Not that there is an economic recession at the moment, but anyway.
Tiger Tiger are now giving you free entrance before 10pm on a Saturday night for the summer season. It’s R40 thereafter. Doors open at 8:30pm and there is a buy one get one free special on until 10:30pm. So it’s cheap to get sex drunk… Remember, no under 21 girls and no under 23 guys.
And I tell you what I was at Tiger Tiger this past Saturday. You should try it. You will probably kiss someone much older than you. Well so I hear. No more questions please.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI was out and about shmoozing last week in and amongst Cape Town’s elite. It’s what I do. It’s how insane life is right now. So we went to some sort of relaunch of Marimba Cafe at the Cape Town International Convention Centre. I say “some sort of” because I’m not quite sure why I was there, but I was hooked at the open bar nature of the invite. It’s funny because someone was telling me the other day that there is some sort of economic recession. I honestly was not aware of this. If I was, I probably would not have gone in the Ford F250 stretch limo.
I won’t lie, Marimba Cafe is one of the most stunning restaurants I have been to in ages. Something about it just feels warm and comforting, as though you were chilling at home with your best friends. I think the photos speak for themselves and it is DEFINITELY worth a visit or seventeen. A seperate smoking bar, a DJ section upstairs and a visible kitchen makes it an old school experience of fine dining and style. We were given all sorts of things to eat, from espetadas to calamari and it was all so amazing, I wanted to eat it all.
There was this dude there, and people were claiming that he had stayed in a house with cameras for about three months. “Big deal” I thought, noting that I have many cameras in my house, and I stay in it all the time. He goes by the name Ferdi. Something about a Little Sister, or a Big Brother or something. I wasn’t really listening. Not quite sure about this one. It seems so spiced that I just HAD to pull the cheesiest smile in the history of the world. Because I knew I was being Punk’d. Ashton still has not called me, but even if he did I would not answer his call. I have more important things on my agenda.
Sean, are you alright?
What economic recession?
This is what we do for a living. ALL the time.
Kicking the Marimba
Cape Town’s elite — Chilling
Chilled.
Yeah so that’s the direction my life is currently heading in. Not much to say about this whole recession other than the fact that I think people are lying about it.
Note: A major thanks to Murray for taking these awesome photos on the night!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI was having an afternoon siesta on my bed now when suddenly I got a groot skrik! I was dreaming that I had invited an angel out to a soirées with me and it was going to turn into just a romantic dinner with the 2 of us drinking Kumkani Lavendar Hill wine while Lionel Richie crooned “All night long” to us, before we made a sneaky exit in the chopper to the Llandudno pad.
But I dreamed that Lionel Richie had missed his flight to Cape Town and had left me stranded with a bergie singing for us. At this moment I woke up and realised I hadn’t actually organised for this to happen (I could if I wanted) but it did remind me that Lionel Richie in concert in Cape Town is actually going to be happening.
It also reminded me that SLXS shouldn’t cater to the plebbs so at this same moment the planets aligned and Steve sent me an e-mail with some elite facilities for the Cape Town Lionel Richie concert.
Lionel Richie will be live in concert in Cape Town. November 2008
I now present you with the options for Lionel Richie live in Cape Town on the 22nd of November 2008 at Sahara Park, Newlands:
Option 1 – Suite Hospitality:
Option 2: VIP Hospitality:
If you are interested in any of these options, drop me an e-mail at: seanl@slxs.co.za and we will organise it for you!
That’s what we do, we make your life better! YES!
We make your life better, all day long and all night long.
OH. MY. GOD! Did you see what I did there? Not with the italics, but what I did there?
Good grief, it’s all happening! Our greater plan of world domination is coming to fruition. I know! Fruition!
INSANE!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI know Cape Town is really laid back and chilled, and we might tap into the alcohol, or the reefer, or whatever. But forget for a moment that we party more than we “work” and focus on one of the most baked individuals to come across my visionary field in a long time.
So I’m chilling on Clifton on Wednesday with four or eight smoking belters when something comes over me. Not a person, that would be dirty. But like a wave of something washes over me, giving me added insight into the effect that acid will have on you. You must remember that it was one of the warmer Cape Town days of late. I was in my boardies. Bronzing my sculpted body. Rubbing cooking oil into my cheese grater abs. Cooking eggs on my CUT torso. Giving out tickets to the gun show.
This dude decided to enter the scene wearing a balaclava, ski goggles and a boiler suit. He is also on a surf board, appearing to be riding a sand wave type contraption. It’s all quite phenomenal, the radness he is putting out.
JEZUZ JONES, are you alright?
Probably sponsored by billaBONG or reefER
Just chilling.
So that’s where Cape Town is at right now. It’s setting itself up for the most insane trippy summer EVER! I guarantee it.
Get down to Cape Town to experience the amazingness for yourself.
