Guys, girls, if you have a few minutes please do take that time and check out the post on O’Shea Properties. There are some 63 comments and it is turning into an absolute festival down there! There is literally enough content there for me to publish a book on O’Shea properties.

Have a read through those bad boy comments, you’ll be amazed. Regular news channels should take note of how we roll here at SLXS.

Step aside home school!

Crisis!

Apologies if I’m a little slow this week, I’m just learning all the new gadgets here. Trying to figure out how to place all our sponsors in that keep us alive and so on and so forth.

The SLXS logo will be changing, and we’ll be doing many more changes over the next few weeks/months, that will no doubt blow your mind. This is just the start. We’re on speed and we can’t be stopped. Right now I’ll run right through a brick wall, and then only bang the prom queen.

Just bear with us as we grow from child to man.

*In related news I just get first hair on ball*

“Yesh yesh, look at de vether!” I said to myself this morning, using my Dutch accent.

Because I’m Dutch. I kid you not, I have a Dutch passport, yeah baby! Austin Powers vajer!

Anyway, going with the theme of Dutch, I thought we’d check out Kapstadt webcam. This is not relating to the Afrikaans Dutchman, if you were wondering.

So this is Century City a few minutes ago:

Blaauwberg vibe

Sickie woo maximum styles.

Click HERE for the rest, including Table Mountain and all that other Cape Towny stuff.

Enjoy work!

*Playstation burns out*

*P.S My vinkie is a key! I love gold! Freaky deaky Dutch!*

UPDATE: Thanks to Roger for a link to Cape Town webcams on the traffic. Check that out over HERE. Nice!

Hush…hush…hush…

Silence!

I know this roar eminating comes from you demanding more posts and smut andf content and word philth, but we are experiencing something here.

Obviously with the SLXS site redesign my mind is elsewhere, not to mention the fact of working on plans for other websites.

Hey? Oh nothing to see here. OBVIOUSLY we’re not going for a new look and feel on SLXS, obviously!

I mean, why would we? Why would we want to get any better, hey hey?!

No seriously everything is fine here, the posts are just lacking because I’m lazy.

*Scene fades out*

This is boner-ific!

In another sign that I DOMINATE Facebook, we have this little pearler. I actually came up with the whole thing, I didn’t steal it from somewhere else. This is me, 100% raw, uncut and rad:

And you will see two girls liked that status, which just goes to show you can be a prick, but chicks will dig you anyway. It makes me feel sexy and naughty, all at the same time, knowing that I can fully get away with this type of rampant behavior.

Surnames removed, because the chances are if your boss finds out you know me, you will lose your job.

PEACE!

So Gary Coleman is in a new advert for New York Fries (Thanks to The Superficial for this) which might seem odd at first. For New York Fries it is cool because it’s cheap to get Gary Coleman to do a gig. Give him some small change, or some booze and he’s there like a baby bear.

ACTUAL SIZE

Other than that I couldn’t see why they would choose Gary Coleman. But then I found some reasons:

1) Gary is like a chip. Short and curly.

2) Gary is full of fat

3) If you are what you eat, then Gary is a chip.

Good grief, you don’t realise how much background information is taken into account before actually choosing a brand ambassador. It seems there is more to advertising executives than just cocaine and sex parties.

Mmmmmm…nice career.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

They say no man is an empire, or something like that. While I do all the writing for SLXS, I am nothing without the amazing people I surround myself with. They’re there to provide the humour and a reason for living, and they are a major reason for all the writing you see here every day, because I write if I’m happy. And I write every day now. This is a tribute to the phenomenal people in my life:

The Editor

Charlie V

Andy B

JJ

Chase

Josh and Rolz

Felgate (R)

Gary

“Gypsie”

Jo

Brendon: An average day in his life

Gaz

Ayce

Every guy, has at one stage or another thought about being in a plane that is going down. They would start thinking what they would do. While women would do their usual and complain that the pilot is a doos and that they ‘never wanted to take this flight anyway’, guys would make the most of what is…to be honest, a pretty shit situation and just go for gold. The mini bar would be emptied in a matter of seconds, any drugs being smuggled on board would be taken, and a female would be found so that sex is a very real dying possibility.

