I’m not fully hydrated and eating. I’m on liquids. I can’t eat today. I’m busy annihilating a mix of bananas, pineapple, apples and strawberries in the blender. It’s quite sweet, just like me.

Thanks to last night I feel like I have been poisoned with arsenic, or at least rat poison. Because rat poison dries rats out and then they die. Or something like that. I’m not yet ready to die as such, but quite close actually. It’s quite weird how the body works. I drank such a vast quantity last night and I’m still thirsty. They say alcohol is a diuretic, but it can’t be that good of a diuretic. I mean it’s impossible for it to be this effective. With the twelve shots last night, there is no way that it managed to make the 6 glasses of mixer disappear inside of me. Oh I forgot about the bubbly as well. I forget a lot of things.

The drinking by yourself thing at your desk at night while trying to come up with written pieces, concepts and ideas is a classic of the creative type. This is usually the beginning of a downward spiral. Mine is more of a level spiral as I keep it to within certain levels. I don’t stray too far off the path. I mean it’s quite often in life that you can create your own path. I quite like that. It makes me feel like a wood feller cutting a stellar path through the forest, in search of sunlight and fresh berries.

And then just as you think the path is clear, you see a deer munching on some sort of vegetation. And little gnome type people in their own little community. Little gnomes running around shouting “I’m a little gnome, I don’t have a home, I live under a stone and my girlfriend likes to moan” I’m particularly off the hook today as I think there might be traces of alcohol mingling deep within me. That explains the writing.

I mean that whole thing there with the deer and the gnomes actually had no real life resemblance, I just went off the track a bit. I like to tell myself little stories from time to time as entertainment, and that was just a glimpse of one of the stories I tell myself. I won’t lie, when I tell myself these stories I can actually see everything clearly. Right now I can picture the deer, but the sun is right behind it, and it is blurring out most of the deers face because it’s so bright. But I can see the deers eyes…all big and goggly. What a pretty deer. It would make a nice pet. It can chill with the rottweillers at SLXS.

You should probably not let your kids read this. If your kids ever have any sort of creativity inside them, they tend to end up like this. If they ever say they want to be a writer or an artist or anything creative whatsoever, you must warn them against it. Because they will sit inside for hours playing with their own thoughts and then write things like this, or do stupid paintings that will sell for millions of pounds…but only once they die. I always see art as a weird thing. Most artists of old used to sit inside drinking Absinthe, make a mess of a painting and then probably just throw it aside in a drunken rage while they trash their room.

Absinthe and drugs create a “Starry Night”

Art is twisted and people think WAY too deeply into it. Open THIS LINK in a new window(Right click, open in new window) and read the stuff they wrote about Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” Firstly, from the looks of the painting, Van Gogh was tripping on acid while painting it. I bet you that the paint is actually mixed with blood that came from himself, after crushing a glass of Absinthe with his hand. From the write up given on the painting, the art critics or whatever they are, were tripping on acid as well. To quote:

One should also note the interaction between the streamlines formed in the flow over the eleven stars as well as the boundary layer created above the mountains- all in all, a painting showing how art serves to illustrate scientific concepts.

Well I am shattered! I seriously have no comment here. I always have a comment on something but this has me broken. This could well be the end of the road for me, reading something like this. Imagine what people would say if they looked deeply into my writing? They would love it! I would be labelled and sent to solitary confinement! Or they would somehow, from my writing, say that I am leaving cryptic messages into how the world was created.

But wait, let me have a quick art critic look into this painting. From the way the sky is curling around the stars, it looks like waves are crashing. This signals the ocean. The stars and the ocean together, mans most natural form, it’s life at it’s most organic. This CLEARLY signals something deeper into why stars die out, but can still be seen from earth for ages after their death. It also signals that when a star dies, a wave crashes, and makes a surfers day. So every time you surf a wave, you in effect kill a star. How could you?! Also the name “Starry night” refers to the stars Van Gogh was seeing that night. He had stars in his eyes from the drink. We call it a classic “blackout”

I think the only thing keeping me alive at the moment is Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Have you ever seen the rain?” playing on my iPod. Which at the moment is sitting on my pretty Fight Club-ish iBod. It’s a scene out of a movie I tell you. I also have the TV on, and I’m watching Dum and Dumbre on a CD. The computer sits perched on my six pack. It’s hilarious how the little things amuse me. This movie is cracking me up! The part where he tries to find the name of Mary, and finds it on her bag as “Samsonite” Classic! I would laugh harder but the pain runs deep today.

I also have a copy of Blades of Glory next to me. And when I hired a DVD last night I got an old one free so I snapped up Zoolander. I’m about to watch it now. Because it’s alright to be really really ridiculously good looking. And we can all die in a freak gasoline fight accident. Maybe not all of us can reed and rite good eether. These movies are probably going to be late because I hired them last night but never got round to watching them because I was so thirsty. More fines…oh joy.

And it’s Friday of course. There is Tiesto tonight. Debauched. Tomorrow there is rugby victory at Neighbourhood. And then Sunday…Oh I hate Sundays! They are so boring. Everyone goes and does the whole family thing, and sleeps, and…what do we do on Sundays? I usually sit around with a drink entertaining myself. I play with the dogs. I try make up stories in my head. I play cops and robbers with myself. I burn incense. I light candles. Whatever. I sms people to see if they reply. They don’t. Maybe we should all do the beach on Sunday.

Or at the very least the pool at Kelvin Grove?

Decisions decisions. I’m probably out for the weekend so I will check back in on Monday. If you see me crying at Neighbourhood on Saturday after the World Cup, don’t stare. It will make me cry even more. I’m also quite self conscious and don’t really like people staring at me. But obviously if you are one of my readers, stare all you like. I need to know that someone cares. You can buy me a drink if you like as well. We can have a toast.