I’m here all year.
Touch me.
Caress me.
Sex me nice.
Are you ready?
Good Lord I’d do you!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI don’t have too much time to get into this because it’s been a busy day running around and cutting business deals. Oh yeah I also got in after 1am this morning after attending the relaunch of Marimba cafe or lounge or whatever at the CTICC. That and messing about in the Ford F250 limo.
Further proof that I live a life of leisure and pleasure. Photos of that to come next week.
Anyway if you’re into anything natural and organic like myself (Let’s forget for a moment that we all have drinking problems) then you will enjoy this fair. I won’t post the details but will rather give you the link to the website, I don’t have much time today.
I have a birthday party and the drinking is about to start anytime soon. Also, I was at the beach yesterday with the girls (Myself, my wingman and like 4 chicks, how we kick it at the moment) I will post photos of Clifton yesterday as well.
What, you were at work? Shame on you!
To get into character for the Natural and Organic Fair I will probably be drinking organic red wine the whole of tomorrow and smoking the finest organic sticky icky. You know…to get into the whole hippie vibe. I might also go vegetarian tomorrow, not that it matters because even broccoli screams when you pull it from the ground. I also think I’ll go to the Natural and Organics Fair in Cape Town wearing my leather boots and leather jacket.
I’m not sure if piloting just myself there in the Ford F250 limo will go down well with the tree huggers, what with them probably burning me afterwards about my “carbon footprint”
Christ, if I had a carbon footprint, I would sell every step I take! That shit is expensive and people could buy my footprints to make cars and bicycles and all that jazz.
I’d by lying if I said I hadn’t just emptied an entire bottle of Cafe wine into my head this afternoon. By myself. Naked.
I will also write on that, it’s a red wine with a mocha flavour, it’s GORGEOUS aunty!
So yeah, the short on the Natural and Organic Fair in Cape Town:
Where: Cape Town International Convention Centre.
When: 17-19 October 2008
Times: Friday 17 October from 10:00 – 18:00
Saturday 18 October from 10:00 – 19:00
Sunday 19 October from 10:00 – 18:00
Tickets are R50.
Click HERE for the website. BOOM!
It’s a good excuse to smoke weed, drink wheatgrass shooters and get shit faced on organic wine! I hope they are serving wine. I shall see you there on one of the days.
I might be tripping balls, but I’ll be down there.
And I’m going to look good!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
It’s been another one of those Cape Town days where I have been thinking “How can I live a better life?”
No, working harder is not an option. My body does not accept work. That would go against everything I stand for. I will accept money for being me, but remember…I don’t get out of bed for less than R10000 a day, just like a model.
Then on the thought of models I thought it would be cool to have a model stay over at my house this summer, you know, just for shits and giggles.
It was at this exact point in time that the hard drive in my head started twisting, turning and firing on all pistons. It opened up a file called “Sean sleeps with supermodels”
The file opened and a sub folder was then further pried into. It read “Sean has a fashion model staying at his house”
You must realise that this is all going on inside my head, and we are not talking about a computer here. This hard drive I speak of is my brain.
Let’s not lose sight of that.
The file I opened was almost ridiculous. It was like one of those work from home offers that you think must surely be a spiced story. But it’s not…it’s true! It’s true!
There is a place called The Loop and this is what happens:
Every summer Cape Town turns into one of the most sexually charged, party fuelled cities in the world. Sex and champagne are more freely available than fresh air if you run in the right circles (Cough…cough) We spend our days on the beaches and our nights in the clubs, pulling models, drinking the finest liquor on the planet and basically abusing our situation of money and beauty.
But it’s so ridiculous, that you can even have models stay in your house. I kid you not, and you get paid! I would let a model stay in my house for a bit of side action, but here you actually get paid!
Once again I must make clear that this is NOT a joke. This is real and it’s happening in Cape Town, OUR city!
For a luxury room with 2 beds, you are looking at getting paid R1400 per week, or around R6000 per month. Now again we must stress here that you are earning money, to have a model stay in YOUR house.
YOU get paid for THIS!
I can’t quite think of anything better! I would let them stay for free, or at a reduced rate just for a titty show once or twice a day.
So basically this summer in Cape Town, you can chill with a model and get paid. What’s better, even if you don’t end up hooking up with the model, it earns you massive street cred. You stroll off the beach into La Med with a fashion model on your arms. Everyone knows that chicks want what they can’t have. So when you appear to have a girlfriend, chicks want you. When you appear to have a hot girlfriend, chicks go mental for you. They wonder why you don’t like them, and then start crazy dieting and stuff to make you want them.
Even the skinny ones diet, and vomit up their Coke Zero and lettuce leaves in order to attract you. What they don’t realise is that you are getting R6000 per month to have two chicks chill at your pad.
