URGENT! URGENT!

I’m not wearing pants today! And neither will you be, young lady, if you don’t stop giving me those looks…

Rory sent me a little note today that had my right foot wrangling in pain…my juice foot. That’s juice with a “J” and not a “P”, I can see how this can easily be mistaken.

Anyway, apparently word on the street is that we’re about to get absolutely punished by some sneaky sneaky traffic cops, and as is known myself and the crew have a love for a heavy right foot, we’re going to get in trouble. Because really, who can actually drive at 60km/hr? That’s so slow you can roll  a blunt while driving. I’m just saying.

Well these new speeding camera cars look like normal cars with roof mounted carriers, but they actually contain cameras. Oooooooooh fok!

FML

The BORING police

The ghost squad are a specialist unit operating in unmarked vehicles and…I think I just piss myself. Seriously, this sucks. I like to break the law. I like to chat on my phone and light a cigar at the same time as indicating and turning while checking out that hot chick that is always running.

So offending motorists will be flagged down by these unmarked cars (And new bikes — Ja Meneer Spiet Kop!) and the officers will have the power to arrest.

The unit will focus on the offences that I commit daily including talking on your cell phone (Places to go and people to see — bee-atch), cutting in (I’m always late), driving under the influence of alcohol (Only crack cocaine of late) and illegal U-Turns. I honestly never knew that any U-Turn was illegal. This is like going back to school, I’m learning so much!

The Ghost Squad will be based at Gallows Hill in Green Point and the name “gallows” is fitting because that place is like death, even more so now.

So you know they say you should only focus on the positive things in life, use “the Secret”, the law of attraction? Well if that’s true then let’s stop talking about this!

Let’s rather go to the beach instead and pretend none of this is true. Because. It’s. Not.

It can’t be. I don’t want it to be. If anyone starts talking to you about the Cape Town ghost squad just stick your fingers in your ears and go “a la la la la I can’t hear you”

Like a big chick trying to score you in Tin Roof in standard 7, ignore it and it will go away.

Life is so boring at the moment, they wouldn’t even let me light up my crack pipe at Exclusive Books the other day. WTF?

UPDATE: The Golf’s are the Ghost Squad, not the Toyota’s…The Toyota’s just cruise around more checking for parking fines and that stuff. More info to come, surely. Thanks to those who replied.

Sean Lloyd

Editor