I created an event on Facebook for the Rondebosch / Bishops derby this past Saturday, and we ended up getting around 750 confirmed people on the group. So anyway, the day before the game, I sent a message out to all the members. When you receive the message, you receive it as part of the group, and it will say something like “To the members of the Bosch / Bishops rugby derby event”

Anyway, someone who clearly has a clutch plate for a brain(His real name is Alex. Nice one) replies to me:

“Fuck Off Shaun”

So I replied back:

“Ok thanks, Alex. It’s Sean. Honestly, you are SO cool, can I please have the honour of naming my first child after you?

PLEASE?”

So he replies back:

“dont send me stupid ass fucking messages about jock crap”

Alex, did you ever hear about capital letters at the beginning of a sentence? Also it’s “don’t” and not “dont”

Funny enough…wait…what’s that?

Ring ring

Ring ring

(Sean’s phone is ringing)

“You got Lloyd”

“Sean! SEAN!”

“God, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s God!”

“Sweet dude, I haven’t chatted in ages”

“Sean how’s your mom?”

“She’s alright, but enough about my mom. Are you drunk dialling me again?”

“Maybe…but I wanted to ask you if you got my gift?”

“What gift?”

“Alex. Alex is God’s gift to earth! Have to run, chat later double Lizzle O- Y Dizzle”

OH so THAT explains why Alex is on this planet, he is clearly God’s gift to earth, and he clearly thinks that I sent that message personally to him. Um…ok…sorry Alex, my SINCEREST apologies.

I get another message this morning, from some chick called Nikky. Her message:

“how do i kno u”

Are you actually joking with me Nikky? Are you trying to shatter my nerves?

Firstly, I didn’t send the message to you personally, because the only messages I send personally to girls, are girls that model. Do you model? I don’t think you do. And if you do, accept my apologies, and message me back.

Secondly, did you go to school? Do you have foetal alcohol syndrome? Was your English teacher on mescallin?

To correct your spelling, which a Chinese kid with no prior knowledge of English could even spell:

“How do I know you”

There, it’s that easy. Now please don’t waste my time with stupid questions because you don’t know me. Not everyone is going to get to meet me. Not because I don’t have time to meet everyone, but because I don’t want to meet everyone.

Like people who send me stupid messages on Facebook. This whole Facebook, Twitter and SMS thing is breeding a new herd of absolute delinquents, and I’m happy I’m not part of it.

If my English teacher (What’s up Mr Wilson!) saw me spelling like you tools, he would have cut my hands off and glued a dictionary INTO my eyes.

I’m not joking. He was that hectic.

Now get back to your Pokemon and tik addictions, silly children.

Sean Lloyd

Editor