If you’re lucky on the side, the models will be paying you and sleeping with you. You’re now like a Cape Town gigolo! Even if thy are paying you and giving you only the odd handski, I still think it’s quite a sweet deal.
In all honesty there is probably in something in the contract of The Loop that forbids you to have sex with your room mates. But we all know that warm Cape Town summer night and champagne are only conducive to hot sweaty animal mating.
I was saying, you can have a model stay in your home. It’s weird because on The Loop website, they only allocate one bed to one model.
I don’t have a spare room, but I have a bed big enough for about 6 or 7 female models. I’m also quite big.
Seriously though, click HERE to be directed through to The Loop, and fill in the form to get a model to stay in your house this summer.
This information is for YOUR health.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI haven’t really been excited lately because with my powerful mind I tend to not sleep because I’m always thinking of ideas. Then I don’t sleep. When I don’t get enough sleep I get sad and sometimes cry.
This cycle is now being perpetuated by the fact that I cannot even blink and at the rate I’m consuming these espressos, I probably won’t ever blink again.
It’s now late afternoon and I have not slept since last night, I’m on the verge of a breakdown and can confidently let you know that I have no idea of what is currently going on. I don’t know about an economic recession, I don’t have any advice to give anyone and am fairly useless to you unless you need to know a thing or two about alcohol and caffeine.
But it’s comforting in times like this to know that you have some trusty sidekicks in the form of addictions. I’ve always been addicted to expensive stuff and it’s the reason I’m sitting here marvelling at the stainless steel and gold contraptions I have in the form of my Bialetti espresso maker and my Michel Herbelin Meharee. Something about wearing R6500 on my wrist appeals to the senses for some twisted reason.
Bialetti and Michel: My first loves…
Granted not one phone call has been made through to my phone this weekend and I have spent the better part of the weekend playing with my own thoughts. But the great thing is that I’m not alone! Bialetti and Michel are here for me.
I’ve honestly lost count of how many espressos I’ve had throughout the night and throughout today. I remember having about 9 glasses of champagne for breakfast yesterday morning but the espressos escape me. I literally haven’t had espressos in years, but then I found this gift.
It’s just so good having something to do. I’ve been making espressos all day and am confident that my nerves are fried right now. The combination of alcohol and caffeine over the past three days is mind bending. I cannot stop shaking, am vulnerable to random outbursts of crying and the cycle of addiction to caffeine is unnerving.
I’ve got the 80’s DMX channel belting out music that is too gorgeous for words. We need to talk about the espressos though.
It’s a single serving machine which is marvelous. It’s almost as if this is a safety feature of sorts designed for me. I’ve been known to get addicted to things, and this helps break the addiction cycle.
Or so I thought.
I believed that having a machine that only makes one espresso at a time would be like buying only one bag of chocolates at the shops and keeping it in your cupboard. This way, if you want more, you need to drive to the shops to buy more. This way, you can’t ever overindulge.
But I’ve been smashing this machine the whole weekend and the coffee and orange juice and champagne has given me heartburn at such a rate I thought for a moment that there was a volcano inside me.
The fact that I have to grind my own beans, and go to quite some effort to make one espresso is alarming because it’s not slowing me down. It makes me think that maybe I do have too much time on my hands. But I can’t but help have nothing to do because I’m in Cape Town and this is what we do. We chill. We drink champagne. We drink espressos. And then we chill some more.
We go to the beach, we party and we work sometimes.
These coffee beans are amazing and I have been toying with the idea the entire weekend of whether to grind the beans and drink them…or just eat the whole bag.
A mixture of Ethiopian and Tanzanian coffee beans, the Tanzanian beans are farmed in the rich volcanic soils at the base of Mount Kilimanjaro. The beans are the same ones that Woolworths serve in their Cafe’s, and let me tell you, they are absolutely superb! And organic which is always a good thing, one of the things I always look out for when buying food. At about R34 for a 250 gram bag, I’m looking at probably smashing the entire bag today. And then seeing if my head will fall off.
The Bialetti was apparently bought in the coffee shop in Rondebosch, in that hideous Riverside Mall. But worth paying the visit to get hold of a single shot stove top espresso machine.
It’s about 6pm right now, I’m going to make more espressos, try sleep as little as possible and then later I’m going to take a Viagra or three and go issue parking tickets with a raging mega huge boner.
Oh I also just bought these two espresso cups:
Oh yeah I also felt compelled to buy the 30th anniversary edition of Saturday Night Fever for R99 at Musica in Canal Walk.
You should be dancing…yeah!
I’m also fetching my Bear Gryll’s fire starter tomorrow, so failing any real human interaction it’s comforting to know that I’ve got enough espressos to kill me and enough tight pant Bee Gees inspired dance moves to make me laugh.
And we’ll always have fire….
