In the old days I used to see loads of jeans that I liked and that I wanted to EAT. My current pair of Levi’s are around 7 years old and are now starting to fall apart. Every time I repair a hole, a new one appears and so I decided to test the waters of the jean industry this past week and see how it has changed since I last bought jeans (Levi’s 507 bootcut, old school) Well it seems the industry has turned into an absolute mess!

The trend to be emo is clear with skinny black jeans being all the rage. For men. Another trend I’m noticing is the revival of anything on the back of the jeans that has to do with metal. Jeans used to have rivets on the back of them but these were removed in response to school boards complaining that the rivets on the jeans that students wore were damaging the school chairs. Cowboys also complained that these rivets were damaging their saddles(SOURCE). This was in the 1960’s and clearly the people who now make jeans are on a large amount of drugs.

Jeans from the likes of Energie and even Levi’s are being produced with zips on the back of them, and even massive metal buttons. I know it’s not quite as popular as in the John Travolta days, but I still like to sit on my car. I do. That’s what I like to do. But if I buy these new jeans, it’s going to look like little Timmy from next door took sandpaper and sanded my entire bonnet down. Do these jeans makers think car paint has changed much since the 1960’s? Do they now think paint is non scratch? It’s ridiculous!

So I had to pass on these jeans because they will damage my car. Then I found some cool jeans from Nudie at Woolworths but they were so tight as to ensure that I will not have kids one day. I could barely move without popping a nut(Sorry, I had to) Besides my immense piece was on show in these jeans, and while much of my day to day inspiration is taken from Ron Jeremy (Ron can actually give himself a mouthski, awesome), I prefer to keep more low key. Then eventually I found a nice fitting pair of jeans at Levi’s, but I didn’t like the over dyed look. Personally I want the fit of the Levi’s and the look of the Nudie jeans. But I can’t find anything like this. I personally believe that they should only have ever made three pairs of mens skinny pants ever. EVER. And these would have been made for The Bee Gees, the classic nuthugger look.

Wear skinny pants. If you are one of these three men.

So I strolled into Diesel at the V&A Waterfront because there were signs on the window saying “Sale 50% off” Which would have been great if they stocked anything! Seriously…there were about four pairs of jeans on the shelves. What is the point? Ok so maybe everyone came in and bought jeans on sale, but get some more stock you idiots. And have a 50% sale constantly, that will make the average pair of jeans about R1 million.After the mess that I had been witness to I could not actually be bothered looking for jeans, so I paid my R10 parking and left. R10 for about an hour? What, are the V&A Waterfront staff eating lunch at Beluga every day? The Waterfront is a beautiful place, if you’re a tourist and coming in with pounds. The shop assistants hear your accent is American, and immediately prices jump by 300% and your credit card gets raped and pillaged. Nice.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I know this sounds quite weird, but I read a lot of fashion magazines and I kind of have a photographic memory when it comes to magazines and people in them. I don’t have a photographic memory for anything else though. If I did I wouldn’t have got 31% for standard grade maths in matric. True story. Not even Master Maths could help me.

So the other day I’m taking a stroll through Canal Walk when I see possibly the most stunning girl of my life. Like seriously sexy, wearing her come to bed eyes and looking like sex. I made a beeline towards her as she was coming down the escalator to the bottom floor where Stuttafords is. I then heard her accent and I have no idea what it was, but it was not english.The crazy thing is, she looked like Esther Canadas! Foir those of you not aware of Esther, click HERE to see her. I’m not joking, I nearly tripped on wood when I saw her and heard her accent.

I quickly scuttled away, unable to stop blushing. I was like a little school kid!

Anyway a few days later I go to the Sexpo, and see some guy who I was sure was Shaun de Wet. I remember this because GQ featured him a while ago (The photographic memory thing)

Then I go to the Good Food and Wine Show and I’m chilling afterwards at Neighbourhood when I look across and I think I see Damien van Zyl.

