Oh you have to love estate agents and the way they mince words about! Instead of just telling it like it is, they like to play with words and paint pictures as it were, of dreamy houses that you’ll lovingly restore over the weekends, while the kids play in the garden, and the milkman and the newspaper boy deliver your weekend goodness. In all likelihood this picture is more one of your kids screaming at you because their room is falling apart, you not getting in any good action because the floors just creak all the time, and the pool being a breeding ground for new disease.

Some very common and popular estate agent terms are “Needs some TLC”, “Huge potential” and “Renovators dream”

If we quickly take the estate agents dictionary away and replace it with the SLXS dictionary, all these things mean the same thing. And that is “It’s kak!”

Look out for ads like these when buying a house:

THREE EXCLAMATION MARKS!!! Are you by any chance SHOUTING?!!!

It’s so awesome that every week they pump out ads like these, and every week, every person reading the ads goes “Cough…cough…bullshit!”

For me reading the estate agents pages is like my weekly dose of humour. I love spotting the broken houses, it’s a game that I just like to play.

Actually that reminds me, I was penning some words last night for a song that I think can be released. Let’s have a look:

Baby…Ooh…
Even in my heart, I see
You’re not being true to me
Deep within my soul, I feel
Nothing’s like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could
So bad, baby
Quit playing games with my heart

Chorus
Quit playing games with my heart
Before you tear us apart (with my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart
I should’ve know from the start
You know you’ve gotta stop (from my heart)
You’re tearing us apart (my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart

There was another one I wrote, also a goody:

I loved you so my doll

Until you hooked up with that damn ugly troll

I loved you so

But I never though you were a ho

I’m happy you’re now with John

Oh P.S I hooked up with your mom

I must go now to bang my new supermodel girlfriend

Oh baby baby it’s the weekend

We’re going to Knysna on the train

I’ll be sure to do a boat load of cocaine

And remember your friend Beth?

Well this has nothing to do with her but I love crystal meth!

That’s quite cool if you ask me! I do this stuff most evenings, chill and write love songs. Because I’m probably the deepest person you know.

Where exactly, may I ask, was I expecting to go with this post?

Absolutely no idea, so we’ll end it there.

Do you love to gamble? Is it an addiction? Are you going to Grandwest tonight?

Say yes! Say yes! With all the Citi Golf action happening, I thought it important to mention that Grandwest are having a car draw tonight for a VW 1.4i Citi Rox valued at R140000 with customising valued at R25000.

You just need to be an MVG member, grab your tickets, throw them in the draw and bang, at 22h15 tonight this car might be yours. Ha ha! I’m joking, it’s mine already. My name is written all over it. You can help me hot box it. Break the backs seats in a little.

Hey?

Nothing.

So I had just posted a short piece on Volkswagen ceasing production of the iconic Citi Golf when I received an awesome press release, entitled Goodbye Citi. They’re going all out to say goodbye to the Citi Golf. In related news, does anyone else own a VR3 still?

Ja, I’ve got one. BOOM! There us the temptation to sell it, but not anymore. This legend will never die. So let’s see what’s going to be happening:

There comes a time in every legend’s career when it must retire. For Volkswagen’s iconic hatchback, the Citi, this is that time. Having provided 25 years of loyal service and colourful motoring, the Citi is now retiring. But like most legends, it’s not going to leave without a proper farewell. So, in celebration of this occasion, Volkswagen South Africa is launching a countrywide campaign to say goodbye to this legend of the South African roads.

The last Citi will be doing a victory lap around the country to offer everyone the opportunity to come and bid farewell to Citi by signing the vehicle.
“The Citi is retiring. It’s had an excellent run. It’s the best selling car in South African history, but the time has come for the end of Citi production,” says Volkswagen South Africa’s Marketing Communications Manager, Carrin Merkel.

“We’re saying goodbye to South Africa’s best-selling car. But more importantly, we’re giving the whole country a chance to say goodbye. It’s a countrywide farewell, with the car being the farewell card. Actually, this campaign is about the South African public saying goodbye – because the car has become theirs, as much as it is ours.”

In keeping with the concept of inclusivity, for those people who can’t meet the Citi on tour, the entire victory lap can be followed at goodbyeciti.co.za and on Goodbye Citi’s Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and YouTube pages – where the public can also post their goodbye messages.

“From an advertising perspective, the tour is being filmed to create a farewell TV commercial for Citi. The commercial will be a true-to-life documentation of the tour. It’ll showcase South Africa saying goodbye to Citi. Over the years, the car has entrenched itself in South African culture and history. In fact, it’s more than just a car, it’s an icon, and it’s become a friend to the South African people,” says Ogilvy Cape Town Executive Creative Director, Chris Gotz.

“The Citi brand means so many things to so many different people. Thousands drove it as their first car. To them, the brand is all about freedom. Others personalised their Citi’s. So for these people, it’s about individuality. Some owned and drove a Citi for decades, and then passed it on to their kids. Some were even born in a Citi. In fact, almost everyone has a Citi story and Citi means something different to each of them,” adds Gotz

Citi is by far and wide the most successful hatchback in the history of South African motoring. It’s broken every imaginable record for a car in its category and class. When Citi was first introduced in 1984, the retail price was R7,630. The most affordable Citi today is priced at R84,700, and it’s still a reliable, low-cost vehicle that offers as much today as ever.

