Charlie V and the VR3- Admiring the Hout Bay harbour from up high

For the first part of this series, click HERE

I set out early yesterday with wingman Charlie V, in the VR3. After battling last week to find out where exactly this infamous Dungeons place is, we decided to try again, half way through a new week. The drive through Hout Bay was quite interesting, as it seems that of late I seem to spend all my time in Hout Bay. The weather was again uncharacteristically warm for winter. We searched around for quite a while, trying to get to the mystical Dungeons, and ended up driving around for about 25 minutes, just going in circles. Our trip was going alright though until the VR3 decided to start playing with us by letting it’s oil light buzz. For the entire trip. It was quite odd considering the car was full of oil. So we got out and checked the connection, and it was fine. We had to sit with the most irritating noise the entire time, but the views kind of made it worth it.

We had been stuck in a residential area for about 20 minutes when we decided that we were going in completely the wrong direction. We were now heading the opposite way of our destination and pointed the VR3 in the general direction of the harbour, a place we know too well. We were driving past the harbour when suddenly Charlie V shouted,

“There it is!”

“What?”

“It’s what we are looking for, turn around, we missed the turn off on the right”

The VR3 was jammed to a stand still as I stood on the brake pedals.The VR3’s new Pirelli’s brought it to a stop in no time. I did an illegal U-turn, and drove back about 50 metres where I took a left turn. We had not driven for 30 seconds before I hit a dirt road which was making me feel a bit nervous. The VR3 is an accomplished vehicle, but this road was looking more suited to a vehicle of the Jeep Wrangler variety. I decided to send it through anyway, and the vehicle performed admirably. It seems that it has more abilities than previously thought. It is now set to be the most feared vehicle in Cape Town, on and off the road. The VR3 is clearly willing to take the road less travelled. We drove along this dirt road in a very uncomfortable fashion and I could not help but thinking that we were going to get stuck. We were all alone on this road, with a fantastic view, but I was feeling a little on the edge. Especially when we saw signs saying that this was a private road. I never knew what sort of security measures were in place in this part of the world.

We had just reached a sign, and it made us aware that we were definitely not allowed to enter this particular stretch of road. It was one of those moments in life where you truly feel out of place. It was a sense of deja vu, and I realised that maybe I had been here before.

Then it occured to me that I had not been here, there was no ways I had travelled this road before. But I had seen a sight like this before. It finally dawned on me that this was a scene from so many movies, where two people are travelling alone, and they are then presented with something that shocks the viewers. What I had in front of me looked like something out of Harry Potter.

The biggest place I had ever seen was looming in front of me, a few hundred metres ahead. I had hesitations in entering, as the signs had forbidden me from doing so.

Charlie V was adamant that we just enter anyway, because if something happens it would make for a good story. I was thinking that it would be difficult to write this article if I was not alive. I had visions of us entering without permission and then suddenly, BOOM!

Out of nowhere the caretaker of the castle jumps out with a pitchfork in his hand.

“What you boys doing in them hills?” He would ask in a husky, whiskey and cigarette sounding voice.

“Um…hello sir. I’m just…um…we are just doing a report on Hout Bay, and we are actually trying to find this mystical place by the name of “Dungeons”. I…do you…is this the right place?”

“You boys playing with fire. Who sent you?”

“Well, I kind of work for myself, so I sent me”

“You boys sound like risk takers to me. You better turn round and go back down this road for two miles and never come back. And never enter this road again. And don’t tell anyone you ever entered this road”

At this moment my risk taking, living life on the edge wingman Charlie V would say “What does this old fool know?” and he would push my leg down on the accelerator hard. The VR3 would kick into action, pushing the tyres to their limits. We would shoot down the road as the smell of rubber permeates the air. I would look in my rear view mirror and the care taker would be standing in a haze of smoke, pitch fork in hand, murmuring to himself:

“Those two fools just made the biggest mistake of them lives”

We would enter the castle, unaware of the horrors that belie the semi-tame exterior. Charlie V would jump out of the car like a kid on a sugar high and go knock the manhole sized door knocker.