I think tomorrow might deserve a little champagne breakfast by myself. Obviously with no breakfast though. I’m still debating this issue. One of many currently mulling inside my head. Or as I like to call it, “The SLXS Launch Pad”

You stay classy Cape Town. And planet earth.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

So it turns out that I cracked the nod to the launch of Twenty cigarettes at Workshop 17 at the V&A Waterfront in Cape Town on the 13th of October 2007. I must be honest, after the Pastis Blowout, I was terribly broken. Not even that, I was like a destroyed person. It always sucks when you have a party like the Pastis Blowout, where you have so much fun that afterwards real life seems average and boring. I can see why movie stars go off the rails, because they attend smash up parties all the time, and then how can you go back to real life? How can you actually enjoy watching the sunset, or the butterflies in the park?! How can you enjoy drinking water?

I’m still having withdrawal symptoms from the party, and at the moment I’m sitting by myself at the computer thinking “Will I party like that again?” I’m looking at the bottle of Absolut, but it’s not getting opened. Not at this moment at least. I hope I do party like I did at Pastis again, otherwise I’m not sure how I will cope. I will probably get writers block and self destruct.

I won’t even lie to you, I was extremely tired for this party from the previous night, and stood around staring blankly as though my life was about to fall apart! So I really won’t say too much about the party, other than to post some photos and tell you about the launch of Twenty cigarettes. Well I guess you can buy them now! These events are crazy because the cigarettes are free, and on arrival we were given three tickets with “20 drinks” printed on them.

At first I gave out a loud yelp as I realised I was going to be getting 60 drinks for myself! Then it dawned on me that this was not really going to happen. What did happen is that one ticket got me 2 beers free, so in total I could have had six for free. I only had two, because after that I was already sleepy…I was so weak.

We had a session from Ready D, who was spinning the life out of that vinyl! He goes crazy and spins with his chin, his elbows and he was even mixing it up backwards. Literally every person was standing still while he was playing, just watching him performing on the massive screens mounted around the venue. It was quite a display.

Phat Jack, Roger Goode and Fresh also made appearances and I saw comedian Cokey Falkow walking around. I was too tired to be excited though.

Oh no…it’s happening…my most feared thing in life…writers block…

Do I have to entertain ALL the girls ALL the time with my wicked sense of humour? I think I do 

Apparently about 45 people attended the launch of Twenty cigarettes 

Roger Goode making the ladies underwear fall off. From behind the decks!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

So it’s nearly time for this again…it’s been 12 years! I have literally only made sure that my body made it this far in life so that I could cry with my mates when I see our boys lifting the William Webb Ellis trophy high into the air after destroying England in the rugby World Cup final. I’m not joking, I’m going to cry like a little kid who has just had his candy taken away. What? I have kept the excess to within reasonable levels to make this day.

Well I was deciding on where I should watch the South African victory on Saturday and all of Cape Towns night clubs have been sending me messages on my Motorola Rizr V3(Worst phone ever), and I have been undecided…sort of.

See the Incredible Schalk in action

We went to watch the game this past Sunday at Neighbourhood in Long Street in Cape Town. And it is THE place to be. Look, I could be paid to say this, but I’m not. Although it may sound like it because I found out yesterday that a friend of mine, well, her brothers own the place or something. Well well! Hook an editor up!

But Neighbourhood literally is the greatest place. It’s very new, and everything feels like it would at home. Nice leather couches, tables designed for drinking and chatting at, and then there are the assortments of other things. Like a library of sorts and they also have all types of board games to play apparently.
So for the final on Saturday the boys at Neighbourhood have gone completely excessive. They are having four plasma screens and two big screen projectors, with one being on the balcony. So wherever you are in Neighbourhood, you should be able to see Habana score an intercept try and dive over the line like he has wings.

From what I saw on Sunday, the curly fries seemed to be the hot ticket on the menu. EVERYONE was eating them! No doubt I will be eating them on Saturday. Order them, because it’s like paying your TV license, it’s the right thing to do.Actually it’s even more right than paying your TV license.

So if you want the best place to watch South Africa win the rugby World Cup, meet us at Neighbourhood on Saturday, I will be there way before the game starts at 9pm. Say hi, let’s drink, let’s eat and when we win we can cry.

Seriously you have to be there. Remember when you were young, and someone said “Invest in this company, it’s going to go through the roof” And your R20000 could have turned into retirement money, and you never invested it? Well if you don’t go to Neighbourhood on Saturday you will probably get the same feeling of despair that you did then. Let’s not make a mistake this time.

That’s good times folks.

Be where?

Neighbourhood

163 Long Street

Cape Town

South Africa

Sean Lloyd

Editor

El Sandenbergh, Dirty Sanchez and Robert Downey Jnr 

One day you are sitting around teaching the co-anchor to read, write and eat Purity baby food, and the next moment she turns 21. One moment she was saying “Heffalump” and the next moment she turns 21 and we have taught her that it is in fact “Elephant” Ah to be released into the world…

The theme of the 21st, held on the 12th of October 2007 at Pastis in Constantia, was “Anything American”, due to the fact that the SLXS co-anchor(We have a female co-anchor for purposes of diversity…not the old old wooden ship though) is American. So I decided to go as a Mexican. She said “You can’t go as that, it’s supposed to be American” To which I nonchalantly replied, in my head “Ever heard of North America pumpkin tits?” Clearly not wise to the geographical positions of various parts of the world. Very cute. Cuddly even.

Anyway, the night started off at Casa del Sandenbergh(AKA The Hout Bay Palace), where I was to meet Alain and JJ, the masters of the house. I arrived with a bottle of sparkling and some energy drink, which was punished in literally 15 minutes as Alain and myself decided we were going to tear the night apart, into little pieces, and then destroy and obliterate those little pieces. After getting well and truly on my horse, and deciding that the party was going to be my sunset, I rode towards it. Casa del Sandenbergh is not a place for tea and biscuits. It is a place that was put on this earth for the purposes of large scale excess.

