I do hope you’re not reading this in the hope of finding out the intricate details of the Argus Cycle Tour, because if you are, you may find yourself in the wrong place. I won’t talk about the winners because that would mean that I am talking about hot guys (Literally) in spandex. Not my vibe.

So who did we see at the 2009 Cape Argus Pick ‘n Pay Cycle Tour that we though deserved a mention? I’ll tell you who. Hot birds! Check, check, check it to the max.

Firstly we had this doll arrive right in front of us (At the Mount Rhodes entrance) and just pose there, for about an hour while I graciously scanned over her curves.She stodd in this pose the whole time, like she has prior modelling experience. You know, hips curved sort of vibe. One foot out. Shit hot.

 SICK!

I did notice that she is married, and she was probably waiting for her husband. NEVERTHELESS, she was in public domain, and for that we reserve the right to take her photo and study it in detail, at our will. Crisis in my life, I’ve never seen so many guys stare at a girl in my life. Bike riders were coming past and ust staring, and when they knew we knew they were stared, they had a good laugh! It could also be that her apron she was wearing had a picture of a chicks body in lingerie.God knows I was staring! From my perch.

If you’re hot you can perch on my branch, you know…vibes.

Second hottie of the day was Ed Hardy chick.

SWEET!

This MILF (I assume) was prancing up and down Suikerbossie wearing all Ed Hardy stuff. Now either she has just come back from Thailand where little Thai boys made this fake clothing at a cost of $1 per thousand items of clothing, or she is wealthy and bought it at the V&A Waterfront. I’d like to believe she bought it at Ed Hardy at the V&A Waterfront. That makes her wealthy, and wealthy chicks are attractive.It’s not that I’m shallow…it’s just…it’s just…WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A RECESSION! A man needs to think aobut money issues!

There were also these chicks, positioned next to us who seemed alright.

Then some dude and his chick.

Nice one buddy, she is a keeper. Don’t cock it up by thinking you can pull a hotter bird. I studied you two and you are playing out of your league. Don’t try be a hero and try pull that doll you have been scoping at Caprice. Go for a more settled lifestyle, you’re not a rock star. Play the game safe, don’t throw all your chips in.

And lastly, I was there. Just chilling, while the riders strained past me. I think I had the right idea, and the only way to spend the 2009 Cape Argus Pick ‘n Pay Cycle Tour was to lie in the road, on Suikerbossie, and throw out a sick vibe.

“No I’m just chilling babes”

Sean Lloyd

Editor

This from Lee’s “Making the change”:

Call for stories

“We are looking for stories that describe our time. We want images and narratives that have the power to Make History. Send us a new way of seeing and describing our world. Be it a snapshot, a portrait, a landscape or a simple detail; nonfiction from everyday life,  this is where history is being recorded”

Submit yours:

“Make History with words and photos. Send us yours. We will publish the best picture stories in the most prominent fashion magazines for the Lee campaign. Some of them will be installed in Lee’s flagship stores around the world. The best entry will be awarded $400000″

Not too shabby Nige!

So that’s the vibe we here at SLXS are going for. Breaking out the photos, rhyming the most wicked word styles and maxing it out to a sick level.

‘Cos that’s where we’re at right now.

Click HERE to check out the Lee MakingHistory website, and to submit your entries.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I know exactly what you are thinking and the answer is a resounding “YES!”

I DID just do that!

You see, Mat Damon was in a movie called The Departed, and I was sneaky sneaky, and managed to find a use for the word “depart” in the heading.

I know, tell me about it! You don’t just grab a diploma in journalism for being a below average story teller (Degree’s are too hectic for a man such as myself, a man of leisure and pleasure)

I bet D-Dog (We used to call him this in my LA days) uses the line:

“Do you have a sewing machine”

Chick: “Why?”

“Cos these puppies are ripped!”

Or:

“Do you know of a good vet?”

Chick: “Why?”

“Cos these puppies are sick!”

So anyway according to THIS article, Matt Damon will be riding in the Cape Argus/Pick ‘n Pay cycle tour. It’s such an amazing feeling bombing down the other side of Suikerbossie knowing you have conquered it (Yeah, I know the feeling, cleaned about 8 cycle tours myself — True story) It makes you feel like a free man.