We’ll always have fire…
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a Comment(NOTE: I wrote this piece on Thursday last week, do keep that in mind) A mate of mine got back from the UK last week (He’s looking Casper-ish) and we decided then this week that we would hit a little afternoon bender at the Waterfront yesterday, because we don’t really have anything else to do. So we kicked it at the V&A Waterfront in Cape Town for a while and smashed a rib burger at Quay Four and hit a few brewski’s on the head with our party sticks.
We then remembered through the fogginess of liquid intoxication that Paul Allen’s little sea-mobile was parked at the Waterfront in Cape Town. Having suffered erection problems the previous day (Stacy it won’t happen again) I knew I needed something potent like viagra. Save for this, I could also just go have a squiz at Paul Allens pimpmobile in the form of his boat that is parked at the Cape Grace Hotel in Cape Town.
Chilling outside the Cape Grace Hotel in Cape Town
Chopper 1
Chopper 2
Random speedboat
Random yacht vibe on the side
Now there is something to be said for parking your Lambo in front of Caprice, but when you look at the bigger scheme of things, parking a car anywhere is small potatoes. Paul Allen’s sex machine is parked QUIETLY in front of the Cape Grace Hotel in Cape Town. Just like that. It’s these vulgar displays of wealth that have me looking down at my crotchal region and once again experiencing the phenomenal sensation of being able to attain, and maintain, a stunning erection. It’s as simple as that; Paul Allen’s boat gives me a bone.
His lifestyle gives me a bone.
While sitting like proper plebbs taking photos of the beast that is called Tatoosh, I started to cry inside. I cry quite often but there is no need to worry.
I’m ok. Maybe.
But I started to cry inside because I realised that no matter how much we up our games, no matter how many shady drug deals we do, we will in all likeliness not be able to afford the estimated $100 million that Allers paid for Tatoosh.(Click HERE for more on Tatoosh)
Sitting yesterday on a stunning Cape Town day, I realised that life will never be complete. I mean it’s good, but there is always something better to strive for. But no matter how much sex and drugs we have, no matter how many supermodels we have in our beds, we will not be Paul Allen. And for that I shed a tear. For that we sit down and ponder the future.
For that we indulge in nights of alcohol abuse.
For that we are all the poorer.
It’s quite funny that I’m still able to write at this point in time, and it’s astonishing that I’m still alive. I’ve just ridden off the back end of the biggest bender that saw me at Asoka (Over rated) on Friday night, followed by a cheeky stop off at Oblivion with the likes of Merriman being unable to speak. Saturday was spent drinking like fish from noon until midnight. This was capped off by a visit to Wijnhuis in Newlands (Absolutely stunning) where I drank champagne, and capped this off with a gorgeous visit to Beluga for sushi and koktails.
I’ve just found a little something that my brother left behind for me when he went overseas earlier in the year. He left me the most awesome espresso machine and I’ve been pumping Woolworths Organic Espresso’s the entire day.
The combination of high end alcohol, vast amounts of organic caffeine and a complete lack of food has left me absolutely shattered and burned. Mental, it feels like I’m in The Matrix. Added into the highly volatile mix that is currently Sean Lloyd’s body (I can, and will refer to myself in the third person. My arrogance allows), I have just pumped Grandmas Boy into the DVD player and I’m now sitting here completely naked and going through my vast cabinet of skincare products which I always have at hand. Hence the youthful skin…
I’m just wondering whether I should use the peel off vitality mask or the moisturising and energising mask. I’m not sure when I should exfoliate. This morning after rescue gel is also looking good as well after bending this weekend. But you know what? This is all neither here nor there.
There’s a who?
An economic recession? Who is that?
Really? REALLY?!
I wasn’t aware…sorry…
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI have seen a decent amount of rubbish in my time, let me tell you. I mean, if you have ever watched any Verimark adverts you will know what I’m talking about. Let’s have a quick squiz at what Glomail are trying to sell us at the moment.
First we have the Ab Lounge. Please enjoy this. It’s indescribable. It’s absolutely mind boggling.
An Ab Lounge. So you can sit in your chair eating McDonalds and also work your abs. Right…Nice…Interesting. I don’t even want to talk about it, it speaks for itself.We also have this STUNNINGLY GORGEOUS beauty product called celltone, formulated with snail slime extract. Once again, I’m going to keep quiet and let the words “snail slime extract” speak for themselves. Snail slime is basically like human spit. Or piss. Or snot. It should do wonders for your skin.
But moving swiftly along onto the FitFlops which surely must be this years finest crock of balls.
“It’s the Flip-Flop with the gym built in” is the line they are using for their products. Funny enough, they find it necessary to mention on their site that “you saw FitFlops on Oprah”
It’s interesting to see what Oprah looks like:
Oprah with the pregnant man. Looking a little preggers herself.