The trip to Pastis is a quick one from Casa del Sandenbergh, and we were there in a flash with the driver. I will now refer to ourselves as the characters we went as. Sean Lloyd, your editor, as Sanchez. The Dirty One. AKA Dirty Sanchez. Mike Pearson AKA BMP as John Rambo. Two tickets to the gun show included. Jaco as a washed up American movie star. AKA Robert Downey Jnr. We were all set for a night of debaucherous proportions.

Upon entry to the famed Pastis in Constantia, we were met by a sight that clearly the doctor had ordered. The waiters from Pastis were standing there with an assortment of shooters. Red, white and blue. We were ordered to take one. I took two. We then literally walked another two metres and were ordered to take another shot. This was ridiculous! I mean I’m not a drinker…but once it hits your lips it’s just so good! It was like choosing the pills in The Matrix, only these ones just made us all hilarious and then later we would fall down the stairs going to the bathroom. Seriously, have a good look at the stairs leading to the bathrooms at Pastis. Innocent until tackled liquored.

We walked in and said our hello’s to everyone including Bevvy, brother Che, Debs, Mary, Britter…the whole crew literally. I felt like a rock star as I walked in and everyone wanted to say hello to me. I think they were all just drunk though. I NEVER get that type of reception. Ever. The last time I got good reception like that was on my cellphone.

I think a night like this, where 80 or so people are invited,and the whole of Pastis has been booked, and there is an open bar, (Cue Farva in the movie Super Troopers shouting “Open bar dude!!!”) it is always going to end in tears. I mean, if it’s free, then it’s for me! You are inclined on nights like these to start smashing vodka Red Bull right from the start, without warming up lightly. This in addition to the sparkling and USN Energy Spike that I was being served at Casa del Sandenbergh. On such an auspicious occasion, nobody was even invited if they were not going to go tits off. We literally had free reign of the bar and the words “Jager bomb” were probably the nights most popular.

Sober. Notice the infant co-anchor in the photo on the back wall. Cuddly. 

I’m still tempted to do the “Jager Atom Bomb” Seriously, I made this up and it’s the first time you will hear it. It’s obviously completely OTT and excessive, but that’s why you read SLXS, correct? You take a standard bucket that you use for washing floors, and put it in a black trash bin. Not the municipal ones from Cape Town, but the smaller ones. You then fill the washing bucket with Jager(About 5 litres I guess) and then top the black bin up with Red Bull to be level of the washing bucket. BOOM!

You have a Jager Atom Bomb. Also called a JAB, because it will JAB you in the side and most probably leave a lasting bruise. Or at least it will JAB your kidney out.

Back to the party…We all arrived with our A game. Not only that, we all had our game faces on. Later on in the night, it would feel as if I had fallen off my face, which I indeed had.

One of my highlights of the night was yours sincerely stumbling down the treacherous stairs to the Pastis bathroom, and someone with a decent sense of humour had switched the ladies and guys signs around. Now it’s not that I have not visited Pastis before, but in the state I was in, I went into the girls bathroom anyway. Which was labelled to be the guys..Something should have struck me as odd when I walked in.

For one, there was only one toilet. There were no urinals. And there were rose petals everywhere. I still remember saying in my head “Wow, this is quite pretty” Which was a weird thing to think, being a man who built the Eiffel Tower out of brawn in addition to inventing the wheel.

I swayed into the bathroom, and went about swaying while I was going about my business. Now you might not want to hear this, but in order to be taken on a journey through Cape Town by me, I think we need to know a bit about myself. I’m not afraid to give you some details of my life, if it helps you understand my writing better.

The Dream team. The Editor, Charlie V and BMP. 

Maybe I missed the toilet a bit and you know…hit the floor. I was cool with this though because in my eyes it was a guys bathroom. Guys are cool with this. So I zipped up, without catching anything in the YKK zipper( The worlds largest zip manufacturer according to Wikipedia) You are probably using a YKK zip as I speak. Have a look. Come on, get down there and look. You know you want to.

I then walk out of the toilet…and my mind was nearly blown to little pieces. Two stunners (No names…just letters of their first names…T & D) had walked into the girls bathroom, and as I came out of the toilet, they just stared at me. I had no idea what to say. I was like a deer in the headlights. I mean, I was ready to run. I never even said anything to them, I just left. Now they were going to go into the bathroom and think that I am a complete disaster. Firstly, I use the girls bathroom, then I go mess the bathroom up. Way to gain popularity! Why does it always rain on me? You know what…this could make quite a catchy tune. Maybe even start a band called…off the top of my head…Travis? And then sing a song called “Why does it alway rain on me?”

No that’s actually a pathetic idea, that would never work.

But this is what happens at these 21st birthdays, things just tend to get crazy. It started at 7pm(And we were there promptly), with compulsory shooters on arrival and an open bar. How can this night end up being normal?

Further into the night after having more Red Bull than was necessary, I went outside to where the Entourage was sitting, and I started doing my famous Ali impression, where I bang a table, and then shout “The champ is here! The champ is here!” Somehow, in the process, I managed to cut my finger on a piece of broken glass, or a splinter, and the blood rush was hectic. For a while though I never knew that my finger was cut. So I just kept hitting the table, when suddenly felt that my hands were wet. I had been hitting the cut on the table, and now blood had sprayed all over my white shirt(By this time my poncho was off as it was a little hot)

I must have looked like something out of a horror movie. This did not stop me from going to Claremont later in the evening with the same shirt. Come to think of it, it’s quite disgusting. I should probably not tell all of you about it. But you need to know a little bit about me. I mean, for the most part I am a man of mystery so I can reveal little details. Sorry to those people who saw me on the night. Apologies to the Tiger Tiger bouncers for trying to get in like that!
With parties like this…It’s just that…one moment you are on the dance floor thinking you are Brad Pitt…and the next moment people are staring at you like you are an arm pit(Heads up to BMP for that!). And that’s the predicament I was in.

‘Ello Da’ling! Checking the co-anchor for proper form. About average. 

