Reading through The Sunday Times today I was shocked at the amount of unrest in the world, fuelled by rising food prices, which are fuelled by rising costs of fuel.
If food is the common denominator here, and the world is unable to produce enough food for everyone, we obviously need to start cutting back on food. When I see a stick thin model walking down Long Street in Cape Town I think “Good on you angel, taking care of the planet!” When I see a fat person eating a bag of Nik Naks and washing it down with a Coke I immediately think “Jee-zuz, there are food riots in the world, which are being caused by YOU!”
Look, we all know that the worlds top fashion models subsist on a diet of champagne and cocaine. This blatant abuse of substances is in effect saving the world, one trip at a time. Also referred to as “The runway diet”, it has helped many models make obscene amounts of money, while at the same time being able to divert food to the worlds poor. The less the developed world eat, the more the poor world can thrive.
People often gasp at the thought of the amounts of drugs that people like Robbie Williams, Ozzy Osbourne and Ronnie wood have put into their bodies. But these men are saviours. On the female side, I think that Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss are doing a sterling job. Absolutely stunning girls! Keep it up and that little Chinese kid won’t have to starve for much longer. On the other hand I see people eating Big Macs and I think “You know what, you greedy son of a bitch! You just took away a meal from Bing Bong, the little orphan who lives in a crate on a polluted Chinese street with his brother Ming Ho”
Most poor countries live on a diet of grains such as wheat, maize and rice. And here we are in the rich world eating vegetables and salads, because all the health reports say so! If we all just supported the people who made drugs, we could possibly save the world from disaster. The drugs would kill our appetites, and possibly us.
Save food, drink Vincent Van Gogh vodka!
Just imagine if all your rich friends started doing obscene amounts of narcotics…they would buy less food. They would probably also cut their life spans in half. But this could be beneficial. All these rich people would start to die off slowly and there would be less people in the world, and therefore more food! I don’t know if you see where I’m going on this, but I think I’m onto something. Unfortunately South Africa does not make cocaine though, or French champagne(For obvious reasons). So we need Columbia to start pumping out more Charlie, and we need JC Le Roux to start making more sparkling wine.
Good Lord…it’s the diet of the eco-conscious! It’s the diet of the ambassadors of the world, such as Angelina and Brad who constantly campaign for the poor people of the world.
Reading this article will totally change your views on the world…you will ridicule those who smoke weed because it gives them the munchies, and they eat all the food that could otherwise be distributed to rural Africa. You will curse at those who eat more than once a day, because it steals a meal from Ming Ho. You will praise those addicted to cocaine, booze, over the counter medicines, Vicodin, Oxycontin, cigarettes and the like.
In a lifetime of your average hard living rock star, they have probably saved entire villages by not eating. Robbie Williams has done enough booze and drugs to kill an entire army. But he has not killed an army, nor himself, but he has saved a village. Possibly a country. Amy Winehouse is the ultimate ambassador for third world starving people. Kate Moss is the new Mother Theresa. Ronnie Wood should have grain farms dedicated to him.
World markets will change because no one will care what they look like. We will adopt more of a Pete Doherty style than anything else, and the fashion and beauty industries will crash. Money that normally goes into these industries can be spent on developing alternative fuels and alternative electricity supplies for a power starved world. Ugly people will get more action as the narcotic effect strips all inhibitions and distorts the view on the world.
Civilization as we know it will be completely changed. The world power will go into those in the narcotics trade. It will be a new fun filled world of acid trips, green fairies and rocks that come to life.
I might just have the blueprint for The New World with this idea.
BOOM! It’s go time.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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