But I just kept it quiet, because most people will think I am mad, you know, recognising male models and all.

I know these guys are South African, so it would not be out of place to see them in South Africa, but they usually work overseas.

Does anyone know if they are actually in Cape Town, or am I just a raging tik addict?

And for the female models out there, you do realise that I’m still single don’t you?

Sean Lloyd

Editor

This is just a little quick note before my body says cheers for the day and I collapse. Because after last night I have been reduced to rubble! RUBBLE! What has come of my life?

Last night we went to this Good Food and Wine Show thing, after getting our tickets for R25,95 by purchasing Marie Claire. Upon entrance we had to buy a wine glass for R20. So basically you are looking at R45,95 and you can, and will, drink as much wine as you like. I couldn’t actually function last night, but it was great. There were some weird things such as the name being “The Good Food and Wine Show” but in the bag they give you at the entrance, you get a packet of Royco Cottage Pie cook in sauce and a packet of ACE Instant Porridge. Not quite high class, but things at the CTICC are always a little funky.

Thanks to the guys at the pie stand, where I spent ther last 30 minutes or so of my visit. I was utterly utterly debauched and all the food that looked good needed to be paid for. I was not keen on paying for food, I wanted to do this on the cheap. So I sat at the pie stand just eating all the samples! I even made them cook more samples for me, they were like Gods to me last night. Thank you! The biltong on sale was delicious as well, get the biltong from the stand next to the tequila stand. It’s not dried out like most of the donkey meat we buy these days.

As I said earlier, I never took many photos but oddly enough I do have photos of the people from Piemans! Quite bizarre to say the least. I also have some of the mini tasting glasses from Paulaner in Cape Town. I don’t think I was supposed to take them home but I now have three in my house. Paulaner, if you want them, drop me an e-mail. It was quite a crisis last night, because there is no limit on how many wines you can taste. Considering that most of the stands pour you a very small amount, maybe a quarter of a glass at most, I must have tasted around 80 wines. Ballpark.

Photo 1

Photo 2. That’s all I took! I should be fired.

If you go on any one of the days, visit the NOMU stand and buy some of the NOMU tomato and chilli pesto mix, it’s awesome. I might also interview one of the exhibitors who has made a really cool wine rack. If I get round to the interview. Not right now I’m afraid, I’m on nuclear alert.

NOMU: Tasty

That’s it for now because it’s Friday and I’m not feeling too much love. Just picked up a rad order from the post office which I will tell you about in the new week.

BOOM!

P.S I’m going again tonight, see you all there! The show runs until Sunday, radness!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Well well well! I don’t know if you saw me out in Cape Town last night. I was at The Good Food and Wine Show. After that I went out to Neighbourhood. You might have seen or heard our crew. Wow. Crazy. You might even have a couple of our business cards. Ignore that, I go on frenzies where I hand them out. Thanks to everyone involved, I’m sure there is a write up somewhere once this demon child gets out of my body.

Bad vibes this morning. I’m considering going to the Good Food and Wine Show again this evening because last night got messy and I forgot to take photos.

Having an unlimited supply of wine for R25 is always going to end very very messy. If you go tonight, be sure to visit the blonde girl at the Tang stand. We probably hit about 6 shooters there, I couldn’t get enough of her.

She thought I was stalking her.

I thought I was playing it smooth.

I woke up alone this morning.

Just another day in my life!

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

It turns out there is a Good Food and Wine Show happening at the Cape Town International Convention Centre (CTICC) and tickets are R75. I’m not keen on paying that for a show that I’m not particularly intrigued about because I eat and drink every day. Well we now have the answer.

Go out and buy the May 2008 Marie Claire and you get a free ticket! The magazine is retailing for R25,95. Guys can buy the magazine as well as I have done. I don’t care, I’m saving R50. Granted that smoking belter that was behind me in the queue now thinks I’m gay, but I don’t care. She’s a model. But I had her in Plett in ‘97 and she was rubbish. She has put on a lot of weight though since I spent the night with her. Probably like 30kg’s, she looks at least 55kg’s now. Cracker bee-atch.

