While I can appreciate the guys doing mad tricks in Moto-X and BMX’ing, it was the trials biking that had my jaw dropping as if Gisele had just called me to her hotel room for a pick-me-up. Trials involves going through an obstacle course on a specially designed bike, and it’s a sport of mad skills, insane balance and bunny hops like you’ve never before seen in your life. The trials biking at Pro-X was the one time where I was convinced not to look at the promo girls, these guys had me hooked. Here are some shots of the days action (Well last weekend):
At this point the riders were hopping, sideways, up these two poles. Mental.
Hopping from beam to beam on the back wheel, chilled
It’s honestly mad, and if you enjoy this sort of stuff, check out a guy called ‘Hans Rey’, he’s done some mad work in that discipline.
Google image him or check his website, pretty decent stuff!
Read More Add a CommentKids these days can’t tell me anything.
“Invictus was amazing hey, have you seen it?”
“Hey, you listen here you little PUNK. Let me tell YOU a story you snot gobbler! Uncle Sean was alive during those times. I don’t need to see the film, I was there. I was like 10, but I was there and I was drinking beer and eating biltong because at 10 I was a man. I was a man who killed my own supper. I fried that shit up, hot and nasty! I saw Joel drop kick that little bitch”
Actually, an interesting little side note here, I used to live next to Joel Stransky. No jokes! I used to chill with them all the time. He lived in Rondebosch, in ‘Sangrove Close’ Yeah so during his heavy glory days I would just go there and grab a rugby ball and kick it around. We were tight like that. You won’t believe how small the houses there were, but it was awesome. I basically lived in my bathroom it was so small, but that’s what happened.
To those of you near Sangrove during my seedy youth, you will also recall that the forest caught alight one night (The foresty section by Marsh Memorial Home) Yip, that was me! And it was a sparkler that caused the fire.
Yeah so anyway, kids can’t tell me anything.
“Oh have you ever been to St Yves?”
“Listen here you FOOL, I’ll tell you a story about St Yves! St Yves used to be Ignite. I was basically Ignite royalty, myself and Charlie V and The Rog used to kill Ignite. If you came in there wanting to pull chicks, there was no chance because the HMS Lady Slayer that we cruised in on would have already taken everyone. So don’t even ask me if I know about St Yves. Of course I know about it. I’ll tell you something else, I knew Green Man (Oddly enough, Joels old place), the original Tin Roof. In fact, I knew it when it was still next to Boardmans in Claremont.”
OH NO…NOT THE ROG!
But anyway, to say I know St Yves was a bit of an overstatement because I had never been to it since it had been refurbished. But to honour my old tradition of owning the place, I thought it pertinent that we go in with a bang, and leave with a bang. If we went in to St Yves on my first night back there, and didn’t come right, it would not set the tone for a good, solid relationship for the most beautiful club in Cape Town.
The St Yves crowd…chilling!
Inside: Packed, nice!
So myself, G-Bizzle and Matty G pulled in. It’s quite hectic, I mean the age is 25 which thankfully I now represent, and the cover charge is like R80 or R100 which thankfully I don’t pay.
My wingmen making a clear path for me
The cool thing at St Yves is that you only need to concentrate on looks and personality (If you’re a stickler) because it goes without saying that everyone is wealthy. It’s just how it is.
My only problems on the night was some of the DJ’ing. Songs were being mixed into each other with the grace of a gunshot through razor wire. I honestly could not believe what my ears were listening to. Also, the sound distortion was quite hectic at times which I’m sure they can fix quite easily.
On the girls front, yeah it’s good! I actually won the prize for first place, and my prize was a lucky packet from Spar. Because that’s how celebs roll! Well, E-Grade celebs. That’s basically us. But we’re E-Grade ass kicking celebs.
There were some people giving me funny looks on the night, this one blonde girl looked at me, and stared as she walked past. At first I naturally, because of my HUGE ego, thought “Oh she totally wants me”
Then I realized she was probably thinking “Ag there’s that tool who runs that stupid website, ah vomit on my Louboutin’s”
Well thank you, but vomiting is a great way to lose pounds for a show.