Knock…knock…knock…

No answer

Knock…knock KNOCK KNOCK

No answer

He would push the door open and I would still be sitting in the car, nerves holding me back. I would see him nudge the door open, and slip in through the small opening. Unable to let my wingman enter by himself I would dash in after him, the soles of my Onitsuka Tiger shoes melting from the quick turn of pace.

We would walk in, and Charlie V would see a painting of the Mona Lisa on the wall.

“I bet this is worth a billion pounds!” He would proudly exclaim, as he removes it from the wall. At this moment, as he removes it, the wall would turn, sucking us both in into some sort of abyss. We would be met on the other side by the lady of the manor. Grey hair, long nose, broomstick and wrinkly.

“You boys disobeyed the orders of the caretaker. Naughty naughty. You will now die”

“Oh please no, dear Tom Cruise!” I would shout, in a plea for my life.

“You will die at the stake you little punks” The old haggard witch would say.

“For the love of Oprah, save us!” Charlie V would cry like a little school girl.

“Wait, old lady, you said the word ‘punks’? That must mean, you must be young…maybe a comedian even… are you joking with us? Are you having us on? Is this for shits and giggles baby?”

At this point “she” would rip off her mask and “she” would turn out to be Ricky Gervais!

What? Am I a novel writer? What is going on? Why am I writing fiction here? Sean, put the vodka down, let’s get back to the real world.

Ok, back to the real story, non fiction. Sorry, I got sidetracked there.

I live life on the edge, but with an imposing structure like this in front of me, I took some time out to really think over this. What had I seen? We had found the Holy Grail. Right there before my eyes, stood the Lichtenstein Castle. In an utterance that reminded me of the old “There’s bound to be gold in them hills”, I thought to myself:

There’s bound to be Dungeons in them castle!

UP NEXT: Finding Dungeons- Part 2 will hopefully take us into The Castle, if we can gain access.

UPDATE: We could not get to the castle in time, and so we take you HERE to find out more about dungeons

The Lichtenstein Castle looming on the mountainside- Will we gain access?

Sean Lloyd

Editor

The VR3- Fear and Loathing in Cape Town

In my first article on transport, I thought “What better way to start off the transport section than to feature the cars SLXS currently have in their arsenal” The first featured car is the VR3. Also look out for The Bomber, which currently finds itself and it’s pilot,Jerry D, all the way up in Namibia. Probably drinking Windhoek beer.

The VR3 has been with us for many years now, I’m guessing nearly 10 years. It is a 1300 Citi Golf but we took the “Chico” signs off a long time ago as we did not think that naming my car after a clown was funny at all. This car had more soul than that. We had a sticker custom cut for the car, saying “VR3″ It is about half the size of the legendary VR6 and quite embarrassingly goes at about half the speed of the VR6.

However, the VR3 is not so much about speed as it is a lifestyle. The VR3 is like a good pair of jeans. You know those ones that are falling apart, ripped, torn and generally a bit messy but you refuse to thrown them out and you still want to wear them everyday? This is the VR3. It ages gracefully. The paint has lost it’s shine, it does not work everyday, it only has one speaker and various things are falling off.

You will also notice that the VR3 has reverse suicide doors. Which is a fancy way of saying that it has regular car doors.

The VR3 has got us through the best of times though. When we were still at school it got us all around. Now that we are out in the world, it is still kicking with us. I want to open up a museum for it one day though, so it will never be forgotten.

I hope one day that it goes into Madame Tussauds wax museum.

The VR3 will forever be in our hearts.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

R555 worth of excess- But Cubana was still not up to our standards

I must be completely honest, I have never ever liked Cubana. I went there a couple of times in the past on a Friday night looking for a party and I never really found a good party there. I always found that the people dancing were too close to the bar and space got really cramped. I was always looking for a club party there but I think I was missing the entire point. Cubana is not a club, it is a caffe. It is supposed to be a place where you can relax with a cigar, have some good food and relax with friends in a very chilled out atmosphere. It is supposed to feel like home with plush couches where you can sit around all night just enjoying the vibe.

