Jeez Louise I’ve got an awesome memory! I was thinking back to my seedy youth where women paid me for pleasure (I was 7 — but MASSIVE) and back in the day people always asked ‘Sean, how did you become a lady slayer extraordinaire?’

Look, most of it is in your jeans, mine were slim cut Kleins that showed off a massive, pulsating member.

I also remember being in ridiculous shape because I always managed to watch Bodies In Motion with Gilad! Crisis you will obviously remember Gilad, especially the girls because everyone wanted a piece of the G-Master. It was back in the days where we believed advertising and infomercials worked, where there was no internet and cellphones. It was back in the day when life was simpler. I mean, technology claims to make our lives simpler but they’re way more complicated, but thankfully prescription medication now takes care of the stress. Ha ha! Hmmmmm…ooooh shiny!

Candy bars!

For a little old school inspiration today, let’s have a look at the original Greek God, the personal trainer, the lady slayer, the ho slapper, the pimp hand, left disco dancing ghetto gym bunny, Gilad Janklowicz!

Oh my GOD! How was that?!

Ladies, I imagine you were seeing Gilad there doing those little dips and you were thinking of being there beneath him, him giving you a good old tea bag! With those tight buns of his dripping sweat onto your forehead. Desire!

Good grief I’m getting carried away. But seeing as though it is winter I may actually post more of his videos, so as to keep those thunder thighs in check.

Such is my love for all of you.

Floyd Landis: A sad individual

I was quite surprised that Lance has been implicated in doping again…I mean I thought we were over this a while ago. Floyd Landis has admitted to doping throughout his career and has said that Lance has also been opening a can of the Dopetizer.

Which to be honest, I don’t believe. As always! Maybe I want to believe.

I really do. Maybe I want to believe in good things in a world where we don’t believe anymore. Maybe for once I just want to think that someone did something without cheating. In a world where everyone is looking for an easy way to the top, maybe I want to believe that hard, honest work gets people to the top. I’ve always believed in cycling as the worlds greatest sport, and I wrote a piece nearly three years ago entitled “Tour De France — Why It’s Still The Greatest Race On Earth” (HERE)

Maybe for once I don’t want to question something, because there really is no question there. Maybe for once, all of us should believe. Like when we were kids, we just believed. We believed anything could happen. And the people who believe are still the worlds most successful people. No one got anywhere by not believing.

People age and stop believing and that’s why you must be like me…and be Peter Pan!

Lance has way too much to lose if he is caught doping. He is one of the most tested athletes in the world, and unless he is paying the people who make the systems that test the drugs, or working at the highest levels with the drug makers (While still training and running his Livestrong Foundation), then I really cannot believe that he has ever doped.

If you’re going to dope through 7 Tours De France and not get caught, well then you’re Houdini! I just really for once want to believe in something good and awesome, and Lance Armstrong has always been that belief. I’m sick of having to question everything in the world, I just want to believe in something just because it is amazing and good.

And for Floyd Landis to come out and say that Lance has used drugs is just a sign of a weak athlete, a loser who could never make it either due to his genetic make up or just because he was not willing to work as hard. At the level that those athletes are at, they all training as much as each other. It’s part genetics, part hard work and part science. Lance brought a new science to the sport. He perfected his equipment in wind tunnels, he trained in the snow, he trained while athletes like David Millar were our partying and drinking vodka. It’s that extra dedication that gives them those small extra percentages of advantage, and that’s what wins tours.

That’s what wins over fans across the world.

That’s what makes heroes.

That’s what makes Lance Armstrong.

And that’s what makes me believe.

And until we have mature (i.e not wanky ex drug abusing cyclists who initially lied about their drug use) people proving otherwise with absolute conclusive evidence, then I’ll remain a believer.

Because we need more of those in the world.

For Lances take on this, read THIS ARTICLE on Livestrong.com…handled nicely by Lance, loving it.

So Sportograf were at the Cape Epic and they took some sick photos:

Pap wiel

Click here for the gallery.

I’m pretty sure there is a bounty out there to in fact catch me not chilling. I think there is probably a huge amount of money on offer for the person that catches me doing anything remotely productive! You actually may as well give up now because there is no chance that you will see me crunching numbers or wearing a suit.