The place is clean and as some of the old guard will know, I’m old school Tiger crowd. Tiger is pretty dirty so going on to St Yves was like upgrading your girlfriend from a Mathlete to a supermodel. It’s friggin’ amazing! And it gives you a happy feeling in your pants.
Our conversation on the night was the usual superficial stuff, because as many of you know, we’re ego driven E-Grade celebs who thrive on judging people. Are they rich, good looking and thin? Yes? Well then they’re cool with us and we won’t judge them.
Oh don’t look at me like that!
Like you don’t judge people!
No but seriously we’re not that superficial. Maybe.
On weekends. When there is a full moon. Then we’re not superficial.
As per usual there were the dance floor players, the okes who are so dead set on hooking up with a particular girl that as soon as you are in the vicinity of said girl, they get in the way. And in their head they’re thinking
“Hey bru, are you checking out my broad?”
But because all they do is go to gym, their personality resembles a bergie vomiting, their intelligence allows them to count to potatoe, and their conversation is peppered with words like china, bru, oke, HGH, protein, pumps, glutamine, gym and the like.
On the other hand, my conversation is all just a lot of awesome. I don’t even try impress people. I just let the general aura surrounding me do the work. And it’s true, if you put out a good, awesome, happy vibe then that’s what you’ll get back.
To go into a club with a gym mentality is only going to attract a whole lot of other okes wanting a fight. If you put out a chilled vibe, you’ll just attract awesome people. Oh and also wear a unisex fragrance.
Chicks dig it!
It’s so mad, wearing D&G La Roue De La Fortune is basically illegal. But amazing.
I was quite tired from work that day, so I decided to just kap a dos on the couch. I mean the place is ridiculous!
The Swear James Dean shoes…sick!
There is a dude cooking boerie rolls on two massive gas braai’s.
I didn’t have one but if it’s St Yves I can reassure you that it’s not like the boerie chick outside Tinners or outside Springboks. These are not made from cats, dogs and snakes. Rad!
I don’t walk into clubs that often where I’m at a loss for words, but I was at St Yves. It’s just so classy, so awesome and so different. I mean, your view is of a beach and palm trees so it feels like you’re not even in a city.
It hands down kills any other club in Cape Town. While I realise the atmosphere of clubs is all set for different crowds, it’s still amazing at St Yves. I’ll still do Assembly because it’s a totally different crowd and feel they’re going for, but if you want extravagance then St Yves seem to get it right.
They just need to fix the sound and the DJ murdering the mixes, and we’ll be rolling!
Read More Add a CommentSweet! As you know, I chatted to Rob from Fox Comet last week and I was at the gig on Saturday which was absolutely phenomenal! And they also won on Saturday, sending this Cape Town group up to Joburg for the final of the Durex Ultimate Battle on April 2 at Cool Runnings in Fourways. So a huge congratulations to Fox Comet, that is awesome news and they really did play a crazy set on Saturday. Frontman Rob sings, plays that brass thing from American Pie and the harmonica and generally ensures that the crowd go mental by headbanging, jumping and making a Fox Comet gig one full of mad energy.
If you’re in Joburg (Clue: You’ll be wearing Ed Hardy or drinking a protein shake) then this is going to be a gig to get down to.
I stole some photos from Moonbeaming to let you in on what happened on Saturday night if you were not there (Odd):
Nick
Kyle
Rob
Stephane
Click HERE for the rest of that photo album on Facebook (A ‘social networking’ site, that to be honest, probably won’t really take off)
My particular Saturday night ended at Tiger at 3am, thanks for that! You know to leave at 3am, because come 4am you’re being lunged at by the drunkest people on the planet.
Photo Credits: Moonbeaming.co.za
Read More Add a CommentYou know I never ask much of you guys and girls, but you know, I’m a giver. But now we need your support, because friends help friends!
Cape Town boys Locnville need your votes in the 2010 MK Awards as Best Newcomers, and we’re naturally supporting them.
Locnville: Hurting it!
