Jeremy Clarkson has said that it makes Quasimodo look like George Clooney.

I’d have to agree and say that it’s possibly the ugliest car I’ve seen in a while. Well there is the Fiat Multipla, but then again that’s not R1,665 million (The Porsche Panamera comes in at that)

If you’re going to be ugly, you better not be expensive. So it turns out that last weekend I was at the Porsche Parade show and shine day in Franschhoek when out of the corner of my eye I saw something.

You know like when you’re out, and you see someone and think they’ve dressed up to look hideous? Then on closer inspection, you realise that’s just how they are? Well it’s the same with the Porsche Panamera. There is no cloak there, it’s not wearing a disguise. This is just how it looks. And it can’t help it, I mean, we can’t all be a BMW Vision EfficientDynamics.

If I must compare the Porsche Panamera to something, it would have to be the Williams sisters of tennis. Sure, there is a lot of performance under the hood, but I’d rather be driving Maria Sharapova.

The Porsche Panamera reminds me of something that you’d buy as a vulgar display of wealth. I’ve always found that when you’re wealthy, buying something for R1,5 million that is worth R1,5 million, is boring. I mean, there are loads of people who can afford to buy a house for R1,5 million, but a vulgar display of wealth would mean buying something for R1,5 million, that is really actually worth far less.

Like for example, buying a pair of jeans for R1 million. That’s a vulgar display of wealth. Or covering your dogs kennel in cut up Louis Vuitton bags. That’s a vulgar display of wealth. The Porsche Panamera is basically there to tell people that yes, you are wealthy. And no, you don’t care what they think because you have a better looking car parked at home. One wouldn’t simply buy a Porsche Panamera as their sole use car.

It would be like the ugly guy/girl amongst the hot friends. The one that makes the others feel better. The Porsche Panamera has been accepted into the motoring world purely because other cars feel sorry for it. The Lambo’s and the Ferrarri’s feel sorry for it and will let it inhabit their garage spaces with them. They might even let it drive around with them on weekends, but deep down inside, even though it is an accepted car, it still knows it’s ugly.

And that’s the important thing.