The speeches are blurry…I remember Brit’s father saying something of how when she was young he used to take her to the pub, and this is clearly where her drinking pedigree comes from! Literally a drinking pedigree to put many of us to shame. I am continually shamed when my head starts spinning and I make a quick exit.

I also remember dancing with Jerry D, literally grinding into him. Sexy times. Someone even came over to me in the night and said, in a round about way, if Mike was my boyfriend, after I was dancing with Mike like a cheap stripper. There was also the dance with Bev where I bent over and pretty much dropped her. Sorry Bev! She is so tiny though, like the smallest little infant child. Then I danced with Debs and who knows else. I pretty much danced with everyone. Apologies all around, my dancing is quite bad and quite disturbing for young kids to see. Give them eyepatches and put the ear muffs on.

The co-anchor let me know well before the party that there would be helium balloons on the ceiling, and I remember telling her that people would start inhaling them during the evening. She warned me that we were not to do this. But that’s like telling Charlie V to “Not press the red button” Give him 5 minutes and he will press it! So by the time the party was teetering off, literally 133 balloons had vanished from the ceiling. I was popping them, putting them in my shirt to make myself look pregnant and inhaling them at a rapid rate. I can’t remember how many I inhaled over the evening. Ten?

There are parts of the night that elude me, almost as if they have been Photoshopped from my vast memory. If I do find them, I will post them right here!

Pastis is the ultimate hangout though, and it does not feel like a bar or restaurant, but rather it feels like home. I will do a proper write up once I go there when it is normal trading hours i.e. No open bar and when it is open to the public.

For the evenings shindig, Pastis did the catering of the food, and it was…AWESOME! I’m not joking, some of the best food around. Look, I was ten drinks down so…But really it was brilliant and you should try it.

But in the meantime get down there, it’s a great spot.

Here are the details:

Pastis

Shop 12

High Constantia Centre

Constantia Main Road

Constantia

7800

Western Cape

South Africa

For the Pastis website, click HERE

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

As you all know, not only do I regularly break a mental sweat writing some of these articles, but I also like to break a physical sweat. To honour the tradition of sweating, I was a silly boy and entered myself into the 2008 Cape Argus/ Pick ‘n Pay Cycle Tour. This is a schoolboy error as I don’t yet own a road bike, and having previously ridden 7 or 8 cycle tours on a mountain bike, I know that it is not conducive to having kids one day.

Anyway, a while back there were some rock falls that pretty much destroyed some of the catch fences on Chapman’s Peak. Instead of waiting for people to ask what is happening with regards to the Cycle Tour route passing over Chapman’s Peak, I asked the organisers myself. I asked whether the rock falls would affect next years route, and if there was a major rock fall prior to the race, what plans would be in place to change the route at short notice. I promptly got a reply, and this was it:

In regard to your query about Chapman’s Peak, we can advise that we are in regular contact with the managers of Entilini who are responsible for the maintenance of Chapman’s Peak.

They have advised us that a repair program is underway and that Chapman’s Peak should be open for traffic in the month of December, for the summer season.

We are confident that Chapman’s Peak will be open for the Cycle Tour unless there is some completely unforeseen condition that cannot be predicted at this stage. We are, therefore, planning to take the event over Chapman’s Peak in 2008.

In the unlikely event of a disaster before the event, we have a contingency plan for the route to be diverted over Ou Kaapse Weg.

Hope this addresses your concerns.

Ken Sturgeon

Director: Event planning and management.

So there we have it, if you are riding next years argus Cycle Tour there is nothing to worry about!

Save for numb parts of your anatomy, sunburn, dehydration, broken chains, punctures, complete lack of training, complete lack of the right equipment and a hangover to kill a a large cow, I predict that things are going to run smoothly for the SLXS Entourage that decide to take part.

Could you think of a better way to destroy your body on a Sunday? Save for turning into Pete Doherty, I can’t think of a better way

Now isn’t cycling fun? But damn I love it!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Sick present!

I must be honest, I normally get up early, but yesterday was a little different. I went all leisure like and decided I would wake up whenever. I probably would have woken up in the afternoon and smashed the pool at Kelvin Grove.

But I was woken up at 8am by a delivery guy with a huge present for me. I always get all excited like a little kid when these things arrive, and I tear open the packaging like there is going to be a real live lion inside or something.

So I sat at my desk and examined the package which was delivered by Dawn Wing. Very interesting. Ripping it open at furious pace I found a Parker pen inside, and no note. Nothing. It does not say who it is from. I thought maybe it was from some random reader, but then I realised no one knows where I live. I need to keep some sort of mystery about me!

But seriously, it does not say who it is from! I don’t recall entering any competitions, and suddenly I am the proud owner of a Parker pen, complete with a nice little bit of gold edging.

It’s quite bizarre and if anyone knows where this might have come from, drop me an e-mail.

It’s all quite exciting really. Stuff like this definitely signals the start of a pumping summer. But really…it’s quite crazy this delivery. Thanks to whoever sent it!

Sean Lloyd

Editor

This is to all the party people. Tiger Tiger in Claremont, Cape Town are treating people to free entrance tonight for the launch of their new website, and I’m going to be there! Claremont is like my second home, so it’s only natural that I attend. Tiger Tiger is like a younger brother, and so it’s only natural that we should all visit.

It’s quite simple, click HERE, which will take you to the website. Then click “Website launch party” and after that “Book now” Then add ten of your friends to the guest list, have a drink and party!

I never quite know when to leave Tiger. I think it was just last Tuesday that we were pretty much ushered out at about 3am, after the last song was played. People say you should always know when to leave, but at Tiger Tiger I just never know when to stop.

Don’t even get me started on what happens when we decide to go to Tiger on a Phuza Thursday…

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

I had just begun to pen my words on the Saturday night launch of Twenty cigarettes, when I realised that we actually went to Quay Four at the V&A Waterfront for a drink beforehand. And so I thought I would do a seperate post on the complete lack of experience of the “manager” on duty. I put manager in inverted comma’s because I’m not sure if he was the manager, but he was some sort of higher power than the barman. For records sake, we arrived at Quay Four at approximately 8:30pm on Saturday the 13th of October. This past Saturday.