The point is, if you only have minutes left you’re going to want some action, and you may as well have some substances in your body to take reality away.

Now that’s if you were going to die in the next few minutes, but what if that were years? Apparently the Mayan calendar forecasts big things for 2012, when some people predict the world will end. It’s not altogether beyond the reach of reality that our current way of life will one day come to an end. In all probability, it will happen before our kids grow up. Ok, maybe the world won’t explode, but it will change suitably enough for us to actually kill ourselves. Like when oil runs out and we we are deprived of resources, no one is going to want to live.

Imagine living without a car, air travel, Hollywood films and sleazy Hollywood sex scandals? To be honest, I’d die if I didn’t read celebrity gossip every day. Not to mention the small ball ache of food shortages, water shortages and so on and so…ninth.

Now if the Mayan calendar vibe of 2012 is correct, we have two years to get absolutely mentally off our faces. If it’s true then we have full licence to get bent on every drug this planet has ever managed to make. I will basically start drinking clutch fluid just to see what happens.

“Mmmmm refreshing, DOT 4, smooth!”

At best, we have 10 years apparently before our oil supplies begin to take a curve towards hell. Which is why I won’t (Or will) have kids. What’s the point of stressing about raising kids, and then you die? I’d rather go out burning in a cocaine induced stupor, where I’m so mashed that I cannot feel a single thing.

I’ll probably survive the end of oil though, because I’ll be on my own island, growing vegetables, harvesting water and growing pot. I’ll always keep something deadly handy though, in case my crops fail. Like a massive warehouse of heroine! No one wants to die of starvation. Rather die tripping.

I’d also keep razor blades handy, so until the very end, none of the ladies have to sport bush.

Maybe the mayans are right and something mental is going to happen in 2012, like a meteor hitting earth or something.

To be honest, in some sadistic way I hope something crazy happens in 2012. As we know, all civilizations have come to an end and ours also has to. At the rate we’re trashing the planet, it doesn’t seem too far off that in the greater plans of the universe, that something mad will happen.

I’d love to see news networks covering meteorites hitting the planet, walking outside, seeing meteorites crash around me, take a hit of the biggest bong in existence, do a line of coke off the dog, look up, drop some acid, look down, take a swig of Jack, look up again and see a model waiting for me, in all her kit-off glory.

So…what are you planning for 2012? Drugs? Sex? Everything illegal?

(On a more serious note, is anyone keen on an putting together an “End Of The World” party for Cape Town in 2012, starting the morning before the world is supposed to end? Like go mental, rent out the entire Camps Bay Beach and have a full on blowout, get all the clubs involved. It would be mental! Have a fashion show, beach bars, slides etc…vibes?! The idea arouses me)

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I was doing a little mid afternoon Pick ‘n Paying (although to keep up appearances, let’s pretend I was at Constantia Woolies stocking up on salmon), because Pick ‘n Pay is hilarious mid afternoon. All the old grannies strolling around, hand selecting oranges and packets of vegetables and cuts of meat, all the while smiling and pottering along at a genuine Sunday pace.

So I picked up the Cape Argus no doubt due to it’s reliatively hilarious headline, “Women belong at home”

Go you good thing!

DA member Johan Visser “turned a post Women’s Day debate on its head when he quoted the Bible during his speech saying that God had created women  from men in order to be a help for men”

Well good God, if he’s quoting the Bible, then it must be right!

I don’t know much about the Bible, after getting kicked out of Bible class when I was younger. I distinctly remember the lesson and what occured.

“Well, you think I have a line problem? Have you seen how many lines are mentioned in the Bible?”

