Obviously in todays world the word “Coke” is sometimes more commonly used to describe cocaine rather than Coca Cola. So with the My Coke Fest coming up, I naturally thought “Kate Moss!” However, much to my dissappointment, Kate Moss is apparently not attending this years My Coke Fest. Which is a pity because she is that crazy, wide eyed, coke snorting, orgy type of person which always has amusing results.
To be honest, sleeping with Kate Moss used to be a prized thing. Like when Johnny Depp had Kate back in the day I was a plane ticket away from flying overseas and shooting him from the grassy knoll with my 9. Because in those days Kate Moss was innocent and I’m sure her bodywork was in pretty decent nic. However these days she seems to be fond of coke and orgies. I suppose it’s only natural to go on a downward spiral after losing Johnny Depp because if I had to hook up with Gisele Bundchen and then stuff it up I would probably also go into a coke fuelled rage of sex and smut.
I think we all would.
Kate Moss- Schnarfing Columbia this year but not attending My Coke Fest
But I really do dig Kates vibe and if she is willing to fly over here I WILL organise her a ticket. She can sleep in my bed as well with absolutely no worries about me trying to take advantage of her.
Honestly I just want to cuddle. No really…She can just nibble my ear. I would watch her fall asleep and then quietly move myself into the spare room to sleep alone. Like I do most nights.
God I’m joking I would go crazy!
But sleeping with Kate Moss is exactly the same as death because it’s going to happen. Death that is. And sleeping with Kate Moss.
You see the chances of you hooking up with Kate Moss are the same as the chances of you waking up tomorrow. To those people kicking the bucket tomorrow, sorry for YOU! To the rest of you who will be living tomorrow- HIGH FIVE! Sexy time with Kate Moss ahead!
Hooking up with Kate Moss is also the same as death because you will probably die after hooking up with her. You will either die from some STD that ravages at your body or you will die from the coke residue in her house. Or she will go into a coke fuelled rage of carnage and just kill you.
But it would be quite a funway to go.
“Stick insect on coke kills famed Cape Town editor”
No that would not be the headline of the next days newspapers, it would be written on my tombstone!
What? Where am I? WHO am I? Why am I behind a computer? Or am I in FRONT of the computer? When we are on a computer, we are not actually on it. And when we are in front of a computer or behind it, they both mean the same thing.
I’m scared today. I’m lonely today.
What did I write this post for?
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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