Incidentally the editor of Marie Claire is Kate Wilson. Kate is the cousin of my friend Mike(Your boy in advertising in Cape Town). Kate has a sister(Single) who is around my age. She is easy on the eyes. Blonde.

Mike…your cousins quite nice!

Anyway before I dig a deeper hole for myself I must go. Here is what the ticket looks like(By the way it’s only valid for Thursday 15 May and Friday 16 May between 10h00 and 21h00). I included a little something as well, found on page 106 and 107 of Marie Claire. The chick is not quite my vibe, but she does have a fit body and I definitely would.

Cheeky girl!

I’d tap that.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

So I spent a bit of time outside of the normal hood last week and spent a bit of time in the Epping area. Very interesting! Not really a Cape Town vibe, but an interesting place nonetheless. Some odd looking people, a bit of a Fish Hoek type of scene out there. Epping is in pretty bad shape, and it’s industrial and all that but then you see something that looks like it came straight out of Los Angeles. Cruising around I spotted this Hummer H3 by Bux Motorsport. A big yellow beast on the sidewalk with MASSIVE rims.

I actually wanted to put a baby next to the tyre to give you an idea of how big they were. But the backpack I carry with babies in it was left at home with Juan, my Mexican garden bitch. He waters and feeds the babies when I am out.

Check out this animal:

Naai, mos rolling on dubz

Now you must remember that this Epping/ Thornton is on the ass end of Pinelands and you will see clapped out cars driving through the area. You also see bakkies driving through the area with other cars on top of them, being taken to the scrap yard. And then like a shining beacon of light, we see a Hummer H3. The contrast is stunning! It’s bizarre.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Ok now that we have dealt with the serious thoughts, let us take a QUIET look at Sexpo 2008 through the eyes of the SLXS crew. We are always fun and always playing around in this city. This is what we saw and how we saw it. This piece was designed, engineered and constructed by members of the SLXS team who also form part of a larger conglomerate which I will not name. Just yet.

It was a chilly Thursday evening and once again I was alone, browsing through my DVD collection and wondering where the party was going to be at on this fine Phuza Thursday. My phone screamed, and a message was in waiting. I opened it.

“Crew hitting Sexpo, around 6:30, see you there, do NOT miss it”

I saddled up in the VR3 and rolled through to the CTICC. Arriving on my own was a bit daunting as I saw a swarm of belters rolling in in their finest attire probably designed by the likes of Tom who used to do Gucci, Calvin and Giorgio. They also had guys on their arms wearing their finest slick back hairstyles.

I could just see them looking at the guy arriving on his own, literally thinking “What a wanker!” Ha ha ha funny guys! Just remember…after laugh laugh comes cry cry when you find me pulling your girlfriend outside the stand where the gimp is.

I sauntered in and was a bit edgy arriving on my own. I smashed a phone call through to Charlie V.

“Where you bud?”

Laughter

“At the mechanical KOK!”

Jesus Jones. I sashayed around and eventually found Andy B, Peter and Charlie V near the mechanical kok, chatting to the lovely lady sitting in the Ferrari. They were trying to convince her to push all sorts of buttons so the hood would open and we could check out the engine. Fond of fun times, Peter decided to test his strength nearby by seeing how long he could hold onto the kok for. Quite long apparently…

Riding the kok, just another chilled Thursday really

We kept rolling along until we saw some really cool leather wear. I’m a fan of leather and have leather CAT boots, leather belts, wallets, watch straps etc. I don’t have a leather suit though. It’s quite intriguing though.

Someone get the gimp!

We then decided to take some time out just to regroup, conceptualise, rest, cross reference some hedge funds and discuss pressing global issues such as peak oil. We just happened to stop on the rim of one of the stands.

Mom, dad, what’s rimming?

I also found this guy. Nice vibe about him.

