I know of this ‘first year spread’ syndrome that affects the majority of people once they leave school. I think you are obviously less receptive to advertising once you’re out of school, and you stop taking Phedra Cut and also stop going to gym. Chicks have quite a nasty habit of thinking that the human body runs on pies and cane and cream soda once they reach 18 and leave school. This is like thinking your Citi Golf can run on aviation fuel. Girls need to know that men have Greek God bodies, and they need high energy fuel such as pies and cane and cream soda. Girls are the Toyota Yaris’ of evolution, and need unleaded fuel such as Light Wine and anything green like salad leaves etc.

You will notice a distinct pattern between human genetics and cars. Guys drive oil well killers like Range Rovers and chicks drive cute little teenie weenie cars like Yaris’ and Smart cars. Guys cars need ultra high performance fuels and girls cars need light fuels. Guys need cocaine and alcohol and burgers, and girls need Canderel and water and lettuce.

Don’t be hating me hater, you can’t mess with science!

Ummm…where was I going with this? Ok we’re going a bit sideways here, let’s kick this back on track.

I was out the other night and suddenly a line came into my head and it wasn’t marching powder…it was like a real English line. This was it:

“Jesus Mary and goat herding Joseph!”

I had seen someone I knew from back in school and to say he looked shit would be a massive understatement. He looked like a train wreck, except train wrecks can be recycled into new trains. This oke was beyond trashed. He was smoking and boozing and sweating and he said he was working at some random company doing data collection or some shit. Now I don’t really care what job you have, but some people just let loose once they leave school. Not to say I’m a Greek God of athleticism, well actually I am, but seriously, is it necessary to leave school and do every drug on the planet and grow your hair and not shower and look 45 when you’re 25?

Your average dude after leaving school

Which is another reason why I never cared for school, if you look at all the ‘cool kids’ from school, they’re very average now.

Obviously you know, I was a nerd at school and then turned into a Roman God Of Ladies and athleticism…this is true. Yes we cannot deny it.

Excuse me miss, put the whipped cream away. I know you wanted to put it in my coffee, but you must realise that a foamy latte makes me all farty and bloated.

Lose 15 pounds immediately or get out of my visionary field!