(If you’re new to SLXS, why not have a look at some of the popular articles? The ones that make us awesome. Click here for those )

So I’ve been trying to apply for a PDP license, because if you crash a car full of strippers, and you are being paid to drive them, you need a professional driving permit. Naturally, being the man of many passions that I am, I hold down many aliases.

I had to have a clear criminal record, so all my details had to be sent to Pretoria. About 6 weeks later they came back, and now I’ve had to submit those, and now my license needs to get sent to me…from Pretoria. This, they say, will take two months. All VERY organised and effective, and not a waste of my time AT ALL. By the time I get my license, I will either be dead, be a drug addict or be in an old aged home. Charming.

Anyway, the lady behind the desk was also flippin’ helpful and happy, I wasn’t aware that staff were made to eat lemons for lunch? Very weird. I also wasn’t aware that they needed to walk in a manner that the Hunchback of Notre Dame did, and talk out their noses. Mind you, if I worked in a place with no light and a sort of vomit colour to the walls, and it was named after a place where people get hung, I would also be hugely depressed.

I’m stoked though that the place has been upgraded, and I see they have also retrofitted the parking area with people who piss and shit themselves, and also have some sort of affinity for drinking meths.

It’s all so CLEAN and new age! God, Sepp Blatters World Cup money got us a brand new traffic department. With a brand new staff complement plucked from the gutters of obscurity!

I like to park my shiny new car in the parking lot, and then have it looked after. In fact, the security is so tight (Mind you: loose. Sies) that they even have dogs!

And if you’re really important, you get a car guard so passionate, they sit at your car. Gold Star service!

Car guards: Pissed. Clean.

I must say, it’s quite impressive to see such quality service in Cape Town. And if anyone complains we can klap them.

Because we’re supporting the currently disadvantaged/currently doos dronk/ currently hungover people of Cape Town.

And that’s a service to humanity.

Not on your face, but they’re coming your way. And you should hide the kids, because Dan Nash is going to do something outrageous to get thrown out!

I’m not good at self promotion which is why I haven’t asked you to vote for me, but seeing as though the nomination phase is about to come to an end, I better ask you lot if you’ve voted!

I never really hear from you people, the only reason I know you’re here is because of Google Analytics. From this I can guage important information like cup size, the colour of your underwear, your address, it gives me access to your Facebook photos and just all the essential stuff.

Anyway, I’ve been nominated for every SA Blog Awards I’ve entered into, but I’ve never won which causes me huge amounts of distress. I would win if they had a category for “Best Has Been SA Blog” I was once blogging royalty, clubs even let me in for free for some time, and people in the street high fived me instead of keying my car. Gosh, I remember the blogging glory days. When blogs were rare, instead of everyones 2 year old snot nosed kid running a blog.

Because we still run a cool show here, I’m 100% certain that an award would make me an even better writer! So SLXS has been nominated in the Blog Of The Year as well as Best Entertainment Blog category. But I may need some more votes in order to actually make  to the next round of voting (The actual voting phase, this is just the nominations phase)

Quick: How To Vote For SLXS

To vote you need to click the following badge, where you will be taken to a nomination page on the SA Blog Awards. The badge you click below has all the information on which categories SLXS have been nominated in, so you don’t need to choose a category, it has all been done for you (We’re going for Blog Of The Year and Best Entertainment Blog)

Click to vote for SLXS

• From there you need to enter your e-mail address and a security code (To verify you are an actual human and not a computer) on the right hand block on the page.

• Then click ‘Submit’

• You will then receive an e-mail with a link to click. This is the final stage of your nomination for SLXS, and you need to click the verification link to nominate SLXS. Click that and bang…We’ll be well on our way to winning!

There are a few other blogs that you should also be voting for, please do support these guys, as they are the other blogs I read, and I’d be proud if SLXS or any of these guys won an award at the SA Blog Awards. They all have nominations badges on their site, you just need to click their names, click their badges and vote, in the same way as you did for SLXS:

Slick Tiger — Because he wrote the Slick Tiger Guide To Klapping Gym Boet. Enough said.

