Those of you aware of the current trend to be “emo” will smirk when reading this, knowing that it is all SO true. To those of you unaware, “emo’s” are those emotional people who wear black, rarely crack a smile and spend as much time as possible away from any source of light, especially UV light which normally results in this delicious bronze glow that currently radiates from this editors gladiator like body. If you want to know more on how to dress like an emo(male) then click HERE.
SO emo right now!
Emo people tend to not conform to anything that the trendy society conforms to. In fact, they try so damn hard to not conform to society, that in reverse, they are still conformists. They conform to the whole emo society of wearing black and staying away from anything popular. They make out as though they are not swayed by the influence of popular brands, and will not listen to regular music, because they want to just fly under the radar in life. They don’t want to be seen as conformists but if you look at them, they are more conformist than anyone else.
At least I will wear a green Lacoste shirt, and my mate Jerry might care to wear a black Lacoste shirt, while Mike will prefer to wear a blue Lacoste shirt for arguments sake. But emo’s will ALL wear black, they will ALL wear tight pants, they will ALL refuse to go near Clifton, or any beach for that matter, they will ALL be emotional ALL the time.
And let me ask you this: Does suddenly becoming emo change the temperature control in ones body? Because in the beautiful blazing Cape Town sun they WILL wear black(absorbs heat) and their pants will be long and they will wear a long top. You know what? I don’t particularly like the skinny jean pant look. But even if I did, I am fortunate that I have an IMMENSE PIECE and that I would not fit into these pants without tying my boy around my legs a good couple of times.(Right now in fact, at this moment on my horlosie clock, I can like to be wearing a jean pant. Wif a belt!)
In these emo’s efforts to not conform to society they will do various bizarre things such as wearing two shoes of the same brand( I don’t think this is standard emo. Not all of them do this, but a few I have seen in Cape Town do it), just in different colours. They are also quite keen to shave one half of their head, and then GHD the other half poker straight, then gel it over their forehead. I swear to the Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, emo’s take longer to get ready than I do.
For the love of everything beautiful in this world, what is so conformist about shaving your entire head? Or wearing two shoes that are *GASP* exactly the same?
Why don’t you just become half a man and half a woman then? Because being entirely male or entirely female is SO conformist! Grow a tit man. Keep one pec. Wait…you are a tit.
And what is with that bolt through your nose? It looks like a raw bolt designed to anchor Floyd Mayweathers punching bag from the ceiling. Take it out, it’s meant for industry, not for the human body, especially not the nose.
Don’t even bother e-mailing back about this, my argument is valid, and emo’s are going out of their way to be noticed, even though they shun society, pop culture and that of the celebrity. In their supposed efforts to dip below the radar, they are in fact going way above the radar. They deny wanting to do this, but it is their way of attracting attention.
You are missing out on the best bits of life. The Cape Town beach life, the mountain biking life, the outdoors life of climbing mountains and scaling peaks, the excess party life and the great life that is afforded to us by popular culture.
But it’s cool, go to your non conformist club, drink your non conformist beer(Ha ha you can’t drink Heineken, it’s too conformist! Sorry for you!), wear your non conformist clothes, be emotional all the time, GHD your hair every morning, shun popular brands, shun the celebrity lifestyle.
It’s not stopping us here form going full out, guns ablaze, directly into the heart of the Cape Town dream!
BOOM! Conform to that!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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