While chilling at the bar waiting to be served, some guy(Manager) came out and started shouting at one of the barmen, and I have no idea what it was for. He was clearly angered about something and just went off at this guy in front of all the customers at the bar. And I don’t think this is right. This is a juvenile mistake.

Whatever happens at your bar, I don’t care, but if there is a problem then sort it out away from the customers. Don’t stand in front of me and show me how powerful you think you are by shouting t someone in a lower position than you. Take him aside and have a quiet word with him behind closed doors. And shouting does not help anyone. If you had any experience, you would have kept a cool head in a stressful situation like that.

Managers need not show their supposed power over the barman in front of customers. I really don’t care that you are a manager and that you get great pleasure in being one up on the payroll over the barman. A managers presence should be felt by the atmosphere in a restaurant, and should not be heard or seen by shouting.

Managers are supposed to be the people who do the selfless job of keeping things running smooth even when they aren’t. The customers must not know that there is a problem. We don’t want to know that there is a problem. A manager must be the person in the background who we don’t see working, but is always keeping on top of things in a controlled, mature manner.

Shouting at your bar staff in front of me while I wait for a drink is not “controlled”, nor was I impressed that you think you are one up on your bar staff. In a restaurant or bar, everyone works as a team. That’s how it’s done.

I can’t say I was overly impressed on Saturday night Quay Four. Sort out your boys anger management problems.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Lions Head is that thing that actually does not resemble a Lions Head at all, therefore it does not really need to be called “Lions Head” But in fact it is called Lions Head. Very strange. Anyway, it can be seen from pretty much everywhere in Cape Town(Well not EVERYWHERE…but you get the point) and you would be a fool to miss it. But if you did miss it don’t think you are a fool, I am only joking!

I would go into the details of how it was named, but I think we all understand from the previous paragraph that it does not really make sense anyway, so I will leave it out.

Lions Head is one of those things that you have to do in Cape Town. I remember climbing it when I was young and thinking that it was the biggest peak in the world. But in actual fact it is quite small and I would not say you have to be fit at all to do it.

I went up on Sunday with Mike Pearson, who rolls in my Entourage(Yes, with a capital C), and we are quite fit at the moment so it was not too hard. Well, we did do a sub 2 hour for the Two Oceans Half Marathon this year, so we are at our peak. I love saying “Sub 2 hour” because it can mean anything from 1 hour to 1hr59min. I won’t tell you what we really did though! It might be too much awesomeness to hear in one day.

On Sunday we did encounter a couple of people who we passed at about the half way mark on our way up. After getting to the top, we passed them going down again, so maybe it is a little bit harder than I think, or those people are just really unfit, or the pistons of myself and BMP’s (Big Mike Pearson) are just really well tuned at the moment. I think it’s a bit of all of the above.

It’s really weird how excessive I am at the moment. To truly understand the excessiveness of this particular climb up Lions Head, we need to understand the true nature of my weekend.

We had the co-anchors blowout of a 21st on Friday night, which ended at Pastis in Constantia. Not willing to stop partying at 2am(Ever), I caught a ride to Wadda and eventually, after a hilarious night, got to bed at 5:45 am. This is due to the nature of the stuff we drank on Friday night. Don’t worry, I will reveal all in my post which I think I shall entitle “The Pastis blowout” Serious debauchery. I woke up at about 9am and then only had a light one hour sleep on the Saturday afternoon.

Then on Saturday night I was honoured to attend the launch of Twenty cigarettes. This ended at about 2am for me and I then woke at 8:30am to meet BMP at Lions Head at 10am. That is some serious excess, but excess is everything that myself and the SLXS Entourage stand for. I will write on this during the week as well.
So anyway, we started climbing and about five minutes into the climb/run/walk, I realised that Lions Head on weekends is like a shopping centre. Way too full. Way too “commercial” for me. There were such a ridiculous number of people on Lions Head that I thought someone was having us on for a while. We continually had to wait behind people and what was supposed to be a relaxing walk in nature, turned out to be a commercial event! That’s not to say I didn’t have an enormous amount of fun though!

We were met at the top with a crazy sight. An abundance of school kids and lots of cloud cover. So in effect, we had climbed up there for absolutely no view and school kids drinking Oros. Fantastic! It was fun though, but the best part is not the climb up, but the run down. Most normal people like to take a leisurely stroll down, but here at SLXS I like to live life on the edge.

We ran down so incredibly fast that even I was a little nervous of twisting my ankle. But throwing caution to the wind, we scrambled down there like our lives depended on it. There is something about running down a hill at pace, without a care in the world, and the most beautiful city in the world all around you, that makes you feel like a kid again. It is for this reason, and the views from the top, that I wonder how people manage to get themselves into a gym.

We can spend our lives lifting weights trying to look like the guy on the cover of that magazine, but what really matters is having fun. Who cares if you can leg press 500 kilograms or bench press 100 kilograms? What is the point of this, if the only time you will ever do this is in the gym? Mens magazines breed the same sort of people that runway models used to, that of so called “perfection” You can look like that cover model, but do you really want to spend two hours inside a building every day, lifting weights? Why do this when there is an entire world out there to be explored?

Another person who thinks like me, and also could have stolen the words right out my mouth, is Mark Bayly, the host of Survivor South Africa. In the September 2007 issue of Men’s Health Best Life, on page 54, he appears in an article which focuses on his workout. To quote the article, and Mark:

“There’s something about going to the gym that doesn’t really work for me. When the weather is terrible, I’ll go and do some form of workout, like a spinning class, but I’ve never been able to maintain a weight routine. I admire guys who have the mental capacity to do it, but I find it mind-numbing”

This is exactly the way I think. I can think of nothing more boring than lifting weights and looking at myself in a mirror while sitting indoors. I would rather be looking at nature. I mean, I see myself in the mirror each morning and that is more than enough. Although, I won’t lie, I like to sneak glimpses of myself occasionally because I am clumsy and would probably otherwise go out with toothpaste on my lips and something like celery in my teeth.