Bangersandnash.com — Nash is a rock star, and still just ‘get’s’ what blogging is about. It’s not about writing about every stupid thing just to get higher search results and get paid, Nash has based his site on solid writing, and he’s not afraid to try new things. He blogs about things he has actually done, and he does them in the most decadent and debaucherous ways possible — in a haze of cigarette smoke and alcohol. And he wants to get thrown out of the SA Blog Awards (HERE). I am BEYOND excited about this years awards, thanks to Nash.

MyCityByNight — I remember a time when I could party like these guys, so in essence I live my hedonistic days through Craig and the guys at MyCityByNight. They cover virtually every single party in Cape Town, and you will love them! They’ve even interviewd Danny K. JUSSUS!

Man Of The Cloth — If you’re a guy and you want to dress better, there is no other fashion blog that you need. Man Of The Cloth’s Marco is actually in the fashion industry, which helps! He’s stylish and smart, and knows how to make people look good.

And that’s it, let’s try win something!

Thanks for your support, and also, since I started blogging again in the old school way, SLXS is going back to the top. Pageviews are up 55.70% according to Google Analytics.

Sweeeeet!

Most people were upset yesterday that they missed the cooling towers in Cape Town being blown up, because they blew up 4 minutes early or something. You probably also missed the jet that flew through them:

Gosh, I can’t believe you missed that.

Were you drunk or something? Were you on tik?

(Thanks Jerry D)

A selection of my fully authentic, fully piad for DVD’s, book and CD’s…Gosh I’m a good boy!

The world today is a weird place, compared to when we were growing up as kids. Back in the day we bought music, saving up for those albums we really wanted. Nirvana’s Nevermind, Lives ‘Throwing Copper’, and hell if you liked to wear pink Tutus as a young boy you probably bought a Spice Girls album. We also paid for news at one point in time, but now we refuse to pay for anything. We read websites for free and as soon as there is any advertising or too much advertising we shout ’sell out’. But everytime we shout sell out, there is someone struggling to make money, working for free or for very little. As soon as a friend buys a CD these days, we simply take it, make a copy and it’s on our iPod and on iTunes.

Look, I like most people have listened to loads of copied music in my time, so I’m no saint (Although I resemble a Greek God and you no doubt want me)

But for some time now I’ve believed that you should treat people the way you’d like to be treated. This doesn’t mean you need to live a dull life and go to church and drink Coke Light and not laugh when a fat person falls down an elevator. I mean I’m the first to laugh when a fat person drops their burger, steps on it and falls on their whale ass. But when it comes to some things, if people have worked hard, then they deserve the recognition for their work.

And paying musicians for their work should be standard. Unfortunately these days, it’s the exception. And I hate it, I really do. People are forever telling me that they have loads of music I need to take from them, but you know, I don’t feel that good about it. And everyone always says ‘Support local’, but how many of those people actually buy the albums?

SLXS…supporting…and most importantly, paying for local music

For musicians, many have struggled for years and years to to refine and perfect a sound that the public want to listen to. Ten or more years of hard work, and finally the public deem their music worthy of a listen…and then don’t even pay for it!

KIFF! How would you like it if you ate bread and baked beans for 10 years while you struggle to build your business up? So you build a massive brand, let’s say Virgin. then someone else comes into your office, clones your staff, your ideas, photocopies all your paperwork, and sets up their very own company like yours and people go to the ‘cloned’ business. Wouldn’t you be pissed off?

Wouldn’t it literally make you want to go mad?

This is exactly the same thing as pirating music. And if you want to copy music, then go for it. I just don’t like the way it feels when I listen to copied music. It’s like wearing stolen clothes, or driving a stolen car.

And the point is, music gives my life INCREDIBLE amounts of happiness, and this is all thanks to the talented musicians. Music brings insane amounts of joy to my life…and I think the musicians need to be rewarded for making our lives better. Because they do.