I don’t really think I would want Oprah to endorse any of my products, unless they were mass gainer products. Imagine Oprah endorsing your health store. It wouldn’t work. At best, you would have a bunch of beached whales arriving at your door wanting to know if you serve a Big Mac and fries. And a Diet Coke. Big units people always order Diet Coke, filled with artificial everything and sure to give you a head start on your way to some sort of unknown disease.
And lest (You like that word?) we forget the last time Oprah endorsed something. Remember the book “A Million Little Pieces” and it’s author James Frey? Remember how it turns out parts of the book were lies? Well if you don’t, click HERE for the report on it called A Million Little Lies. Oprah thought this book was the business. Oprah was wrong. See, even rich people bugger it up from time to time.
Look at the set of pins advertising the FitFlops. Look I’d love to have those wrapped around me, but the fact is they didn’t get like that from wearing FitFlops. They got like that from exercise and a good diet!
My favourite thing though is the stupid American chick who is featured on the FitFlops website, with this little review:
“I absolutely LOOOOVEEE my FitFlops because I have NO back pain and NO heel pain at all!! I want to buy every color there is and I absolutely cannot wait for a winter shoe to come out! I don’t wear any other shoe right now! I cannot say enough good things about them! My legs look more toned and less cellulite too! What can I say? FITFLOPS ROCK!”
Now this is from some chick called Tina DeLozier from Lincoln Park in the Democratic Republic of America.
Now lets analyse this a little bit. I know I studied journalism, but I don’t claim to be an expert at writing because I never concentrated at college. Most days I would skip class and head to Villa Sandenbergh in Hout Bay to smash a bottle of wine and some vodkas, while Alain my buddy and classmate would roll the fattest spliff in the world. We would sit back every day and just stare at the ocean and talk rubbish. Then munchies…
Anyway, we never really studied hard, and in fact Alain is still finishing his course this year, but we know one or two things about writing. And that is to never ever use so many exclamation marks in a paragraph like that. It diminishes the effect. A gentleman once told me that you should not swear often, but when you do, make it count and make it worthwhile. I never quite followed that rule, but it does make sense. When you swear a lot it loses the meaning. Then when you swear and you really are angry, no one notices you.
It’s the same as my friends who phone me when they are drunk. They phone so often at 3am that I have stopped answering their calls. But one day when it’s 3am and they are stuck on the side of the N2 and they really need me, I won’t answer the phone. Similar vibe.
ANYsideways…That Tina bird has used an exclamation mark at the end of every sentence, and has put the word “no” in bold, twice. She also drew out the word “love” and put it in bold. In the first sentence she even used two exclamation marks at the end of it.
So basically, she has been shouting that whole review. Who on earth shouts a review? Look, I know what these redneck yanks are about, and they will do anything for cash, but this review is a bit OTT. Seriously come on now, it’s a bit ridiculous (Never ridonculous, who the hell do you think you are?)
Getting a bit deeper into this FitFlop debacle, we can clearly deduce that it is a scam for large people with half size brains. Clearly.
If you click HERE you will see wearer reviews of the FitFlops. Even if these reviews are legitimate, I don’t think you can trust a bunch of fools who use exclamation marks at the end of each sentence.
You sound like a bunch of Herschel hoodrats.
“Like oh my GOD!!!! I can’t believe John kissed Stacy like wooooow! Oh my GOD Kels is SUCH a slut!!!!!! Can you believe it? Why’s she dating Mikey, like, he used to date Kate and she is SUCH a whore!! I’m going for a spray tan now, I’m so pale. Even more pale than Kelly but she’s a slut anyway, so I can’t compare her to me, can I girls?”
Come now, it’s ridiculous. But you really can’t trust people who use that many exclamation marks. You can only use those sorts of exclamation marks if you are reviewing a porn star. Like if you were test riding Jenna Jameson, you might have an exclamation mark or two after she tries to shove a skiing helmet up your ass. That’s a given…that’s a given.
Under the 7 reasons why everybody is wearing FitFlops…(HERE)
Wait, hold up. Is everybody wearing FitFlops? Well I’m sure as hell not, so already this is a false claim, further fuel to the flame I’m creating here about these FitFlops being a waste of money.
So under these 7 reasons, it says
“FitFlop midsoles incorporate patent pending micro-wobbleboard (TM) technology to give you a workout while you walk”
No come on man! Do you know how expensive it is to trademark something? And here they go and trademark micro-wobbleboard. Does this not sound sketchy to you? Not even one iota? What is an iota? I have no idea, I just wanted to use it somewhere in this text.
Really now, micro-wobbleboard sounds like something you come up with when you are baked. But when I’m blazed, even I could come up with something more believable than that.
