My party liaison keeps me updated on the best parties all the time, and according to him, these are the ones to watch out for, no doubt!

The Global Breakthrough Festival is going to be smashing us in our faces with bricks, because it promises some parties on the 29th of February and the 1st of March.

The 29th of February sees a party happening at 4pm featuring Ame & Oskido, Dino Moran, Rick Hunter and Thibo Tazz. It’s taking place in a pretty wild place, The West Coast Ostrich Ranch. Tickets are R50 at the door before 8pm and R70 thereafter.

At 9pm on the 29th of February there is another party taking place featuring Luciano, Digital Rockit and Killer Robot. This is quite cool because it’s taking place the the Helicopter Hangar, East Pier Road at the V&A Waterfront. Tickets are R70 pre-sale, R100 at the door before 11pm and R120 thereafter.

On Saturday the 1st of March at 9pm, we have Ame and Henrik Schwarz. This time it’s at Art Gallery Warehouse, 208 Albert Road Woodstock. Tickets are R80 pre-sale, R120 at the door before 11pm and R140 thereafter.

For more information on other parties during the festival, ticket bookings and directions to the venues please click GLOBAL BREAKTHROUGH.

I have spoken before that Paul van Dyk is coming to Cape Town on the 7th of March for a live three hour set and he is supported by Roger Goode (Oh no! Not The Rog!) and Protoculture amongst others.

Then in Cape Town on the 15th of March we will be seeing John Digweed. Tickets for this event cannot be bought and you will need to visit Urbanwave to register for this invite only event. Awesome.

So I trust you will all now know what to do over the next couple of weeks when it comes to choosing parties.

Sick! Rad! Wicked!

UPDATES:

From the 7th of March 2008 until the the 31st of March 2008, CODA will be performing in Dubai. So their last show here for a while will take place at Relish on Tuesday 4 March 2008. Relish is situated in Cape Town at 70 New Church Street. It starts at 8:30pm and the show is free.

On Thursday 20 March 2008 The Warehouse Project takes place. You CANNOT miss this! It’s taking place at The Old Biscuit Mill, Albert Road Woodstock from 7pm until 4am(Nice!)

The line up includes Roger Goode(Oh no! Not The Rog!), Ready D(Watch him burn those decks), Prime Circle, Dirty Skirts and Nick E Louder. General admission is R120, and VIP is R200(Limited to 500 tickets)

For more information please visit:

www.soundscape.co.za (I won’t lie I found that website unhelpful. Waste of time)

www.goodhopefm.co.za (Also nothing useful yet)

www.computicket.com (Click to book)

MyCokeFest 2008 takes place at the Kenilworth race course on Monday March 24 2008 from 12H00. Line up includes Good Charlotte, Korn, 30 Seconds to Mars, Kaiser Chiefs(Not the soccer team), Chris Cornell and Muse.

Click Computicket to book or visit MYCOKEFEST.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

“I’m alright!” are often the famous words quoted by some after falling down stairs, off balconies or out of hotel rooms. I was having a good chat the other day with a friend, and we were discussing the quality humour that is more often than not produced by Hugh Bladen being so blind drunk.

“And that’s a telling tackle!” or words to that effect are often used by Blades.

Anyway in my studies I had a lecturer named Malcolm and he was telling us the story of Hugh Bladen falling out of the commentary box or off his hotel room balcony or something to that effect(I had a copy of FHM a while back where they asked him about this, but I can’t find it now) As you can see, Hugh Bladen obviously survived the fall.

Then we go onto the case at out very own Charlie V’s place in Strusibaai. Struisbaai is right near Cape Agulhas, the Southern most tip of Africa. Anyway, after a drunken night, two of the guys were obviously going for the “I’m-so drunk-you-are-my-best-mate-I-love-you-we-need-to-hug” sort of hug.

In the process they both fell backwards, over the railings and landed neatly onto the grass and also onto the concrete driveway. One of the guys was knocked clean out, but after a little while they were back on their feet with absolutely no problems and no medical attention was needed. A clear cut case where drinking saves lives, because that fall is generally a solid case for turning peoples lights off forever.

There are some issues here though. If you are drunk you are more likely to actually do stupid things like fall off balconies or jump from moving machinery. So if you are drunk you might not get injured because your body is so lame it just turns into rubber and therefore you avoid injuries. However if you were sober you would probably not pull such stupid stunts and so it’s probably safer. Not jumping out a hotel room window sober is a lot safer than jumping out of one drunk.

However some professions are just loaded with danger. Take shipping. Being the captain of a ship is dangerous work and you are bound to hit swells the size of Cher’s daughter(The one with that ridiculous name) So you will fall. That’s why sailors are always drunk(“I’m a drunken sailor!”) because in their line of work the body needs to be supple in order to survive the myriad of falls that will take place sometime or another.

