Sex And Smut Win The Mooks Battle Of The Beats DJ Competition In Cape Town

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Sex And Smut after their win

As you know our good friend Trem and Wes were playing in the Mooks Battle Of The Beats DJ Competition this past Saturday at Bonafide in Long Street. I tell you, Saturday was an ABSOLUTE TREAT in my life!

I HAVE NEVER!

While waiting for Trem to play, we were waiting outside in the street. Not wanting to be offered cocaine (Rattex) again, we decided to vacate the street and hit Stones for a drink. I’m not sure what was worse, being offered coke or going to Stones and finding out that the barman was in fact stoned. But I was saying to everyone, that those experiences are the ones that make life awesome. You can go sit at the Mount Nelson and have a drink, which is awesome, but everything is just too perfect. Your barman won’t be on narcotics, and you won’t feel alive when you leave the place, because your life is never really threatened.

When I say I was nervous on Saturday, I really mean it. We were chilling waiting to order a drink, and some sort of Jesus character came up behind us and was looking for trouble with everyone. The barman was telling him to get fucked, he was telling the barman to watch ‘his box’, whatever that meant, then the barman was telling him there was fish in his box. Then suddenly this guy wanted to order a hamburger, I mean, it was a proper lunatic bin in there!

Anyway, this Jesus character scared me a little bit because he had a broken pool cue in his hand, and a stick of burning incence. Crisis alive, it was like some sort of witching hour. The loonies were out in full force. I didn’t know whether to laugh or not when ordering from the barman, whose eyes were blood red and he was just mincing around behind the bar, having the time of his life.

I honestly felt like they were filming a movie, because then we looked to the other end of the bar, and there was a guy who looked like McLovin from Superbad! The only thing is this guy (White) had a passion gap! Like a full on passion gap that is made for loving. But he was there with two chicks. To say that my mind was in an absolute state is an understatement. There was a little hamster running around in my head at full speed, trying to figure out if this was real or if I was dreaming. Then from the nerves (Thinking Jesus was going to shoot us), there was a little Japanese man doing the hammer throw in my stomach.

We decided we should finish our drinks on the balcony, so if there is a shoot out, we can just jump into the street and break our legs. And then get all of our stuff stolen by meth heads.

This was our introduction to the balcony:

stoned cape town

Kiff. Deciding that this was enough, we finally headed back to Bonafide, which seemed like a safe haven, the circle of trust, the place where we were protected from the ourside. And we were!

No one seemed to be on drugs, no one was trying to order food from the shop assistants, and the vibe was rad! Congratulations to everyone involved, but it was pretty clear that Sex And Smut were going to win just by the way the crowd were acting. Especially the hammered guy up front with the hat on, I think his mouth actually got stuck onto the tequila bottle at one point. Sex And Smut were drinking tequila and apple sours straight from the bottle during their set…why? Because they can!

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And in true sex and smut style, the nipple cream was there, right next to the decks. Obviously!

nipple cream

Nipple cream…I know two people who use this…

If I must let you know, there is a full leather biker jacket there, from Mooks, and it’s the last one and it is SICK…let’s have a look:

mooks cruyff leather jacket

So maybe if you ask for a discount you can get it for R3000? I’m just saying…you might be able to get it for DISCOunt DISCOunt. It’s goats leather so you know it’s good!

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So anyway, I was super stoked that Sex And Smut won, they’re awesome, but I told you that the other day. It’s also a great concept from Mooks, I seriously think they should look into having a competition like this to have the winning DJ’s play a set at a Cape Town nightclub…perhaps Tiger could do with a bit of variety? Just maybe? Look into it guys, it’s not a bad idea.

We went to Fez later in the night (Saturday) and JEEZ LOUISE is the DJ deaf? There is no way he could have heard what he was playing and thought ‘OMG this is SICK! The crowd will LOVE this!’

To listen to one monotonous beat the entire night is like grating cheese, but instead of cheese, your balls. Or your tits. Since Saturday I’ve heard countless people commenting on how insanely terrible the music was, and I don’t know what makes Fez think that the music was by any standards half decent.

Look, if I was cooking my brain on acid, that one monotonous beat would probably do me good as my heart would beat in tune to it, thus keeping me alive. Other than that, I would rather be hit by a Boeing 747 than force my ears to vibrate to that horror show.

Well it’s a new week now, Fez is off my Saturday party list until the music changes, and we’re ready to kick this week off like a dead leppers head.

Who’s with me?

Yes miss, you appear to be, but please keep your panties on. You’re clearly from the 70’s and we don’t want any bush fires going on.

Keep that to the Australian outback. And Ron Jeremy back in the day. Tell Madonna too.

(Congratulations Wes and Trem…you guys rock!)

One Comment on “Sex And Smut Win The Mooks Battle Of The Beats DJ Competition In Cape Town

  1. Hi Im andy from Cape town. Please tell me are you guys looking for a extra dj i got my own dex and been playing for 20 years. Please mail me.

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