I was chatting to a buddy the other day about ‘blogging’ and how the blog community is pretty close in South Africa, but sometimes a little too close especially when it comes to criticism. No one really challenges anything someone else says. Some blogs have average posts, and regular readers continue to leave pat on the back type comments, even though the post was so below average that I was prying my eyes out reading the post and the pathetic comments (Naturally with a link back to their own blogs)

Anyway that’s sort of maybe off the topic, but this Cape Town guy Adin Van Ryneveld, with all due respect, must be mad. I really don’t want to come across as the person who shatters dreams, but something about what he’s doing is delusional. While I applaud him, because what he is doing is quite something, there are flaws. He is trying to live without money for 5 years, giving all the money he earns away to others. I am sure he will succeed as he seems to have an iron will and is actually surviving without money. I have no doubt that he will make a success of living without money for 5 years, and in 5 years time he will in all likeliness be a familiar name, with probably TV time, a book deal and much more.

But he says he wants to give away five hundred and fifty five million, five hundred and fifty five thousand, five hundred and fifty five rand and 55 cents by the 5th of May 2014.

That is a bus load of cash! And while I’m all for reaching for the stars and dreaming huge, this is just ridiculous! Has no one else thought “Well that’s just being mental”?

Has no one else read this and gone “Well maybe we should say something?” I’m just saying…

Everyone is applauding him for what he is doing, and that is great, but five hundred and fifty five million is pushing it a bit I’d say.

Adin was featured in The Weekend Argus (October 10, 2009) and said:

“I’d like to get the message across that you don’t need money to live your dream and create awesome stuff in this world. You don’t have to say ‘I would do that if only I had the money”

It’s great in theory, but in the real world everything does revolve around money. While Adin is living in the real world, he is living in a removed reality in my belief. He is relying on people to help him out, people who are offering him things that their money has bought. For shelter, he offers his services as a house sitter, while for food he says people are pretty keen to feed him or invite him to dinner.

In reality, if he says we can live like this, then we’d all be house sitting each others houses and all being fed by each other. Great, so who is paying the rent and buying the food if no one has money?

Don’t get me wrong, I do see some sort of a point in what he is doing, but it is a bit delusional to think that you can live like this and that removing money from your life is a way to be free. Adin is creating a lifestyle that will be sustainable for 5 years, but only due to publicity. In the modern world, it is not sustainable to live without money, because we don’t exactly grow our own food these days, do we? In any other instance, he’d basically be a beggar…but as his popularity grows and people come to hear of his story, big brands will want to help him out and donate things to him in exchange for him mentioning their names.

So he will be back to the real world, where major brands will cash in on his reputation to boost their coverage. He will essentially, in the end, be a slave to advertising. Yes, he is going to donate money to charities, but the fact is he will receiving money from advertising. And as we know, advertising is what makes the world go round. It makes us want stuff we don’t need.

“Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need” — Tyler Durden — Fight Club

Some will say advertising creates a world of greed and power imbalances. But advertising is a major part of modern society and it’s never going to go away, and we do need it.

So Adin’s plan of living without money, will still be about money to a lot of people in the end.

I was actually supposed to write about this many months ago but never did, probably storing this particular article in the recycle bin in my brain. But it has miraculously resurfaced and I’m excited that it has.

You see it actually has got to do with the future of the country, and I’m pretty sure Julius Malema has been reading it because he makes no sense to me.

While the future of any country needs to be nurtured and educated properly, it seems that the publishing sector of this country is on a war path to try and destroy any chances our youth have of being normal. After reading People magazine, the only job you’re likely to get is that of a jizzmopper, because you are basically going to be the dumbest person in the world.

With the things People magazine is teaching our teenagers, I wouldn’t be surprised if our teenagers can only count up to potatoe by the time they reach twenty years of age!

It is true that real writing is taking a knock because of text messages needing to be so short, oh and Mxit, an English teachers nightmare. But People magazine are taking things to a whole new level of ra-tard with their cut out and keep “Text Message Guide”

At any point while viewing the following do feel free to shout what you like, calling People magazine any name under the sun. Also feel free to vomit, pass out, or attempt to win a Pulitzer for just being a person.

