Due to the reach we have in Cape Town, we often hear stories. Some deserve mentions, others are too hectic to mention, and others are not worth mentioning. So it was with some serious interest that we are hearing reports of barmen at weddings actually coming right with the women AT these weddings! Obviously we cannot confirm this but we can say that we would not post this if it was not on good authority. It makes me want to pack away this writing thing and be a barman. FULL TIME!
So this brings up some interesting points for those at school or university, looking to make a bit of summer holiday money. To be honest, it is possibly the best way to make money. Working at a pub is mayhem as it is mostly drunk old guys(Keen to hang out with their wang out), and chaos as people rush to the bar, staring at you and waving R100 bills in the hope that it will make you serve them. You also get those weird girls falling in love with you, and they wait until closing time to see you. They then follow you home without you knowing. They find your address. Then one day…
At approximately 2:34am you hear a “Ting…ting…ting” on your rooms window, which faces the road. It’s this ballistic woman throwing little pebbles at your window, trying to wake you up. She gets your attention and says she wants to come in.
This is where a restraining order comes in handy. Obviously I’m making this up, either that or I heard it via “The grapevine” OBVIOUSLY this is not a real Cape Town story. Obviously this never happened to anyone.
It’s too crazy to be true isn’t it?
Right…where were we…oh yes…Weddings are a more casual affair(Ha ha! Affair…You like that?) than greasy pubs and you can literally pour drinks at your leisure, while scoping the reception for someone that is:
A) Single
B) Good looking
C) Tipsy
D) Horny
E) All of the above obviously
f) Dare I say this- Easy?
Imagine saying that your job comprises of serving alcohol(Sheer bliss) and attending functions where there is a possibility that you are going to get some decent action. Imagine being paid to do this, in between sleeping for four hours a day during so called “lectures” at UCT?
Imagine what sort of an excess lifestyle that would be? Could you get anything better at a young age? I’m sure you could, like winning the lottery, or NOT sleeping with Britney Spears, but that’s too unrealistic. I mean, realistically, all you guys out there, including myself, will sleep with Spit Me Beers some day. Probably sooner rather than later. If she does not kick the bucket before then. Which is a possibility. Quick boys sleep with her now!
While I cannot give you the name of the companies that these guys are working for, and where they come right, I can let you know of one of South Africa’s premier agencies that you can work for as a barman. It’s Liquid Chefs. I know of them because they have served me more times than I can remember at various shindigs in and around Cape Town( Kaap Stad of jy ken die boerewors curtain).
Obviously I’m not saying you will come right, or that anyone from Liquid Chefs has come right at a wedding, or that they promote this behaviour etc etc blah blah boring get the lawyers on it.
What I will say is that Liquid Chefs offer the best service at weddings(I know) and functions and I’m sure many blackouts on my behalf can be indirectly attributed to them. They are good. I’m sure they promote responsible drinking, but it’s not their fault people get blind drunk off their booze. It’s the weddings fault. Weddings have an aura about them that makes you want to take your kit off.
So for your very own chance of working in Cape Town as a barman(Is it barperson now?), earning some solid money, and exponentially increasing your chances of coming right at a wedding, where a fair amount of action is to be had due to many marriages being on the brink of meltdown, then click LIQUID CHEFS and apply for a job.
If you start to make decent money, and increase your score rate, there is no need to thank me.
Just keep me topped up at the next function you see me at and we’re all cool.
(Oh and if any Paris Hilton type videos get made at the reception, you know who to send them to. The usual address: seanl@slxs.co.za)
I’ll leave it at that. You know what to do. I have provided you with lemons. Now go make barrels of lemonade.
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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