It’s also well known that I like to break a mental sweat, as well as a physical one. I would quote myself here, but once again Mark has thought the same as me. As he says in the magazine:

” I love coming down the mountain. This is when you’ve got to have your wits about you. You’re scrambling and your brain is making millions of decisions(As opposed to running on a treadmill). It has a euphoric effect”

And that’s exactly it. That is exactly my point of view. So I think we should all get out a bit more, and just to entice you to get out in Cape Town, and to visit it if you are overseas, let’s have a look at the view.

These photos were taken a while back and we did some serious posing on the top of the mountain. Thankfully it was sort of quiet that day, and when no one was watching we took the photos. You can climb Lions Head, and be boring about it, but we took it to the limits! That’s what I do, I make everything crazy. Even a simple Lions Head walk is turned on it’s head. Mike also had the awesome idea of “lifting” up Robben Island. That photo has become near legendary, and if you do go up you should consider taking one of yourself in the same pose.

So that’s another thing you need to do in Cape Town. Climb Lions Head everyone! See you at the top. Race you down?

Just surveying my land. One of my finest hours.

BMP. Strong enough to pick Robben Island up!

The girlfriend had been away for two days

Posing in front of my city

Lions Head from one of our chopper rides. Not resembling a Lions Head at all

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Chilling with a shotgun in Four Brothers

This has got to be one of my favourite moments in movie history(I will explain it later). It’s in a similar vain to the scene in Ali where he is shouting “The champ is here! The champ is here!” I regularly watch DVD’s with Mark Wahlberg in them because he IS my hero. I never looked up to firemen and Super Man and Spider Man and all that when I was a kid. I never had a hero as a child. I thought it was childish. But now that I have aged a bit(And I have aged quite well) I have come to look up to a certain Mark Wahlberg, the worlds most hardcore actor. The first time I saw him was in Boogie Nights, which you have to see! It’s hilarious because he is a porn star and they do some mad stuff. And Marks name in the film was Dirk Diggler, which is still funny all these years later! One of the funnier scenes is when a couple of people are doing cocaine, and the one guy looks up and says something like this:

“I can’t feel my face. I mean, I can touch it, but I can’t feel it”

You might be interested to know that Leonardo DiCaprio declined the role of Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, rather favouring a little film called Titanic. Something about a big ship sinking.

Your Editor in a similiar pose. 

Anyway, that’s where I first noticed Mark Wahlberg. Then over the years he has made a couple more appearances and to me he just gets better. We saw him in The Departed and even Rock Star a while back. His tough guy roles have also been seen in Four Brothers and Shooter, which is a seriously cool movie! In Shooter Mark Wahlberg takes on a whole police force and wins. As he always does!

Jerry D actually called me the other day from his office/ bar/ bistro/ lounge/ mixing decks and while he was on the phone he said he was ordering Shooter on Kalahari.net So what do you know? I told him to order me one while he was at it. I’m expecting it this week! This is not a movie you want to hire. You want to own it. I should have ordered another copy so I can eat it.

So the scene in Four Brothers goes like this:

All these guys are out in the middle of nowhere, in the snow, on some sort of frozen lake. They have all decided to turn on their leader, Victor Sweet, and he finds himself surrounded by his whole crew. Acting all tough he starts shouting the following:

“Come on now who’s gonna do it, huh? Who the man here… huh? Which one of you tough guys gonna do it? Whose gonna take on the champ!? You Charlie?!”

Then, as if by some sort of miracle, the camera looks far down into the snow and out of nowhere… MARKY MARK walks up! But literally out of nowhere. He walks right through a blizzard and you can see the snow twirling around him as he walks up.

He is cruising in a long top and some sort of coat with a fur lined neck! He has this smug grin on his face because he knows he has just pulled a trick like Horatio Caine from CSI, where he appears out of nowhere. Where did he come from? He has no car and if you look at it, he has done the impossible by walking this far in the snow!

I bet you that in a million years Victor Sweet never thought that Marky Mark would arrive! To be honest, if I was acting like a tough guy asking who was going to take me on, and Marky Mark walked up out of a blizzard, I would start running.

He is one of the biggest guys I have seen acting in a while. He has these two huge guns just waiting to hit anyone who gets in the way. I think this is due to him being a Calvin Klein underwear model all those years ago, before he became a top class actor. Now he has bulked up a lot more and he is just mean. You have to watch Four Brothers, you might enjoy it.

I decided to recreate his pose in the above photo. Obviously I’m a little bit smaller, but I think we all forget Fight Club. I’m RIPPED like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. I’m joking, but I wouldn’t mind being like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. His weight in that film was about the same as I am now, so there is a chance you will be seeing me in a basement somewhere below a diner saying to a crowd of sweaty guys “Gentleman. Welcome to Fight Club” Or you might find me selling soap at the Constantia craft market.

Let’s be honest, stranger things have happened so there is a chance.

Chicks dig it.

Mark Wahlberg has lived the dream. He is living the dream. You don’t just become a Calvin Klein underwear model, you don’t just become one of the greatest actors, and you don’t just earn the reputation he has by being average.

He is way too cool.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I’m writing this on Sunday, while my computer is working! Having a few troubles, so I may be out of action for a day or two, even though I have so much to write! I had a crazy weekend starting with Friday night debauchery at Pastis in Constantia, then onto Workshop 17 on Saturday for a bit of Ready D, Fresh, Phat Jack and Roger Goode for the launch of Twenty cigarettes. It was so hectic this weekend I’m surprised I made it this far.

Then I think we all need a good chat about Johnny Wilkinson! The man has some serious BLT. Wait…that’s Bacon, Lettuce and Tomatoe. Johnny has BMT. Big Match Temperament.