Reason 3 says
“Every step you take in your FitFlops helps tone and trim your legs”
Honestly? Are they seriously being serious here? This is the biggest load of rubbish I have ever heard! Even if you didn’t wear a FitFlop, every step you take would obviously have a benefit, because it requires your muscles to work and use energy. But why don’t you stop being so lazy and just hit the elliptical trainer, or the stair machine for 15 minutes a day, trust me, that will have way more benefit than these FitFlops!!!!!!!! (Did you like that?!!!!!)
Look, I’m just…I’m just…I’m about to go crazy here and I refuse to go further into this discussion. It’s just such a pile of old kak that I cannot even muster up another kj of energy to waste on this debate.
To end this off, people, use some common sense when dodging the minefield of products that people want you to buy.
Look at you, you’re working a job you hate to buy stuff you don’t need! Buy healthy food, not junk FitFlops.
Class dismissed.
Do your homework.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI looked outside today and was reminded that we are in THE best city in the world! The weather today is the weather we want to eat. We want it inside us forever. But you can’t just head out into summer without the right kit, and so for now I’m going to give you the bare essentials. Later on we will get into the more luxuruious things you need, but for now you are looking at survival. Let me show you what I’m sporting in Cape Town for this summer.
Sunscreen. Look, you would be a total fool to head out into the sun wearing no sunscreen. Below this level of foolishness is using a below par sunscreen that is loaded with grease such as some of the rubbish like Everysun Aquasport. Hot chicks do every so often go for that slicked back, greasy haired Italian look but for the most part Cape Town girls like a clean cut guy, with a nice tan (Not too dark, let’s stay away from cooking oil…Fabio)
The only sunscreen choice this summer in Cape Town
My personal choice since last summer has been the Aloe Up range because it is the best. And also some of the most expensive. I came across this range when I was hanging with this film crew, and they had bought this stuff overseas. I didn’t realise it was stocked in Cape Town until I went into a surf store here and found it. At R145 (Well last summer it was) for 120 ml’s it’s expensive. It’s not as expensive as cocaine, but cocaine is hectically expensive. Probably around 300 times more expensive than this sunscreen per gram.
On a rough guesstimate. You know…thinking you are paying around R300 a gram. You know…so I hear…via the grapevine. Aloe Up contains 35% aloe gel and is free from alcohol, mineral oil, PABA and is also fragrance free. The best thing about Aloe Up sunscreen is that it’s a dry lotion so you don’t end up looking like a shady drug dealer by mid afternoon. Although it is dry, it is still sweat resistant and waterproof. And the novelty of smearing cream that costs more that R1 per 1ml on your skin is a novelty that doesn’t seem to wear off. It’s just a disgusting display of wealth when you can do this. Not that disgusting displays of wealth are cool, but sometimes it’s fun. Like when we drink whisky that is R800 a bottle. It’s just fun.
Deodorant. I’m quite fortunate that I naturally smell of Gucci and Hugo Boss but for those of you…no I actually don’t naturally smell of that. I’ve always noticed that no matter what you look like, there is nothing quite like being clean and smelling fresh. It’s the least you can do for yourself. Other than following a healthy diet and drinking 2 litres of water a day (Fatty), you should use a good deodorant. Now we have spoken about this before and I’m sad to report back that none of my friends believe me when I tell them about the best deodorant in the world.
They are still using deodorants packed with all sorts of rubbish, including aluminium (Aluminum to the yanks) And they are using anti-perspirants which block your pores which is NOT ideal. Your body sweats and releases toxins and all sorts of things because it is cleaning itself. But here you are plugging your pores, poisoning yourself, FOOL! I pity the fool! (Just made that line up right now…go ahead…don’t be shy…you can use it if you want)
That’s like not visiting the bathroom the entire day. I’m not a doctor or a sweat scientist but I can deduce that this is not ideal.
What you seriously need is a deodorant that will be called “Spray Mist” or “Crystal Mist” I have been buying the Dis Chem name brand Spray Mist. But I went to buy some more last week and they were out of stock of both the spray and the stick. Which means it must be fairly popular and people must be listening to me and it must be a good product. So then I went to the health store in Cavendish Square and asked if they had something similar. And they did! They did! Victory!
It’s called ROK Deodorant Crystal Mist and cost me R55 for 240 ml’s. Now here is where we need to listen, because I want you to be healthy. This deodorant is made up of mineral salts and purified water. That’s it. There is no alumimium, no alcohol and it says it will kill odour causing bacteria. It’s also unscented and non staining.
This is what impresses me. All my old white t-shirts have yellow stains under the arms (Nice) because of the deodorants I was using. For about the past two years I have been using this crystal mist deodorant and my white shirts (Really the only ones I wear) are Omo white! Yes! That’s what we want! YES YES!
