The British and Irish Lions touring squad to South Africa is going to be announced later today, which I’m sure you’ll be happy to know! Obviously tour bookings for the British and Irish Lions Tour to South Africa are taking place, so you’d be foolish to miss all this!

Incidentally, SA Sport Travel are doing the whole British and Irish Lions Tour to South Africa, so if you’re not in South Africa, they’ll get you here!

Click HERE to be suitably redirected.

Chat later, things at SLXS are too ridiculous right now to speak of, or even type of!

*Ninja Bomb*

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

One of the things we’re not very good at in South Africa is spending money wisely. We’re tops at spending money, I mean, we sure know how to rock star it! We’ll have Tony Yengeni drinking champers at Caprice, we’ll spend a few billion on submarines for some unknown reason and everyone in government get’s a bonus even if they virtually floored the economy in its chops.Our economy can run negative and you can be rest assured that JZ and his pimp crew will be rolling on dubz and kicking it in new pads.

We invest in health ministers who can’t even quit drinking in hospital and we have JZ doing his shenanigans every day of the week. I think if South Africa were a rock band, we’d definitely be Motley Crue, and if we were a rock band member, we’d be Keith Richards.

So now we’re talking about a dole system (Article HERE) which immediately sets alarm bells ringing in my head. A red light flashes…my brain slows…CORRUPTION!

Whenever we mention the “b” word, that being billions, I think we’re headed for trouble. You see, when billions is mentioned, we forget the millions. So South Africa will spend R30 billion on this dole system per year, and you can be sure that someone will go cashing on a few millions along the way.

Entrusting our government to R30 billion is like entrusting Keith Richards with your coke stash, Andy Dick with your vibrator or Russell Brand…with your daughter. They’re surely going to use it for otherwise reasons!

If I have a daughter one day, there are some of my friends who she is FORBIDDEN to talk to, because I know she’ll hit 18 and they will shag her. They will! I mean my daughter should shag. She should shag herself crazy as long it’s with someone decent and she’s wrapping tools.

This is the very same way that South Africa should be forbidden from having a dole system. It’s going to end up in more government officials going on more tax payer sanctioned holidays, more people will be unemployed and there will be more space for dodgy activities. I’d just as soon trust our government with R30 billion as I’d trust my penis to fight herpes, as I’d trust Ted Bundy to babysit my kids, as I’d let a German tourist choose my shoes and socks (I can like to wear a safari suit at the V&A Waterfront)

If we take a look at Britain, we can see what the doll has done for them. Everyone’s killing each other in between watching soccer games, and kids are pumping out new kids like the Arabs pump out oil. It’s phenomenal, those chavs.

Your average, respectable bunch of chavs

To be honest, I’m all for unsheltered unemployment! It let’s people craft creative ways of making money. It’s probably one reason for the thriving tik industry, which to be honest, is fabulous at population control. Surely more effective than silly diseases like AIDS which take way too long to work and cost the tax payer a small fortune.

If our tax wasn’t wasted on stupid things, South Africa would basically be paved in gold and we’d ALL be addicted to booze and cocaine! I mean, who wouldn’t be? The country would be so fabulously wealthy that the last thing to do would be to get hold of a substance addiction. All the rock stars do it, and everyone wants to be Keith Richards.

I’m just saying, this dole system seems a little spicy.

Now if it were a doll in the other sense of the world, where they all import every single guy a Swedish underwear model to shag, then I’d be all for it! But again it would be open to corruption. Every married man would dump his trophy wife, leaving a whole lot of useless plastic wives roaming the landscape, further fuelling unemployment and the curse of the “Zero IQ”

We’d have a great deal of plastic ex wives with massive tits and bums like 12 year olds (Wait…success!), but no one would want to shag them. Some of the homeless would, but this would further exasperate the disease rates in the country.

Either way, getting either of these doll/dole systems, or not getting them, is going to result in massive amounts of disease and drug abuse.

So I say we skip the R30 billion dole system.

Invest it in Robben IsleBiza (Check out that sick place HERE) and the country will be wealthier than Dubai.

That way we’ll have a sick party island, sex will be abundant and we’ll all have drug problems.

And…success!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I thought I’d drop you a quick reminder here, for the locals and the foreigners alike to register on Cape Town Alive — Your Travel Community.