Drunk people just never seem to break things when they fall. Look at cycling and you will see a guy cruising on his bike slowly and he will just topple over, and immediately grab his collarbone because it has broken. A drunk on the other hand would probably fall off the bike and bounce into the gutter because he is so lame.

Drunks also seem to never have to do anything remotely normal. Look at those alcoholics at all the local watering holes such as Firemans Arms and Forres. Those boys have been knocking the barley and hops back for years, eating pub lunches and smoking like Paris Hiltons…and they just never seem to kick the bucket! It’s like they are cockroaches, they just can’t die! If I had to live like them I would give myself a year before I spontaneously combust.

Spontaneous human combustion is basically when people just kind of catch alight. Wikipedia offers us the following on how it may occur:

The wick effect

…thus the standard explanation offered by scientists is as follows(With minor variations):

-The victim dies suddenly (e.g, from a heart attack), or loses consciousness or mobility from excessive drinking.

-A cigarette or some other source of flame ignites the victim’s clothing, which starts to burn, possibly fuelled by the spill of distilled beverages, and kills the victim if he or she is not already dead.

- The wick effect occurs

All that is no doubt quite interesting to you. So that will explain, in the future, why that guy at Forres just catches alight. You know the guy. When you walk into Forres, turn left. Just where all the beer taps are the bar has a bend. There is a guy who always sits there boozing and reading the paper. Like ALL the time. He is a concrete case for spontaneous combustion.

So in this case drinking won’t actually save your life because you probably won’t have a heart attack. Booze also won’t be all over you so you will not be highly flammable.

It’s just strange how some people are healthy their whole lives and then still only crack like 90 years of age. Whereas drinkers punish their bodies constantly and still live to about 50. Which is actually not bad going. It’s like running your petrol car on diesel and it actually works, and still lasts for 12 years.

I think we could find out some interesting things about the human body by doing tests on the regulars at Forres and Firemans Arms and seeing what exactly these boys are made of. Their livers are probably like bricks and their kidneys are some sort of wire mesh filtration system. Their hearts are like stone and their bank balances survive on the goodwill of their pension.

The one thing that is amusing about these drinkers is the heavy incidence of gout. Gout is a buildup of uric acid and basically it resembles itself by swollen ankles and often,hilariously, the big toe. Many an hour can be enjoyed at Cape Towns watering holes as grown men trade gout stories, ones of Voltaren injections and pain so bad that they cry.

It is actually so hectic that even the slightest breeze will cause pain like you have never felt in your life. Nevertheless, these boys continue to subdue the pain with many more drinks and much more food. Too tough to cry, too tough to die! They are easily identified by their kankles (Click for link). Hilarious! If you are lucky they are wearing sandals and you will see a big toe that resembles a frogs expanded neck. These guys also hobble into the bar smoking and shout to the barman:

“Another cane for the pain!”

There are many medical miracles in the world, but the most incredible can be found at pubs anywhere in the world. How some of those guys are still sitting there reading the paper, perving young UCT students and laughing is beyond me and probably even further beyond medical science. Whoever it is that created those human bodies was an engineer. Probably German.

Cape Towns pub crawlers. German engineering where you need it most on a body.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I was meaning to write this bad boy for some time because our infamous Cane Train party at The Pumpkin Patch(Lloyds House) had taken place a few Fridays ago, which happened to be a beautiful evening in Cape Town.

It was a fine day, and I was going to have an easy evening of chatting and mingling with the crowd. However, lunch took place with my co-anchor at Simons Town(Calamari, washed down with Savanna) We completely lost the plot from there and decided that we NEEDED to visit all those little antique stores along the main road.

They are odd little places because a few of them have some fur coats from back in the day when it was kind of alright to kill little animals for their fur. Nowadays this editor would rather go naked than wear fur. To be honest my parents actually only ever bought me fur when I was younger, and I never bothered replacing my wardrobe. As it is all fur, I refuse to wear it and am sitting here naked. It’s beautiful. Some people say they would rather see animals go extinct by killing them for coats, than seeing me naked. Nice guys, nice.

Sorry animal

From the antique shops it was on to my residence where more Savanna’s were knocked down the hatch. Obviously once the drinks hit our lips it was so good! So we moved onto Woolworths “Cherries and Berries” juice mixed with Absolut Vodka.

I must mention that by this time I was swinging. Fast.

The Cane Train parties have gained some notoriety and to some infamy. They are special occasions and most people have absolutely no recollection of what happens. This is the beauty because what happens on the Cane Train stays on the Cane Train and more often than not the Cane Train dishes out vast amounts of pain in the hangover currency.

