I have, in my time, been known to enjoy a party from time to time. And so on Friday I spent some time with G-Unit and his crew and we had a nice little drink. A little drink turned into many and it inspired this piece. Throughout the night I was using terms that are commonplace in my vocabulary, but that might be foreign to others. Here I present to you, the terms you need to learn in order to successfully party in Cape Town.
Lunge
The lunge is basically just when you think the time is right to pull in, and you lunge forward to kiss someone. The lunge, if unsuccessful leads to…
The bat
Basically you get batted if the girl/ guy rejects the lunge. In really bad cases(Say you go for the lunge, and the girl pulls away and slaps you) then this is known as being “Hit for six”
Minger
This is someone who is no oil painting in the looks department. Swamp donkey etc.
Chew off your arm
Sometimes the beer goggles get combined with the jager bomb goggles and this can actually blind a person. So you take the minger home and when you wake up the next morning, he/she/it is lying on your arm. In order not to wake he/she/it, because you cannot possibly stomach the thought of it, you chew your arm off in order to make a sneaky escape. Only do this once though, otherwise you will have chewed both arms off. Not ideal.
Tactical chunder
An all too familiar word in my books. Affectionately referred to as the TC, it is a life saver, in line with The Hoff. Say you are really hammered, and the room is spinning, but you can’t vomit but REALLY need to otherwise you think you will spin off the earth. This is where you make like Kate Moss, and make yourself vomit. A great way to avoid a hangover and feel better immediately. Also a great way to lose pounds before a runway show to the schmodels out there.
The tactical chunder is a hard boozers best friend.
School boy error
Refers to any error in partying that a school boy might make. For instance downing a bottle of vodka is a school boy error. No one of age will do this, as they have already done it at school an know that it will kill you.
Scoring your best friends sister might also be a school boy error. You do it once in school and realise it’s a really bad idea.
Toni Braxton- Unbreak my heart. Sorry, just the current track playing on the “SLXS Love Songs Crooner Come Right Tonight Mix”
Ninja bomb
Essentially, a ninja bomb is when you make yourself disappear. If you are at a party and are fading fast after drinking too much, too quickly, you will pull a ninja bomb. You leave the party without telling anyone. Usually no one will realise you have left for at least an hour. In which time you are already sleeping and your phone has been turned off.
A ninja bomb is used in many situations. Sometimes it’s easier just to leave than to have to explain to everyone that you are fading.
Also, if you are at your best friends party, and he has a smoking hot sister, and you want to pull her, you would naturally not leave with her and let him know that. The ninja bomb works a charm here.
The 24 hour medic
If you have cut yourself or have been in some sort of accident, you will need to call on a medic. However, if you have had a massive accident and quite possible crashed The Cane Train, you need a medic of a different kind. Enter the 24 hour shops. Petrol stations selling pies, Woolworths selling everything that dreams are made of and Barcellos pumping out two chicken burgers for about R20. Steers at the Engen in Claremont is also one of Gods greatest inventions. Especially if you have bent it out of shape on a Tiger Tuesday student night and you find yourself at Engen at 3am.
Because then it’s actually Wednesday and you score a Wacky Wednesday!
The Cane Train
This refers to the art of jumping on the cane train by drinking copious amounts of cane, traditionally mixed with cream soda. It’s the drink you make yourself when you are a poor student. But then when you become wealthy you still drink it because it tastes good and brings back so many good memories of nights in Hermanus spent drinking on the beach.
The Cane Train
The hangover look
This is for the guys really. Girls always need to look good. Guys can wake up with red eyes, green teeth, hectic stubble and yet still walk down the street with a Coke and a pie and feel like a million bucks.
Bender
Using the term would go like this “JEEEEE-ZUZ we had a bender of note last night!” A bender is essentially where the night loses it’s shape, it get’s bent out of shape and things get messy. We might also say the night has gone “Pear shaped”
On a bender!
You might look like this after a bender. Collapsing in the passage on your way to the apartment
A sneaky bender
A sneaky bender is commonplace in a place like Cape Town. Because we don’t really work for more than two hours a day, we have loads of time to spend at beachside cafes and at bars around the city, laughing and drinking as though a global recession does not exist. Sneaky benders often occur at Forresters Arms in Newlands of Peddlars (On the bend) I think “On the bend” is actually put in there, not because Peddlars finds itself situated on a bend in the road, but because everyone there is always getting smashed, thus being constantly “on the bend”
And when they are not on the bend, they are chilling at a 24 hour medic, “on the mend”
Did you see that? What I did there? I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it! What’s the plan, Japan?
Ok pushing it a little far there.
So a sneaky bender is when you receive an sms from someone at around 12 or 1′ish. I usually get my Forres updates from Lex. It normally says something along the lines of “If you’re not wasted, then the day is. Get to Forres” or “If anybody is over this day, I’m at Forres having ONE drink” It’s the whole phenomenon of having “just one drink” that turns into many and before you know it, a little lunch time post siesta drink has turned into the whole crew absolutely mashed and thinking of hitting Tiger until 3am then getting to Barcellos to mend our ways.
Sneaky benders are basically afternoon meetings, with sober intentions, that turn into alcohol fueled binges that last until the next day.
I think that gives you a fairly good guide into the SLXS party dictionary. Seriously, use these terms, don’t lose them.
Now someone get me a beer.
I said NOW!
Son of a bitch!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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