I was extremely happy that Mavericks were there though. Because the girls at the Mavericks stand were quite stunning! And as I chilled there ogling, someone walked up to me and gave me a complimentary entrance card to Mavericks.

Praise be to Mavericks!

Good things come to those who wait.

So you know where to find us this week…

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I must admit, I’m a bit late on the draw here, but I was fairly busy last week and did not have time to write anything but it’s all good now. I’m back, I’m better looking, I’m more ripped, even more tanned and there is a sexual energy permeating through Cape Towns soul. Rad!

Over this past weekend I have been reading reports on the Sexpo in Cape Town and most of the reports from my friends have been that it was not as exciting as they thought it would be. Fair enough, but not one person said it was disgusting. I did find it boring and there was nothing there that really had any “wow” factor. Luckily for me I had a funny crew accompanying me, so it was alright. The comments from my friends come from educated people who were brought up in normal households. We are normal people and know right and wrong etc. I did find it to be a little bit boring, but we had some fun times and had a good laugh cruising around looking at some weird things!

Now there are people saying that Sexpo was lewd, disgusting, that it undermined family values and so on and so forth. I have three words for these people: “GET A LIFE!” Honestly, grow up. If you don’t want to be exposed to the modern world of advertising and consumerism, then you are very welcome to go join an Amish community. Please, do go. While you are there I’m going to pour myself a little drink, play some violent game on my Playstation 3 and then go visit the Sexpo and have a good time. Then after that I am going to go out and still treat women with respect. I’m not going to rape women. I’m not going to abuse women. Why? Because I had a normal upbringing, like most people in this city.

Sexpo is a premium event, held at a premium venue, the Cape Town International Convention Centre. It caters towards an elite crowd and an educated crowd. An entrance fee of R100 and security at the entrance ensures that no one is just going to walk in off the street. The people at Sexpo were people with money to spend, people who drove in in their BMW’s and Merc’s. These are not people from areas where rape is a problem at all. Rape is something that can happen in any area, but generally people who rape are brought up in dire conditions and have some sort of history of family problems, they lived in a society where they had no chances, where alcohol and drugs formed a part of the community and where gangs and criminals roamed free.

People who come to visit Sexpo are most likely coming from educated and well off backgrounds, people from Camps Bay, Bishopscourt, Constantia and other well off areas. The R100 entrance fee takes care of this. These are not people who are going to go to a sex exhibition, see a women with her top off(The most we got to see live, it’s not like we have not seen it before. Hi mom and dad) and then think “Oh well let’s go rape someone” Even hinting that the Sexpo could in any way lead to rape or abuse is absolute rubbish. It comes from someone so disconnected from the Cape Town life and the target market of Sexpo that they should in no way have any authority to comment on Sexpo whatsoever.

These are the very same people who live to write letters to The Tatler complaining of any fun event happening in Cape Town. Last time it was My Coke Fest, and I can put money on the fact that in this weeks Tatler there will be letters complaining about the Sexpo. If you are so old and unhappy, then bugger off and go knit a sweater, play bowls or go to Bingo, just keep away from anything resembling social life in Cape Town. And please keep at least a 5km space between you and me at all times, because I don’t want to know that you exist you sad little person.

Cape Town’s fundamentalist Christian deputy mayor said in a statement on Friday that the increase in abuse and sexual exploitation of women and children was “a worrying reality” (SOURCE)

Saying this the day after Sexpo started is clearly connecting sexual exploitation of women and children with Sexpo, whether he will admit it or not.

To be honest I had a great time at Sexpo. I agreed with most of the educated people and can say that it was not as exciting as I had expected. It’s pretty much all the stuff you will see in any sex shop such as Adult World, and while some of the stuff is hilarious, it’s nothing that we have not seen before. I was thinking it would be more of a cutting edge expo, in what way I’m not sure, but that’s what I had expected.