Look at People Magazines Text Message Guide:

OH

MY

SHATTERED

NERVES

Or should I say OMSN.

OSISOMSN?

I promise you, if I had got 100% for all my English tests during the year, and tried to slip in “B part of d 1derfl nd w3ird world of txt language” Mr Wilson would have failed me on the spot.

And why write weird like w3ird? Because it’s still 5 characters!

Let’s attempt to use todays People Text Guide in a little story:

“WAYD. YSK I went for P-ZA today, I messaged you CYM. So stop being such a 4NR, UNTCO and stop being like the NME! VSF. Anyway IAT. And thanks for sleeping with my boyfriend, I just thought you should know…RBAY!”

How awesome is that? Mr Wilson would have a sniper take me out in class if I EVER wrote this.

I actually have nothing further to say.

IAHNF2S.

Why is People magazine SO irritating?! Seriously, if South African teenagers are reading People magazine then we don’t have to worry about the future of the country.

Because there won’t be one.

I always have these movies that I just haven’t seen, and never get around to it. So I cruise into DVD Nouveau and I have literally wanted to watch The Godfather for years. But when I say 5 years I really mean that. That’s a lot of years to look at a film and say “Well I won’t hire it today” (To the smart ones out there, I know DVD Nouveau hasn’t been open 5 years…I think)

The 8th of October was a momentous occasion for me as I strode into DVD Nouveau in Newlands and finally laid my hands on the Godfather. With these sorts of films, it’s always a bit nerve wracking hiring them because you know everyone else has seen them, and you want to hire it without anyone knowing. So I thrown it down on the table and say “This is the first one hey?”

Rookie error!

“Ja it is”

“Wait, haven’t you seen The Godfather?”

Saying this in a store is like social suicide! Can you imagine my future wife was in the store?

I may as well then also shout out loud that I don’t know what the G-Spot is!

I mean…of course I know…ummm…*Twiddles thumbs*

(Sean is taking a moment to acquaint himself with The Google)

Holy smokes!

I thought it was Gareth’s Restaurant, are you kidding me? This is great!

So I actually left the store sort of like a gangster/mob type guy. I flipped my collar, tilted my hat and threw my shades on. The car guard was walking towards me and I simply barrel rolled, cocking it up and rolling into my bumper, hurting my forehead. It was then that I realised that I was a complete tool, trying to be gangster looking like this:

Ja what? I can also hang on the East side

Gosh, what a ra-tard.

I slipped off home, threw the dee vee dee (You like that?) into the player, put my hand in my pants…

Ha ha ha! I was thinking back to those times when I used to watch E-TV and felt so naw-tee! Crisis in my life it’s embarrassing, I caught E-TV the other night while flipping through the channels and this one chick was basically humping this guys chest. But when everyone was in school that was the business!

Then you’d come to school on Monday and Mrs Venter would bend over to put a tape in the player in Biology class, and you’d think about E-TV’s Saturday night naughtiness and launch the most impressive pants rocket in the world. It was amazing.

But that’s off track isn’t it? We’re talking about The Godfather. It is simply stunning!

Although I’m hesitant to use the word ‘stunning’ when talking about The Godfather.

Goodness gracious me, imagine we were to talk about my aloe and propolis moisturiser, the boys in The Godfather would plutz! Or would they?

You know how you’re writing an article and you get so off track that it confuses you? Like sometimes my body gets so confused it doesn’t know whether it’s in writing mode or sexy time mode, so right now it’s in two minds.

I’m writing and I am also sporting a massive woodie. Clearly my body does not know what is happening but not to fear, it will come right if I could just find my dog and that peanut butter. This is exactly what I’m talking about when I say we have lost the plot and gone off track.

Anyway this is how you make a short story long (As opposed to cutting a long story short) The fact is I had The Godfather on a two day hire and never finished watching it.

It’s a known fact that I’m fairly ADD when watching movies, and while the movie is damn brilliant, I will get to watching it when I buy it. My DVD collection is getting so big because I hire movies, then realise that for the amount of time I need to hire them, it’s cheaper to just buy them.