Basically what you can do is register, and then you have access to party updates and all the people in the community. So kind of like an online community for Cape Town. I hesitate to say it’s a Cape Towns Facebook, because it’s definitely more tight knit, topic driven and focused, whereas
Facebook is just a general “Muck about I hate my job” type of scene. Connect with friends, register to be reminded of parties, post blogs, read blogs and essentially, meet and chat with cool new people in Cape Town. So it’s like taking the city, and putting it online, MENTAL!

Whereas I’m a one man band (Some say a one man wrecking ball), Cape Town Alive is based on the community, and everyone who contributes to it.

So if you’re from Cape Town, or wanting to visit Cape Town, you can kick on over to Cape Town Alive and get connected with like minded people, discuss matters of the city and generally feel the city inside you. Which, believe me, is a phenomenal feeling.

Some say it feels like a drug…others say it’s like that first feeling of love.

I call it boneable.

So click HERE to check out Cape Town Alive, register, and be a better person!

I — N — S — A — N — E!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Cars aren’t quite the topic of conversation at any party anymore, whether it be a wealthy cocaine fest, or a poor Coke Light fest.

For the wealthy crowd, they always have a couple of poorer friends and so they don’t talk about excess expenditure, for fear of making their poor friends seem insignificant. I mean, otherwise they would freely do cocaine off the dining room mirror, instead of going to the bathroom. They also don’t mention their Aston’s exorbitant fuel usage, because there is bound to be some hippy nearby who will throttle them with a Prius’ clutch cable, and bash them with a lithium ion battery.

For the poor, they don’t talk about cars because…well…there’s really nothing much to discuss on a Toyota Tazz.

“It’s actually got Bosch windscreen wipers”

“Mmmmmm…interesting…Daaaaave”

And most of them have taken to riding bikes anyway.

I understand all of this, I really do, and that’s why I wrote it. But surely we can put together some decent car program on television? And by decent, here is what I mean:

Young and vibrant

Anyone who sports a moustache and tries to be sexy will fail. I recall a few years ago when that one presenter on TopCar(The dude with the ‘tache) had a model sit in one of the cars. They tried to make the program sexual, but it just doesn’t work.

Dude you’re over 40 and sporting a moustache, it’s hardly going to get your target market bone-ified. Remember, your target market is essentially guys. And yes, girls do watch the show, hence having good looking, young guys as presenters. And hell, why not have some female presenters? It’s always guys, and there are some girls out there who could do a car program.

Imagine me headlining the program! In The Hummer!

No ex sports stars

The problem with ex sports stars is that they were designed to run fast, or save goals, and they were not designed to be funny. Think Gary Bailey on TopCar or whatever it was. The other problem is that a lot of them like Joost van der Westhuizen are constantly doing coke off hookers. Not a good vibe!They also try to hang onto their glory days, and as Joel and Joost have shown…bad idea! It’s over guys, you were the dream. Now you’re just the nightmare.

Don’t give stats

No one cares about torque or any of that stuff. And if they do want to know this stuff, I’ll introduce them to Google. We want fun. What is fun? I’ll show you fun! And whatever you do, don’t try emulate TopGear. We’ve seen M-Net copy overseas programs like Big Brother and Idols, and it always results in broken dreams.

Where are theIdols winners now, singing my “Rooi Rok” at the base of an escalator at a Brakpan shopping centre? Be original boys.

Do out of the ordinary

Come up with cool ideas. Like for instance, do a piece on drivers licenses. Get a driving instructor to rate your driving now that you drive regularly, and not under the watchful eyes of a driving test instructor. Arrive at the test drinking a beer. Wheel spin. Hand brake turn. Talk on your phone. Klap a J. Get him to rate your driving. Just do anything other than drive a car down the road describing it’s new cupholders. The car is a sideline, the entertainment is the feature.

Invite traffic cops onto the show

Let’s be honest, how much funnier could it get than interviewing a spiet kop?

I dunno guys, these are just a couple of ideas off the top of my head. There are a lot of people in South Africa who are way better than ex sports stars, we can surely write an original car program? Put us all in a room, throw some ideas around?

Anyone keen to shoot a pilot?