I had clearly missed the whole point of the place but only realised this last Monday, 25 June 2007. Myself and Jerry D were coming back from Cavendish and were stuck in that terrible traffic that comes on the end of a Monday. We decided to pull The Bomber into the Engen petrol station to fill up with some power fuel, and while we were there we started thinking of things to do in the near vicinity as I realised with the traffic we were not going to get home anytime soon. Jerry looked over at Cubana and then said that we should have a drink there. It was only 5:45pm and I immediately knew this was a bad idea because this was too early to start. So I acted cool and said we will go have one drink.

We waited outside of Cubana as it looked like it was closed. There were a few people inside but I thought they were staff as they were all sitting at one table and I thought they were perhaps having some sort of staff meeting prior to opening. So we stood outside, rain pouring down, waiting for something to happen. The door was closed and there was no sign saying that were actually open. Then not actually being able to stand a thunderstorm anymore, we descended upon the door like two rabid cheetahs. We looked around at the door, tried to open it and nothing happened. Two grown men could not open a door to a caffe. Is this what our lives have come to? Is this really happening now? Are we really doing this? Someone please let us in!

Then some guy came up and after a moment he managed to open the door. It seems that Cubana is person proof and this is not ideal as you normally want people to enter your caffe with ease. It should not be a mission. Not that it was exactly mission impossible with Tom Cruise, but it was a little bit odd.

When we finally got in I was impressed. There was a scattering of a crowd chilling around chatting, a few people at the bar and it was quite warm inside, a needed break from a cold winters day. We decided to skip the tables and the couches and went straight for the bar for a vodka and Red Bull. Our first of four each. Jerry threw his card behind the table and opened a tab which is always going to end in tears. You must understand that between two people, 16 shots of vodka, eight Red Bulls and 6 Jagermeisters are going to make for hungry people. After four Red Bulls I felt as if I were going to buzz off my head and explode. A litre of Red Bull each makes for a very hungry, Attention Deficit Disorder child. Only we were not children. Trying to control the caffeine and taurines effect on our nerves was near impossible and I found myself going to the bathroom quite often. I don’t know if there was a staff strike, but at that time of the day the bathrooms should be spotless. And they weren’t. There was a broken window above the urinals and a piece of the rubber sealing was hanging down from where the glass had broken. There was a piece of glass in one of the urinals and although I’m not going to sit in the thing, it looked messy. It just seemed that they did not think that the bathrooms were that important. Sometimes in cheaper clubs you might expect the bathrooms to be a little untidy, but from the name “Latino Caffe” you would expect something better than this. Enough about the bathrooms though, they need to sort that out.

Out barman, whose name I never caught because I was too busy trying to control my wired head, was not on top form. His name was not on our slip, it was just noted as “Served by: Bar night 1″. We ordered two Jagermeisters with out first or second drink, and he never brought them round. We waited, and waited…and they never came. Anyway, we ordered again and this time they arrived. And they were excellent! Then on our, I think third vodka Red Bull, our man forgot to give us the Red Bull. We had two glasses, with two shots of vodka each, and no mixer. Fantastic. I thought he was going to fetch the Red Bull but then I noticed he was serving other customers and had completely forgotten. And this was at a time when the place was not even busy, I would hate to think what it is like at a busier time.

Our food arrived and we had got some sort of platter for two, which was chicken wings, nachos, salsa, guacomole and all the rest of that stuff like sour cream or whatever it was we were blindly eating. The food was excellent though. I managed to drop a chicken wing on the floor and can’t even remember if I picked it up or not. Sorry about that guys, we were on the back end of a Bull attack and things were fuzzy. It was R85 for the platter and it fed us nicely, and we even had our mate Nic over by now to help us with it. Nic proceeded to have a quick three draughts, and then we were just about done.

Three hours had flown by in no time and then we were off to go hit some other clubs in the area.

Overall I was not that impressed. Firstly, have some sort of sign saying that you are open when the weather is bad. I know the doors are kept closed because of the wind and rain, but at least make the place look inviting.