They always say that brandy and coke makes people aggressive, and cane makes you a different type of drunk. It’s kind of that mix between school boy and school girl drunk. It’s just totally messy and you do somehow have lapses in the memory. It’s actually such crazy stuff that I don’t recall having one drink at the actual party which is quite something.

The debauchery truly did hit scales that have never been invented. We found footprints on the ceiling the next day. How on God’s green earth this happens is beyond the reach of my mental capacity. I’m never going to be able to explain a party like this, where at a small house in Kenilworth in excess of 100 people arrive to come and drink the elixir of life. Personally I can’t remember too much but I’m told I stood there swaying back and forth, saying “Gareth I’m going to fall, I’m going to fall!” Then I laughed, and walked off to who knows where. I later found myself round the corner having a quiet drink by myself.

Because the crowds had gotten too much for me. I looked over the photos of the evening and I did not even recognise anyone in the photos. Classy.

Co-anchor also let me know of something she did, and I think a lot of us do this these days. When sending sms’s while drunk, you quickly go into the outbox and delete the message. That way when you wake up in the morning and think “Damn! I hope I never sent any drunk sms’s!” You then check your outbox and it’s empty, and you have forgotten what messages you sent. And so if you don’t see them in the outbox, they did not happen!

The neighbours no doubt hate the parties as the noise levels are enough to warrant sirens like in the wars, letting people know that a bomb is about to go off. Roses are always given to the lady across the road the next day, for putting up with our hideous levels of debauchery. And so I include some photos of the big night, because it’s all I have as a reminder. It’s the last bit of reality I cling onto, to let me know that the party actually happened. It’s a fairly short and lame write up, but luckily for me, pictures speak thousands of words. And so here we have another 4000 words:

Decent spread of cane

Let’s get mental

Whoooa! Conductor, stop the train!

Cane guitar

Sean Lloyd

Editor

So as you all know, my co-anchor is one of Absolut leisure and pleasure, only accepting the very best in this city. Bathing in Evian, sipping on Cosmopolitans, only eating food from Woolworths and The Wellness Warehouse and generally living it up. One of our favourite reads, 2oceansvibe, recently had a post advertising for a PA for Seth, editor of 2oceansvibe.

In order to infiltrate the 2oceansvibe HQ and get inside Seths head to steal trade secrets and such, we tried to get co-anchor a job there as his PA. I don’t know what went wrong, or if Seth actually knows that co-anchor is from SLXS, but we basically had access denied. Please read below for co-anchors job application. I’m not quite sure why she was denied this prestigious position. In any case, she still works for SLXS which we can all confidently say is NOT a bad thing. Many people believe that I only exist in myth. Co-anchor gets to see me every day. I’m basically like a Buddha, so wise, so serene. Co-anchor is blessed with my presence every day.

In turn, I am blessed with co-anchors presence each and every single day. Not many people are in the position we are. Many people refuse to believe that I can part the water at Llandudno. Most people refuse to believe that co-anchor can turn a seaweed from Llandudno into a Cosmopolitan with an alcohol content to destroy a family of four.

So here was co-anchors application with the photo she included:

Editor: 2oceansvibe

To start off with, my name is Brit. I really want to take home R10000 a month with the absolute minimal of work, and the maximum of partying and debauchery. I don’t currently own a car but I have read about your Mercedes that you sold a while ago, and I also recall something about a Ferrari, which I am more than willing to use to drive aroud the Atlantic seaboard. I also quite enjoy a light lunch at Shimmi in Hermanus two or three times a week, and the helicopters and private jets will more than suffice in getting me to Hermanus and back.

I don’t know who does the cooking in the office, but I have severe food allergies. I am allergic to anything bought from Pick ‘n Pay or any other inferior store. I did have an allergy test and my doctor says that my body rejects food of an inferior quality and therefore only Woolworths will do.

The allergy test also states that I am allowed to drink Savanna and Cosmopolitans, but I can’t drink Smirnoff vodka. Absolut vodka and Grey Goose vodka is fine and I don’t have any reactions to it, other than passing out on the pavement at Caprice. Sushi at Beluga is also fine with me.

My past work experience is kind of non existent and I’m quite a slow learner, which meant that High School was the best 8 years of my life. The 2oceansvibe lifestyle suits me perfectly and I do like to drink in excess, and I do like only the finer things in life. Gucci, Prada and Dolce are all like family to me and I regularly wear their attire.

I don’t really know how to use computers, but I did once play the Google application on the internet machine and it seemed simple enough. I had it sorted within 5 minutes, and so it seems in that sphere of my life that my learning abilities are excellent. After learning the Google people say that you can know anything in the world, so I’m confident that with my knowledge of Google, I can learn anything I need to for the job of your PA(Pissed Assistant)

I do have various substance addictions, and some will call them “problems”. But I fail to see them as problems when I enjoy them.

