I am particularly fond of this time of the year in Cape Town when suddenly people start saying THE most bizarre things. I don’t know why it is. I’m not sure if people are doing more cocaine, tik, or just abusing the bottle, but something funny is in the air as it is every year around this time that bizarre statements come flowing from peoples mouths.
One of my favourites is “Winter is definitely here!”
Well…you don’t say!
Cold? Check
Dark? Check
Raining? Check
Thunder and lightning? Check
22nd of May? AFFIRMATIVE!
All of this does tend to point to the fact that…yes…we may well be heading into winter, but there is no need to make it the current topic of conversation. That’s like saying, every day at sunset, “Well nighttime is DEFINITELY coming”
It’s PA-THE-TIC! To make it even more beautiful, a couple of weeks ago one of our local newspapers actually let us know that winter was coming, or was here or something. If I’m not mistaken, it was the waste of trees Cape Argus. Clearly when there is no news worth reporting, we can actually resort to talking about the weather. Which in fact is about as embarrassing as chatting to some chick you have liked for years, and when you eventually speak to her, you realise you have nothing in common and you begin to talk about the weather. It’s just blind.
Another favourite of mine is chatting to people whenthey throw in this pearler…
“So Jimmy, how you doing buddy?”
“No I think I’m coming down with a bit of the flu hey”
“Really, is your body aching?”
“No”
“Are you sweating?”
“No”
“Fever?”
“No, but I just have a blocked nose hey, I think I must go to the doctor and get some flu tablets”
OH. MY. GOD! You cannot be serious, if I hear one more person calling the common cold, “The Flu” I’m going to book a plane ticket straight to Botswana and go live in the bush. I know people who get flu about three of four times a year.
No jokes, I have had it once in my life and I could hardly move I was so buggered!
So seriously…don’t even try tell me you have flu if you just have a cold because I will kick you in the head. With my Cat boots. Then as you are falling down I will smack you on the back of the head with a cricket bat.
And as your body is about to hit the ground I will kick you in the back.
Then one punch…BAM…POW…in your shins.
Another roundhouse kick…WAZAAAM…in the groin.
Then you will know what it feels like to have flu.
Ladies and gentleman, I thank you for your time.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
If you enjoyed this post, show your support. We appreciate it!