For me to watch movies properly I’m going to have to get more of my 30mg Ritalin.

And at the moment I’m all out, so the review of The Godfather will have to wait until next time.

And you know what we use here at SLXS…tanning oil!

All over my body

I’m going to go for an Italian porn star vibe this summer, rock the slicked back hair, siff dark tan, smoke Gauloises and refuse to drive any car other than the Citroen.

Summer better watch itself.

Yo yo, ho ho! I can’t really post anything today as it all requires photo’s and I have no idea what I’ve done with my camera. It’s somewhere between the circus midgets and the coke no doubt, but that’s another story.

I will see you at Chevelle tonight though! And there may be some posts if I find my camera, the writing is done but it doesn’t make too much sense with no photos. Anyway I’m going to cruise to Spar to get some Cherry Coke (Drink) and hopefully by the time I arrive home my camera will have done a magic act and landed on my old, old wooden desk.

You joke, that’s not a reference to Ron Burgundy, it is in fact an old, old wooden desk. I’d show you a photo if I had my camera.

Cool, I’ll chat later.

It’s always a little disturbing walking into a family store and knowing that candy and floories are available, from the same shelf!

I was in Kenilworth today (Don’t ask), at the Clicks waiting to pay when I noticed some sort of fun package in front of me, on the chocolate shelf!

Two things here:

1– Why is that row of chocolates empty? Someone has been naughty and is not going to be wearing that skimpy bikini this summer. Tisk tisk!

2 — If we zoom in, we can see that these are a ‘herbal sedative’ And by this I assume they mean ‘Here have one of these let’s have some fun’

“Oh no have one of these, really it’s fine, it’s herbal! And I bought it at Clicks…come on, just eat them. That’s better, pills are gooooood! Just pop them like Skittles, finish the box”

Knock out!

And if you didn’t connect with that story at all, you’ll surely connect with this one. Check this, which I saw with my eyes at Stadium On Main in Claremont, the floor below Tiger…

Can anyone say “Shit your pants!”

Because damn, that be a lot of dates.

It’s always somewhat tricky going to DVD Nouveau because they have so many DVD’s for hire, and you’re like “WTF?!”

So to push you in the right direction, Goodfellas and the Godfather series are top choices, but let’s take a look at the documentary section today.

Dogtown — The  Legend Of The Z-Boys

I watched this last week and it’s a fascinating look into the start of modern day skateboarding including half pipes and aerial maneuvers. The guys from Dogtown pushed the limits of what was known and were the fuel and idea men for modern skateboarding. The documentary is truly amazing as it shows footage from the old days and interviews with the guys today — Tony Alva, Jay Adams and Stacey Peralta. Some went on to become successful skaters and businessmen, while the likes of Jay Adams got into drugs and wasted all their talent.

The documentary is a fascinating look into how skateboarding evolved, all thanks to a group of kids and some skate shop owners who turned the sport around and were always looking for the next thrill. Old footage of the guys skating pools is really cool, and it’s rare to be able to watch a documentary on people who had such a big impact on a sporting code, who are still alive today.

I highly recommend hiring Dogtown: The Legend Of The Z Boys

Billabong Odyssey

Click here for the website which gives a good peak at the documentary

The Billabong Odyssey was a three year project involving some of the worlds top surfers where they searched for the biggest waves to surf, in the world. Follow the crew as they cruise the world and push the limits of what is humanly possibly, surfing some of the most insane waves on the planet. Footage includes spectacular wipeouts where you simply cannot understand how the guys make it out alive.

An insane look at the world of big wave surfing and the crazy crew who do it for a living.

Who Killed The Electric Car

An interesting look into the electric car and how it was rtemoved from the roads overseas even though it was a huge success with customers. It goes to show what sort of control we are constantly under from corporates and the government. The cars started being taken off the roads and trashed so that no one could use them. Why go electric when there are still trillions of dollars worth of oil still need to be pumped?

Really an underrated documentary in South Africa, not many people seem to have watched it but I reccommend it.