Yeah, that pretty much ended my relationship with those classes…

Moving on, if the Bible did really say this, then what is the fuss? And personally, any women who gets upset with this statement is a little loony. I’d be totally stoked if it said “Men belong at home” What guy wouldn’t?

Imagine chilling homeside while your bird is out working all day? Drinking, drugging, playing video games…sober up and shower just before the doll gets home and you’re sorted. If you’re looking after kids, just give them mild tranquilisers so they’re chilled all day and you’re A for Away! I’d be pumped if guys were meant to stay at home all day. There are not many guys who would oppose this view…

I do think Johan Visser is a pure class act though for dropping this on everyone at a post Women’s Day debate. Go Johan!

JV for president! Way to spice up proceedings, which I must admit must have been fairly boring. Imagine having a Women’s Day debate? What is there honestly to debate?

“Well they differ from the males in that they have tits”

“Yeah, yeah, agreed”

WOW that must have been exciting! Someone shoot my in the eye with a stun gun!

Vissers comments were greeted with shouts of “sexist” and “chauvinist” from the ANC benches while Cope members shook their heads.

I must simply state here that Visser is clearly in on a TV prank show, or he’s just a rocking comedian, because this is normally the level of humour that you pay for! And I don’t mean pay for as in the R4.80 for the Cape Argus, I mean as in pay for like buying tickets to a comedy show at like R150.

That is R4.80 quality for a Wednesday!

And then I’m winning the lottery later as well, can the day get any better?

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

So you all know Craigslist and if not, Google it because I’m too lazy to explain! Well it’s like a Gumtree sort of vibe overseas. Got quite big. Craig became wealthy. Chills now, big time.

Anyway I came across The Best Of Craigslist, and it’s another pearler of a time waster only seen before by FML and Texts From Last Night. It states that postings may be explicitly sexual, offensive, graphic, tastless and/or not funny.

YES!

It also says that if you “are under 18, please use your ‘back’ button and seek parental guidance.”

It contains pearlers such as Wingman for rent – Cheap and Beautiful house to share with two girls where the chicks say “Both of us are bi-sexual and sometimes host dildo parties with our girlfriends. Don’t worry, it is usually about 10 people in one of our bedrooms”

*That* is what I’m talking about! Click those headlines for the specific articles, and click HERE for The Best Of Craigslist. Turn your e-mail off, tell the boss to not bother you for a good couple of hours and just zone out.

You’ve deserved it big guy.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I did this painting a couple of years back while high on crack, and for some reason unknown it became quite popular. I was actually painting this chick with a wry little smile on her face. The inspiration for this smile came from a trance party I was at a few years prior where this mom had her child over her shoulder. The kid was rummaging in the moms bag and pulled out a square of acid, slipped it into her mouth and smiled at me with the most devilish smile, knowing that I could do nothing to stop this little mongrel from having the trip of her life.

So there’s some background to “Mona Lisa”. I was going to do a sexual painting called the “Moaning Lisa”, but half way through I got a hard on and poked her eye out. So I stuck to something regular.

So my painting now sits in the Louvre Museum in Paris, surrounded by bullet proof glass which is only fitting considering it comes from the hands of me. There was this chick who once touched me and then kept that hand in bubble wrap for the rest of her life (Still currently going) because she didn’t want anything to touch that hand.

My “Ten Minute Artwork”, surrounded by bullet proof glass

So this looney chicks throws a mug of English Breakfast Tea at my Mona Lisa, and I know she is crazy because Mona doesn’t drink tea, she drops acid. The great thing about this story though is the fact that authorities haven’t just called her crazy for trying to throw tea at a painting surrounded by bullet proof glass, they’ve gone so far as to give her a syndrome, with a name!

She is being held in custody and is said to have undergone a psychological examination.

And this, according to Dailymail:

Doctors were trying to assess whether she was suffering from Stendhal Syndrome, a rare condition that causes dizziness, confusion or violent acts when exposed to art.