But I can also truly say that after attending Sexpo I am in no way inclined to sexually exploit women or children. And I guarantee that everyone else who attended Sexpo will say the same thing.

The great thing about the first year of any event is that it will continue to get better. I have seen it with nearly every single event I have been to. The first year is not what you expect, but it always gets better as awareness around the event is raised. Hopefully next year is great!

By the way ladies, I am still single, it’s cold today, I’m pouring myself a glass of red, so feel free to ring the door bell.

I’m just wearing a lambswool jersey…

Sexual

Sean Lloyd

Editor

The neglect over the past week has been phenomenal. Please do accept my apologies. I’m back now…kind of. In the next 24 hours you will see what I have to say about Sexpo. Other than that I don’t know what this week holds.

Maybe an interview and something about rehab. I don’t really know for sure.

Just keep checking here, you know it’s going to be good.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

So shakes are a great way to help you to lose weight as well as gain muscle. They count towards one of your 5-6 small meals per day and they are super easy to fit into your daily routine. Leave a tub at work or at home, or both, and make sure that you don’t go without stable nutrition through the day or before or after training.

Meal replacements can include shakes, powders or bars that replace a normal meal. They are easy to use, require little if any preparation, and most importantly provide structure to the daily eating plan. In the longest study to date (5 years), overweight subjects who consumed a meal replacement shake lost weight – about 4.5 kilograms – compared to a group of control subjects who gained about 6.8 kilograms over the same time period.

Do you have 5 kilo’s to lose? Then check out these suitable weight loss shakes:

EAS Myoplex Lite, click HERE

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Because SLXS focuses only on Cape Town, I’m often asked various things relating to the city, the people, the food we eat, the drinks we drink, the supplements we take, the travelling we do and so on and so drunk.

One of the things I’m often asked about is Pinelands and why there are so many old people there, why the youngsters drink so much and why the hell is it a dry suburb? That’s right, you can’t buy booze in Pinelands, there is no liquor store. Which defeats the point of actually having a suburb in the first place.More on that in another article, which I have been meaning to write for months now.

One of the curious thing about Pinelands in Jan Smuts Drive that kind of goes along the outskirts of Pinelands. People ask me all the time, “Sean, what is the meaning behind Jan Smuts Drive? Who is Jan Smuts?”

Well my scholarly learners, Sean is here to delve deep into the history of Jan Smuts Drive. Contrary to popular belief, and credible sources, and Wikipedia, Jan Smuts was not in fact a person.

You see, way back in the 1600’s, a group of Spanish conquistadors arrived in Cape Town on a boat that was a strong as an ox. It was called Tittyarsenic, later shortened to “Titanic” It was the first ship to ever annihilate an iceberg, and actually melt the iceberg upon contact with the ships hull. Which was thanks to a new invention called a “Microwave oven” Microwave ovens were placed on the hull and when they came near an iceberg, the microwave ovens were turned on and they melted the iceberg.

So these Spanish conquistadors arrived in Cape Town but unfortunately for them, the soil close to the ocean was way too salty to successfully grow marijuana, otherwise known affectionately at the time as “Mary Jane” Mary Jane was the first women to ever smoke the marijuana, and after tripping balls for 89 consecutive hours, they decided to call the plant something that resembled her name. Because marijuana sounds like Mary Jane. One hundred years later stoners would discover that Mary Jane actually was the first person to smoke the plant, and they started calling marijuana by the name “Mary Jane”

Unfortunately for the stoners they did not trip balls like Mary Jane did because unbeknown to her, her dealer, Chingy Steel, had soaked her weed in petroleum, which is now called “petrol”

So the soil near to the sea was too salty and so they did soil tests, and the area now known as Pinelands was found to have the purest soil, perfect for growing weed that could then be rolled into the most delicious Jolly Rodger. The name Pinelands was given to the area because the outskirts were dominated by pine trees. These were there to hide the weed growingin the centre of these lands that were dominated by pine. A fence was erected and people were told that it was a pine tree growing project, and they could not enter because the pine trees needed quiet time to have sex, so they could reproduce.

