0 Comments Classic pick up lines

Never one to be too interested in what is going on in the lives of celebrities, I never mention them on this site because this site is dedicated to Cape Town( that’s YOU!) Anyway, I was sent a link to something about Tom Cruise. So one moment I was sitting at my POWER desk typing up POWER e-mails, in my POWER suit, at my POWER computer, with my POWER hair and my POWER strong hand, and the next moment I was rolling around uncontrollably on the floor laughing. Tom Cruise is a God for using the most absurd pick up line ever.

I have heard many pick up lines in my time, the most classic being “So you come here often?” It’s best that when using this you make sure that the establishment you are in is actually a place that this lady could in fact frequent often. So don’t say it at a house party(UNLESS of course it’s her house. But this is lame as well because then of course she goes there often)

You can also walk up to a girl, put your hand in her drink and grab the ice, throw it to the floor HARD, then stand on the ice, shattering it. You then casually say “Well there’s the ice breaker, wanna shag?”

Alternatively you can say “Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?” I doubt this is too successful, in fact, I don’t think pick up lines are successful at all. Unless you throw them out with such flair, such pizazz, such devilishly handsome charm and with such confidence and a slight bit of sarcasm that the girl is bound to fall for you.

Another classic is if you are really good looking, some girls tend to get nervous around you(Ho ho don’t you know it! Jokes…sigh), and when you add in a few drinks they start to stumble. You will be introduced to them and they will be in such awe of you that they might fall over or trip when in your vicinity. You can then gently put a hand on their waist, and say “Babe we have only just met and you’re already falling for me” It’s so cheesy that all that is missing is the pizza base.

HOLD UP!

Have I written this before? I’m getting a sense of deja vu here and it feels like I might have written an article similiar to this before. So please forgive me if you have read this.

While these pick up lines are absolutely pathetic and I would urge you not to use them, there is one pick up line that eclipses these. It’s made by tom Cruise.

I should add that you can use pick up lines if you have nothing to lose.

A situation where you have nothing to lose would be if you are in a club where you are playing way out of your league and you may as well amuse yourself and your friends by using pick up lines on the most beautiful girls you have ever seen in your life. You would also probably be blind drunk here, which is another case for having nothing to lose. Or you could be in a situation in life where you just think that you are never going to meet someone that actually likes you and here again you could try pick up lines even if just to lightly amuse yourself. After all they say laughter is the best medicine.

I tend to disagree with that as often my laughter tends to turn into crying, which ends up with me falling asleep by myself to the sweet sounds of the Bee Gees.

Good grief! Did I just type that previous paragraph? I must apologise. I have this great photo and video editing program on the Macbook Pro in the other room, we can edit that part where you read that previous paragraph right out of your life. So don’t stress.

So back to Tom Cruise who at one was apparently quite keen to eat the placenta of his newborn child. I’m not even spicing this story up with the Bombay After Burner available at the curry shop down the road from me. No really I’m not! The Daily Mail reported it HERE a while back. Truly special!

I was perusing THAT article on The Superficial, and found it hilarious that as recently as 2004, Tom Cruise was leaving voice messages on Jennifer Garners voice mail asking “if she knew what freedom was” The Superficial then basically say that that is his pick up line. Do you know what freedom is?

Good beef it’s all too hilarious! But laugh as we may…because we all know that after laugh laugh comes cry cry. And I fear that if that line is not used in and amongst the nightclubs and beaches of Cape Town, that we will not be getting the most out of the city of Cape Town. I think by using that simple tactic of copying Tom Cruise, the creator of all things good in the world, Cape Town will monumentally increase its score rate.

Let’s get serious for a second here. If you are a girl you probably know what I look like if you are a regular here on SLXS. Just imagine me right now staring into your eyes. Your big puppy dog eyes. Imagine me moving my lips ever so slowly, at first not saying anything, just breathing gently on you. Getting you ready for the knock out pick up line that will have you falling for me. Imagine you are actually expecting something more serious and intelligent, when out of the blue:

“So angel, do you KNOW what freedom is?”

Be honest with yourself here, you would not be able to resist me after that. Take another scenario and replace me with Donald Trump. By the way, why does Donald Trump have a dead raccoon on his head all day? If he is trying to set a fashion trend then it’s not working.

So have you replaced myself with him? Yes you have. Now Donald is uglier than me, that I can be honest about. But you would still fall for The Don because that pick up line is exactly what the ladies want to hear.

I mean in todays world of office jobs and constant worry about work, everyone wants to be a little more free. Tom Cruise can offer you freedom, but now thanks to the internet, I have sourced this article for you and you can also offer the women of your dreams some “freedom”

I don’t see how this pick up line cannot work, and I will be stunned if you e-mail me and tell me that you got rejected after throwing this fine piece of poetry towards a young lass. I will be shocked.

We will leave it at that. Tales of rejection or scoring to the usual address.

Sean Lloyd

Editor