I don’t really know what else to put here, but I think this application is about “reading between the lines” and I’m sure you will now be well aware that I am more than qualified for the job.

I look forward to your swift reply.

Brit

So we waited a few days and this beautiful reply came back, as though we sent an actual job application and we were being serious!

Dear Brit

Thank you for the interest you’ve shown in considering the PA position for Seth Rotherham.

We have received a number of resumes from people and have made a decision on Friday. Unfortunately your application has not been successful this time.

We would like to thank you once again for your interest, and wish you continued success in the pursuit of your career objectives.

Kind regards

Yes! That is quality right there! Did you enjoy it how the reply was so formal? I have no doubt that Seth is the mastermind behind this humour. Ah we salute you 2oceansvibe. Anyway, now that co-anchor cannot get work there she will just have to sit it out at SLXS. Which, I mention again, is NOT a bad thing.

Only good things for the future.

“In pursuit of your career objectives”

At SLXS it’s more like “The Pursuit of Happyness”

It’s a crazy day. We’re all crazy. Now someone get me a beer.

NOW!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

This is the perfect article to quickly write up before I go to the beach, or a party this afternoon or whatever we have planned.

Budget Insurance have caught my attention with some sort of advert that I found lying around the house waiting to be thrown into the fire. So anyway I scroll through the advert and go to the back page where it says:

Did you know? A florist based in Bloemfontein could pay as little as R986 for business insurance that covers: theft, money loss, cell phones la la la la shut up!

Ha ha ha! Whaaaaaa!

Let’s look at this logically. Do you think there are actually any flowers in Bloemfontein, let alone florists? Did it ever occur to you why the insurance could be this low? Because there is no need to insure a florist in Bloemfontein! “Drought” is another word for Bloemfontein. So is “boring”.

And anyway, people in Bloemfontein are not is being giving presents like this. People in Bloemfontein give away Massey Ferguson tractors to friends for their birfdays. Their wives get John Deere combine harvesters for their anniversaries. For golden anniversaries windmills are sometimes given. To illustrate my point, please click HERE, and you don’t even have to read the article entitled “Bloemfontein invests in its young entrepeneurs” Just scroll down to the photo of the people just lamming on their trakker! It’s too beautiful for words!

It’s a green trakker so it’s probably a John Deere trakker! What also caught my attention is that our BEE boys have just quietly decided to rename Bloemfontein “Manguang” WTF? Why? Why do we have to change the names of everything? Apartheid is always going to be associated with SOUTH AFRICA. If you have such a problem with something that the youth of today had no control over, then change the name of South Africa. Call it Manguang or whatever you want to. It’s getting pathetic now guys, you are being stupid.

How about we really sort things out and kick JZ out, and Tshabalala Msimang. I’m losing the plot here, sorry. Why don’t we stop messing around with building earth wrecking coal fired power stations and invest in renewable energy? Sorry…losing it again.

It’s just really irritating sometimes.

But that’s it. Budget Insurance have managed to make my day. Ha ha a florist in Bloemfontein. Have you ever?!

What a STUNNING place.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

For many years tourists and locals alike have been visiting Robben Island because it holds a big piece of South Africa’s history. Nelson Mandela was imprisoned there and he came out and went on to be our most wicked president ever. Madiba was just too cool. He was rad, chilling with Francois Pienaar, and even wearing his jersey, when we won the 1995 Rugby World Cup.

Now Robben Island had a bit of a tough time last year, posting a loss of R25 million. There were problems with Ferries and personally I think another major problem is that once people have seen Robben Island, they don’t really go back. But places like Ibiza, people literally start selling drugs to earn the money to go back. SO…I have a plan.

This might sound crazy and we might be kind of riding over the heritage of this country but hear me out. I highly recommend to parliament that we turn Robben Island from a tourist attraction into a tourist destination! A place that tourists specifically come to visit. A place where the beer flows like a crystal clear mountain stream, where the people instinctively flock like the swallows of Capistrano.

SLXS present Robben Islebiza to THE WORLD!

We turn it into the thumping beat of Ibiza, the soul of Sicily, the heart of the South African dream! Women doing the tango wearing Brazilian bikinis with the fittest bodies you have ever seen, men who resemble Greek Gods, booze piped in like water, cigars burning crisply on the lips of the rich and famous and music to make Ibiza sound like amateur hour. The Ferries at Robben Island have had a bit of a tough time and they never actually work which is one of the many reasons why Robben Island lost R25 million. Who needs boats?