I can also confidently claim that I don’t smell like I have been working in a drain all day. Seriously, when I was using regular deodorants, I would not smell fresh at the end of the day. And for some reason, I would use antiperspirants, but I would sweat more than ever. Now obviously everyone sweats, it’s natural. But now I smell good. And so should you! Seriously this is one deodorant worth buying. Don’t give up on it after one day of use though. Use it for a few weeks. It’s the only thing I use.
Obviously after a chilled day at the beach you need to put some moisture back into that tanned hide of yours. Guys…for the face I have found the answer. You know how you get out of the shower, throw a regular moisturiser on and it feels hot and sticky? Enter Green People’s Cool Down Moisturiser for after shaving/sports/sun. Made with organic ingredients and including mint, calendula and aloe vera into the mix, it is THE moisturiser to use after maxing the chillaxing in the sun. It really cools your skin down after some sun time and it also a great after shave cream. It’s what I use and it’s highly recommended. Buy it over HERE at Faithful to Nature or at Wellness Warehouse.
Hemporium, Hemptons, Green People — All over you
For a body moisturiser, you can look at Hemporiums Moisturising Hemp Body Lotion as it’s quite light and easily absorbed. Made with hemp seed oil, vanilla and lavendar essential oils, it takes very good care of your skin. It also has a very natural fragrance, great for those hot days where you don’t want to be smelling like a perfume factory. Actually you never want to smell like that. Unless you’re a Joburg kugel who likes to spray herself with stuff that smells like Toilet Duck. Buy the Hemporium moisturiser over HERE.
A richer lotion is Hemptons Soft Body Butter for normal to dry skin. It is made form hemp, olive oil and a rooibos extract. VERY well priced, it is a must and is also very natural smelling which is great. How do you think my skin is so smooth? Dove soap? Ha ha ha ha ha! At R60 for 300ml’s it’s something you have to have. Buy it HERE.
I’m getting bored of the Gucci’s, need to find something new
Sunglasses. I’m still kicking it with the Gucci’s, but anything will do as long as they are not bought at the side of the road and have all the necessary UV protection. Obviously look for glasses that have a snug fit and possibly even rubber nose and temple grips if you are going to be partaking in some beach action that has you bouncing around. Not sex on the beach, but rugby or something similar.
You can stay with the trends on sunglasses or if you want functional sunglasses, Oakley make the best glasses for sport so you can check them out over HERE. Oakley’s have long been my choice for mountain biking, along with Dragon Rake riding glasses.
So those are the basic essentials for some beach time in Cape Town and we will get onto the more luxurious things such as champagne, yachts and all that in another post.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentTo further prove that Cape Town is the most laid back city in the world, I thought we would do some intensive Monday research by heading to the beach to check out the vibe. Really probably the first Monday this summer that I’ve considered going to the beach, I didn’t expect too much of a turnout. You know, with Monday being a “work” day and all that jazz. I was amused when I walked onto Clifton 4th beach and was presented with what seemed to be a beach party. On a Monday.
Mondays are supposed to be used for working, cutting deals, salvaging this world “economy” that everyone says has crashed. The only thing that was crashing was me…onto my towel…with the Gucci shades.
Have a look at what I HAD to deal with today. There is no way around this…I had to go to the beach as it’s what you would have wanted. And I had to deal with what was on display.
Also of particular interest was the guys who strolled in from nowhere, appearing to be wearing European Swimming Trunks. It’s quite an interesting vibe they are going for. The colours of their swimming trunks were also something to take note of. Blue, orange and a salmon type colour.
Kicking it old school
I was also, to say the least, pleasantly surprised when Pharrell walked along the shoreline right in front of me. I didn’t know he was in Cape Town, but he was carrying his Ice Creams in his hands so it must have been him. I couldn’t see what sort of ice cubes his fingers were sporting, but I’m sure it was him nonetheless. I think the black t-shirt, hat perched sideways and bright sunglasses gives it away as Pharrell.
Drop it like it’s hot…
Quite an interesting beach/ Cape Town/ summer look he is going for but he is probably trying to set a summer trend right there. Look out for it.
So that was Clifton 4th beach in Cape Town on a Monday. I’m not sure if quite the same pictures would be coming out of London right now, what with the lack of beaches and sun and tanned people. Unless you count those hideous Oros tans that some of the Londoners…Londonites…Londonzizzizzes seem to sport.
I’m quite beat as the sun has taken it out of me and I’m probably going to light a braai right now and try write up some stuff on the boat show. I will get the photos and maybe speak about it tomorrow.
Or Wednesday.
I’ll probably be on the beach tomorrow.
Harassing super models.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentHOW is that word? Shmoozing. You wouldn’t want to overuse it, but it’s cheeky to throw it in here every few months.
Anyway I’m not getting into hectic detail on O on Kloof, a boutique hotel that I was at last night in Bantry Bay in Cape Town. I mingled, chatted with the owner Olaf who is quite a character! Walking around, he said he never wants our glasses to be empty…I like it! I was hammering Cosmopolitans (Yes), red wine and canapes and basically just thinking
“Life is GREAT!”