“The decision to stop producing the Citi was a tough one. However, like all things in life, we have to adapt and move with an ever-changing environment. New technology, rapidly evolving consumer needs and demands, and new trends in the automotive industry have forced us to finally write the last chapter on the ubiquitous Citi,” explains Bill Stephens, Volkswagen South Africa’s General Manager Communications.

The Volkswagen Golf 1 was introduced into the market in 1978. As the Golf 2 launch approached, Volkswagen South Africa recognised that its increased passenger and load space meant the Golf brand would move into a higher price segment, putting it out of reach of the traditional Volkswagen first-time car buyers. So, to fill the new market-need, the decision was taken to continue the production of the Golf 1, but to remodel it and give it a new name.

In anticipation of the launch of the Golf 2 in 1984, Volkswagen’s idea was to produce a lower specification ‘carry-over’ of the Golf 1. Originally named the ‘EconoGolf’ by product developers, this Golf 1 concept received a designer makeover by Volkswagen’s advertising agency, Ogilvy Cape Town. The brief was to create something that would capture the imagination of the first-time car buyer in South Africa.

The creative team at the time took renowned fashion designer, Jenni Button on board to help make this little car more than just a car – to make it a fashion accessory, a ‘must have’. Button was integral in the design process of the first ‘Red, Yellow and Blue’ Citi’s.

Volkswagen’s most optimistic prediction in 1984, when the Citi entered the market, was that it would last for a maximum of five years. In 2006, 22 years later, Volkswagen was producing 131 units per day and sold 28,500 in that year. In July 2009 alone, Volkswagen sold 1,630 Citi’s. And now, at the end of 2009, the last 1,000 Citi’s have rolled off the production line. These limited edition Citi’s have been designed based on the original Golf 1 and are branded ‘Citi Mk1’. Each Citi Mk1 has been individually numbered and will be sold to the public in honour of this legendary brand.

Beyond offering thousands of South Africans an affordable solution to their mobility, the Citi brand has contributed hugely to the component industry and after-sales market in South Africa, even past the Volkswagen Dealer Network.

“It is impossible to estimate just how much money the Citi brand has put into the South African economy over its illustrious life, suffice to say that it must be a significant figure. Citi has also left an intangible mark on South Africa. It’s been a part of the last 25 years in South African history. And now, as we open the final chapter on this legend’s career, we look back with affection, and we look forward to giving it the farewell it deserves,” concludes Stephens.

My word, I had no idea Jenni Button was involved in the original! And did you see how they mentioned people have individualised their Citi’s?

I never drive a VR3, and that’s a fact!

Whoopsie daisies!

The schedule for the countrywide tour are as follows:

Thursday 12 November — Start in Uitenhage

Saturday 14 November — Durban

Monday 16 November — Johannesburg

Tuesday 17 November — Pretoria

Wednesday 18 November — Bloemfontein

Friday 20 November — Cape Town

Sunday 22nd November — End in Uitenhage

The final details are being organised but we’ll be posting them here when they’re up. It’s all quite sad really!

Click here for the Goodbye Citi website.

Even though the Citi Golf never changed shape in all it’s time, it still seemed to just work. Most often associated with students, the Citi Golf was for a carefree lifestyle and ran pretty easily, well most of the time.

Whether cruising around the city or going on road trips, Citi has been there for everyone. Now Volkswagen are phasing it out after 25 years, and 377484 units. I loved this piece from David Mosely, which sums up the car perfectly:

Luckily they seem to run forever and future young drivers will still be able to experience the stutteringly famous Citi staccato choke start, the numerous and repeated break-ins, the earthy mould smell of the cloth interior that appears over time no matter how many sachets of Sta-Soft you plant inside the car and, of course, the complete and utter malfunction of all the windows until you’re driving around in a steamy sarcophagus or an invigorating wind tunnel (depending on whether the window mechanics expire while rolled up or down).

Ah the choke start! A classic really. And here is some official news from Business Day:

VOLKSWAGEN SA announced yesterday it had formally stopped producing Citi Golfs after assembling the iconic car at its plant in Port Elizabeth for 25 years.

David Powels, MD of Volkswagen , said the car maker intended to reveal the Citi Golf’s replacement in February .

Until August this year, SA was the only country that manufactured Citi Golfs, which began production at Uitenhage in 1984. Powels said new technology, rapidly evolving consumer needs and new trends in the vehicle industry had forced the company to finally “write the last chapter” on the Citi Golf.

He said it was “no longer commercially viable” to produce the historic car at its Uitenhage assembly plant as it lacked economies of scale, essential for both vehicle manufacturers and parts suppliers.

Powels said Citi Golf owners would continue receiving support and service .