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I love and hate you guys all at the same time.

Check out my post over HERE on CapeTownAlive.

Great!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Some people wonder how I continually make all these sick headlines, well, I suppose it’s what happens when you throw out the amount of RAD that I do, on a daily basis.

While some blogs are homeschooling themselves, at SLXS, we’ve just graduated!

Some may think I should be published on Idiot Leader, or Class Clown Leader, but the powers that be think otherwise.

And so we come to another monumental milestone. First our Afrigator rating jumped some 900 places in under 2 days, and now I’m being honoured by being published on Mail & Guardians Thought Leader Reader Blog. What next? World domination? Dare I say, a blog award next year?

It’s all speculation now, but this year is turning out to be hilarious. Stay tuned, no doubt there is loads more hilarity to come.

“Everything I do…I do it for you”

Bryan Adams once sang that. Now I’m singing it…to you.

Remember that.

Click HERE to read Sean Lloyd featured on Mail & Guardians Thought Leader. And yes, I can, and will, refer to myself in the third person.

Naturally, the piece is entitled “Environmentalists fuel alcoholism”

This is my Raging Bull to De Niro.

My Fight Club to Pitt.

My Hugh Grant to Divine Brown.

Aaaaaand…GO!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

As my life gets more bizarre and I spiral into a full blown leisure attack, all I really do all day is entertain people. It’s what I gotta do! Whether it’s on Twitter, Facebook or here on SLXS, my only goal in life is to make other people happy.

“Everything I do…I do it for you“

I know…so selfless…such a humanitarian. You can use this same Facebook status if you want, or use it when you write a letter to your boss taking the day off:

“Sean is doing a Fritzl and staying in today”

Oh my Lordy Lord!

That’s pretty clever hey? YES IT IS!

Or if you’re going to get a bottle of wine out of your cellar, you can just say “I’m going to get a Fritzl”

There are a multitude of uses for this one, try mixing it up a little bit. Even if you’re fathering an illegitimate child, you can “father a Fritzl”

It’s just SO mental here right now!

For more of this type of garbage, just follow me HERE on Twitter.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Well kids, it’s the IPL parade through Cape Town today and I guarantee you don’t want to be driving through there! Cape Town City Centre is bad enough on a regular day, on an IPL Parade — trashed!
Even worse is the fact that the Cape Minstrels are involved — If I hate anything in Cape Town it’s the Minstrels! They are a hazard on feet. Playing their minstrel thingies.

The parade taken place between 14:30 and 16:00 today and the roads are being closed from 12pm until 4pm. Good luck in town today, ha!

The procession minces up Keizersgracht Road which happens to be closed to traffic between Russell and Adderley Streets between 12:00 and 16:00.

It then shmoozes West along Darling Street and past The City Hall, then the Mayor is going to greet the procession. I take it this is Helen Zille. I have been known to be mistaken though!

Then it’ll take a right into Adderley Street and kick it along to Walter Sisulu Boulevard (No idea where that is either) It will then do a round about the circle, cruise back along Adderley Street, then turn into Hertzog Boulevard where it will end. And in the end, this is what the Cape Town City Centre will probably look like today:

So you know…stay in today buggers. Go to the beach. Go for lunch in Simons Town. Visit Noordhoek. Go for a run. Do something. Just stay out of town.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I’ve been perusing the May 2008 Men’s Health at my leisure (I deal in leisure…and pleasure…ladies…) and came across an article advertising Clicks and their flu shots, and vitamin C and whatever else.

And it reminds me to remind you of this for your own good. This year you don’t have to worry about the flu. You need to worry about me.

‘Cos I will bust you up.

You see, as the warm days draw to a close, and we start throwing on our Chinchilla coats (Sorry PETA, I’ll buy you a bag of sprouts to make up for it), people start complaining that they are getting sick. More specifically, people start saying that they have “a bit of the flu”

I’m not an emotional person when it comes to lashing out. In fact, I’m super chilled, if you haven’t already noticed. But I promise to bust you up, if you look at me and go “Sean I think I’m coming down with a bit of flu”, I will take a rock out of my pocket, and I will bust your head with it.

I’ll take a hammer, and bust you a shot on the head with it, leaving a huge knot!