And people never knew better, and believed the story of the pine trees, because it would be years until the Google application on the internet machine would be invented. In the days of the Spanish Conquistadors internet, they only had Microsoft Live Search, a product of such inferior quality that no results actually came up when searching, and it was then given the name “Macrohard Dead Search” in celebrity social circles. Brad and Angelina used Google in the old days, and so Google caught on amongst the worlds population, making it a fairly popular way to search for porn.

So anyway…eventually when Google took off they invented something called Google Earth, and they had people in space with 3 megapixel cameras taking photos of every square inch of earth. They managed to zoom in close enough because they had 3 times optical zoom and 4 times digital zoom on their cameras. When the photos of Pinelands came out, the police(Who the Spanish called the “Po- po”) raided the Mary Jane farm, cut and dried the herb, and got blazed out of their minds. Plumes of smoke were seen for days coming out of the “Pinelands” The Po-Po said they were burning the weed, but not inhaling it, and people believed them, because Justin Timberlake said so in his E! True Cape Town story, which was released in the 1600’s only days after the burning of the Pinelands.

After that the Po-Po kept close tabs on Pinelands, because its reputation was in ruins. They decided to stop making moonshine in Pinelands and also closed down Midmar Liquor store, Pinelands cheapest Liquor Store. It was declared a dry town, and no alcohol or drugs would be sold in the suburb. After all of this, Nostradamus predicted that in 2006, a Crystal Meth craze would sweep the suburb. Nostradamus was quite hip and happening and called it “Tik” As you all know, Nostradamus always predicts things correctly and so I’m taking a wild guess his Tik prediction came right.

But right after the banning of alcohol and drugs in Pinelands, the economy crashed. Pinelands main entertainment, namely drugs and alcohol, were gone and so the suburb was useless. All the young people moved out of the suburb and went to cool places like Llandudno and Camps Bay. All the old people were flown in from Delft with helicopters, and because they were old and rickety, they could not use drugs anymore, neither could they drink, so they found Pinelands to be the perfect habitat. Unfortunately overpopulation in Camps Bay and Llandudno started forcing young people back to Pinelands. Luckily for them most of the old population was killed off because they got crop rot. Crop rot affects mainly wheat and maize, but old people can get it too.

The young people started pouring back in, but it was still a drugless city. And the economy was therefore bad. Then some girls decided that they would make money by becoming “Ladies of the night” These girls were all over 18 and had finished school. The school was fairly close to the Rondebosch Common. Rondebosch Common was called Rondebosch “Common” because of the school near it.

So these girls started selling themselves for money on the outskirts of Pinelands, and because the guys were embarrassed that they were using them, they never took the girls back into Pinelands. Because it was embarrassing AND illegal. So they would drive them around the outskirts of Pinelands, and this led to wear in the natural vegetation surrounding Pinelands. This route around Pinelands was then called a “Drive” because it was caused by guys who would “drive” their Hummers around looking for chicks.

The name Jan Smuts was actually invented to make it sound more tame, because the real name was quite rough and did not portray Pinelands as a good tourist destination, especially for people flying Virgin Airways. You see, it was originally called “Young Sluts Drive” because of the young ladies of the night that would sit on the “drive” at night. Later at night they would sit on the drivers gear knob.

And so after many years of people the world over believing that Jan Smuts Drive was named after an Afrikaans driver, I have debunked the myth. It’s things like these that makes me more than just an editor. It makes me a teacher. An icon. A God walking amongst mere mortals.

No doubt the regular news channels will catch onto this story and claim that their journalists uncovered the real name of Jan Smuts Drive. But you read it here first and so you know who to believe.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

To those of you unaware, DSTV is an African phenomenon that manifests itself as a satellite dish on your roof and a so called “decoder” in your TV room. These two pieces of equipment manage to also tap into your bank account and take away R500 or so every month.

