As you all know, SLXS decided on a little trip down to Misverstand for a couple of days last week. Just to clear our heads, get away from the fans and carve up the dam. Arriving in Misverstand was no easy feat and we had many obstacles to overcome before we could sprawl ourselves on the deck of the boat with a beer in our hands and the sun bronzing us. We left our home town of Cape Town, as we have to bid her farewell from time to time in order to get more out of the surrounding areas, and bring you tales of a life of excess and adventure.
Obviously when driving anywhere in the world you are going to find FOOLS on the road! The road to Misverstand is absolutely peppered with long distance trucks, and you are forced to sit behind them like a naughty little kid. It’s not really a problem though because these guys are just doing their jobs. But then we get other twits inhabiting the road, who we just want to punch.
The drive in the Lamborgreenie was one of absolute hilarity, as my driver, none other than Charlie V(Himself) went ballistic at all times. Firstly, when piloting the Lamborgreenie at 140km/hr(Possibly faster, but let’s not mention that, it’s not exactly street legal) down a highway, it is imperative that we have a clear right of passage. Unfortunately, some people were put on this earth to stop our chariot from driving full speed into the Misverstand dream. We had cars pulling out in front of us at the most inopportune moments, forcing a full pumping of the brakes, and full use of foul language and the bird. More on the bird in a moment.
The road is also highlighted by various alarming things. It is as dry as the Kalahari, and at sections where you think there must be no life, you will find a guy riding his bicycle, wearing long pants and talking on his cellphone. You feel like you are in some sort of twilight zone out there.
Then there are the times when you think that it is the most boring piece of road you have ever seen and then something happens.
“Wept, there is the cheese mouse!” I shouted to Charlie V
“What the f&*% is the cheese mouse?” Charlie V replied, agitated that we were sharing the road with such fools.
“I dunno, some sort of cheese place out in the middle of nowhere. Dude this place is strange, don’t stop, it feels like one of those weird movies where if we stop we will definitely be slaughtered and fed to the inbreds.” I replied.
The road to Misverstand is a weird one. You are driving along, minding your own business and listening to Bob Dylan, when out of nowhere, a damn cheese place called “The cheese mouse” pops up, literally scaring the last bit of life out of you. The life that is left after the 45 degree celsius heat has sucked your soul out. That is no joke, on our day of arrival, the temperature guage on the Jeep Wrangler let us quietly know that the mercury was pushing a cool 45.8 degrees celsius. Which is great if you are a camel. But not cool if you are a city man of excess.
I thought I would die on the road to Misverstand. I was just waiting for night to settle in and for Charlie V to take a wrong turn and we end up, two best buddies, struggling for survival as the cannibals close in on the scent of our sweetly fragranced sex panther to which many ladies have fallen prey. And now we are the prey. I never let Charlie V know this though, and instead acted ice cool the whole drive up.
I was constantly interrupted by the swearing of a trooper, as Charlie dug deep to find the particular filth that was flying out his mouth. It was actually more poetry than anything else, as to hear language of that calibre was more of an experience than a shock really.
“*$&%# #^&@ get the %*&$ off the $%&*!@# road you $%&#!” This was pretty much the theme all the way up to Misverstand, and all the way back home from Misverstand. It’s humour like this that you cannot find on a cereal box.
Naturally we had some fool pulling onto the side of the road in front of us, necessitating thighs of thunder to slam the brakes into action as we had to avoid him not only to save our car, but our entire lives(Everything you people reading this no doubt live). People have a thing for just randomly slowing down, no indicators, and pulling to the side of the road. What on earth they pull to the side of the road for in the Misverstand area is completely beyond me. It shatters me because trust me, there is bugger all to see on those roads. Unless your current fetish is for harvested corn fields, stray dogs and 45 degree celsius heat. Oh I’m sure we can throw in a couple of cannibals as well. They probably come out at night. The Witching Hour. The Human Harvesting Hour.
Naturally we have more than one mode of transport(Choppers, Hummers, The VR3) and we needed to move the boat around at Misverstand, so the natural choice was the Jeep Wrangler 4.0L. That car is the most fun you can have with your clothes on! Not to say that we drove it with our clothes on. What would a week away be without some naked midnight driving?! Keep that on the down low, it’s not exactly society legal.
The Jeep Wrangler. Personal philosophy? Clothing optional…
The Jeep Wrangler is more of a jet than a car, and the power it holds is quite scary. Look, it’s safe to say that it’s not quite safe for the environment, but soon we won’t have to worry if the world gets itself into gear and makes the TESLA ROADSTER commercially available. Obviously this is electrically powered. In order to startle you more(Than I already have in our short relationship) I will blind you with the fact that our Pretoria boy Elon Musk is the brains behind Tesla motors. He also started a little thing called “Pay Pal” You know…you might have heard of it. In the July/ August edition of GQ South Africa, they mentioned that USA Today estimates Elon’s fortune at some $200 million. Clearly a case of having a few pennies rolling around the piggy bank. Well he did sell PayPal to eBay for $1.5 billion, so that explains a lot.
But you might be thinking “That just means you will charge the Tesla Roadster with electricity at home, that is produced from burning coal”
No no, SLXS have thought of this. Add in some solar power cells at your house, maybe let the government invest in some GEOTHERMAL POWER and get our scientist chaps to work on nuclear fission. There we go.
BOOM! Loads of electricity to power our cars.
So that’s that discussion sorted. Now back onto the Jeep Wrangler. I’m pretty sure the Jeep is the car you would use to tow your Hummer if it got stuck. It’s also the car that let’s people know that you are laid back, enjoy a good time maybe with some fine wine and that you like adventure. It’s actually a lifestyle vehicle, as opposed to just another form of transport. It says a lot about you. Cool, calm, collected, devilishly handsome, tanned, toned…OK well that’s enough about me, how about you darling?
I’m joking. It’s just that it’s Boxing Day and it’s clearly Millers time. SMS the number under the cap for cool prizes.
Look I’m getting sidetracked. Anyway, the boat we were using was not global warming friendly either, with a little Yamaha V-Max with 200 horses under its hood. This necessitated Brendon driving the Jeep up to Misverstand with a cool 125 litres of petrol laden inside it. If Brendon had crashed, it would have literally caused a nuclear explosion. I wasn’t too worried though because I was not driving it up. As my parents always used to say “Rather safe than sorry!”
How do they fit 200 horses in that small thing on the back?
So in all our excess we had a 4.0L beast for the road and a 200 horse power animal for the water. At the rate we were going, oil wells around the world were screaming in agony and Al Gore was shouting us down, like those teachers at school did. You remember the ones? The ones with no kids, who acted like they actually hated you and they hated their jobs. The ones that would keep you in at break times, and you would think “Is this your way of making yourself feel powerful? By keeping a bunch of school kids in at break time?” Those same teachers who you walk past now and say “I win”
There are of course the other teachers who were awesome, and we now share a beer with them at Forres and give them high fives when we see them.
These are the cool teachers who we don’t give the bird to. No, we keep the bird saved for special occasions, like those occasions where we are driving to Misverstand and people just pull to the side of the road, no indicators, which makes our lives flash before our eyes. We keep the bird for them.
Giving bad drivers “The Bird”
The Chariots Of Fire section will lead us swiftly into the next part of The Misverstand Diaries, aptly entitled “The Class Clown Sessions” Stay tuned(Or dialed up or whatever you want to call it, Einstein)
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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