With the many technologies that have infiltrated our lives, we find communication taking on different forms. From “talking” to people using sms, Mxit and social networking sites, the communication in the digital age is more impersonal but also better considering that people are constantly moving around the world. Communication is also faster and cheaper using new technology.
Some people still battle to find the words to end a relationship, or they just want to avoid the issue because it can be hectically difficult.
We have all heard the stories of how people break up, so here is a re-cap of them, and one newer one you might not have heard of.
The worst ways to break up:
By sms
Imagine you are just chilling one day and you get an sms from your other half saying that the relationship is over. Here are two people that at one point had many things in common, slept together(Possibly), shared many good memories and then when it comes to breaking up, they can’t even do it face to face. Sms as you can understand, is highly impersonal when ending a relationship!
But it does happen and you often hear of it happening. Especially with the celebrity type, where they see it as an alright thing to do. But celebrities do sleep with all the other celebrities and they also like 2 month marriages. They also like to meet someone, date for a week, get married in the second week and then pump out a couple of babies.
So breaking up by sms for a celebrity is not such a bad thing then.
On air
We all heard the stories of how Matt Damon broke up with Minnie Driver on Oprah Winfrey. Awesome! How cool is Matt Damon? Well they did deny this story but it just sounds so good I WANT to believe it. Telling the world you are breaking up with someone before you actually tell them, is to say the very least, stunningly phenomenal!
Imagine you are chilling on front of the TV, knowing that your partner is going to be interviewed. Things are going swimmingly, and they are discussing fame, money, culture and all that other rubbish.
Then suddenly Matt Damon says to Oprah:
“Yo O-Dog, guess who the Mattmeister is boning now?”
“Ummm…I’m guessing your girlfriend, Minnie Driver?” Oprah says.
“NOOOOOOOOO! Try Gisele!”
Minnie Driver is just chilling at home in her pajamas, with a glass of red wine at the fire when she hears this.
This is the breaking point where Minnie sprints to the fridge, pulls out the FULL FAT ice cream and opens it. She then goes to the cupboard, opens up a box of Jolly Jammers and throws them into the ice cream. This goes into the microwave for thirty seconds to make some sort of ice cream/ Jolly Jammer slush, also collectively known as “Thunder thigh maker”
A similiar move would be when one day you log onto SLXS and I mention that myself and my lady friend(If I had one. But I will never have one. I will have five) have broken up. She reads it later in the day, and the whole of Cape Town knows about the break up before she does. Fantastic!
So ideally you don’t want to go for this sort of break up. It’s not cool.
Via e-mail
E-mail is a great thing but it’s not as personal as the old school art of letter writing(I can call it an art, because kids these days, with Facebook and Mxit seem to have lost the art of writing, and spelling it seems) But I love e-mail because my readers can immediately mail me to tell me I’m an arrogant prick but I’m still the funniest person alive. Not that such an e-mail has EVER been received by me, I’m just talking in generalities. It’s sort of a hypothetical situation. In return I can immediately e-mail them back a photo of my ripped, toned and bronzed body, and all thoughts of me being an arrogant prick are forgotten.
Rambling on there…
But e-mail to tell someone that the relationship is over? Disastrous! So the scenario would go something like this:
Your absolutely stunning girlfriend with the most exquisite breasts in the world cruises off to work in the morning. Chilling there she eats a low fat something or other to keep in shape for YOU. She is chatting to everyone and starts downloading her e-mail. The e-mails start coming in:
Cross reference of hedge funds
Bull running through bear market
FTSE loaded with pepper
JSE loses points on back of OPEC increase
We need to start seeing other people
Oh what is that? She opens it and there is a long e-mail from you telling her that the relationship is tickets. She starts crying, the boss lets her leave early, life collapses etc etc. Eats ice cream mixed with Jolly Jammers or Oreos, life goes even more downhill.
But the final and classic way to break up is by FACEBOOK! It’s comical.
From what I believe, if you “break up” with someone on Facebook, you can list yourself as single. However, your partner also has to list him/herself as single. So if you say list yourself as single(You’re a female), your partners will go from “Ryan is in a relationship with Jess” to “Ryan is in a relationship”
So you have been dating someone for some time, and you are both seen to be dating as well through Facebook. Ryan connects through the universe to Facebook and casually notices that he is just in a relationship, but with no one. Ryan goes to check on Jess’s page and she is listed as single. He tries to contact Jess but there is no answer.
Later on Ryan goes onto Facebook again and it says that he has been tagged in a photo. Oh surprise, where was the photo taken?
His jaw drops through the floor when he realises it is a photo of Jess with her new guy. She has tagged Ryan as the new guy so that the photo gets sent to Ryans Facebook profile! Ha ha unbelievable!
Thinking that this surely must be a joke, Ryan leaves it for a while. He then goes on to Facefok later to check whats going on because he still cannot get hold of Jess on the phone. He searches her name but the auto search does not come on, and he has to type her full name and hit enter.
A full search listing comes up and he finds Jess. It says:
Jess:
Send message
Poke her!
View friends
Add to friends
Ha ha she has deleted you from her friends list!
This is one of those moments in life when everything around you starts falling apart. You want to swear at the little kid riding his bicycle in the road. You want to ride over the guy selling plastic coat hangers on the side of the road.
You literally want a meteor to hit earth, killing everyone except you and Gisele Bundchen. So that you and Gisele have to start the human race all over again.
You want to burn the letter in the post from that charity organisation asking you to donate just R10 for the old aged home.
You want your girlfriends house to burn right to the ground. And then you want the ground below to start burning, so that everything just drops into hell.
It’s not the ideal situation in life and it’s sure to make you a wreck with no future in the city that the break up happened.
Personally I think the Facebook break up is the worst one of all the above mentioned break up techniques. Especially tagging the new guy/girl as YOU, so that the photo gets sent to your Facebook page.
As mean as all of this is I think we can all see some sort of humour here. I mean it’s just so bizarre that you have to laugh!
So if your relationship is on the rocks, please don’t use any of the above mentioned techniques. I don’t quite endorse them.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