Musicians, when you really look at it, are the glue of society, keeping everything together. Think of a social event where you had fun and where there wasn’t music? When was the last time you got drunk and danced in a club in silence? Can’t think of any?

Exactly. Music is a link in our lives, when removed, will surely break us apart. It’s pretty much a fact that musicians form one of the most important sectors of society. A small sector of society, keeping it all together in these lost and crazy times. When we’re happy we listen to music, when we’re sad we seek solace in music.

We listen to music when we’re drunk, when we’re sober, when we’re at work, when we’re on holiday, when we’re in the car, on a plane,  at the beach, in the bush…it’s just always there, pushing us on, helping us break our limits, forging a path where we can’t see one. Music gets us through the easiest times and the hardest times. And shouldn’t the people who make it be rewarded for that?

Wouldn’t we hate to work for free? Wouldn’t we hate it if we had to take another job, to support our job? This is too often the case with musicians, music needs to be supplemented by another job.

I can’t make decisions for you, but I can offer you some insight. I can’t make you buy music, but I can let you know that if you don’t pay for music…the musicians can’t pay for food.

And to be very honest, a society without music is not a society at all. So let’s pull ourselves together, stop being so greedy, and pay R150 for that album that a musician has struggled and worked to create.

Without music, who are you? What is society?

Think about it…

Well whatever, that’s just my point of view.

So I’ve always been interested in photography, and bought a decent camera about two months ago, so hopefully instead of admiring other peoples photos, I can take some decent ones myself. The prices of cameras are quite crazy and spending 25k wasn’t quite within my camera budget! While reading up on reviews, I got pretty confused as people were getting so technical about cameras and settings and using Photoshop and layers and whatever the hell else.

I’ve always tried to be as simple with things as I can, and I find the world of photography so confusing. There are a lot of great photos out there, but people Photoshop them so hectically that it’s not really the original photo we are left with. I enjoy Photoshop and I’m using a trial of Lightroom 3 as it has all the functions I need. I don’t want to completely change my photos, just switch some to black and white and change them slightly with filters and that sort of thing. Do some touch ups.

Yet as much as camera settings and Photoshop can make photos look good, I’ve always been interested in the basic, unedited photo, as these have always tended to capture the moment the best. When there is a moment in time that really matters, the chances are that you don’t have time to set up a camera and check light setting and place everything perfectly. Moments happen in an instant, and all you need in those moments is a camera that will take that picture.

So while I was researching cameras and all the bullshit that people use to make the simply art of photography ridiculously complicated, I was inspired by a professional photographer called Chase Jarvis. I found out about him while looking at Apple Aperture, then found his blog and eventually ended up ordering his book “The Best Camera Is The One That’s The One That’s With You” on Amazon.com.

Here is a little bit about the book:

At once simple and profound, the newest book by world renowned photographer, Chase Jarvis, The Best Camera Is The One That’s With You™  underscores—even legitimizes—the idea that an image can come from any camera, even a mobile phone. This is the first book of its kind. Inherently, we all know that an image isn’t measured by its resolution, dynamic range, or anything technical about cameras or photos. An image is measured by the simple—sometimes profound, other times absurd or humorous or whimsical—effect that it can have upon us. If you can see an image, it can move you.

His blog contains so much inspiration for just doing things, instead of over analyzing them, and in the end never doing them because of the thought of failure. His latest post is a classic example, well he found it somewhere, but it totally captures the way he thinks:

“The reality is that it’s easier to be inspired than it is to create an original idea and we are hardwired to take the path of least resistance. It’s easier to jump onto a design inspiration gallery site than it is to sit down with a blank sheet of paper and a pencil. It’s easier to follow a pattern than it is to test-drive new options. It’s easier to copy a style or idea that works than try something that might miss the mark or outright fail. Above all, it’s cheaper mentally for us to rally around what’s already been done and emulate it…”

Click here to read the rest.