Our pilot Terry would fly guests in by chopper, and we would get the boys from Thunder City to fly people in on fighter jets. Terry could even charter private jets to handle bigger crews of people. Let’s get a hovercraft as well, for fun!

I mean let’s be honest for a second here. Nelson Mandela would like nothing more than for his cell to be a SELL! Am I right? Am I right? YES!

Money does make the world go round and in a country like South Africa there are lot’s of us who could do with a few extra nickels in our pockets. I’m not talking about you or me. Trust me, we are fine. But Robben Islebiza would literally make so much money it would put the world trade in cocaine to shame. It would pump all week because even regular Cape Town people would trade in their night at Ignite and Caprice for the wonderland that is Robben Islebiza.

The R25 million loss over a financial year would turn into a R25 million rand gain a month- at least! Probably more. Holiday season would be on fire and we could easily pump R100 million a month. That type of money can be used to invest in sustainable energy like wind and solar. We could upgrade schools, hospitals, kick some people out of government and replace them with people who actually know what they are doing. Eskom could afford engineers who have at least passed the 5th grade. We could stop messing around curing AIDS with olive oil and African potatoes and get real things like AZT. We could get our health minister sent to Alcoholics Anonymous. And seeing as though she is our health minister, she could at least try Weigh Less. Or USN could sponsor her some Phedra Cut.

No spice…Robben Islebiza would be what oil is to America. It would be pure money. Guest DJ’s could be flown in, we could fly the Red Hot Chilli Peppers in to perform here and it would basically just be 100% fun and debauchery, ALL the time!

Are you getting your head around this? Do you actually understand how big this would be for Cape Town? Forget the 2010 World Cup, this would trump that 9000-1. Imagine sipping a cocktail while Paul van Dyk busts it out on stage. The view would be intense! Looking over the ocean and looking directly at the most beautiful city in the world- Cape Town. And Table Mountain. Paradise would have to be renamed “Robben Islebiza”

It’s clinically insane what I am proposing here because the coolness factor is off the charts. They could even build a hotel and sell some apartments on Robben Islebiza. Throw in a casino, build some nice beaches, install some palm trees. The opportunities for fun are endless.

Sol Kerzner made Sun City in pretty much the desert. Come on Sol, let’s get together for a gin and juice and make Robben Islebiza happen?

I’m available to chat anytime.

Let’s make this happen my boy.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

There is going to be a rather large ship docking tomorrow in Cape Town and it is going to be packed with students! It docks at about 08:00 on Tuesday 19 September 2008. Semester at Sea is a program where you basically travel the world for a semester while studying at the same time.

How anyone studies aboard a ship is beyond me. Personally I would up the abuse levels and drink enough to actually float the ship that I am travelling on. My ship would be floating on Jack Daniels and Absolut as I take a Hunter S Thompson stance on things.

Semester at Sea has to be one of the greatest things in the world because you are surrounded by like minded people, you are young, you are cruising the world on a ship and everything is just epic. Guys and girls punishing the life at sea for all it’s worth. My semesters were literally THE most boring things this planet has ever seen. Class would fly by as I went into full shut down mode, not listening to a word the lecturers were saying. After class my entire journalism class would basically just head off to Forres, or hit the clubs four nights a week in order to forget that we were actually studying.

In between all the usual excess I could normally be found punishing the heavy bag and doing pull ups and sit ups. That’s why my body is sculpted like it is today. Ask anyone who had tickets to the gun show. Ask them about how the guns used to shoot and how I could lock them on rapid fire. I am devastating when I’m in training. I used to destroy brick walls purely for the entertainment value.

Off ‘el topico there…

I am still reluctant to actually tell people that I studied. When they ask me what I have done, I kind of mumble, choke on an olive, spit my drink out and then change the topic immediately. Semesters at college are not fun things, other than the life outside of the actual work.

But if you could make the work fun, it would be a treat. I’m pretty sure that your concentration levels go right up when you are in a beautiful setting. Normal lecture rooms are lit with hospital lighting, lecturers hate their lives, students hate their lives when they have to work and it all kind of ends up with everyone binge drinking to within an inch of their lives. Trust me. I have seen it first hand.

Anyway these students will be arriving tomorrow and leaving again on Sunday 23rd of February at 23:00. No doubt they are going to want to get liquored and so something like Paulaner Brauhaus at the V&A Waterfront would be suited to an afternoon brewski or thirty five. No doubt La Med will be smoking as usual as the Cape Town weather treats us like camels this week with heat that is so beautiful you want to eat it. I would also probably do a bit of Ignite to hang out with the crowd that look like they are all naturally just fashion models.