It all went down last night, a proposal went down so some chick was stoked about life. I was chuffed that I was kicking it at O on Kloof, eating, drinking and being merry.
Mark may have enjoyed the line
“Babe do these jeans make me look fat?”
“No honey, I think it’s all the chocolates you’ve been eating lately”
One last thing, check out myself in the guest bathroom.
Enjoy the blue lighting. Amazing. I would later seduce myself over a bottle of red at home. I’d then hit Tiger Tiger hard on the head with a stick.Phenomenal.
We will go into more detail on O on Kloof in the near future, but I’m off to hang out with my wang out at the wakeskate demo at the boat show in Cape Town.
Pop down and say hi. And if you’re hot, wear something tight.
Touch yourself.
Touch me.
Wanna go halvies on a baby?
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentSo I know a lot of you will be going up to Rocking the Daisies, but…I know…I’m going to miss you as well…I’m staying in Cape Town for the Cape Town International Boat Show where I will be stationed outside at the Cape Town International Convention Centre where the ferries come and go.
I’m in attendance as a guest of Andrew Bourne and his Bourne2Ride wakeboard camp. To those of you unaware, Andrew is a professional wakeboarder and owner of the successful Bourne2Ride wakeboard camps that he runs. I like to keep Andrew grounded by telling him that he is quite a terrible wakeboarder and he doesn’t really know much about the sport. I think we can all agree that he is not that good, judging by these photos:
That looks like the Hemisphere boat in the background
Firstly we have what he calls the Nuclear Tantrum. Big deal, I once pulled a “Semi-Retarded” and a “Cockroach” on the dance floor at Tiger Tiger after a bottle of vodka…at the same time! That is real talent!
Then here Andrew is on what looks like some sort of skateboarding rail:
Ok cool, nice. Well I still win. I once ate three Steers Wacky Wednesdays and then mixed it in my stomach with 6 Red Bulls and 3/4 of a bottle of vodka.Now that is X-TREME!
On a more serious note, I will be kicking back there doing no work while Andrew sets everything up and I sit back, perve chicks and drink Red Bull courtesy of sponsorship. The things I do…
The Boatshow Wakeboard and Wakeskate Demo takes place in association with Red Bull, Lizzard clothing and Liquid Force wakeboards.
It runs from 3-5 October from 10am until sunset with demo’s taking place every hour. It takes place in the canal between the Westin Grand and the Cape Town International Convention Centre.
So come hang out, chat to some of the pros (Andrew and the team) and also chat to some of Cape Town’s professional slackers (Myself and the SLXS crew)
I will be the one raging on Red Bull and tanning my ripped body if the sun decided to make an appearance. See you there Cape Town!
Click HERE for the Cape Town International Boat Show website. You win if you wear Sebago Docksides.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
Read More Add a CommentI don’t really like doing things by half measures and whenever an e-mail arrives in my inbox, it’s usually from someone important, like Richard Branson and occasionally the Dalai Lama. Myself and the DL usually like to enjoy a Jack ‘n Lime most Tuesday evenings, although I think the Lama has been pushing the boundaries lately with his “No fat chicks” bumper sticker that his Lambo is sporting. You’ll see it in Cape Town.
Anyway, our buddy Steve sent us one of the most enticing offers we are ever likely to get. It’s for the Rod Stewart concert in Cape Town. I’ve been hearing people say “Ah…oooooh…oh…it’s SO expensive!”
Yeah, well so is your cocaine habit!
Rod Stewart is a God and that is a scientific fact. Would you miss out on Jesus having a ho down at Sahara Park in Newlands in Cape Town? No, and so you shouldn’t miss out on Rod Stewart live in Cape Town then!
Rod The Bod: Chicks dig it!
A dinner and some flowers might get you sex with the missus, but Rod Stewart will get you some funky stuff! The next thing you know you will be tied to the bed, with your bird saying “I don’t want you to do anything, just enjoy”
Your girlfriend will probably hoist herself to the ceiling with a multitude of carabiners and ropes, before dropping on you and giving you a rodeo ride of sorts. I don’t know…It’s just speculation on my part.
Anyway you have two choices for the Rod Stewart concert in Cape Town on the 1st of December 2008.
First up, we have the Suite Hospitality, consisting of:
Secondly, we have the VIP Hospitality, consisting of:
And I think we can all agree here that this is the finest way to enjoy the Rod Stewart in Cape Town concert. The crew organising are the same ones doing the elite facilities at the 2009 J&B Met and trust me…these guys are THE best in the business.
For further enquiries about the Rod Stewart in Cape Town concert you can e-mail me at: seanl@slxs.co.za and I will make things happen.
Remember…Rod Stewart will make sure that you come right that night!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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