There is also a great piece on just simply enjoying photography, and not getting caught up in all the complications about gear and cameras:

Seems like the more I listen, the more I hear people talking about the gear, the business of photography, the widgets. Let us not forget the simple love of photography.

I understand why there’s so much rhetoric in our industry about the business of photography and the gear and the gadgets. There is the common stereotype that most creative people aren’t good business people. There is fear. Gear is easier to talk about than vision. Exposures are exact, the camera dials have numbers. There is a ‘right’ answer to many of these questions.

But where is your love of pictures? Where are your actions that back this up?

Can you pick up a book of photographs and get lost in it?
Can you walk around with your iPhone or Android or your point and shoot or whatever and take 100 pictures knowing that they’ll never be for a client or a portfolio?
Do you love hunting for pictures?
Will you stay up late or get up early for pictures?
Do you sometimes ‘see’ life as a photograph?

It’s different for all of us, but when you can take a break from all the chatter, remind yourself–as often as you can–why you love photography.

Click here to read that piece.

And I think this is the important thing when wanting to do anything in the world today, you need to break it down to why you actually want to do it. Forget all the talk of equipment, no matter what industry you are in. Break things down to the basics and life will be a lot simpler and more awesome. We’re so caught up on the technical side of nearly everything…just simplify it.

Chase Jarvis shoots with some of the best equipment in the world, using the latest technology and big teams supporting him…and yet he has released a book with pictures taken on his iPhone. Which is the one I’ve ordered.

Chase Jarvis

He’s also released an iPhone App that allows you to add some awesome effects to your photos. Once you’ve done all of that, you can upload your photo to the website they have created, as well as view other peoples photos. Click here for the Best Camera website, where you will have links to buy the book, as well as to buy the iPhone App as well as view all the photos submitted to the website. It really is quite incredible, and inspiring, knowing that all those photos are being taken on iPhones around the world. This is a really cool photo Chase took on his iPhone, some people will see the gorilla in the picture:

And that, from a simple iPhone, amazing.

Another awesome iPhone App for those of you interested, is Camera+, ‘The Ultimate Photo App’

Click here to check that bad boy out for your iPhone.

So hopefully those links will inspire you, not just if you’re into photography, but hopefully it will inspire you in whatever you’re doing, to just get out and do it. Don’t think about it, over analyze it or be afraid to try it. Just do it.

I’m not going to lie to you, between myself and Jerry D, we are online shopping fiends.

I’ve long been a fan of online shopping, then Jerry started telling me that he was using Ebay… a lot.

(Before we go on, when you buy something on Ebay, you may need to pay an import tax. Watch out for this. Generally on items less than R500 it’s nothing, also try having items sent marked as a gift. Bigger items might be hit with tax, which is a BITCH! I don’t know where this money goes, but someone is making a killing for doing nothing. Some tool is living the dream from import taxes. I can pretty much say with 100% certainty that this money is going nowhere good, and it is a fact that no one is doing any work for it. The world is a bad place!)

So a while back I had been using the most killer hair wax/gum/shaper called Fudge Hair Shaper.

It ran out one day, and I actually could not fathom life without Fudge Hair Shaper, so I slapped on a hat and minced my devilish ass down to Style Studio in Canal Walk to grab some more.

I walked in, and put one finger in the air:

‘Slapper, let’s get one more Fudge Hair Shaper!’

‘Sorry your Royal Highness, we don’t have any’

‘Sweet mother of GOD. Wh…wha…what do you mean?’

‘Well it’s been discontinued’

‘Listen, don’t play games with me, don’t tear my heart out. You WILL get more of this otherwise I will simply die’

‘How about I recommend…’

‘SHUT UP! SHUUUUT UP! I’m standing here DYING and you want to recommend something else? What is this, AMATEUR HOUR?! What next, are you going to give me a FOAMY LATTE?!’

I stormed out of there like I was storming the beaches of Normandy, and I quietly sat down on a bench in Canal Walk, the faintest tear forming in the corner of my eye. It burned like hell because at the time I had quite a drinking problem, and my tears were actually vodka. Ever since then, I’ve been living a lie.