Let’s all hope iBob, the computer guy, is not slumming it in the West Indies so we can sort the computer out!

I also have a piece on something you should all do in Cape Town…climb Lions Head. But not a normal climb. Come on… this is Lions Head, SLXS style! And it has to do with picking up Robben Island with your hands. Bizarre? Tell me about it!

Until then

Peace, respect and all that jazz.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Jesus or Chabal? This is actually Chabal.

I have wanted to post this the entire week, but I thought I would keep it all in for a smashing Friday! I love it when I write stuff like this, because it makes me feel so clever! Seriously, I’m going to pat myself on the back for this because up until now, I have not read anything like this anywhere else.

Do you remember a little while back on my post about surfing being all about weed and sex? Well I mentioned there that I often have loads of pieces of information floating around my head. I never use this information but keep it anyway, because it usually collides inside my head and creates something spectacular. Ladies, gentleman and kids, a collision has just occurred inside my head.

The pieces of information involved in the collision were that of Gerard Butler from the movie 300, Victor Matfield of the Springbok rugby team and Sebastien Chabal of the French rugby side. It’s marvelous. It blew my mind into little pieces.

Obviously the first time I watched 300 I was quite shocked at the size of Gerard Butler because he was gigantic. The first time I saw Victor Matfield in real life( At Tiger Tiger nightclub in Claremont, Cape Town) I was quite shocked at his size. Two metres tall and 110 kg’s or something like that, so it’s all crazy. Then if you have been following this site of late, you will know that I have a mild fascination with Sebastien Chabal, after thinking I saw him at Firemans Arms.

Well I was quite amused then that I found a photo of Chabal looking like Jesus! Seriously, it’s not that he just looks like Jesus, but they have composed the photo to make him look powerful, with the soft lighting!(Mind you, I have not seen Jesus in real life, so I’m not really one to compare. Any real life photos of Jesus, digital please, then send them through to my e-mail) It’s absolute madness.

The reason I link Sebastien Chabal and Victor Matfield to the movie 300, is because I see what they are doing. They obviously watched the movie, and in order to gain the same kind of power and mindset as the boys from 300, they wanted to look like them. Let’s face it, the guys from 300 were completely unstoppable and finished anything in their path. I think Vic and Sebastien want to do the same thing! They have the beards, the angry faces, the size and Chabal won’t even speak English anymore! Taking it to the max, he is the epitome of the SLXS lifestyle!

Butler of 300 and Chabal of France. Seperated at birth?

Small chest. Small six pack. Small guy.

It’s all quite sinister really because it has actually worked! I recall Jake White saying that South Africa will meet France in the Rugby World Cup final. Is it not a coincidence then that these teams are the teams of Victor and Sebastien? You see what I’m saying?! You see that I am right? Yes I am! I AM that good!

Let’s piece together another piece of this intricate puzzle inside my head. The Sasol adverts (Click HERE for a link) for the Springboks have them dressing up as complete demons, just like in 300! The one tag line for the print ads(Appeared on the back cover of Sports Illustrated, September 2007) was “What if 15 had the power of a nation?” . Even more crazy is that Victor Matfield is on the cover of this issue. Clearly playing mind games with the World Cup! The reason I gave the link to Cherryflava in this paragraph is because there are comments below that have some people saying they don’t like the advert.

Personally, I enjoyed it because it was one of those feel good things where we really feel like we as a nation are taking on the teams in the World Cup, rather than just our 15 men taking the teams on. South Africa needs this type of support behind them. We too often just doubt ourselves and we need to have more confidence in our boys no matter what. We need to stand by them. And it’s working, we are going to get to the finals and we are going to win the World Cup! I think the adverts were great and are just what we need to feel united behind our team. We won the World Cup in 1995 with the whole nation behind the team, and we are doing it again. South Africa can do it, it’s just that people like doubting us for some reason. It’s easy to say “We won’t win” because then if we lose, people can say “See I was right”

I don’t think this way and before the World Cup I was telling everyone to bet on South Africa winning, because I know we will.

Anyway, as I said, Sebastien Chabal was trying to do the whole 300 look, and it worked because he has nearly killed some men on the field this year! If I’m correct he has broken the jaw of an opponent already(Click HERE for a link of the man). Our boys in the Sasol ad went for the 300 vibe and it’s working! Victor Matfield took the 300 look more personally (Well he has for a good few months now anyway) and it worked because he is on the team who are going to win the World Cup!

Victor Matfield- Using 300 to his and his teams advantage

So to the people who said it’s stupid to copy 300 for the Sasol adverts, you lose! South Africa are about to lift the cup, thanks to the 300 Gods being on our side!

Did you see how I pieced that all together? I think the movie 300 has a decent part to play in South Africa winning this year! And to Jake White and the team, let’s clean the French in the final and take it home.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

Gary Player. A player, who refuses to be played. I also like to call him “Gazza boy” 

It seems Gary Player will not be played by the Nelson Mandela Childrens Fund. I love things like this, it’s all so hectic and crazy. The reason I write about this golfing event, is because I’m planning to attend it again.

This year is set to be a cracker jack tournament, as I see a bout of fisty-cuffs breaking out. On the front page of todays Cape Argus is the headline ‘It’s my show, says Gary’

Earlier this week I wrote about how Gary Player was not being invited to the event. It seems that Gary Player is not going out in anything less than a blaze of glory! Well that does not really apply because he is not “going out” as such, because he will always be back, but you get the general idea of the direction I’m going in. Or do you?

Gary has decided that he will go ahead and host the tournament with or without the Nelson Mandela Childrens Fund. Cue U2’s “With or without you”. Look, I’m not into the whole politics side of the tournament, I’m just keen to drive up there for some sparkling wine and USN Spike energy drink out of the infamous “Car Bar”

Sun, fun, drinks, golf and celebrities, it’s going to be a day well spent. Literally.