They are also here for the Lunar Eclipse on the 20th/ 21st of February. Well apparently it’s after midnight in Africa so it’s the 21st. Radness! Some people hike up Lions Head (I think) to see it so that could be quite awesome! I could have sworn I saw a Lunar Eclipse the other night but then I realised that I was just seeing stars and the Cane Train had left me for dead on the tracks.

If I were a student I would also make the trip out to Spier wine estate to get absolutely smashed tasting wine. Nothing like an afternoon of sun, vino and shenanigans. Maybe also pop into Moyo restaurant for a bit of food and some more wine.

So now if you are in Cape Town tomorrow morning you will see this huge ship rolling in and you will know that some people are coming to max out the party in Cape Town. A bunch of students are going to arrive and have the time of their lives in Cape Town for nearly a week. They won’t want to leave. We are lucky because we never have to leave.

So guys treat them with the usual debaucherous parties that we are known for. You won’t be able to buy them all a drink because on the Facebook group there are 600-odd students so I take it about 600 students will be arriving.

Cape Town brace yourself for these people. They WANT to party. We WANT to party. I can imagine the V&A Waterfront going mental tomorrow when the ship docks and the students go crazy knowing they have reached the best place on earth.

Enjoy the stay guys, see you around Cape Town. I’m the tall guy with the six pack and fourteen wives who can’t speak a word of English.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I trust you all had an absolute pearler of a day, and evening, yesterday. If that sentence actually makes sense. This morning I woke up in a Japanese wreck room… and they would not stop screaming!

No seriously though I have bags under my eyes, my eyes are red, my teeth are green and my stomach is busy dealing with Jack Daniels and those Four Cousins. I will have you know that they are all bastards.

Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits is busy singing to me, through something called a DVD. It’s quite a novel idea. Today the weather in Cape Town is NOT ideal and I think we can all agree with that.

But it’s playing it out perfectly because no one can actually handle the beach after Valentines Day because they are hanging like the sleeve of a wizard. Some people are hung over every day, but we will forget that they have a problem. Keep that on the down low…

There were couple of guys arrested near Robben Island yesterday for perlemoen poaching. Robben Island to those of you not aware is where Joel Stransky kicked the winning drop goal in the 1995 World Cup. Subsequent to that Nelson Mandela swam from the V&A Waterfront to Robben Island as a victory celebration. He then cracked open a brewski with Lewis Gordon Pugh who was the guy who built Robben Island. I think I could be mixing facts up here, but it’s a fairly accurate description of what happened.

Can you actually handle the fact that it’s Friday? Because I’m battling to understand where the week went. One moment I’m bending it at the Cane Train party, and the next thing, a week has already gone by!(Write up to come, just cleaning the foot prints off the ceiling and trying to find the cameras with the photos on them. Also trying to locate party goers who have subsequently gone missing)

Look I need to go grind up the liver of a Mongolian mountain goat and mix it with some Liqui Fruit. The Native Mongolians say that it is “The Elixir Of Life”

They also say that it releases the soul.

Bless you all with livers of iron ore on this day.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

And what an emotional one it is! I’m currently working, by myself, and VH1 have decided to shock my system by playing the “Top Ten 90’s love songs” Celine Dion’s “My heart will go on” was played, followed by Extremes “More than words” And Whitney Houston is currently belting out “I will always love you” It’s like heartbreak hotel in these parts! Ek se wow!

Anyway you probably thought I had forgotten about you this Valentines Day…but I could never. I hope it’s good for you! I struggled to find a rose for you my loved ones, and also picking roses is pretty much like cutting down the rain forests. It’s bad for global warming. So roses are normally red(Well one year some girl sent me a black rose, stapled to a restraining order. I think she was trying to say something), so instead I hooked my speedball off and I offer it to you as a little something because it’s red (I still can’t hit it, but I promise by the end of the year I will be able to hit it like Floyd Mayweather and I will YouTube it for you):

Happy Valentines Day! Sorry about the rose!

I’m thinking of all of you.

Yes even you.

Wait who are you? I don’t even know your name.

Lan…Lanolin? Like sheeps wool?

Sean Lloyd

Editor

If you are on the streets of Cape Town today please be aware that you will literally be assaulted by the UCT students selling “Sax Appeal” for R20. It is hilarious though and you HAVE to buy it!

Co-anchor is currently here and she nearly hit one of the people selling the magazines and therefore was forced to buy a magazine, to avoid time consuming lawsuits.

Anyway Sax Appeal is a hectic laugh this year! It is well known that my favourite South African DJ is Gareth Cliff because he tells the truth and does not avoid controversy, because he just tells things as he sees them. He writes in the Sax Appeal about how he despises fat people on aeroplanes, in a brilliant piece entitled “Economy class, economy arse”

He is way too funny and I am always amused at the stuff that he manages to conjure up. Some people call him a prick, they say he is arrogant, but they are just jealous. I’m not jealous, I think he is a genius. Ben Trovato also features again this year, which always goes down a treat.