I’m being serious ladies and gentleman, don’t give me this sorry excuse of coming down with “the flu” It’s called a COMMON COLD.

I have been fortunate enough to enjoy some 24 years on this earth. 24 years. And I’ve had flu once in my entire life. When I had flu my body was all messed up. Pissing on my face. Vomiting. I lost track of time, I was shivering in the sun, then I’d wake up at 3am boiling hot and go sit at my fish pond. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t touch people naughtily. Couldn’t even smoke crack. AND in the past 10 or 12 years, I’ve never had flu injection, and I’ve never caught flu in that time either. Amazing hey? No, not amazing, just awesome!

So that is flu ladies and gents.

But when you have a blocked nose, don’t tell me you have a bit of the flu. Don’t even mention it ANYWHERE in Cape Town that you have flu. Don’t whisper it to yourself, your girlfriend, no one! Because I am Cape Town. I have eyes and ears everywhere. I’ll hear you, and I’ll drive my car to your house, and I’ll bust your head with a jackhammer. I’ll probably eat the food in your fridge as well.

I’m being serious, don’t laugh. I’ll hear you laughing. Then I’ll come after you and whip this rock out of my pocket and then you better pray that you do have flu, because I’m the pain train.

There is really nothing that boils me up inside more than this topic. And those of you who go “Yeah I’m on antibiotics, I have flu”, I’ll bust you too. Those people who go on antibiotics every year, YOU’RE the ones who cause all the disease in the world! You’re the ones who create drug resistant diseases. You’re the fools. I’ll never lie to you, and I won’t start now. I haven’t been properly sick in over two years since reading Patrick Holfords Optimum Nutrition Bible. I take 1 gram of vitamin C every day of my life. And Solgar VM2000 vitamin supplement. It’s all you need. I’ve also NEVER been on antibiotics for anything. True story right there. I suppose I am superhuman though…

Bu t don’t come with this antibiotic story, because I’ll bust you up, then I’ll bust up the doctor who prescribed the antibiotics.

I’m watching you Cape Town…

Sean Lloyd

Editor in RAD

I’ve just been browsing the May 2009 issue of Men’s Health, and there is a great piece on Usain Bolt. I was just looking at the photo included and it reminded me of something I thought of a while ago.

When these guys are running the 100 metres in major competition finals, why do they still need to wear numbers? All the timing is done electronically and by camera, and we know who the guys are anyway so is there really a need for the numbers?

2163 breaks world record!

The guys are all tight clothing and aerodynamic, and then they have to pin stupid numbers onto themselves. It all seems a little elementary my dear. It’s like wearing a name tag to be Knighted by The Queen. In other words it’s a bit messed up.

Does no one else notice this? Am I on crazy pills?

Is this website real?

Jamaican me crazy!

Sean Lloyd

El Capitan

I remembered when I left school in 2003 and everyone said they were moving to London, and people still say that. The haters say that!

I’ve just been browsing DailyMail and came across two interesting stories. The first one is an article entitled “London suffering from shocking rise in rare Victorian diseases”

It goes on to say that typhoid, whooping cough and scarlet fever are on the rise. That’s SO cool, I REALLY want to move to London for that! I blame it on the dire lack of a life over there, including life giving sunlight.

Then there is another article entitled “Hottest day of the year as parts of Britain bask in 21 C sun”

I honestly thought they were joking when I read this! 21 degrees celsius? Cape Town eats that for breakfast man!

I was then browsing Facebook (You should sign up, it’s fairly new, but very useful), and stumbled upon some photos of one or two of my girlfriends at this years Pro-X extreme sports event in Cape Town. Some of the angels I know were promoting Monster Energy Drink. So what I did, without their permission at all (That’s how I roll), was take these photos and upload them on SLXS to show you that in Cape Town, everything is going great!

While London is COLD and UNHEALTHY, Cape Town is this:

That’s what we refer to as “healthy”

And this is what we refer to as “baking”

I love this city, wooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooo!

And to all the other girls interested in the SLXS lifestyle and hanging out with the crew, that is what you should look like. It’s not that I’m vain, superficial or shallow in the least (Well I am actually), but if you don’t fit into this category of hotness, then unfortunately I can’t hang out with you or be seen with you.