Oh my word did you…

Did you…

Oh no you didn’t…

BUT OH YES I DID!

Did you pick up the vibe there?

A free man.

FREEMAN.

Morgan Freeman plays Nelson Mandela in this movie that is being filmed in Cape Town. It’s about some rugby cup in the world.

It’s interesting that Lewis Pugh swam to Robben Island just as Nelson was slotting that kick in the 1995 World Cup. It felt like just the other day.

So yeah anyway my buddy Mike has a house at Mount Rhodes which is on the left hand side of Suikerbossie, half way up. And this is where we will be, Team SLXS will be cheering along the riders as they bleed profusely from everywhere on race day.

Come on boys, harden up, I’ve sweated blood for many years riding that bike race. The only difference between you and me is that after sitting in the saddle for a few hours, I still managed to get it up and bang ALL the Energade cheerleaders. Or Powerade.

It’s hard to concentrate on the branding on their kit when their clothes have been ripped to shreds and I’m tearing off skimpy underwear with my teeth.

And if we see Matt Damon we’ll catch a photo. We will try get someone in the background to flash their boobs.

You keen.

See you there babe.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Oh yes I do. Thank me later

Sean Lloyd

Editor

If you, like me, enjoy taking evening runs along the Sea Point Promenade, and slow walks in the afternoon to lag at the Jewish ladies with their rooi hair and pink poodles, you will know that you want to keep Sea Point Promenade free from developments.

At the moment the Cape Town public are fighting a development proposing to take place next to the Pavilion Pool. Once a development starts there, there is nothing from stopping more developments taking place along the entire promenade.

Imagine having the entire Sea Point promenade rife with developments? No one wants this and this is where Seafront For All comes in.

Guys, girls, we really need you to sign this petition (Thanks Mitch), whether you are in Cape Town or not. So what you need to do is the following:

Click HERE to be directed to the Seafront For All website.

Click on “Petition” and fill in a few lines there and you’re done. And also have a more in depth read over the website, and you will realise that it’s ridiculous to allow developments across the seafront.

What will we laugh at when the 70 year old Jewish chicks are gone, no longer free to walk along the beachfront?

And what about the Jewish guys?

Like this dude (HERE)?

Runs along the Sea Point Promenade will never be fun again!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I know there is not much I ask of you, but the time has come for US to win a prize. I’ve sweated blood and pissed my pants countless times during the past year in an effort to entertain you. I also bordered on full blown alcoholism last year for you guys and girls, in order to unearth writing from the deepest, darkest depths of my mind to entertain you.

So asking for a simple nomination is one thing I want from you. Nothing more. I thought that being the home of rad, we need to win this year. This year is OUR time! Yes, our time, you and me.

I’ve gone ahead and looked over SLXS and realised that we fit into the following categories:

South African Blog of the Year (Obviously!)

Most humorous South African Blog (No doubt!)

Best Post on a South African Blog — I’m going to have to, by unanimous decision after knocking out a million large units, choose “Smarties is a rich source of energy” Click HERE to read the best blog post in 2008 in South Africa, and probably the world.

Last year we were nominated for the blog awards, but we never won. Seriously guys and girls, let’s clean up and take this home. We’ve done good. Reading SLXS automatically makes you part of the coolest community in the world, now let’s reaffirm this with a winning badge and disgusting celebrations.

So click the badge below to nominate us, then follow the instructions in the rest of this post:

I noticed a sort of glitch in the nomination badge, it put’s “www.slxs.co.za” under my nomination for “Best post on a South African blog” Just add this link in, instead:

http://www.slxs.co.za/2008/08/14/smarties-is-a-rich-source-of-energy/

When you have clicked the nomination badge and pasted the above link into “Best post on a South African blog”, just scroll to the bottom of the screen, enter the security code and your e-mail address, and click Submit.

You will then receive a confirmation e-mail with a confirmation link. Click the link, and you’re all done!

And then we’ll win, sweet!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I’ve been deep in thought the ENTIRE day, trying to concoct something out of the recipe book they call my brain. I’m a deep pit of knowledge and after reading the latest bounty on IdeaBounty, I just had to spend the whole day conceptualising.