I decided to hurt the Two Oceans Half Marathon on Saturday by watching it instead of running it, which is basically the only way to do it. Instead of actually standing there (Standing wastes energy — I love nature too much to waste energy!), we just pulled the couch out the mansion and chilled! Sam Paddock caught me good:

The only problem was that we didn’t think to pull a spotlight out, because it was quite dark when the runners came past and there were so many hot birds running! Another reason why I should join a Constantia running club. Seriously, so many hotties run that running should feature more on my list of things to watch.

Between running and wedding crashing, I’ll be surrounded by more women than oxygen, a monumental feat. I also enjoy the fact that Nike make such great womens running gear, with fantastic cuts. Saturday was like a model casting on front of the house, just with some sweaty older dudes blurring out my rad view from time to time.

I did thoroughly enjoy it though, and I am quite tired from the whole thing. Which is why I’m going to take this week to myself, and we’ll also surely be takin g the Range Rover for s spin. Maybe we’ll also finally get our first video done. I’m not sure if I’ll have time, what with my schedule being so hectic.

MILF Hunt at Vida, drive the Range, watch Top Gear, watch Jonathan Ross, write an article…There is surely no way I can fit any more activities into this action packed week.

Gumtree is AWESOME and that is a scientific fact! You’ll remember we once had the student offering a room at his house for a female, basically in return for sex while his parents were away (HERE)

And now this:

Oh my gosh.

Click here for the ad on Gumtree.

(Thanks Marc)

So Christoph Sauser is getting ready for the Cape Epic, staying in Stellenbosch and loving Cape Town evidently! I picked this up from @marcperel on Twitter, check how awesome this is:

Sauser (L) and Stander (R)

All those winter stories feel like they happened so long ago already, although I have only just arrived here in Stellenbosch, South Africa, a little more than one week ago. Since my arrival, I have done five road races. First the Giro Del Capo, a four-day stage race, then the Cape Argus, the biggest timed cycling race in the world. 35,000 riders were racing or riding around the beautiful Cape Peninsula. For this entire road racing period, we formed a Specialized South Africa team, and it was great to be part of it. Burry Stander raced super strong, and he always finished top four, plus he wore the Giro’s leader’s jersey for two days!

The Sunday’s Argus was pretty hectic with Lance Armstrong racing, too. It was new to me, seeing bodyguards guiding a bike racer to the start of a race. The Argus is always the coolest road race of my season. We start in darkness, then there’s the sunset along the beach, amazing scenery and all the spectators and breakfast at Camps Bay afterwards – which all makes it so special. Luckily the wind this year was only half crazy compared to last year, where sunglasses started to fly, riders were blown over, Toi Toi portable toilets fell flat on the ground, and lonely bikes slid over the roads!

Now I am really looking forward to Cape Epic mountain bike stage race! I wish we would have more stage races, which create as much hype as the Cape Epic. Also, it will be very special to race in the Songo.info jersey, the charity I formed with a friend three years ago. Basically we started a BMX and mountain bike program in the township of Kayamandi, located near Cape Town. We definitely changed the lives of many young kids, who do not have the opportunity for play that we sometimes take for granted. More information can be found at www.songo.info.

Special thanks must go to Specialized, for donating so many bikes and allowing Burry Stander and myself to race in the Songo.info jersey. It is a special motivation not only to race for your fans, sponsors and yourself, but for the kids and a positive story of good.

Thanks for reading,
Christoph Sauser

Click here to read that full article.

Christoph also wrote another post there “A Month In Stellenbosch” (HERE), it’s quite interesting to see how the international riders love our area. Hey, great success!

Every day of my life, I’m amazed at the stuff people bitch about. Wind, rain, people not answering phones, traffic, standing in queues, traffic cops, cyclists, girlfriends, boyfriends…if you look at it, most peoples lives are stitched together by bitching. Look at Facebook and see how many people are bitching about something on their status’. It’s beyond abnormal. Now people who know me know that I am beyond chilled.

I take chilling to another level! I just always think “Is this the end of the world?”

And if the answer is no, then I don’t stress.