It’s just that the SLXS readers trust me to only bring them the best of what Cape Town has to offer, and if I let them down, then it’s bad for brand SLXS that we have built up painstakingly.

But let’s not see this as a negative thing. For you who don’t have bodies like that, it only motivates you to get into the gym, so that you can in fact hang out with us and live the lifestyle! I see SLXS as the grain of rice that you dangle in front of the starving sweatshop worker.

It makes him work harder!

And so SLXS makes you work harder, to be your best! You see it’s not all about my sexual desire, in fact my angel, this is all about you!

And if you don’t look like the above angels, you’re only letting yourselves down in the end.

And by letting yourselves down, don’t think I’m angry with you. I’m just disappointed.

Kisses.

And……….run!

(If you fit the description of the above, don’t hesitate to send photos to me to be added into the SLXS portfolio: seanl (at) slxs (dot) co (dot) za )

Sean Lloyd

Editor in SICK!

These photos are courtesy of the group on Facebook, “Easter Vortex Fire 2009″, over HERE.

 ”Mmmmm I’ll quickly log onto FMYLIFE to record this”

Disco Inferno!

“What are appearing to be happening here officer?”

“Hey no man my buddy in Debben will have it spic ‘n span in no time ‘n all!”

“Dude…I’m tripping balls!”

Mental times!

There are just fires everywhere at the moment, and have you noticed a trend? NO ONE brings marshmallows! Gosh, idiots!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

As I said, the Two Oceans Forries After Party was a complete mind bender, but what was more powerful was when three of the greatest forces in South Africa came together. (Ladies,throw your panties at us later…g-strings at least) I was chilling there, kicking, watching the mom breastfeed her baby (No jokes — Forries — Outside section where the jungle gyms are — ACE!) when I felt the need to cruise outside. There is some dude kicking in an Ed Hardy t-shirt (No stress for the recession) and some sick blue Wayfarer style sunnies. Jesus made it to the party!

“Anyone drive a pick up? I can’t fit all these panties into my sedan”

The force of the collision of three greats caused orgasmic screams from the chicks, and suddenly Forries got a whole lot wetter. There we were, Charlie V, my creative director in chief, Nash, and myself.

Look ladies, it’s what we do, don’t blame us. Guys, don’t hate us. One day all men will be made this way.

Until now, the chicks have us.

You guys can take our hand offs.

And by hand offs I mean National Geographic candidates.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I was just taking a drive to Kenilworth and nearly wet myself when I saw a fire! I thought my meth lab was ablaze!

It turns out the Military base just before Ottery is on fire. It seems like a “controlled fire”

And by controlled in South Africa we really mean “raging the hell out of control”   Remember all the bushes at the military base? ALL gone! Stay away from the Kenilworth area (Pick up your light bulbs this evening), there are piggy’s and fire engines everywhere. Serious traffic orgy!

The view from Kenilworth Centre (KC as the locals call it)

I tried to sneak my way into the inferno area (Remember, I risk my life for you every day) but a little piggy got in my way.

Oh piggy can run…

Rad!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

We received this from our favourite information girl, Kim, and she has let us know that the Spur Adventure Charity Challenge is taking place at Lourensford Wine Estate on the 19th of April 2009, that’s this weekend!

Check the details:

Enter the Spur Adventure Charity Challenge, an outdoor challenge for the whole family. There’s the Adventure Challenge, an introduction to adventure racing, the Bushbaby Trail for under 10′s and the Nature Hike for keen walkers.

The event takes place in Cape Town on the 19th of April at Lourensford Wine Estate. Join South African adventure racer and seven times Dusi Marathon winner, Martin Dreyer, to raise money for charity when he competes in the event.

Entry is R65 for the adventure challenge and R30 each for the Bush Baby Trail and Nature Hike and the full entry fee goes to feed hungry children in the country.

Sick!

I think this is a great way to raise money, it’s just a pity about the date, being the day after one of the worlds biggest off road triathlons, the DueSouth Xterra.

Then again the Spur Adventure challenge is catering towards a different, slightly less extreme market and it sounds fantastic.

Click HERE for more information on the Spur Adventure Charity Challenge, and do your bit towards feeding the children of our country, while burning a calorie or two.

Sean Lloyd

Editor