You literally need to take 30 seconds out of your schedule of boozy lunches and ‘important telephone calls’ and ‘staff meetings to touch base’, to help out here. I mean, not that the guys really need help because no one won’t not vote for them, but we want them to absolutely take the awards to the dry cleaners. Everyone knows Locnville are by far the best newcomers so it’s all good!
All we need from you is to SMS 5D to 33154. I only ask for these little favours when it means the world to me and those around me. This is one of those times.
Do it do it! If they win, Mark Felgate will run naked around Karma Lounge in Camps Bay while pouring milk all over himself and shouting “I am the milk man!” He doesn’t know he’s going to do this, but he’ll find out soon enough.
So get those votes in and let’s see Locnville HURT the MK Awards 2010!
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This is what a concert should look like
There was a time…
A time when rock stars were rock stars and excess was their playground. When hard living was their career, and they weren’t supposed to be seen as role models to kids. They were what they were, and watching their descent and all out drug fueled lifestyles were part of the fun. It’s these stories that we now see being played on E! True Hollywood Stories. It’s the lifestyles of the gods of rock ‘n roll excess that now make for awesome biographical books that we read. The rock stars of today hardly have stories to tell! We have a few of them trying to hold down the fort, like Pete Doherty, who was recently arrested for smashing a cars window with a pint glass. Apparently he was downing shots and kept asking where he could buy cocaine. Awesome! Not quite a role model to kids, but that’s not what he’s supposed to be!
Pete Doherty — Keeping the dream alive
Musicians today are all trying to do good, save the planet, heal the sick and feed the hungry, when this is not what they’re supposed to do as rock stars! I blame Bono on this trend. Rock stars and musicians are supposed to be put on a pedestal for hard partying and trashing things, trashing hotel rooms, going on the road and living a lifestyle unlike anything else.Then they’re supposed to fall from grace. They are supposed to crash and burn.
What happened to the days of tour buses hitting the road and the band members just packing a whole load of drugs and blasting down the desert highway, in search of some sort of crazy dream? Now they’re traveling in bio-diesel buses with solar panels. I long for the days of INXS and Motley Crue. I want to be able to say that in my lifetime, I saw rock gods on a stage. But it hardly seems likely that I will.
It’s almost as if those days died with the days of the big 5 supermodels (Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington, Claudia Schiffer & Linda Evangelista) But now all out concerts have gone ‘green’, and we’re recycling stuff and band members are taming down their acts. Look, it’s a good move on behalf of the general health of people and the planet, but don’t you wish you could see an all out spectacular with fireworks, band members off their tits on drugs, breaking all their equipment on stage? Don’t you just wish they wouldn have a concert in South Africa to rival the old days where Motley Crue actually ruled the world?
Motley Crue — Killing it!
I mean, all the local concerts are awesome, but can’t someone just fund an all out rock concert? Some billionaire needs to fund a concert in South Africa to give us a taste of what the old concerts used to be like. I just feel that I read of all these crazy stories by the likes of The Rolling Stones, KISS and Motley Crue, but I’ll never experience it. The world has gone too eco friendly and stuff.
And it makes me sad!
I say bring back one all out concert, where anything goes. The worlds greatest gods of rock, no worries about the environment and make it all about the old school experience.
What I’d pay to be there.
Read More Add a CommentIt’s often difficult to gauge how you fit into society and where you fit in. I’ll be completely honest, my position in society is nothing short of mysterious! From basically just mincing about the city, I still manage to crack invites to everything from Nokia Launch Parties to…hey…yeah other cool things. Somehow, I received an invite to the Villa Lara cocktail vibe last night at Llandudno, one of my favourite places in the world! Now it’s not quite easy to get an invite to something such as this (I’m guessing) because it was quite an elite group chilling there.
Oh ja, and then there was me! Being the class clown of Cape Town, while everyone was ‘talking shop’ and ‘brokering deals’ and ‘cross referencing hedge funds’ and ‘discussing the benefits of negative growth on the first interim as the late surge for the years profits’, I was trying to catch some boobie action. And oh boy did I get a face full of boobie! Check it out, turn your sound up to 200% on Def Leppards ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ and feel yourself…erotica!