For this R500 you get to watch things such as the Dutch channel, the Chinese channel, the gerbil channel, all sorts of ridiculous God programs with scam artists like Ray McCauley and the like. You see Ray McCauley just gets people to donate money to “God” Obviously Ray McCauley is God and so takes all the cash and splashes out on luxuries for himself and his wife. Then they divorce etc etc. But enough about that…

So a few months ago DSTV decided to change all the channel numbers for some bizarre reason. This had me a bit confused as nothing really made sense. Channels were all over the place and it had me throwing my beer down in ANGER. And now it seems as if in the past couple of days they have changed the channel numbers again. As if to just kind of break my back and keep me guessing as to what the point of it all is.

But because we all pay R500 a month they feel like when they make changes to their lineup, they need to make us feel as if we were involved in the entire process. So now they interrupt our already disastrous viewing schedule with some lady who assures us that they have taken our suggestions on the channels and put them to use, thus creating the new channel schedule.

To be honest, the new channel schedule does make more sense, but still…let’s just keep it constant you know. Now when I get home at 5am smashed out of my mind, I’m going to have to search for Fashion TV. I can’t just put my mind on auto pilot and let my hands press the right buttons so I can check the models out. Obviously I don’t do this but I’m using the example for illustrative(In your mind) purposes. Wait I don’t even know if FTV has changed but anyway.

I like it though that they say they have listened to us regarding the new channel schedule vibe. I asked all of my friends, who all have DSTV, and not one person was asked about the channel numbers by a DSTV representative.

But the ad does make you feel as though it’s worth paying R500 per month for channels that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I mean, I have a schedule of about 10 channels that I watch. So I’m paying about R50 per channel per month in effect.

And then there are my various addictions that I still have to pay for…circus midgets covered in cocaine, Brazilian models covered in chocolate and the odd llama that I fly in to suck on my toes.

How is a man to live when there are so many expenses in life?

And petrol is going up next week as well, so R100 should get you at least 440ml’s of juice. It’s so cheap to survive right now!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Naturally I live from party to party, it’s what keeps me excited about life. The other thing that keeps me excited is my vast collection of hair products. But don’t tell the guys that. Let us keep it on the DL.

The SA Wakeboard champs were over, we were all tripping tits on the new 440ml USN Spike Double Shot(It comes with warning signs on it. Mix it with vodka and go play at the nightclubs) and we decided that La Med was entirely necessary. It was Sunday, the next day was a public holiday, Shaun and Gina Faccio had taken the titles, they were from Joburg, and so we thought we would show them a bit of the Cape Town Sunday night La Med party smash up. Naturally we dominated the entire party, just ask anyone who was there. We were loud and all over the club.

So the night started off with the usual party starters of Uncle Jager and Aunt Tequila. After that it was a quick descent into debauchery for us. We managed to throw our names quite far this time around and I threw mine so far from La Med that it landed in the gutter outside.

Let us have a quick little picture recap of things. The reason we decided to party was that the athletes we had been chillaxing with the whole weekend happened to win in their categories. With Gina Faccio taking the ladies title and Shaun Faccio taking the mens pro title. So well done to Shaun and Gina on their awesome achievement! You had to be there though to see them riding, it was insane. Here we are chilling with the champs woooo hooo! If I had won a title like they did I would have walked around to the other competitors and said “Oh hello…number two!” You know because as Ricky Bobby says…if you’re not first you’re last!

Shaun Faccio, Sean, Gina Faccio and Charlie V

Another highlight was running into some guy who we would later find out is a 25 year old Hawaiian organ donor. I know…it’s crazy! But you would never guess this, he is so cool that he only has one name. Kind of like that guy Heidi Klum is boning, Seal! Just one name because he is that rad. Best of all is his actual name.

He told us it was McLovin! That’s a bad ass name! So Peter was honoured to have his photo taken with this McLovin character, and we even gave him the thumbs up.

