basically illegal. But amazing.

I was quite tired from work that day, so I decided to just kap a dos on the couch. I mean the place is ridiculous!

The Swear James Dean shoes…sick!

There is a dude cooking boerie rolls on two massive gas braai’s.

I didn’t have one but if it’s St Yves I can reassure you that it’s not like the boerie chick outside Tinners or outside Springboks. These are not made from cats, dogs and snakes. Rad!

I don’t walk into clubs that often where I’m at a loss for words, but I was at St Yves. It’s just so classy, so awesome and so different. I mean, your view is of a beach and palm trees so it feels like you’re not even in a city.

It hands down kills any other club in Cape Town. While I realise the atmosphere of clubs is all set for different crowds, it’s still amazing at St Yves. I’ll still do Assembly because it’s a totally different crowd and feel they’re going for, but if you want extravagance then St Yves seem to get it right.

They just need to fix the sound and the DJ murdering the mixes, and we’ll be rolling!

I’m going to be honest here and tell you I’ve messed the last few hours up a bit. As you know it was quite sweltering yesterday and I was at Pro-X which was awesome and which I’m going to be writing about! But I can’t right now.

Because I stayed up last night to watch the Oscars and at like 2am was getting bored of waiting, so decided to have a little dos. Well I woke up sometime after 6 and the whole thing was finished, and so it seems was I! So I need a couple hours to gather myself but let’s just show you how the day went down with a photo:

Can you guess the bum in white?

Um OK so apparently I was supposed to cover a sporting event, but I read the memo wrong and now all I have is a camera full of the hottest women in the world. Is that bad?

Are you upset with me? I’m really sorry! Do forgive me!

So the weekend doesn’t seem to hard to plan…tonight you’ll go to The Assembly.

Assembly is such a jol! I actually have the most hilarious photo of Trem there last week…you’ll know her and Caterina from Chevelle:

Basically…you two need Jesus!

You’ll also be at Richard Durand (HERE) (Multi task! What, are you a delinquent?)

I actually have a party at the Hout Bay villa and I have to dress up as a superhero which is great! Finally I don’t have to bother dressing up. If anything, I should dress down.

Then the rest of the weekend will be spent at Pro-X! Look, it’s going to get hot and I’m URGING you (Ladies) to wear as little clothing as possible. This isn’t some futile attempt at seeing ass cheeks and cleavage, it’s for reasons of practicality.

I also advise you to wear sunscreen, and as your attorney, I advise you that I rub it in properly. The greasier and more Italian the sunscreen, the better.

I also advise you to get down to those St Yves parties on Thursdays, I was there last night. The write up and photos will come. Some of the DJ’ing was like a gunshot through razor wire, and the speakers sounded like they were going to bust a nut at times. But you know what? There was a sick crowd, it’s a sick venue and it’s honestly the most beautiful club in Cape Town. Finally!

Look, I haven’t seen the film but I have just finished reading the book…Jeez Louise what a tear-fest!

I mean not that I cry…well unless you count tears of Kryptonite! I once cried a steak.

And pissed Charka briquettes.

But I mean, that’s anything that your manly boyfriend can do, can’t he?

Oh he can’t?

Well maybe you should consider upgrading to me.

Anyway if you’re broke and your girlfriend is hating you, then this is the movie for you becayse she will be all love after this. It’s also a great deal breaker on a new relationship, it’s guaranteed to seal the deal. Check this out:

Jussus okes keen for a gym sesh hey? (As I assert my manliness)

But seriously, that looks awesome. And the book is also awesome, you should give it a read if you have a chance.

Book now at Ster Kinekor

Crisis, this is hilarious! I was scoping out TripAdvisor now and saw a banner for the 2010 Dirtiest Hotels and clicked on the list. There is a place called Heritage Marina Hotel in San Francisco, and check this:

“Like out of a horror film; This is the hotel you stay at before you get killed!”
Heritage Marina Hotel

1 of 5 stars

Feb 22, 2010 | Trip type: Friends getaway

This is the dirtiest and most disgusting hotel I have ever seen!!! As soon as we walked into the room, I felt like I was breathing “dirty” air, it was hot and muggy in the room. The room smelled, and everything just looked dirty. There was a little box on the wall that looked like an AC control, we couldn’t figure out how to turn on and work the box, so we called the front desk. They told us there was no AC and to just turn on the ceiling fan or open a window. When we opened the window, there was no screen and a balcony outside, the balcony led to the window of the other room, so since there was no screen, the person in the other room could easily walk onto the balcony and come into our room. The door wouldn’t close properly, the bed felt wet, there were many homeless and meth/cracked out looking people hanging out in the rooms and the hallways. I honestly felt very unsafe, I felt like I could possibly get killed staying in this hotel. I will NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER stay at this hotel again or recommend it to anyone!!!!!

Good grief! I mean that’s quite dramatic, but awesome nonetheless. I’m always intrigued by the seedier side of life and would just like to take a walk through there. Buy some crack from a kid living in a trash can or something. Be attacked by a crystal meth baby. Holiday fun!  I loved the ‘meth/cracked out people’ comment, awesome! If you’re a hotel on that list, there’s a good chance business is not going well. Well accommodation anyway.

The chances are that those places are just crack dens running under hotel names.

Oh and if you’re in Cape Town, I’d also avoid The Ritz Hotel. Trust me, it’s got nothing in common with The Ritz in London.

Click here for the hotels you don’t want to stay at.

Interesting advert:

“Ah yes sir, your client is just a Ron Jeremy (Google that) away”

Ok it’s probably not funny to you, but I’ve been coffee shop hopping for a good portion of the day, and BY GEORGE have there been some belters!

While I cover most of the skom areas of Cape Town, I don’t really venture to Tokai side too much.

Except when I go to Pollsmoor for a cheap lunch.

Tokai is also clean and surrounded by trees and I like gutters and oil and tik to surround me at all times. It keeps me on my toes.

So anyway Gaz is our boy on the East Side (Or whatever side Tokai is) and he nearly made me fall off my paint tin when he sent this in! I first watched it using the free Wifi at Cheynes in town because Telkom evicted me (Well my house was repossessed, same thing) because they said my factory farming methods of CAT were a fire hazard. In fact this may be a lie, but it can’t hurt to pretend.

So check this out, Michael Jackson in Tokai:

I think it’s a ghost from when he was younger, except for the fact that ghosts are traditionally white, but I say it’s his ghost because he is black. If you know what I’m trying to get at, because Michael was black? Ok John Denver! Ah…ladies and gentleman…Mr Quincy Jones! Hey little darling I’m Johnny Cash.

Hey? No I haven’t had my hands on anything funny today. I just need to go walkies.

(Thanks Gaz!)

Sent to me, apparently in this weeks People’s Post:

Hey Sean

I saw your Tweet of those bodybuilders the other day and thought you might appreciate this. Sorry about the quality, it’s a bit crap, but still something.

Some chick running in the U/17 womens race at a school. That’s pretty pumped. Something in the water?

Ciao

Shoooooo! Something in the water indeed.

HGH! PROTEIN! MUSCLE MILK!

For the article that Jonno was talking about, click HERE. Just take a piss before reading that or else you’ll piss your brand new kiff blou denim jean pant.

(Thanks Jonno)