Ja darling!
Then there were some other people from some or other travel agency, I can’t quite remember because I wasn’t taking the photos, nor was I concentrating on a single thing being said. People tend to forget that I’m in the leisure and pleasure industry, under no circumstances does the word ‘work’ or ‘think’ come into play here. It’s a very dangerous thing, trying to talk sense to me because in all likelihood my head will fall off. It’s happened before and we nearly had to have a transplant with Keith Richards. God, that would be a ruthless and savage operation!
Villa Lara was looking awesome last night and they have officially opened summer for me and therefore I will be celebrating by going to Llandudno this weekend, barring any other major commitments which as usual I will have trouble committing to. Never commit to anything in this town…wait until the last minute to see if a better party arises! We all do it. We’re all naughty and sexy like that. I know you’re sexy with that fiery glint in your eyes.
I should write a piece on my favourite villas in Cape Town, in fact I think I will do that. Obviously I’m once again too busy to do this as I continue to struggle to keep everything above water here. When you keep a hand across every single operating industry in Cape Town, it becomes tricky to ascertain what it is that you are, what you do for a living and where your place and importance in society comes in.
I don’t know my place in society.
I don’t know my importance.
I may have none.
But damn, stop inviting me to your high profile events! Once the beast gets rolling it will never stop. Next thing I’ll be commenting on events on television, just not in the cheesy way that our presenters do it. We’ll be better than that. Or will we? Has TV been invented?
Whip some more photos out the bag here of the villa:
Peter Pan
Oh…who’s behind me?
The sushi angel, I had roughly 500 pieces
And I’m not sure how you spent your evening, but I hope you enjoyed it. I trust I’ll see you tonight somewhere. And don’t forget to meet me on the beach this weekend, probably Saturday. Llandudno. I can’t make Sunday because I’m the running partner in a triathlon. It’s only a 5km run which I could probably do blindfolded with a menthol cigarette in my mouth to keep my tits cool.
But I’ll let you know about the beach, keep track of me somewhere on Twitter, or just right here.
Once again a huge thanks to Chris and Charlene of Villa Lara for hosting us at the most beautiful residential address in Cape Town, and for those of you wanting to live the high life like this, simply click here for Villa Lara.
It get’s my thumbs up and a 5 star rating for style, simplicity and friendliness from the team, who are too awesome for words.
Thanks guys 
Hugs and kisses! X
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I’ve just seen this on Cape Town Alive, and it looks awesome. Check it out:
About
The opportunity to indulge in the finer things that life has to offer, more frequently with Entertainment 7 days a week – Endless amounts of unforgettable events – A new generation of stylized sophistication – premium club hopping as you like – All year round combined with the unlimited benefits as a member of Clubbers Experience.
Clubbers Experience is the first ever nightlife, lifestyle, music and entertainment network globally bringing you the experience of over 800 events a year. Including the unlimited benefits of the ideal night out, Clubbers Experience grants you entry into an excess of 24 of Cape Town’s most premium nightclubs, street parties, major productions, the worlds most influential DJ’s and a complete innovative entertainment lifestyle package designed for young professionals.
Participating Venues!
ATLANTIC SEABOARD / CBD
SOUTHERN SUBURBS
NORTHERN SUBURBS
The Members!
Awesome!
Click here to read more and to become a member.
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One of the things that is difficult to gauge when you’re in Cape Town, is what night clubs are good to visit and where the best nightlife in Cape Town is. I know these things because I live here, but for people visiting Cape Town it can become somewhat tricky.
Fortunately for you, we’re hooking you up with the hottest ticket in Cape Town nightlife tours, Luna Nights!
Now you don’t actually have to do anything, you simply sit back and let the Luna Nights team organise everything for you. You’ll be having dinner in style at Cape Town’s finest restaurants, before being chauffeured right into the centre of Cape Town nightlife scene. You don’t need to know the hotspots because Luna Nights know them all already, and they’ll hook you up with the hottest tickets.