And that’s it, some cool documentaries for you to watch at DVD Nouveau. Most people just walk right past the documentary section, but you should stop and have a look because it’s really interesting and you are sure to find something there that you will enjoy. The documentaries can be found as you walk up the stairs, directly on your right hand side.

It makes a nice change from some of the rubbish that Hollywood is trying to sell us!

SEX ISLAND

So now that the R100 million Bantry Bay house is old news from yesterday, let’s move on to something not many people will know and that is probably more exciting.

You know Plett rage? You know how mental it gets?

Imagine hosting Plett rage yourself? You know that the words ‘come right’ spring to mind here?

Well I’m basically giving you the opportunity to host Plett rage, should you have the required cash!

Because Stanley Island in Plett is still available to buy! At $4 million, that comes in at around $10 million cheaper than the Bantry Bay House, and I’d rather buy Stanley Island than the Bantry Bay house. Call me a stickler!

They say every man is an island or something to that effect, but who really cares about being philosophical when you can be as high as you like on cocaine ALL DAY! You know what I would fill Stanley Island with?

Cocaine, weed, strippers and motorbikes! Plus space for my helicopter, and we would be chilling. Plett Rage would be officially hosted at my island and all the girls would probably be officials there…because they’d officially give me a boner.

Let’s have a look what I wrote on Stanley Island (Over a year ago, here):

Your parents probably told you when you were younger that they don’t care what you do, as long as you are happy. So if you don’t already have R27 million they would not be angry if you became a drug dealer in order to amass an amount of R27 million in your bank account. Happiness is something we all strive for and now YOU can have it.

Stanley Island happens to be the only privately owned island in South Africa. It’s 27,4 hectares HUGE which basically translates into 27,4 hectares of pure therapy. It’s like having a shrink all around you all the time.

Plus there is a 1km long(And 40m wide) grass airstrip which can accommodate aircraft with a weight of less than 5400kgs. So it won’t quite accomodate the Lear Jet but it will be fine. And most of the time you can just use your helicopter anyway.

Shooting out in the boat will also be a nice little way to travel.

You don’t quite understand how little things like this excite me. The mere thought of owning my own island in South Africa has my mind racing like it did when I got my matric results, and after a year of boozing and sitting in the sun, I miraculously passed. The thought of just telling people to come back to your island is also a novelty that will probably never wear off.

You would also need to employ an entire police force on the island though. The FUN POLICE! Police running around with water pistols filled with Jagermeister and Red Bull. Police just checking that everyone is totally abusing the situation of vast wealth and disgusting amounts of fun.

Hectic, I don’t even remember writing it. Remember they do have a website (HERE)

What are you waiting for?! If your parents are rich, or your girlfriends/boyfriends parents are rich, you have heard of the words ‘accidental death and a will gets put over to me’ haven’t you? (Although for the sake of covering myself you looney, I am joking)

Wow, I’m spent.

Check out Stanley island over HERE on Private Islands Online.

I have friends who play the stock market (Well I sit at home playing the rad market…lame) and there are times when I find them curled up at nightclubs clutching bottles of Patron, crying hysterically while sucking their thumbs.

This happens when they lose thousands upon thousands of rands. I also find them at clubs with their hands in the air, a bottle of Patron in each hand and surrounded by girls.

This is when they make thousands upon thousands of rands.

So instead of losing my mind playing the stock market, I’ve found a much nicer way of enjoying the stock market, and instead of causing impotence (As stress from the stock market does), this one actually increases performance to a slight degree because it’s fun. Fun = happy. Happy = boner (Sorry about that, I know you’re getting the visuals)

It’s called the Puma Index and it’s a real stock ticker, except when the market drops, the models (You can choose male or female) clothes come off, all the way down to their Puma bodywear.

My word Silas (My slave boy, he’s replacing Morischo), this is genius!

So check…wick……wickie…check it…rewind…by clicking here.

Awesome!

Via Josh Spear (Image as well)

So you’ve lost some weight, or just been given a shirt that you can’t take back but you still dig it’s design. No problem, that’s what I’m here for! Check it, I got given a shirt that clearly doesn’t even remotely fit me, so what you do is you head to Markhams to buy a cheap waistcoat (Under R200 I believe, so if it get’s trashed, no stress, just buy another one!)

