I was attending a birthday party the other day. My ex-girlfriend(We broke up about a year ago) was turning twelve and I thought:
“Jesus Jones, this chick is all just high maintenance. It’s presents, presents and more presents!”
I had bought her a lucky packet, a Hello Kitty handbag and the chick just wanted more more MORE! So I decided to end the gift giving thing by giving her a perma-present. I gave her a wire rose that I bought for R10 on the side of the road. A few weeks later when she said I had not bought her stuff in ages, I pointed to the rose, which was still alive. I said:
“Cork it, that present will never die. It’s your birthday present, Christmas present, and your everything present”
Obviously we broke up but thinking back on that relationship it made me realise the importance of a perma-gift in todays material world where everything just keeps getting more expensive. Perma-gifts are part of any successful persons life. You don’t have time to keep on thinking of new gifts to give people, and it cuts down on waste material that gets dumped into the planet. It’s the eco-friendly gift, and it’s cheap as chips.
Perma-gifts will literally last a lifetime and it will save you probably thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of rands in your lifetime. Roses for girls are always nice presents, and not to mention the ever popular roofies. I roofie myself every day and have now built up my immunity against roofies. The reason I do it is because I am in high demand with the ladies, and whenever I go partying in Cape Town, I look into my drink and it has lost it’s liquid consistency. My drink usually turns into a paste as women throw hundreds of different narcotics into my bottles and glasses in a feeble attempt to sleep with me.
Tisk tisk…all you have to do is ask.
Perma-gifts are never forgotten because they just don’t ever leave. Unless the recipient throws them away, in which case it is their fault, not yours.
But you may ask, do celebrities give perma-gifts? Of course they do! Paris Hilton even gives perma-gifts. Albeit in the form of STD’s. But Paris Hilton truly gives the gift that keeps on giving- You are going to need more than vitamin C to kick a bout of her STD’s!
Soooooo… I bought another rose from these guys on the side of the road to show you what you need to buy.
Mmmmm…
Good grief, looking at the current state of my desk you would think I run a gay brothel. Savanna(With perma-rose in it), “Waterless hand cleanser”, a zen garden(Don’t ask), and incense burning in the background.
I have ABSOLUTELY no idea how the CD cover for The White Barry got there. I suppose you can’t get enough of my love.
That’s quite straight Sean!
Can you imagine what this is doing for my reputation with the ladies.
This is not good.
I’m off to salvage my reputation. It’s trashed.
Mind you, after this bottle of Lagavulin, I’m pretty trashed myself.
Oh I have just been kicked in the groin by the girlfriend (Gisele Bundchen) and she took this photo while I was sleeping this morning. She says if I publish this photo it will reaffirm my reputation as writings current outlaw who writes with a bit of Hunter S Thompson inspiration by his side.
Right…Why is my hand so big?
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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