Changing hair products like Ron Jeremy changed partners. I’ve always felt like I’ve been cheating on Fudge, but there was simply nowhere to buy it in South Africa. Anyway, since discovering Ebay I’ve gotten my mojo back baby!

YEAH!

Look, I’ve placed my order and it hasn’t been delivered yet, but it has been shipped, so I’m stoked.

In the two or so years that I have been seperated from Fudge Hair Shaper, I’ve used OSIS 4 Play, Paul Mitchell Dry Wax, Redken For Men products, Hairgum Move Matt Wax,  VO5 Extreme Style Matt Clay and many more. Too often, I have to put three products in my hair and it’s a mission.

Fudge Hair Shaper is the one product that trumps them all, it is an all in one solution and it rocks my world. I’ve ordered the mint one, and good grief, I haven’t been excited since that chick took a double take at me in Standard 7. Because that day I knew, dammit Sean, you’ve got game! Many years later I’d be honest with myself and know that she was looking at the 1st team rugby player who was getting into his dads Ferrari.  Bleak days…

But Ebay is so much more than a place to get hair products! If you’re going to be using Fudge Hair Shaper, you’re going to be looking like a Greek God. The side effect of this is that you will have like, at least 1000 chicks every day wanting to bang you. I’m serious, not that this happened to me. When these chicks were banging down my door, I was too busy reading Harry Potter.

But a buddy of mine used some of my Fudge Hair Shaper, and so many chicks wanted to bang him, that he stopped using it. He literally had lost 45kg’s, just from banging. He had a chick feeding him through a tube, while the rest stood in line, to bang him. Ja, for real. So his problem was that he couldn’t work, because he was banging so much, and he couldn’t buy enough condoms. And he couldn’t afford to use 80 condoms a day. But if you do buy Fudge Hair Shaper, you should probably add a pack of 100 condoms to your order. That will get you through probably a day and a bit of living with Fudge Hair Shaper.

The stuff is so intense it should have a tagline saying “Can you handle the BANG?”

It’s like hair shaping roofies, madness.

So yeah, you should grab some condoms, but best you get the Maximum Love ones, you player!

Commonly known as the ‘Shaun Oakes 2 Day Supply’

Other than that, you can seriously find anything you like on Ebay. I’d tell you about the fragrance I’m ordering, but seriously, you wouldn’t be able to cope. You’ll be picking up so many chicks, Ron Jeremy will look like a girlie bitch. It’s the one fragrance I keep secret, because I don’t want anyone else smelling like me.

Actually, I just don’t like seeing woman falling all over an average guy, just because he has a killer fragrance. This stuff is so mad, you definitely wouldn’t be able to cope with the amount of chicks it would bring you.

Anyway, sign up on Ebay, get a Paypal account, and happy picking up chicks you playa.

I’m always hugely fascinated by the power of music and the memories it instantly brings back, and I was listening to an awesome version of Lightning Crashes by Live (Thanks Tim), which I think you need to hear.

For me, I can remember listening to this at our old house in Claremont, it was from the ‘Throwing Copper’ album that my sister bought and was one of the first albums that I listened to on CD. I’m pretty sure before then I was stuck on tape.

I’d be interested to know though, what memory this song brings back for you?

I love it how a song or a photo can make you recall memories that you think you may have forgotten, or they have just been placed in storage in your mind. This is an amazing song and nearly everyone has memories from this song.

Kind of like Mr Jones by The Counting Crows…

TIN ROOF!

I’m a pretty firm believer that visuals and acoustics keep the world together. I’m not talking about seeing and speaking, but rather photography and music. Photos and music have that ability to really move you and create emotions, as well as freezing time. Think back to songs that take you back to a certain point in time, dancing in that club, rolling on that road trip or just meeting amazing people. Music freezes time just as much as photos do.