All work…no play

The basic idea is that Red Bull need you to come up with a new way to enjoy your Red Bull in premises such as bars and clubs. It has to be a ritual such as the Jager Bomb (Dropping the Jager shot glass into the Red Bull), but the brief says it must only include Red Bull. It says:

“We want you to develop a concept for a new Red Bull drinking ritual, which can only include Red Bull”

I’m a bit confused, as not mixing the Red Bull with anything leaves out a lot of scope for creativity (Maybe I’m not creative enough), but nonetheless I have been chilling hard all day whilst working!

I’m attempting this bounty, and so should you. Come on, $5000 isn’t that bad a thing to win. For this bounty I’m being inspired by Cape Town summers, staying in hotel rooms, late night inspiration, living like a rock star and always being yourself. A bit of a Keith Richards vibe going down.

Click HERE for the IdeaBounty website, register and then propose your ideas.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Remember that the Two Oceans Marathon entries and the Two Oceans Half Marathon entries close on Wednesday.

Half marathon entries are nearly full, with some 10242 entries already in. They close at 11000. That’s 11000 people whose nipples will bleed on race day. It’s 39 days to go until the Two Oceans, put that pie down!

Get out that chair and hit the road, or hit the trails as my team has been doing. It’s official that I am part of the coolest team to ever take part in the Two Oceans Half Marathon. You’ll see us on race day. We’ll probably win.

And then bang all the cheerleaders afterwards.

Click HERE to enter the Two Oceans online.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I do hope your training for the Two Oceans (Half) is going well, I was out running yesterday in that heat. I know, I am a machine, and I’ll probably win the race this year.

Anyway if your training is not going strong, then it’s time to kick it up. I’ve been trail running in Tokai forest and it’s awesomely rad.

Now this Wednesday, the 4th of March, Men’s Health are hosting a 10km fun (Ha ha) run from the lighthouse at Mouille Point in Cape Town. I trust you will be there!

What you need to know:

What? Men’s Health Lighthouse 10km fun run

Date: Wednesday the 4th of March 2009

Time: Registration at 16:45 with the race starting at 18:15 (And Sean Lloyd finishing at 18:30)

Place: Mouille Point Lighthouse, Cape Town.

Entry fee: Ranges from R10 – R35

Wear something tight. I love it when you are in that tight Nike clothing, sweating…

Did I ever tell you that you are beautiful?

Touch it.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

This is quite a funny story because I went into Pick ‘n Pay the other day and left thinking someone was trying to poison me. Their grapes were so horrendously bad that it tasted like pure gasoline. The grapes were the organic black grapes and they were the worst experience of my life. Bitter as hell, they dried my mouth out instantly, leaving me to think that that psycho chick that stalked me was poisoning me…again.

It just turns out that Pick ‘n Pays quality control  team DON’T exist. What a novel idea! And these grapes had seeds. Who on earth still sells grapes with seeds? It’s mental.

But the Woolworths Flavour Burst SEEDLESS grapes are an absolute treat. They taste so sweet and delicious that you think you are being naughty and eating sweeties. For a second I nearly spat them out, thinking I was eating a sugary sweet, and wondering what this would do to the orange peel on my fat thighs!

Grapes are just so good for you, and while they do have a high glycaemic index, I believe the glycaemic load is not hectic. This is all from memory, but if I’m correct, you need to eat a load of grapes to raise your sugar levels significantly. I could be wrong, but what do I look like, Tim Noakes?

They’re full of anti-oxidants and will make your skin look NIIIIIIICE. Plus it’s good to put that burger down. Get some fresh, colourful food in your diet. Lose some weight.

Visit me when you’re thin again.

Get them, R17,95 for 500 grams from Woolworths.

YEAH!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I hope you spotted this as well in the Sunday Times, because it was glorious to read this while almost instantaneously being klapped by a recession!

In the Lifestyle section of the Sunday Times, they always have “The Shopper” where they interview someone who is no doubt filthy rich.

So todays person was Sasha Aleksic, owner of Cape Town decor store Scalini. Check this out, it’s like smashing a homeless person in the face with a brick and then pissing in their mouth, this is so mad!

Go you good thing!

She says:

“With the arrival of the credit crunch…I’ve cut down on cherries”

YOW

ZER!