McLovin, that’s a bad ass name!

Naturally I was a bit bleak because he was rolling through La Med with his homies pulling all the hot chicks. This is normally my job and so I tried to taunt him on the dance floor as you can see below.

It did not seem to work though as this McLovin guy was some sort of sexual superstar and we later heard he had banged 10 supermodels that night. Not bad going McLovin, but still a little way off my 1996 record. All of the Victories Secret Angels. All in one bed. All in one night. Just me and them.

McLovin didn’t get all the action to himself though and the SLXS team managed to score some titty action, which was a nice little interlude between knocking back fountains of drinks. I actually think that might be the Hand of God. Yes, that is Charlie V’s hand. Sexual.

Nice weighting and shape

After La Med we were obviously very tired and hungry little boys and girls so The Pimp Herd rolled into the 24 hour Woolworths at the Engen in Gardens in Cape Town. We bought a few things from Woolworths and also made Barcellos to slaughter a couple of chickens so that they could make us some nice chicken burgers. Unfortunately the 2 chicken burger special is over, so they say. It used to be around R20 for two chicken burgers, it was glorious.

While at the Engen a Rikkis cab pulled up. And because we had bizarrely not tapped much La Med ass(Normally we call an extra cab to cart the models back to the SLXS Palace of Excess, where everyone is suitably entertained at the grotto), Peter decided that he needed to take advantage of the fine little bum on the Rikkis cab. The feel was good if a little rock hard. And ice cold.

Tap it tap it!

Like many of the girls we meet. Ice queens.

So that was it really, obviously I don’t remember too much as usual so the photos will have to do. It was an awesome weekend though spent cruising around with South Africa’s top wakeboarders, partying with Cape Town’s most awesome party people, and welcoming some of the Joburg crew down here for a little party. Or if you’re Afrikaans an “opskop”

Ja dis lekker.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I love stories like this, because there is still stuff to find in the world! We pump liquid gold every day, but it’s not often you just come across a shipwreck laden with gold coins. But our boys in Namibia have done just that. Awesome. There’s gold in them hills boy! Just thinking of this whole scenario is getting me excited. There is a party happening right now, in my pants. Of the pants. Yeah. So I opened a can of Googletizer and took a sip. Here are some pictures I found. No thank me later. Yeah it’s fine. Ja nee! Don’t stress…

Ok well HERE is the link anyway.

So that’s it really. Namdeb control the land where the treasure was found so I’m guessing they take all the glory. As though finding diamonds every day is not enough. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! It makes me mad! But that’s the story so far. Not too much to say on it really other than the fact that I’m bleak about the fact that I did not make the discovery.

National Geographic could do a sick story on this…

I know more than you think you know. Well I know more than you know you know!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I won’t lie here, I have absolutely no recollection of day two! What I do remember is that Gina Faccio won the ladies division and Shaun Faccio won the mens pro title. The whole weekend I had been chilling with them, not knowing that they were that good! Because I can’t remember the second day, here are some photos, which could have been from the first day. I’m not sure. I remember drinking a Coke Light, and then everyone laughed because they said it was peppered with eye drops. The rest of the day is a blank in my mind. I’m pretty sure I came right with a smoking hot belter though.

That’s actually my new trick when I want to come right. I just spike my drink, then walk into the girls bathroom and collapse on the floor unconscious. Because I am quite sought after in Cape Town, the hottest girls in the club quickly hear that The Sean has passed out in the bathroom. By the time they have arrived though there are fat chicks trying to score me. The hot chicks come in and kick the pies out the way and then drag me to their cars, and into their houses and take FULL advantage of me. It’s quite a cool trick and you can use it if you want.

That’s neither here nor there though. So here are the photos. Fantasties!

 Stop…hanger time(Lame joke)

 Hitting the slider

“I want to emigrate, I hate this country!” What kind of drugs are you on? 

Andy B- Doing the commentating. Nice work…if you can get it 

Sean Lloyd

Editor