My baggy shirt

You then take your baggy shirt, tuck it into your jeans, roll up the sleeves and use the waistcoat to pull it all together.

Looking good there son, all slim fit…nice! I’d totally tap that were I a girl. Actually come to think of it I wouldn’t.

BANG! Another fashion tip, because I’m awesome. This will no doubt give life to some of your older shirts.

Pay me back later. In certain favours. Wait, this was a guys fashion tip.

Ok don’t worry that was a free tip.

I love it when Cape Town properties go on sale at such staggering amounts. Granted, R100 million is a small price to pay for living the dream! Check this out, from the Pam Golding website:

Imagine living on top of the ocean – in a 1000M2 of modern sculptural space with every conceivable luxury. High over the Atlantic Ocean and nestled at the foot of the majestic Twelve Apostles mountain range – in a private cul de sac in Cape Towns discreet Bantry Bay, this masterpiece of modern architecture boasts quintessential Atlantic Seaboard Vistas of mountain and sea. Two lounges, one sunken with amazing views over the infinity pool onto the ocean and the other, adjacent to the cocktail bar creates a sublime space for the entertainer. An ultra modern cigar lounge, a gym, steam room and a Zen garden Separate study. State of the art kitchen, generous dining areas, leading to an outside deck with a gas braai and a pizza oven Sun soaked outdoor patios with a Jacuzzi and a rim flow pool that seems to spill into the sea. 5 Bedroom suites – all ocean facing (ultra luxury main suite with spacious dressing room) State of the art heating and cooling – piped music and many luxury features for executive living. Multiple off street parking and garaging for 3 cars.

Um, ok, I can deal with that! Well, what does this beast look like?

I won’t lie, those couches look uncomfortable and awkward. As my folks said, money can’t buy you style.

Look, probably not quite how I’d do my house, I’m more into a little bit of a more lived in look and feel, some typewriters lying around, my old wooden desk, record players, naked models and all the rest that goes with being awesome. But given the house as a gift, I wouldn’t say no. My folks always said that money can buy you things, but it can’t necessarily buy style, nor class. Agreed!

As they say, a gift horse needs a toothbrush. Or something to that effect.

I wonder what sort of comm. the agents are taking from this bad boy? That’s going to be a cool bit of spare change!

Check out the full listing on Pam Golding over here.

If any of you had that sort of cash, would you really spend it on this particular house? Or simply buy an island? Considering that you can easily buy your own private island for R100 million…

With 103 people on one wave, Cape Town surfers have overtaken the record set by Brazil last year at Earthwave! This still needs to be verified by Guinness, but we have basically taken it. This in from Wavescape (First photo courtesy Lee Slabber, on Wavescape):

More than 100 surfers rode a wave at the Earthwave beach festival in Muizenberg, Cape Town on Sunday to break the Guinness World Record for the ‘most surfers riding the same wave’.

“We estimated that there were more than 120 surfers on the fifth of the seven waves surfed at Muizenberg during Earthwave,’ said Paul Botha of Kahuna Promotions, the founders of the event that leverages the publicity generated by the world record attempt to promote awareness of climate change and sustainable lifestyles.

“However, the photographic evidence we have so far shows that there were 103 on the same wave, which is enough to overtake the record of 100 set by Earthwave Brazil in Santos last year,” Botha added. “We are still waiting for more images and video footage that we will submit to the Guinness World Record organisation in London to have the record ratified.”

In ideal sunshine conditions, a light offshore breeze and small 0.5 to one metre waves, a total of 443 surfers of all ages and abilities registered to try and bring the record back to Cape Town after Brazil had exceeded the 73 on one wave set at Muizenberg in 2006.

Five times the number in the water lined the beachfront cheering every attempt and urging their champions on as they rode the waves for five seconds before being counted, taking part in a host of fun-filled activities and fund-raising initiatives.

Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! It goes to show, that in Cape Town you can smoke doob all day, work quarter days and still break world records. Deal with it. I took a few small photos just to give you an idea of the number of people in attendance:

Clowns to the left of me…

…jokers to the right…

…here I am, stuck in you…I mean…in the middle with you

I was there and I must say, the turnout was fantastic with me parking all the way in Somerset West, can you believe it? I know, it’s crazy. The crowd was insane and I’m so proud of everyone for breaking the world record! It’s quite relatively mad to be there when something like this happens, it sort of felt like some other world yesterday. I love that surfer lifestyle man!

The crazy thing is that what I did yesterday, I will be doing today. Chilling to the max. Have an awesome day!

I’ll probably catch up later.

OMG!

OMG OMG!

OMG OMG OMG!

xoxo!

As you may have deduced by reading between the headline, Gossip Girl Season 2 is available to order in South Africa via the sandy place with bushmen. It is quite expensive and it is a region 1 DVD, but virtually all DVD players play region 1 anyway, unless you’re a plebb. Yeah so it’s R450 but that’s 1.5 grams, so what are you complaining about, Fabio?

We’ve spoken about Gossip Girl Season One (Here) and there is no doubt that season 2 is going to be a pearler. I caught a few episodes on a friends computer but as you know, I like to own the real thing.

But really, you should watch Gossip Girl. It will change your life. And it is fine for guys to watch it, trust me I watch it all the time and I’m a rad master. And I use bubblegum Lip Ice.

Click here to buy Gossip Girl Season 2 online in South Africa.

In and around your mouth…

“I wanna kiss you all over, and over again!”

Honestly, that’s what chicks are saying and thinking now that I have gone back to my childhood and bought what some may refer to as ‘camp’ Lip Ice. But I really don’t care, we’ll see how camp things are when I’m hooking your mom and your girlfriend. At my sex camp. Gimp.

There are certain things I remember from my childhood, one of them being automatic car washes AND petrol attendants washing the windscreen. To this day, I’m most relaxed with the smell of petrol around me (Addict) and the petrol attendant washing my windscreen. It’s a fact that I get the attendants to wash my windscreen every time I fill up, even if it’s clean. I don’t know why, but it’s so relaxing and it feels as though I’m thrown back in time to my youth. The same with automatic car washes…It relaxes me big time!

Anyway so another thing from my youth was Lip Ice, and more specifically the bubblegum flavoured ones. I have seen all these ads for Lip Ice saying the original is back, but I thought it was just me on crack and they were talking smack. Oddly enough Lip Ice is useful to heal the chapped lips you get from covering them in cocaine. It’s a helluva drug!

So with this new bubblegum Lip Ice you are guaranteed to come right! Not that I condone giving bubblegum to the youngsters to entice them, but I’m talking about the older girls, they love bubblegum Lip Ice! I actually can’t confirm this (Outside of my mind) but I’m going to try see if chicks really dig the bubblegum next time I’m out.

“Here suck my lolly pop”

“Ja I’ll eat your gum!”

“My gun?”

“SHUDDUP!”

Interesting. But it is important to let you know that you need to get hold of some bubblegum Lip Ice because it is awesome. Girls can use it as well as guys, and you will still come across as manly. You can sit at the braai eating red meat and drinking beer and whip the Lip Ice out, because if any one of the boys say anything you just bang their girlfriend and their mom courtesy of bubblegum Lip (Facial) Ice.

I don’t want to show too much confidence, but I think that bubblegum Lip Ice is the number one hook up trick this summer.

‘Hook up’ not to be confused with ‘hooker’

Go get some Lip Ice, have smoother lips, attract the opposite sex (Yes please) and ultimately be a better person.

Remember, Cape Town is currently suffering from dire weather conditions, necessitating that everyone leave the office immediately!

And tomorrow and Sunday, Earthwave 2009 will be happening at Muizenberg beach. Click here for the article on that.

Other than that, what else is going on?

There are way too many parties this weekend and choosing is becoming a bit of a mission. But honestly, I’m spent and I’m struggling to write today.

It’s the weather, all the beautiful people last night…struggling to process all of this!

And it’s also the Cape Town Alive Lazerquest party tonight, click here for that.

Mental!