I’ve always said that I could sit at the beach all day just watching people. Not in a weird way, just in a fascinated way, for the way people act and the things that they say.

So yesterday I happened to be maxing and chillaxing (Chillin’ never illin’) on Clifton 4th reading some old copies of Men’s Health Best Life (By the way, what happened to Best Life?) when I hear a conversation start up.

“You’re looking more ripped than Janez at the moment”

“Yeah I know”

Naturally this conversation caught my attention, for a split second at first. I was waiting for laughter and then was going to completely discard the conversation into the ‘Hell Bin’ in my head.

Anyway, after these two pearler lines, there was no laughter, meaning that these guys were actually having this conversation for real. No hidden camera show, no Ashton Kutcher, nothing.

Intrigued as to how ripped this guy could possibly be, I turned around to see some dude in a Speedo (The ‘Janez’ character) and three of his mates in board shorts. Now I’ll be honest, I’ve seen Janez in real life and in photos and this guy was not even close to looking like Janez! I felt embarrassed for him, for him thinking that he was that ripped. It’s that embarrassment you feel for people on Idols, who really think they are the world’s next great singing hope. It’s that embarrassment that you feel when they have a Robert Pattinson look alike competition in YOU magazine and some oke sends his photo in and he resembles a jam doughnut as opposed to teenage desire.

So anyway, I dropped my magazine, sat up, grabbed some water and tuned into this absolutely mind blowing broadcast happening not 10 metres away from my actual body.

So they’ve just finished off the:

“You’re looking more ripped than Janez at the moment”

“Yeah I know”…

When out of nowhere, maybe a comedy movie script or something, one of the guys goes:

“That’s probably why he ignored us the other day”

OHMYGOD. I was on Clifton 4th beach, physically in shock at what had just been uttered from this mans mouth. It can be compared to a bomb going off and you’re in shock, but you’re sure that another one cannot possibly go off. And then they hit me with an A-Bomb to the ear canal.

“Ja man Janez is just skinny”

“It’s coz he doesn’t eat enough, he eats nothing”

The Janez they were talking about

You know how sometimes you’re in such shock at event unfolding, that you’re sure it’s fake? I remember this on 9/11. I simply couldn’t believe what was happening on the TV in front of me and was sure that it was a weird dream or the TV station was having me on. Well 9/11 was real, and so were these guys on the beach yesterday.

It actually felt like the worlds smallest soldier was standing on my towel, lobbing hand grenades into my ear. There were literally explosions in my ear every time these guys spoke!

It was warm yesterday but I had goosebumps, listening to this incredible tale unfold. I simply could not believe that I was the only one listening to this conversation. But I tried to act calm because I was still confident, deep down, that I was being filmed. And you’ve got to look cool on film!

I mean, really guys, get over yourselves.