Then sort the toilets out. I don’t want a broken window with rubber sealing hanging into the toilet. I don’t want the bathroom to look and feel dirty. In all honesty, the bathrooms should be one of the cleanest places in the club. Staff should constantly be on top of that. At clubs like Tiger Tiger they have a staff member in the bathroom ,constantly keeping it in shape. While I’m not saying you need to have a staff member constantly in the bathroom, at least get them to check on it regularly to keep it clean. At about 7:00pm on a Monday I can’t understand how the bathroom could look like it did.

Then make sure the staff are on top of the orders. When the bar is empty they should remember drinks orders. Our guy was forgetting everything, and I kept thinking that maybe he was in some sort of dream world.

When we come into your caffe for three hours and spend R555, I expect something a little bit better than this. I want to feel like it was good. And I think it has potential, everything is there.

The venue is great, it has a nice atmosphere, good food but it just seems that it is lacking that touch that would change it from just a normal “Caffe” and into a true experience.

I can imagine sitting there, eating nachos and chicken, maybe later smoking a cigar and having a good conversation with good friends in that Latino atmosphere. I can imagine how fun this would be. But I never experienced it and I’m sure I will find myself there again in the near future to check that Cubana are not slacking. Unfortunately in the restaurant/club business, you need to be on top form at all times.

There is no prize for second place.

I would love to go back for an evening like we had the other night, and I think if all the little problems were not present it would be a great place.

I went in today to get a photo of Cubana on the inside but was not allowed to. Apparently some of the interior is copyrighted. I have never heard of this in my life, but clearly I don’t run Cubana and I guess I am not at liberty to question whether the interior of their caffe is copyrighted or not. I was going to publish a photo of the outside but I thought “Their loss” If I’m not allowed a photo of the inside then one of the outside is actually quite pointless.

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

Clifton 4th beach-like something out of a crazy dream

A few locals chilling at Llandudno hoping for a surf

This is the first part of my series of articles on the Red Bull Big Wave Africa surfing event. The event takes place in the Hout Bay area, and here we start off by getting to know the route to Hout Bay.

I usually access Hout Bay either from Constantia Nek, or if I want to take a scenic route, I go through Sea Point, past Clifton, past Llandudno and then over Suikerbossie (The hill ridden in the world famous Cape Argus/ Pick ‘n Pay Cycle Tour) and into Hout Bay.

I decided that in order to find Hout Bay today, I would take the scenic route to show you a bit of what Cape Town has to offer, seeing as though this is what the site is all about. I ended off by visiting my wingman, Charlie, at his flat(Apartment if you are overseas) with a great view over the city centre.

It’s a short photo essay designed to show you that wherever you go in this city, a beautiful view is not far away. And neither is the ocean.

I must stress that these photos have been taken now, in winter, and you can only imagine what this city is like in summer then.

Like something out of a movie.

UP NEXT:

In the next piece on this event, we go in search of the mysterious Dungeons surf spot, in “Finding Dungeons”

Ending the day with a view over the entire city centre is really awesome

Sean Lloyd

Editor 

The view from Clifton 4th beach

While I was out this week doing research for my article on the Red Bull Big Wave Africa surfing event at Dungeons, I happened to make an appearance at Clifton 4th beach in Cape Town.

It is the middle of winter here and there had been some snow up in Johannesburg in the week, and then Cape Town presents us with this view. It’s one of the many reasons that I choose to stay in this city. I can’t think of a better place to be staying, with better views. I was driving to Hout Bay and was passing Clifton and Llandudno anyway, and so decided to pay them a visit. It was one of the best days on the beach as it was a cool day, no wind and it was not busy at all.

With views like these I find it difficult to understand why anyone would want to leave Cape Town. This is the reason why we are based in Cape Town, because it’s possible to lead this crazy lifestyle all year round, even in winter.

I will be covering the Red Bull event shortly, but we have had a bit of trouble trying to figure out what exactly “Dungeons” means and where it is and so we got a bit sidetracked in the week.

A lone body boarder at Llandudno, Cape Town, 28 June 2007

Sean Lloyd

Editor