I’ve always had an interest in creative pursuits, and this is why music and photos really interest me. While some people will see photos and think “Cool, that’s nice”, I’m fascinated by photos and the times they represent, the emotions they capture and the nature in which they were taken. I’d like to think I’m a creative type, and strict business talk and numbers and accounting don’t interest me at all…clearly! So when I was Googling some photographers, I came across Jim Marshall who has shot pretty much anyone who is cool, soooo…I though you might be interested in his photos!

The Beatles

Dylan

Hendrix

Johnny Cash: San Quentin Prison

Jagger and Uncle Jack

I still think the best photography is not about the best lighting and camera settings and equipment. The best photography is always about the moment, just being there and capturing that moment. And this naturally means being there in the moment, which is what made jim Marshall so awesome. He was there, and that made for great photos. I’m especially interested in music photography, obviously because it combines music and photography (Obviously!). Music has brought us some of the greatest moments in history, and this is one of the reasons why we should also pay for good music, instead of blindly downloading it and taking it from friends hard drives.

Still one of my favorite moments in music was this from U2.

And I really do think music and photography make the world go round, or at least keep it cemented together. Could you possibly live without music and photos?

Click here for MarshallPhoto.com

I don’t even know if I’ve ever mentioned Candice, but here she is launching some sort of other.

Car.Wall. Pen. Paper. Printer. Shoe.

Sean, are you just looking at things and typing them?

bsgj kltgn wewthhhhhwamnwae wwa A4W9TPOUSGWAE WQOUR93UBNFFFFFGsdf;jlghkl

Hey? Management? Are they here?

Sorry I blacked out there for a second and fell on the keyboard.

So where were we? Oooooooh look lettuce!
Via

I’m pretty confident writing this, because back in the day there were a few things that would just happen in your life. If you are around my age now, there would have been a few constants in your parents life, well actually your dads life. It was so simple being a man back then, because you had to know nothing. You went to work, came back home, chopped wood and cooked meat. Now you’re probably coming home, lighting charcoal and helping the wife make a salad (This was unheard of in my parents days. If you were a man, you didn’t eat anything with bright colours. You ate meat. You drank beer. You sat with the boys). Krist, you’re probably even getting a foot massage. The only foot massage your old man was getting, was from the cheeky brunette who his friend was dating, and was sitting opposite him at a steak dinner at the holiday house the one year.

You grew a moustache.

When you were growing up, your dad probably had a moustache. Not because it was cool. Or because he forgot to take it off after Movember. He had it because he was a man!  Men grew moustaches. And even if women didn’t like it, they accepted it. Hey…I suppose men had to accept Bush being in power back then, so yeah…Karma’s a bitch. There are three things that men were known for back in the day, and this is the first one. The next two follow.

You wore Ray Ban Aviators.

Mike Ditka: A MAN

Back in the day your dad wore Ray Ban Aviators…not because he thought they were cool, or because they suited him. He wore them because dammit, that’s the only sunglass that existed back in the day! Your dad wasn’t a little girlie man, and he didn’t wait in anticipation for the new limited edition Aviator to come out. Your dad wore the gold frames with the green lenses. And that’s the cool thing about the old days! You never had to spend a lot of money. You had one suit, one pair if sunglasses, one car, one pair if jeans…life was simple. Now we have washes on jeans and shit is getting so complicated that it’s actually a mission just to stay alive.

I however take things back to the old school. I wear one pair of jeans, wear white t shirts and alternate between a linen and a leather jacket. I don’t need a different dress code for every day of the week, what is this? The style network? These people who have fifty jackets and 20 pairs of jeans make me crazy. I wake up and my clothes are ready for me. I slap on Old Spice and I roll. And the cool thing is, I don’t need to worry about looking like a complete tit when my clothing goes out of fashion. Mine never does. Life’s not that complicated, people complicate it.

Learn something from your dad, and buy what you need, the essentials. Keep your life simple and tidy. Advertising has you wanting all that shit…

And you wore Old Spice.