Sean Lloyd

Editor

I won’t lie, if Tiesto are seriously looking for sunrise, Cape Town is the place to be. Summer time is going to be hitting us hard in the face very soon, once that little iceberg off the Eastern Cape melts!

I have known about this Tiesto party for a while, and I think it now deserves a mention because my friends are going absolutely off their heads about it. Everyone is asking me if I’m going, and it seems that I will have to. VIP tickets, R185 BOOM!

Originally Tiesto was not supposed to play in Cape Town, and I was being e-mailed about a trip a whole lot of my friends were going to make up to Johannesburg to watch Tiesto. You know, the whole flight up there, hotel accomodation, a cool R2000 or R3000 for a party!

Anyway, this has obviously fallen to the side now that Tiesto is playing at Club Atmospheer in Lansdowne. Apparently it’s going to be so sick that I cannot miss it.

Tiesto is the first DJ to sell out full stadiums with a solo performance, which is quite some street cred!

It’s taking place next Friday, 19th October at Club Atmospheer in Lansdowne, Cape Town. The best thing to do is to search the Facebook group ” TIESTO ‘In Search of Sunrise’ show- CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA” All the details are there, and for booking at Computicket, click HERE.

And remember, you are reading SLXS. Get VIP tickets for R185, it’s the right thing to do.

VIP tickets grant you access to the upstairs VIP area including two bars(YES!), exclusive dancefloor (To embarrass yourself on after hitting the two bars) and toilets.

All other information available on the Computicket link above. Also check out Tiesto.com

Sean Lloyd

Editor

When asked what is excessive, it’s easy to answer “It’s about the Hummer, the Rolls, Cognac, cigars and women” etc. But I’m not some sort of Detroit rapper! But there is another side to the life of excess. And that is finding out about things that no one else really knows about. That’s what I do, show you Cape Town in all it’s excess! But not the boring things. I could show you a shoe box with a cool design on it, but when I say excess, I mean EXCESS!

And so todays design will rip through your mind, and leave you thinking “That’s pretty cool” In between ripping it up at parties and cruising around in the VR3 and The Bomber, I like to scout Cape Town for good ideas and cool stuff. That’s where I found this design. In Cape Town and designed by a Cape Town student. Dijon Jones is from Vega, in Cape Town and this is his design. Very clever I would say!

I had known about this design for some time, but wanted to link it to something else. I was not sure what though, but it needed to have some sort of connection to an article I had previously written. And it’s linked to the short piece I wrote on Claremont Main Road.

Obviously living in an apartment, you have a serious lack of a garden. Living in the centre of a city, you just want that feel of green grass under your feet. This solves all of that, and the shoes that would come in the box would protect your feet in the concrete jungle. This is the all round solution for a hectic city life. I love it already. Let’s have a look see shall we? (Drag the “e” out on “we” so it rhymes with “see” That way we make a pretty little nursery rhyme, on a dime. Gosh I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it!)

Here is Dijon’s shoe box, that once empty of the shoes, turns into a mini patch of grass, like an urban garden, for your urban lifestyle!

Diesel Garden Style Lab

The box has an inner perspex tray with lazer cut holes, filled with vermiculite and grass seeds. The tray slides into the box, and grass grows out the top and this whole contraption stays as one single box. Dijon says it’s so that people who stay in lofts can experience the awesome feel of grass under their feet!

The Diesel logo is lazer etched into the perspex. That is excessive!

It also comes with a fully illustrated booklet and special wire stabilizers so you can place it next to your sink and water the grass while the dishes dry, which incorporates a little bit of a water saving angle.

On to the questions I posed to Dijon:

Sean: Dijon, you’re a student now, do you have plans for your design career in the future and is there anything in particular you would like to focus on?

Dijon: Well design will always be a huge part of my life and I’ll be graduating this year and then throwing myself straight into the industry to get a little bit of work experience so some people will at least give me an interview!(Laughs) But my big plan will be to eventually open up my own design studio/agency that will be based in Australia. The reason being that there are more opportunities there.

Sean: What was the original inspiration for this design, and was it based on something similiar you had seen before?

Dijon: No, the design was purely thought up and this is what we are taught. We get given a brief, which in this case was to design a piece of packaging that has an after life. From there we go do research and come up with a concept, and only after this concept has been approved to we get to work on it. So yeah, this design was just an idea that I thought was cool, and had legs to work on.

Sean: Is this more of a concept, or do you see it as something that could one day be put into production?

Dijon: Yeah this is definitely just a concept, but if I were approached by Diesel, I would definitely sell the idea to them. However, it cost R950 to make this project, and this is a lot of money for just a shoe box. But I’m still holding thumbs!

Sean: Yeah, and then retire to an island on the cash! Well that’s what I would do… Dijon, when designing something like this, how do you make sure that no one else steals your idea and design?

Dijon: Well there is no stopping them but all the work I do is protected under the rights of the college I attend, so if there were to be a copy, I’d imagine some sort of trouble would happen!

Sean: Dijon, I heard this is a Loerie( Link to SLXS Loerie article) award winner. What award did it win, and in turn, what does this mean for the future of the project?

Dijon: Yes my first Loerie! It was an awesome achievement and it won in the category of 3D constructual packaging. This does not really mean much for the project, it’s more of an example of where I can get by working my ass off!

Thanks Dijon, best of luck with your future projects!

That’s it really, I just thought that was something unique coming out of Cape Town.

It’s so cool I wish Diesel would buy it, so that we could in turn buy it!

I mean, we are paying about R900 for our Lacoste polo shirts are we not? And we are paying R600 for bottles of alcohol are we not? So this design can in fact be done. It’s all very excessive, the way we like it.

This is bending my mind out of shape, like play dough(Do you spell it like that? Or do? Playdo?) So it’s time to go recuperate, while my brain cools down and I come roaring back at you with the next amazing thing. Like a lion. In Zion.

I sense the anticipation from you! Yes I do!

Boom Chabal!

Ok that got crazy.

Sean Lloyd

Editor