He confirmed that no job losses had resulted from the stoppage . A small number of parts suppliers, which had other component supply contracts with Volkswagen and other original equipment manufacturers would be affected, he said.

I just can’t imagine the future students arriving at school/college in anything but a Citi Golf…It’s also the first car you’ll pull over as a cop. Packed full of students, you’re sure to find something wrong in a Citi!

Hmmmm…reefer.

I was just catching up on 2oceansvibe, on the article on Michael Jackson (HERE) as well as Joost Van Der Westhuizen (HERE). An excerpt on the Michael Jackson piece:

“I KNOW too well about the molestation trials etc etc, and you can go on until you’re blue in the face. That’s fine. We don’t need to debate that.”

And this is exactly my point when discussing celebrities with people. It’s about their work, not their personal life. I know they have chosen to go into careers in the public spotlight, but I still think that we should only judge celebrities on their work. It is however a completely different story when ‘celebrities’ think that we care about their personal lives. I’m a huge fan of people like Christian Bale and Johnny Depp because they keep their private lives exactly that, private. We can focus fully on their work without worrying who they’re hooking up with and what their house looks like and what their kids are wearing.

But then we have local like Joost Van Der Westhuizen and we have to ask ourselves some questions.

Like, do we really care if he cheated on his wife? I mean, he’s an ex rugby player! There is absolutely no reason for him to be in the spotlight. His sole reason for remaining in the spotlight is self inflicted, through his INCESSANT appearances in YOU magazine, which are a bit too much in my opinion. Then he still goes into the press posing with a sad face saying he’ll pay for his mistakes and whatever whatever.

What he’s not saying is that this is all self inflicted! If he never made his private life public, none of this would matter. No one would know. Yeah look, the chick he did drugs with may still have sold the story to the gossip magazines. But then again without this ‘scandal’, he wouldn’t really be able to create much hype around the release of his book “Man In The Mirror” (Is this a reference to Michael Jackson? Or to that of cocaine and mirrors?)

We should remember Joost for these images…and so should he.

And let’s be honest, would you really buy his book if there were no sex/drug scandals? I won’t buy his book either way, but I’m sure there will be a lot of people who will buy his book to keep up to date on the latest scandal. All part of the media machine, well in my opinion anyway (And one or two readers)

But the fact is, does publishing a biography and revealing all the truths and lies in his marriage really make him a happier man? I doubt it. If you haven’t read a book called “A New Earth”, you really should. It’s all about ego driving all of us, and it’s the most phenomenal book I’ve read so far. Granted I’m not quite finished reading it, but it’s amazing so far.

With Michael Jackson, not for one moment did the child allegation scandals worry me. Look, it’s not right, but I’ve always loved Michael Jackson for his music. His private life is his alone. I don’t promote or condone it, I just listen to his music and enjoy his performances.

This is how I’ll remember Michael Jackson

Do you honestly worry about your lawyer or accountant and who he/she is sleeping with? No you don’t. And so you shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter.

This is basically the stuff that I have to cope with on a daily basis:

Awesome.

Jeremy Clarkson has said that it makes Quasimodo look like George Clooney.

I’d have to agree and say that it’s possibly the ugliest car I’ve seen in a while. Well there is the Fiat Multipla, but then again that’s not R1,665 million (The Porsche Panamera comes in at that)

If you’re going to be ugly, you better not be expensive. So it turns out that last weekend I was at the Porsche Parade show and shine day in Franschhoek when out of the corner of my eye I saw something.

You know like when you’re out, and you see someone and think they’ve dressed up to look hideous? Then on closer inspection, you realise that’s just how they are? Well it’s the same with the Porsche Panamera. There is no cloak there, it’s not wearing a disguise. This is just how it looks. And it can’t help it, I mean, we can’t all be a BMW Vision EfficientDynamics.

If I must compare the Porsche Panamera to something, it would have to be the Williams sisters of tennis. Sure, there is a lot of performance under the hood, but I’d rather be driving Maria Sharapova.

The Porsche Panamera reminds me of something that you’d buy as a vulgar display of wealth. I’ve always found that when you’re wealthy, buying something for R1,5 million that is worth R1,5 million, is boring. I mean, there are loads of people who can afford to buy a house for R1,5 million, but a vulgar display of wealth would mean buying something for R1,5 million, that is really actually worth far less.

Like for example, buying a pair of jeans for R1 million. That’s a vulgar display of wealth. Or covering your dogs kennel in cut up Louis Vuitton bags. That’s a vulgar display of wealth. The Porsche Panamera is basically there to tell people that yes, you are wealthy. And no, you don’t care what they think because you have a better looking car parked at home. One wouldn’t simply buy a Porsche Panamera as their sole use car.

It would be like the ugly guy/girl amongst the hot friends. The one that makes the others feel better. The Porsche Panamera has been accepted into the motoring world purely because other cars feel sorry for it. The Lambo’s and the Ferrarri’s feel sorry for it and will let it inhabit their garage spaces with them. They might even let it drive around with them on weekends, but deep down inside, even though it is an accepted car, it still knows it’s ugly.

And that’s the important thing.