I was reminded of Old Spice when I was watching the Old Spice ads, like this very awesome one:

It’s taken me 25 years to buy my very own bottle of Old Spice, and it has been the most exciting purchase of my life.

Now chilling on my bookshelf

But I mean, that’s the thing, your dad was like a primal man. He shaved against the grain with a cheap single blade razor. And then after that, as if the cuts and razor burn were not bad enough, he would slap on Old Spice and burn the life out of his skin. And he’d be red all day from the burn, but in those days every man had a red face all day. Because they were men. Some of your folks friends probably don’t even look like people anymore, because their skin is as haggard as hell, but they’ve still got hot chicks…and they’re rich! They honestly resemble mummies, but they’re funny, wealthy and their wives gives these youngsters a run for their money, I’ll tell you that much.

I must be honest, if parents didn’t mellow in their age, they’d kill us now. My old man, back in the day, would have killed someone had he known they were using a moisturiser, or using a shaving cream to reduce razor burn. Or heaven forbid, using 5 blades on a razor! (Which to be honest, is ridiculous)

I mean, men in the old days did what made them feel awesome, and that’s what makes them cool. People thought Clint Eastwood was hardcore back in the day, but the fact is, if you were a man, you were exactly like Clint Eastwood. Except you weren’t an actor. In fact, acting would have been considered a little girlie mans job back in the day. So your dad is even more hardcore than Clint. For real. Your dad would have kicked Clint in his nuts back in the day, that’s how girlie Clint was. Realising he was a girlie man, Clint would give your dad a hundred bucks, for the honour of being nut kicked by such a primal man. This is the time your dad lived in. It was brutal and honest and manly.

Look, men aren’t perfect! We cannot multitask. I for one, can only concentrate on one thing. I cannot klap a cow dead while thinking of what salad will go with it. That’s why as a man, I dont eat salad with my bloody steak. I eat potatoes because back in the day as a primal man, we’d moer a cow, chow it, and then when we were sawing up the carcass we’d saw a bit into the ground and find potatoes. Which is why today a steak goes with chips. Although your old man would more you in your bek if he saw you eating chips. Men didn’t know chips back in the day, they had whole baked potatoes. Or raw ones. You’re not a chick, you eat what you find and you don’t think about it. This is also the reason men die so young these days, because we eat what we find. And if we find dinner to be a pie and a Coke at the petrol station, then that is dinner. We don’t care what is in it.

Another thing men cannot multi task at is driving and reading. I also cannot drive and read a magazine, which is why I become ridiculously wealthy and buy a driver to drive for me.

I don’t know how to fly, so I become wealthy and buy a plane and hire a pilot. So we aren’t perfect, but God came damn close to perfection with us.

He is making a couple of cock ups lately though, as drug fuelled bad boys like Colin Farrell and Robbie Williams are being replaced by Justin Wiener little girlie men.

Mind you, I throw out my feminine side from time to time, and I’m awesome. I order hair wax from the UK on Ebay. I moisturise. But who wouldn’t throw out some feminine vibes, growing up with parents listening to the Bee Gees and Rod Stewart?

Of course I’m going to bloody moisturise! Of course I’m going to wear tight pants! Of course I’m going to love my hair more than anything else. One of my favorite comedians in the world was, and still is, the late, great Bernie Mac. Now here’s a man who knew how to roll!

The fact is, you can do as many feminine things as you like, but as soon as a woman smells Old Spice, she knows what she is dealing with. You’re an old school man!

Old Spice never dates, and it’s great to take away with you. Going away and losing an R800 bottle of Gucci is a pain in the nuts, but losing a R99 bottle of Old Spice can be handled.

Just look at photos of your folks back in the 80’s, they didn’t care about style (Evidently), they never posed and pouted for photos, they didn’t own a lot of stuff. But they were there, partying, braaing, listening to insane music and having a good time. And they were in many cases happier than we are today, because they owned less, had less to worry about.

We could learn something from our folks, we really could.

And I think we should…