So buy Sax Appeal today to fund the UCT students continual drinking binges, or something like that. It is actually funny and you will enjoy Gareth Cliffs article.

I don’t have to tell you where to buy it, because if you just look outside your office window, there will be a UCT student selling the magazine. Actually check your bin, there will be a student in there.

Buy it buy it buy it! Because the students are standing in the rain, further hurting their already fragile kidneys.

So buy it and fund UCT liver damage.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I’m not much of an awards person probably because I never won any awards at school, setting me up for a mediocre school life while all the girls went running to the jocks who were no doubt prefects who pumped creatine and scored all the Rustenberg girls. Wait no…Herschel girls.

Well that’s off the topic.

I was actually alerted to the fact that the SA Blog Awards has started by this cities favourite son, none other than the enigmatic Shaun Oakes. Anyway, there is a SMALL rumour going around Cape Town that this year, Shaun and Sean will be absolutely cleaning up at the awards ceremony, no doubt celebrating our various wins with Absolut vodka(Sean) and Jamesons(Shaun) Apparently we are some sort of freight train from hell, steam rolling our way right over the competition.

But seriously, if you love me, which I’m not completely sure you do, then please click the gadget below to vote for me. There are various categories but the ones that best suit SLXS are probably the following:

South African Weblog of the year (Obviously!)

Most Humorous South African Blog ( No doubt)

Best New Blog( Of course)

Best Undiscovered Blog (Not quite sure if we list as undiscovered, but I think we do. It’s more of a cult following here at SLXS)

There is also “Best post on a South African Blog”. We are gunning here for this post, “Emo’s: THE FINAL WORD”( http://www.slxs.co.za/2008/02/14/emos-the-final-word/ ) so please paste that in on the nomination form under “Best Post on a South African Blog.

How it works is that you just need to click the widget below, and that automatically fills in my(our!) web address in the categories I have chosen. Then all you have to do is give a reason for each nomination, so you need five reasons. But you can make all the reasons the same, just say that Sean is the best writer Cape Town has seen since Ben Trovato.

And once you have filled in your reasons, then please remember to scroll to the bottom of the nominations page where you need to enter your e-mail address and a security code just to verify that you are a real person and not some sort of robot. Then click submit and BOOM, we should see us nominated in a few categories hopefully.

Click the above widget to get voting!

If we win any awards I hope I get a trophy. Because I will take it to the top of Lions Head and try cement it there for eternity.

I don’t think we get trophies though.

So it’s Shaun and Sean this year. If you would like to nominate Shaun as well, please click HERE to go to his post on nominating him. And just to clear this up, YES, we are the only two blogs this year in the running. One of us will even win the best photographic blog. Which is testament to the awesome power we command in this city.

I’m not joking. You think I am.

I never joke about matters so dear to my heart.

I love you all.

If we win good things will come to those who nominate and vote.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Those of you aware of the current trend to be “emo” will smirk when reading this, knowing that it is all SO true. To those of you unaware, “emo’s” are those emotional people who wear black, rarely crack a smile and spend as much time as possible away from any source of light, especially UV light which normally results in this delicious bronze glow that currently radiates from this editors gladiator like body. If you want to know more on how to dress like an emo(male) then click HERE.

SO emo right now!

Emo people tend to not conform to anything that the trendy society conforms to. In fact, they try so damn hard to not conform to society, that in reverse, they are still conformists. They conform to the whole emo society of wearing black and staying away from anything popular. They make out as though they are not swayed by the influence of popular brands, and will not listen to regular music, because they want to just fly under the radar in life. They don’t want to be seen as conformists but if you look at them, they are more conformist than anyone else.

At least I will wear a green Lacoste shirt, and my mate Jerry might care to wear a black Lacoste shirt, while Mike will prefer to wear a blue Lacoste shirt for arguments sake. But emo’s will ALL wear black, they will ALL wear tight pants, they will ALL refuse to go near Clifton, or any beach for that matter, they will ALL be emotional ALL the time.

And let me ask you this: Does suddenly becoming emo change the temperature control in ones body? Because in the beautiful blazing Cape Town sun they WILL wear black(absorbs heat) and their pants will be long and they will wear a long top. You know what? I don’t particularly like the skinny jean pant look. But even if I did, I am fortunate that I have an IMMENSE PIECE and that I would not fit into these pants without tying my boy around my legs a good couple of times.(Right now in fact, at this moment on my horlosie clock, I can like to be wearing a jean pant. Wif a belt!)