Queues? Ha ha! Not a chance, with Luna Nights you’ll be treated to the VIP Experience, rolling straight into the club from your chauffeur drive. You won’t even need to sit with the regular crowd, you’ll be hitting up the VIP section as you toast to the scintillating Cape Town nightlife scene. And best of all you don’t need to worry about drinking and driving, because your chauffeur will be waiting for you at the door. Exit in a blaze of glory, and let your chauffeur drive you home safe and sound.
Luna Nights is ideal for locals and tourists to Cape Town as you can experience the best of the city without doing a thing. Every single aspect of your night is planned out by the team at Luna Nights and you’re free to party away in style. It’s especially handy for birthday parties and other events where planning can be a hassle, especially trying to coordinate everything on time. This is where Luna Nights take over and make partying in Cape Town a breeze.
While Luna Nights offer completely bespoke tour packages, there are also set tours to give you an idea of what is possible and what you can enjoy such as:
And my personal favourite? Oh this is easy! The Erotic Tour, check it:
Erotic Tour:
Alright alright!
But honestly, what are you waiting for? It’s summer and the Cape Town nightlife is pumping. Make sure you’re not caught standing in queues or hanging in the regular section. Skip the queues, go VIP and even more importantly, don’t drive drunk.
Enjoy the finest of the Cape Town nightlife with Luna Nights.
Click here to visit Luna Nights.
Read More Add a CommentWith 103 people on one wave, Cape Town surfers have overtaken the record set by Brazil last year at Earthwave! This still needs to be verified by Guinness, but we have basically taken it. This in from Wavescape (First photo courtesy Lee Slabber, on Wavescape):
More than 100 surfers rode a wave at the Earthwave beach festival in Muizenberg, Cape Town on Sunday to break the Guinness World Record for the ‘most surfers riding the same wave’.
“We estimated that there were more than 120 surfers on the fifth of the seven waves surfed at Muizenberg during Earthwave,’ said Paul Botha of Kahuna Promotions, the founders of the event that leverages the publicity generated by the world record attempt to promote awareness of climate change and sustainable lifestyles.
“However, the photographic evidence we have so far shows that there were 103 on the same wave, which is enough to overtake the record of 100 set by Earthwave Brazil in Santos last year,” Botha added. “We are still waiting for more images and video footage that we will submit to the Guinness World Record organisation in London to have the record ratified.”
In ideal sunshine conditions, a light offshore breeze and small 0.5 to one metre waves, a total of 443 surfers of all ages and abilities registered to try and bring the record back to Cape Town after Brazil had exceeded the 73 on one wave set at Muizenberg in 2006.
Five times the number in the water lined the beachfront cheering every attempt and urging their champions on as they rode the waves for five seconds before being counted, taking part in a host of fun-filled activities and fund-raising initiatives.
Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! It goes to show, that in Cape Town you can smoke doob all day, work quarter days and still break world records. Deal with it. I took a few small photos just to give you an idea of the number of people in attendance:
Clowns to the left of me…
…jokers to the right…
…here I am, stuck in you…I mean…in the middle with you
I was there and I must say, the turnout was fantastic with me parking all the way in Somerset West, can you believe it? I know, it’s crazy. The crowd was insane and I’m so proud of everyone for breaking the world record! It’s quite relatively mad to be there when something like this happens, it sort of felt like some other world yesterday. I love that surfer lifestyle man!
The crazy thing is that what I did yesterday, I will be doing today. Chilling to the max. Have an awesome day!
I’ll probably catch up later.
Read More Add a CommentI was invited to do some previewing of excessively expensive stuff at The Boat Show in Cape Town courtesy of Andrew at Bourne2Ride. You would have seen Andrew in the Sunday paper, something like this:
Go go go!
Yeah! That’s pretty sick. I was nowhere near getting into the water, not a chance. That’s why I write and he wakeboards. I’ll slip a disc doing something like that.
Anyway being a boat show, you’d expect boats, engines, GPS systems, jet ski’s and all that. But then, wait, what is that? Is that something out of the ordinary, why is this at the boat show?
Not clear so let’s zoom in
Ooooooooh-kayyyyyy!
