Buzz Aldrin has recently said in the press that the first astronauts sent to mars should be prepared to spend the rest of their lives there(Click here for the full article on the website…I can’t believe it exists…Mars Daily. Must be loads of daily news from that planet what with it’s stock exchange and vast settlement of humans). A quote from Buzz “Smoking crack in the church yard” Aldrin:

“It’s easier to subsist, to provide the support needed for people there than on the moon”

On the moon? ON THE MOON? What difference does it make if it’s easier to live on the moon? Buzz, my young son, we don’t live on the moon! That’s like saying it’s easier for a human to engage in oral sex with a monkey than with a wombat. It’s like choosing herpes of syphilis, you don’t want either of them!

There is also the small factor of mars being between 55 million kilometres and 400 million kilometres away from earth. I think even if we had to drive a Prius to mars, we can all agree that it would be a hefty petrol bill. Apparently a round trip there would take about a year and a half in a space shuttle type thing.

“Um Dave we forgot the toilet paper”

“Just…um…just hold it, we will head back now, we should have TP by next year. What? You can’t hold it? Stop being such a girl Jim!”

Also, let’s take a quick look at mars:

A tropical rainforest on Mars, with vegetable patch and chicken pen in the background (Look closely)

Ok, cool, let’s just go plant some vegetables. Apparently the weather on mars is ideal for planting vegetables and sustaining life. Ranging from minus 140 degrees celsius in winter to a SWELTERING 20 degrees celsius (Wikipedia) in summer, I couldn’t think of a better place to live. We should also take some blow up pools to cool off. We can just turn on the taps that are conveniently installed on mars. Oh no, thats’ earth. Oh wait, there is no water on mars, it’s only ice. GREAT!

I don’t quite know why no one is questioning Buzz’zz’zz little statement that he made. Look, he is American though and Americans believe anything.

Buzz: High as hell again

“Mr President why are we going to Iraq?”

“Well…we’re…we’re…going to shoot a new season of CSI, “H’s one liner mash up”, and at the same time aid in the upliftment of the area by bombing the people to dust. We are not…and I repeat not…oil thirsty”

“Ahhhh Mr President you’re such a humanitarian! Good on you!”

Crowd chant’s “USA!USA!USA!”

So with Buzz being American it’s quite clear as to why people believe him. He should be in the South African government telling people that garlic will cure AIDS. Well…if AIDS existed in the first place! You know, because obviously it’s a hoax.

A few things come to mind here, when questioning Buzz’s’s’z’s’z, reasons for making such a foolish statement.

• He’s been smoking crack down in the church yard with Rick James, bitch.
• He’s attached his mouth to the extractor fan in a tik factory.

It’s pretty sweet at the moment in South Africa I won’t lie. Yeah, the government is a little bit messed up, but South Africans deal with it. Just because JZ looks set to become our next president does not necessarily mean that we all believe in him. Unlike in America, where they believe anything the president says. We also don’t rely on the government for answers and solutions, we make solutions ourselves which is why the entrepreneurial spirit is so high in South Africa. If there is a problem we will find a solution, whether our government supports us or not.

Hey that’s heavy writing for a Wednesday. Prost!

Sean Lloyd

Editor