Are you kidding me? The po-lice CANNOT be serious!

I think the cops need Jesus!

How have we developed as a human race to actually name a syndrome where people lose their tits when exposed to art? It’s called “crazy” and this chick is crazy. So what, she threw some tea at a bullet proof window? If anything she should be classified a re-tard for thinking that her tea would actually damage the window. She’s a little simple and a little slow, so we should actually be sending her back to school. But to say she has Stendhal Syndrome is just pushing affairs a little bit.

(Apologies for the lack of posts, winter hits my creativity hard. Working on that. Something to do with not seeing the sun for so long, it takes me down.)

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Cape Town benefits from some of the finest weather on the planet with long, hot summers accentuated by movie stars and models visiting the city, and capped off with the hottest crowd and the best nightclubs in the world. Everything about Cape Town revolves around excess, from million rand cars to mansions for houses, it’s all here. Some of Cape Town’s favourite nightclubs and restaurants are located on the Camps Bay Strip overlooking palm trees and the beach and provide the perfect setting for the worlds elite. We’ve seen Billy Zane in the city, Matt Damon, Colin Farrell, Salma Hayek, President Clinton and Jared Leto to mention but a few of the movie stars who have come to work and play in the city.

Summers generally hit a high note from November right through till March, giving us a full five months of sheer summer bliss. In those 5 months you will see more parties, more fun and more money than you would care to know.

As a playground for the rich and famous, Cape Town sets the scene for people to indulge in their wildest fantasies. Beach parties, pool parties, house parties, parties parties, it’s all here!

Winters can get cold, but never extremely cold and most people get away with jeans and thicker tops, but it’s really not necessary to break out the NorthFace and GoreTex jackets because we won’t be seeing snow!

Summer requires nothing more than some boardshorts or a bikini, and your credit card. The action is all provided by the city and it’s locals, who don’t even dream of going anywhere else in the world. There is no other place in the world where so many people in a city take photos of their sunsets. Look at any person in Cape Towns cellphone, and you are virtually guaranteed to find a photo of a sunset in it.

Let’s have a little look at the current live weather forecast:

We love the city, and we know you will too. So come on, book your ticket and come and explore the city of dreams. I’ll see you around the city! And if you need anything relating to Cape Town, getting here, really…anything, then don’t hesitate to contact me at seanl (at) slxs (dot) co (dot) za

I tend to say things in Cape Town and they catch on VERY quickly. So before any of you Grandwest rommel dobblers try to steal my next phrase or word, let it be known that these are claimed:

I used this on an American bird the other day at 91.

“Where you partying on Sunday” She purred to me.

“Camps Bay-bee!” I replied. See how I managed to make it like “Camps Bay baby!” I just made it into one word. I often have to do this in my life because I do so much, I don’t have time for full words. And that’s the reason I only tend to want to hook up with ultra skinny chicks, because I need to fit more in. BOOM!

When referring to Reddam school you will say “Red-damn!”

With Herschel it’s Whoreschel, although that has probably been claimed already, I claimed it on the internet and Bill Gates will verify that.

Rustenberg school can either be “Thrustenberg” or, I know this is icky, but “Thrushtenberg”

I’m just letting you know, if you use those words and don’t reference Sean Lloyd and/or SLXS, you’ll get seven years of  big boned chicks scoring you while you’re passed out drunk.

Yeah, take that George Clooney.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

So you will have heard people going tits off about the fact that today is 07/08/09. So at 12:34:56 it will be 12:34:56 07/08/09.

Oh woop dee doo Basil you can count to 9, well done! You tit.

Does anyone actually care about this? Personally, I don’t. And considering it’s Friday and that time is near lunch, most of Cape Town will be drunk or stoned, so I doubt they care either. No one cares about counting to 9 other than pre-school kids. And let’s be honest they have a reason to be excited about that.

It was just yesterday that they stopped pissing on their desks at school.

Sean Lloyd

Editor