All I’m saying, is that you really should not be complaining about the Cycle Tour. It’s an amazing event and one that I’ve ridden many times, and supported many times as well. It’s the world largest timed cycle event and gives a huge boost to the Western Cape in terms of money. Plus, it’s just an awesome day out in the sun, supporting the riders and showing support for the thousands of people who help in making sure that the day runs smoothly. Sundays are boring anyway and I love watching the riders come past, especially the ones who don’t race. The people dressed in suits, riding unicycles and dressed up as cartoon characters. These are the people who make the Argus what it is, they create the atmosphere and they ensure that there is no other race like it in the world.

I was on Suikerbossie at 5:40 am on Sunday, and left around 12 hours later. Because that’s how you show support to the people!

I could honestly watch the Argus Cycle Tour every single weekend, it’s such a rad day out! And I really think that if you miss the Argus Cycle Tour or bitch about it…you’re missing the point of living in this city. You should come out and watch it, braai on the side of the road and invite 50 of your friends to party in the sun. To me it’s one of the best social days of the year.

And I honestly never ever thought that I would see Lance Armstrong coming up Suikerbossie in the lead group! It was the most phenomenal Argus Cycle Tour ever, with mad crowds supporting it. If you’re one who complains every year, next year you should come out and watch it, it’s such an awesome party.

Mario and Luigi road, a cow road, some dude even rode in a suit. Kids rode, old people rode…it’s just the most awesome day in Cape Town. And Virgin Active also sent out a group of ‘Active Angels’ to help push cyclists up Suikerbossie.

I caught a little DOS on Suikers before the riders came past!

My photo of Lance being blocked out…bleak!

The Ritz!

You weren’t part of this because you sat at home, bitching about cyclists? Shame…

I honestly don’t know how this dude did the downhills

Rad!

Crisis this guy is hectic! From Sport24:

South Africa’s Ryan Sandes has confirmed his status as the world’s premier long distance runner with victory in the Atacama Crossing in Chile.

Sandes overall time for the six-day event was 23:58:39 – a staggering five hours and 44 minutes ahead of the second place finisher.

Ryan Sandes — Rocking the Oakley Jawbone sunglasses

The Atacama Crossing is part of the “4 Deserts” which was named by TIME magazine as No 2 on its list of the Top 10 Endurance Competitions in the world.

Sandes, 28, who was educated at SACS in Cape Town, is a previous winner of both the Gobi and Sahara races.

So well done to Ryan, that is nothing short of phenomenal!

Click here for the Atacama Crossing website.

Look, I URGE you to get down to the Argus Cycle Tour Expo, not because I care about road cycling, lactic threshholds, cadence, baseline training or any of that other rubbish, but because I care about girls. Once again, the promo girls at the expo are SMOKING hot. I actually might just pop in tomorrow again, you know, because I can. And as per usual, there are some absolute creatures crawling around, all the way from 70 miles into the boerie curtain, Parow, Bellville…and beyond! They’re the ones who don’t really know what is acceptable in society, because it’s hard to see through a haze of tik factories.

I love it when our cyclist boys take their sport over the edge, wearing their Oakley M-Frames and cycling shorts and everything to the expo. It’s not like they cycled there, they just dressed up to go there.

Let me just ask you, when last did you see Rossi crusing around wearing his leathers and a motorcycle helmet?

Have you seen Schumi shopping in Monte Carlo wearing his race suit?

Do you see waitresses wearing their bibs when they are meeting someone for a drink?

EXACTLY!

I used to do loads of mountain biking and I know how addictive the sport can become, but it never consumed me to the point where I wanted to show my moose knuckle in public, other than when I had to be in my cycling kit i.e when I was riding.

But I read a classic thing the other day and it went something along these lines…some people get so addicted to cycling that they start employing nutritionists and massage therapists and trainers to induce the levels of pain that the professionals endure. But the professionals only cycle…they don’t do anything else. To pay someone to hurt you and to invest hundreds of thousands into the sport is a bit mad.

Cyclists don’t come home and pay to do someone elses accounting, they don’t come home and then pay to be waitresses in the evening…they are paid to cycle. And yet we have normal jobs, and then pay to be cyclists, bizarre! We do this to get to that top level, but why?