All I have to say is “Interesting”
Read More Add a CommentOn the day of the Lord nogal!
Yeah so we hit up the Grand Daddy roof last night for some cocktail vibe, there with all the Airstream trailers which are quite sick! We quickly got over that, went to Joburg in Long Street, QUICKLY got over that and then thought, oh Caprice!
That went well. Karma didn’t. Rolled up. Asked for I.D. Cool, whip it out.
“That’s not you in the photo?”
“Yes it is”
“Ok go in”
Door lady, “R50 please”
I look in the door (It’s around 10:30pm) and there are about as many people as I can fit in my hand. Don’t clubs sometimes think, well we don’t have anyone inside, let’s let some people in for free and they might buy drinks and spend some money?
Back to Caprice. Meet some people there, they take my camera, photos, boom!
None of us work
Oh hello there!
Shot guys, it’s always nice to wake up to some great camera photos.
If you are the owner of the rack in the photos, drop us an e-mail (seanl (at) slxs (dot) co (dot) za and you’ll probably receive something of the alcoholic variety, or something similar. I’ll decide)
Great start to a Monday. Nice beach weather, which beach we hitting guys? Could be a little cool but I think it will rock.
Read More Add a Comment(I’ll have you know that I listened to Michael Jackson the entire time I was writing this article)
At Cavendish, you’ll know that for an hour of parking you’ll be paying R6, and even for 21 minutes you’ll pay R6. Which most people just write off as part of the shopping experience, but doesn’t this seem a touch expensive? As the hours go up it obviously gets cheaper per hour, but for the most part, people are in and out in an hour.
So you’re paying R6 to park, but now consider that you’re not using the entire parking lot, you’re only using the space that your car is parked on. So if your car is 4,5m by 2m, that’s nine square metres. For an hour, it is R6 to rent nine square metres. At a rate of R6 an hour it would cost R144 per 24 hours, and therefore R4320 to rent 9 square metres for a month. That’s R480 per square metre per month. And that’s not even buying into it!
On the other hand, you can get a 1784 hectare farm in Ceres for R2,9 million! Remember, 1 hectare = 10000 square metres. That’s 17 840 000 square metres! That’s around R6 a square metre to BUY! FOREVER!
The possibilities on a farm in Ceres are endless as well. Want to have an out of control sex party? Done! Want to grow your own weed? Done! Want to start up your own Rocking The Daisies style festival? Done! On a farm you’re free to do anything, you can raise cattle if you want, set up a paintball course, open up a brothel, host insane to the power of MAXIMUM SICK parties, you could shoot things, drive off road vehicles, ride motorbikes…all for the price of an average Cape Town apartment.
In honour of a Main O, I’ll name the farm where we’re going to party “Pleasure Town”
Come to think of it, I may consider buying property in Ceres. I’d literally have a party every two months that would be off the hook. Bus people up to the farm and let them go wild. Sex drugs and rock ‘n roll? We got it! I for a fact would turn my farm into an Ibiza style oasis. I’d make like Sol Kerzner and turn it into a beach. White sand, fake ocean…are you getting aroused by this? The fact is, Sol Kerzner could do this right now if he wanted to. He could build his own party paradise on a farm in Ceres, and host the most phenomenal parties there once a month or once every two months.
Fly some great bands in, get Columbia (Or Camps Bay) on the phone for some great blow, get Manenberg on the phone for some great tik, get me on the phone for size…I think you’re getting the picture now.
I’ve long believed that struggling farmers would do well to host massive parties on their farms with the most basic facilities. People would go up if the bands playing were good, and with a bit of planning, you could host rocking parties. and then that also might get your kids to meet other people so they stop pomping each other, further fueling the inbred people we so often see roaming around Kalk Bay.
Admit it, I’m a genius.
Read More Add a CommentEveryone is talking about Michael Schumacher being The Stig…but we’re not! Instead, some photos from Armin Van Buuren last week! I know it’s taken a while due to various factors, but you know, better late than never. Honestly, Armin is a God. There’s not much to say about him. Just get lost in the beat. I want him to sign my kids heads one day, as soon as they’re born. Weird? Not when it’s God we’re talking about:
Armin Van Buuren IS a God!