While most people cut down by traveling less, eating less (Way to go if you are a big unit), and even selling cars and houses, Sasha calmly takes the recession from behind by cutting down on cherries, it’s hilarious!

I mean, how much could she save by cutting down on cherries? Damn woman, how many cherries were you eating?

Some people are funny.
Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Just to let you know, you can grab these at Sportsmans Warehouse in the Blue Route. Someone shout “teabag!”

Ha ha check the name at the bottom, “Sensation” You bet!

SICK!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Browsing that magazine, Stuff, or something like that I can’t remember at all.

Anyway I was browsing this magazine and came across (And possibly on) a Sony Vaio computer that is obviously for chicks because it’s pink. I’ll add here that it is perfectly fine for guys to wear pink, or salmon as I like to call it. I do it all the time and I am AWESOME! Ha…

You remember back in the D when editing guys on movies used slip a frame of a naked person into the movie, this is exactly what the engineers at Sony have done, and it has resulted in one of the most hilarious acts of electronic jokery this century! The only thing is, ABSOLUTELY no one seems to have noticed this, except me and my filthy mind.

So it’s a Sony. A Sony Vaio. It’s pink. Model number SR-VGN-SR26GN/P.

They say it is “unimaginatively named” I say it’s genius.

Oh my wept, are you seeing this? NO?

What is wrong with you child?!

pink vaio  sr-vgn-sr26gn/p

All secret code? Let’s crack the secret!

Let’s highlight some things.

PINK VAIo sr-VGN-sr26gn/P

So it’s PINK, then take the VA from “Vaio”, then take the “g” from “VGN”, the “i” from “vaio”, take the “n” from “VGN” and the “a” from “Vaio”

HELLO!

VAGINA! And to top it all off, they put a P at the end. Put your P in the V!
Ahem…

Seriously, did no one else see this? Am I the only one?

Do I have too much time on my hands?

I think you forget that I do all of this for you, to enhance your life.

I trust your life has been enhanced today.

I love you and want to kiss you.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

A machete really is a great addition to any household, and I was kicking it to a clinically insane level with Skateboard J the other day at Sportsmans Warehouse there by the Blue Route.

I feel it necessary to say “there by” when talking about the Blue Route.

So Skateboard saw this machete and knew immediately that it would be useful in our everyday quest to live the wickedest most sick lives in the universe. It’s just handy to have something on you that scares beggars away and also doubles up as a household tool.

I think it’s also great for the up and coming killer. It feels like just the other day that I killed seventy three people with a butter knife. I just think it would have been easier had I owned a machete at the time.

I really believe this tool could help you, and we have just demonstrated two uses here, but it comes with a multitude of uses. At R100 at Sportsmans Warehouse, it’s almost criminal to not buy one.

How crazy is that?! Mentioning the word “criminal” while talking about a tool that you will no doubt use in a crime. SO weird! Check check check it:

Shaving:

Shaving the beard I don’t have. Come on, give me a break…I just get first hair on ball!

In a day of eco friendliness, you don’t want to be using anything disposable. You want something that will last forever. It will obviously reduce your carbon footprint, but remember if you are using this machete for otherwise reasons, don’t leave any sort of footprint. Horatio Caine will bust you up.

Cutting the cheese:

We eat the Glad Wrap

SO lightweight and sharp, it probably cuts cheese as easily as it cuts bodies.

There are literally 1001 uses for a machete, so go get one.

Wait it was too funny, when we bought the machete we went back into Skateboards apartment, and I had just bought some rubber exercise bands, and they were hanging around my neck. So we get into the elevator and some lady had kindly held the door open for us. Now we are going into an apartment, and there is absolutely no need for a machete.

So two guys get into a lift, one with rubber bands, no doubt looking like they are going to strangle someone. And Skateboard is holding a machete. This lady scan’s me, then the machete and she goes silent.

I whisper to Skateboard, but so this lady can hear:

“I hope she didn’t escape”

PING!

The elevator door opened and we walked out, leaving this women to ponder over the carnage that she no doubt thought was going to unfold. Ha ha it was soooooooooo funny, you should have seen her face!

Mean…but priceless and funny!

Sean Lloyd

Editor