The elite chilled on their boats while us plebbs chilled on the sand. Don’t worry, we will hit the boats soon. The girl lying down was tanning topless. Nice.
So as you know, we decided to HAMMER the beach yesterday because the weather was too good not to. Which beach? Cape Towns Clifton 4th beach of course!
It was so much fun, no crowds, no wind and some smoking hot people. And some not so smoking hot.
No offense here, but I think we all know when we have the right physique to tan topless on a beach like Clifton 4th beach. And if we don’t, it doesn’t mean we can’t go to the beach, but it just means that we can’t tan topless. There is nothing wrong with that. What you don’t realise is that there are only a handful of people who can pull off the topless look on the beach. Gisele Bundchen could be considered here. Even she doesn’t do it though!
And to actually tan topless on the beach, you need a chest that is going to blow me away. I want to be seeing something out of a textbook. I want perfect weight. Perfect shape. Perfect hang time when running through the waves. Perfect form, feel, look, shadows, angles, curves, tanning oil rubbed in strategically…everything needs to be perfect!
You also in fact need some sort of a “tan” to be able to tan topless at the beach. Everyone knows this. Why do you think you see your smoking hot neighbour tanning topless in her garden?(Obviously I’m talking in generalities here and NEVER looked at neighbours from my cousins house in Claremont when we were thirteen years old. This is a widely circulated myth and those binoculars were for “bird” watching) Your neighbour is doing it so that when she goes to the beach she can show off her exquisite breasts. Why do you think the SLXS co-anchor tans topless at home? So she can look AWESOME on the beach. It’s not that difficult people! We need to look our best on the beach this summer.
I want to go to the beach to have fun, and not be offended. And also, if you are 50 years old, tanning your hang tette, then I will be offended! I don’t want to see leather and biltong on the beach, so keep it away from me. Also, if your tits are still dragging in the ocean when you are on the shore, you know that you are not allowed to tan topless!
You also know that it is your first day on the beach when you burn the top of your feet! I always forget those odd places. Seriously though, Cape Town is smoking hot this summer, use some decent sunscreen. It is BAKING! Obviously dermatologists will recommend an SPF 30 at all times, so go with that if you will. Rather safe than sorry! You don’t want to be burnt, it’s not worth it. My feet are on fire.
So that was our day at the beach, my first day back, and it feels good! No burn(Except the top of my feet), and I’m ready for a summer of excess!
Are you with me Cape Town?
It’s go time!
Sean Lloyd
Editor
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