One of the things we’re not very good at in South Africa is spending money wisely. We’re tops at spending money, I mean, we sure know how to rock star it! We’ll have Tony Yengeni drinking champers at Caprice, we’ll spend a few billion on submarines for some unknown reason and everyone in government get’s a bonus even if they virtually floored the economy in its chops.Our economy can run negative and you can be rest assured that JZ and his pimp crew will be rolling on dubz and kicking it in new pads.

We invest in health ministers who can’t even quit drinking in hospital and we have JZ doing his shenanigans every day of the week. I think if South Africa were a rock band, we’d definitely be Motley Crue, and if we were a rock band member, we’d be Keith Richards.

So now we’re talking about a dole system (Article HERE) which immediately sets alarm bells ringing in my head. A red light flashes…my brain slows…CORRUPTION!

Whenever we mention the “b” word, that being billions, I think we’re headed for trouble. You see, when billions is mentioned, we forget the millions. So South Africa will spend R30 billion on this dole system per year, and you can be sure that someone will go cashing on a few millions along the way.

Entrusting our government to R30 billion is like entrusting Keith Richards with your coke stash, Andy Dick with your vibrator or Russell Brand…with your daughter. They’re surely going to use it for otherwise reasons!

If I have a daughter one day, there are some of my friends who she is FORBIDDEN to talk to, because I know she’ll hit 18 and they will shag her. They will! I mean my daughter should shag. She should shag herself crazy as long it’s with someone decent and she’s wrapping tools.

This is the very same way that South Africa should be forbidden from having a dole system. It’s going to end up in more government officials going on more tax payer sanctioned holidays, more people will be unemployed and there will be more space for dodgy activities. I’d just as soon trust our government with R30 billion as I’d trust my penis to fight herpes, as I’d trust Ted Bundy to babysit my kids, as I’d let a German tourist choose my shoes and socks (I can like to wear a safari suit at the V&A Waterfront)

If we take a look at Britain, we can see what the doll has done for them. Everyone’s killing each other in between watching soccer games, and kids are pumping out new kids like the Arabs pump out oil. It’s phenomenal, those chavs.

Your average, respectable bunch of chavs

To be honest, I’m all for unsheltered unemployment! It let’s people craft creative ways of making money. It’s probably one reason for the thriving tik industry, which to be honest, is fabulous at population control. Surely more effective than silly diseases like AIDS which take way too long to work and cost the tax payer a small fortune.

If our tax wasn’t wasted on stupid things, South Africa would basically be paved in gold and we’d ALL be addicted to booze and cocaine! I mean, who wouldn’t be? The country would be so fabulously wealthy that the last thing to do would be to get hold of a substance addiction. All the rock stars do it, and everyone wants to be Keith Richards.

I’m just saying, this dole system seems a little spicy.

Now if it were a doll in the other sense of the world, where they all import every single guy a Swedish underwear model to shag, then I’d be all for it! But again it would be open to corruption. Every married man would dump his trophy wife, leaving a whole lot of useless plastic wives roaming the landscape, further fuelling unemployment and the curse of the “Zero IQ”

We’d have a great deal of plastic ex wives with massive tits and bums like 12 year olds (Wait…success!), but no one would want to shag them. Some of the homeless would, but this would further exasperate the disease rates in the country.

Either way, getting either of these doll/dole systems, or not getting them, is going to result in massive amounts of disease and drug abuse.

So I say we skip the R30 billion dole system.

Invest it in Robben IsleBiza (Check out that sick place HERE) and the country will be wealthier than Dubai.

That way we’ll have a sick party island, sex will be abundant and we’ll all have drug problems.

And…success!

Sean Lloyd

Editor