In these emo’s efforts to not conform to society they will do various bizarre things such as wearing two shoes of the same brand( I don’t think this is standard emo. Not all of them do this, but a few I have seen in Cape Town do it), just in different colours. They are also quite keen to shave one half of their head, and then GHD the other half poker straight, then gel it over their forehead. I swear to the Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, emo’s take longer to get ready than I do.

For the love of everything beautiful in this world, what is so conformist about shaving your entire head? Or wearing two shoes that are *GASP* exactly the same?

Why don’t you just become half a man and half a woman then? Because being entirely male or entirely female is SO conformist! Grow a tit man. Keep one pec. Wait…you are a tit.

And what is with that bolt through your nose? It looks like a raw bolt designed to anchor Floyd Mayweathers punching bag from the ceiling. Take it out, it’s meant for industry, not for the human body, especially not the nose.

Don’t even bother e-mailing back about this, my argument is valid, and emo’s are going out of their way to be noticed, even though they shun society, pop culture and that of the celebrity. In their supposed efforts to dip below the radar, they are in fact going way above the radar. They deny wanting to do this, but it is their way of attracting attention.

You are missing out on the best bits of life. The Cape Town beach life, the mountain biking life, the outdoors life of climbing mountains and scaling peaks, the excess party life and the great life that is afforded to us by popular culture.

But it’s cool, go to your non conformist club, drink your non conformist beer(Ha ha you can’t drink Heineken, it’s too conformist! Sorry for you!), wear your non conformist clothes, be emotional all the time, GHD your hair every morning, shun popular brands, shun the celebrity lifestyle.

It’s not stopping us here form going full out, guns ablaze, directly into the heart of the Cape Town dream!

BOOM! Conform to that!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Only one more sleep and I have some good stuff to tell you. Well it won’t exactly rock your world but it should be funny. Well at least the stories I’m currently formulating seem to be funny in the production stages in my mind. But to try and get them onto the computer sounding so hilarious might be tricky. A bottle of whisky and a couple of ounces of brake fluid, maybe even some ketamine and I’m sure the stories will come storming out at a rapid pace.

Like a rabid cheetah.

I just hope it’s as good as I’m picturing it to be. I hope I can make your Thursday. I hope you have not left me yet.

Don’t leave!

Tomorrow…I’m back. I’m better. I’m more drunk. I’m better looking. I’m fitter and healthier. I’m more tanned.

I will be seeing you tomorrow. That’s a date. It’s Valentines Day tomorrow as well. Hence the word “date”

Send me roses.

Send me chocolates.

Tell me you love me.

Nibble my ear.

Kiss my neck.

I’m going overboard here.

Shhhhhh…sleep tight. Because there are a lot of dreams to be had!

I hope you don’t think I’m weird.

WOW! Don’t bite my ear!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

You know sometimes when you hit a creative slump? Some sort of writers block? When nothing seems to go right? Yeah…that’s me right now. I think I need some time off just to get myself back on top form, maybe watch a couple of comedies, write something about Roy Orbison (Which I will), write something about the Cane Train party. Let you know what’s new in Cape Town. Let you know what’s important and what’s not. I also have other things keeping me busy until late Wednesday, hence the lack of anything being written here.
Right now I’m watching Top Gun.

Tower this is Ghost Rider requesting fly by

Negative Ghost Rider the pattern is full.

If you had to ask me to write something funny at the moment, I don’t think it would be possible.

Going to watch Superbad after this, it should see me back on top form.

So that’s where we are right now

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

As you all know, Saturday was one of the most disgustingly warm days in Cape Town, EVER! It was not really suited to my body, and I found myself being uncomfortable the entire day. But I had to keep it under control to make it to the Twentybrand party which was taking place at Assembly in Cape Town.

I think the party had potential, but the problem was the heat. There seemed to be some sort of ventilation system but it was not working properly and so the organisers had taken to putting fans all around the venue to keep everyone cool. The fans basically just redistributed the hot air.

We basically just arrived and waited for things to get better, but all I could think of was how hot it was and the fact that I, along with everyone else, was literally dripping with sweat.

And I had not even done my famous John Travolta in Pulp Fiction dance move. Myself and Charlie V had a chat with Cokey Falkow, as he was just interviewing people the whole night so that was pretty cool. Cokey had the right idea wearing shorts.

Yeah not too much to say about the party otherwise, because we only stayed for about 3 hours and most of that time was spent focusing on breathing and just staying alive. Like the Bee Gees.

I think it was really unfortunate that the party coincided with Saturdays heat, because it was one of those days that don’t come around too often. It was a great venue and the organisation was good again, but I was sweating like a…you get the picture.

So that was it, nothing to write home about.

Sean Lloyd

Editor