My shoes…I know…
So yeah that’s pretty much the angle Cape Town is going for at the moment.
MENTAL!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentEveryone is going through the whole lumo stage at the moment, and we’re pumping lumo truckers caps to the jols in Cape Town. What you need to be really old school cool though is to rock the Cape Town nightclubs with glowsticks. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again!
So you’re going to a lumo electro party and you need those glowsticks this week. You need glow sticks for the party in Cape Town!
Don’t stress. I’ve sourced glow sticks from my preferred online mens store, that obviously being Mantality.co.za. You know all about them already. They’ll deliver anything manly (Fire starters, condoms…you name it they got it) to you, to your door in South Africa.
Click HERE to buy
Check these bad boys out. They are glow sticks that last for 8 hours, so you can get to the party at 8pm, and at 4am you’ll still be banging. At R22 each, it’s but pocket change. I make R22 while making a cup of coffee. It’s that easy. These are military grade lightsticks so you know they’ll last through a lumo party. These Firefly Lightsticks are one of the only brands in the world to be used by NATO forces, so you’ll feel like Chuck Norris at the party!
You want some? Click HERE to buy Firefly Lightsticks online in Cape Town, only from Mantality.co.za
You’ll bang the prom queen as well.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI can deduce from various factors that I had a good time at Club 91 in Claremont last night. I woke up hating everything and everyone, I wanted to kick people, my finger was bruised probably from trying to punch open the lift and my head hurt.
Bruise by vast quantities of alcohol. Bracelet by Mantality.co.za (HERE)
I looked in the mirror and my teeth were wearing green winter coats and my eyes were fire red. My tongue was coated yellow, my skin was pale and flaky. I looked like a bus accident, only worse. I looked like a sewerage farm accident, I felt pretty shitty.
I sent out a couple of messages and got no replies. The only ones were from chicks hating me. “Screw you, you said I was fat last night and I weigh 45kg’s. It’s people like you which are exactly what is wrong with this world”
Calm down fatty. And don’t hate me baby…hate carbs.
I tried consuming an assortment of food but the suitcases, jagerbombs and the filthy jugs at Springboks beforehand had now ensured that I had developed irritable bowel syndrome and at any moment was close to having a colon explosion (Bear with me)
Today’s diet to counteract the evil
My current health status: Shit
My buddy Mike walked from Stadium on Main to where I was staying in Rondebosch, because I had taken his car keys and given them to a chick friend of mine, and then left. Mike walked the 5 odd km’s to my house in the rain at 7am after not sleeping. We then picked another mate up at a UCT res. The carnage was unimaginable. Okes were SO boozed. Chicks were SO pumped. I was SO rude to everyone. Calling everyone average, telling them to lose weight.
Oh yeah and then this chick from a while back has the cheek to message me and say “You don’t know how to f%*k”
Like I REALLY care? Seriously chick, you better be done in 3 minutes.Three minutes is all I’m giving you!
Because 3 minutes is all I got…
I mean really, why must I prove anything? If I’m done in three minutes and you’re not, then whoever designed the human body was terrible at design. Don’t blame me. Blame science. Blame industrial design.
I therefore deduce from these circumstances that Club 91 is the new place to jol in Claremont. It’s sickening. The floors are marble, and not carpet, so it won’t smell like chunder after a few parties. The bar are is massive. The crowd is hot. And uncle Sean was the most trashed person on the planet.
To anyone who I was rude to, I don’t apologise. You should apologise to me for getting in my way. You should thank me that I even took the time to notice you.
You should go make me a rehydration sachet and massage my shoulders.
All I’m saying is this: Get down to Club 91 in Claremont, it’s all that and more. If you find my name in the corner, just mail it back to the usual address. Shot.
And I’m spent, I’ll see you at vida Camps Bay now my darling.
(I’ll put a proper write up on Club 91 up with photos, but last night was completely ridiculous, we got so bent, I have no photos and no memories, just signs of debauchery)
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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