Just get out there and ride, and enjoy nature, enjoy the beauty, simplicity and freedom of being outdoors and healthy. But don’t try to ride a pro time, those guys are paid to do that, and nothing else. But check this creature I saw today:

Wearing multi coloured Crocs…giving life a full rev!

YOU GO BOY! YOU ATTACK THOSE HILLS! YOU BUST A HOLE RIGHT THROUGH THAT LACTATE THRESHHOLD! YOU SMASH THAT PB! YOU WEAR THAT HEART RATE MONITOR!

YOU WIN LIFE!

I sometimes get performance anxiety (HA!) when I just cannot write anything because the pictures are so awesome. My writing also tends to strike me not at all times. I’m not decent at it all the time. the feel of the day needs to be right, the music needs to be right (Currently on Foo Fighters and Michael Jackson), but I can’t hold this back. Ok let’s quickly show you two random photos of people flying:

And then our random hottie of the day:

Chilled! In 40 degree+ heat(Girls, this is the look we like, it’s sexy and classy and casual. I LOVE those boots)

Nice! Oh and because you hate me anyway (Just say what you really feel), I seemed to have stumbled upon a pyjama party at the Hout Bay villa on Friday night.

Ha ha ha! That’s hysterical.

Marc posted this a while back and I just saw it written in my notebook now, so I had to stalk his links on Facebook to find it!

There is no embed option from Facebook, but you must watch it, it’s rad!

It’s December 2009 in Hout Bay and weed probably fills the air from the harbour area (What? I hear this via the grapevine)

These guys are skating down, from Chapmans Peak, when one of them eats the right hander, epic…

Click here to watch it

Ahhhhh…good times. (You’ll need to be logged in to watch that. Let me know if it does not work, I’m not sure what sort of privacy settings are on)

I do hope you’re following Lance on Twitter, he is really good at updating his fans (Excuse me sir, you classify as a stalker. Wearing your cycling pants while watching him sweat on the tour) So it seems this morning while you were drinking cheap coffee at work and making cheap conversation around the water cooler, all the while perving Kate from accounts, our boy Lance was having a little leg stretcher on Chappies:

Awesome!

Follow Lance on Twitter over HERE.

I’m going to be honest here and tell you I’ve messed the last few hours up a bit. As you know it was quite sweltering yesterday and I was at Pro-X which was awesome and which I’m going to be writing about! But I can’t right now.

Because I stayed up last night to watch the Oscars and at like 2am was getting bored of waiting, so decided to have a little dos. Well I woke up sometime after 6 and the whole thing was finished, and so it seems was I! So I need a couple hours to gather myself but let’s just show you how the day went down with a photo:

Can you guess the bum in white?

Um OK so apparently I was supposed to cover a sporting event, but I read the memo wrong and now all I have is a camera full of the hottest women in the world. Is that bad?

Are you upset with me? I’m really sorry! Do forgive me!

Sent to me, apparently in this weeks People’s Post:

Hey Sean

I saw your Tweet of those bodybuilders the other day and thought you might appreciate this. Sorry about the quality, it’s a bit crap, but still something.

Some chick running in the U/17 womens race at a school. That’s pretty pumped. Something in the water?

Ciao

Shoooooo! Something in the water indeed.

HGH! PROTEIN! MUSCLE MILK!

For the article that Jonno was talking about, click HERE. Just take a piss before reading that or else you’ll piss your brand new kiff blou denim jean pant.

(Thanks Jonno)

So people were telling me they stayed up late on Sunday to see some sort of Superbowl and to be honest…I’ve never heard of it. I think it might be an offshoot of the major sporting event of the year, the Lingerie Bowl. It’s the only thing I can think of. We all know the Lingerie Bowl, and if we don’t, let’s recap:

“Hut…hut…two twenty two…two twenty two!”

That’s not Reggie Ray?

Mild

And the only other thing related to Superbowl that I personally know of is the celebrity football match. Where Marissa Miller (My ex) made an appearance:

And that is literally, physically, and sexually EVERYTHING you ever need to know about sport. Aaaaaaaaand…I’m falling in love again.

Marissa Miller Images Via Dailymail

Lingerie Bowl Images Via Sport24